Just MC and ready to try again? Pack your leathers, black nail polish, air guitar and jump in the mosh pit for some serious metalling. All welcome! (Part 17)

[MarathonMama]

Hello! Just miscarried and ready to start again, come and join us...

The silly thing is - DH has always said he wants our children to know a lot about being African, he has said on a number of occasions how much he likes my culture and all it's quirks and odd things but like he said "it makes you - you so why wouldn't I want my kids to be like that!" It annoys me cos he always sits on the fence with these things rather than expressing an opinion himself in front of his family but when were alone it's different. Why couldn't he have just said "actually mum she is right and to be honest that is what I want" rather than being all "it's all a bit heated maybe we should leave it alone"!!!!

Gah, how frustrating IQ! I suppose, maybe what MiL means in her ham-fisted way is, she hopes that as the baby's mother (and so, arguably, the prevalant influence on the child for the first few years) you won't only focus on your culture (given that it's, uh, your culture! ).

Wait, am I saying this the way I mean it? Hmmm. I guess she's being protective over the half of the culture the baby will inherit from DH - as a mother, she probably realises how powerful an influence a mother will be ad assumes you will exclude the baby's paternal culture? Probably especially given you remarked a mixed race child will identify with one culture more than another (which seems natural to me). MiL is, again assuming that with you as the main influence, at least initially, that the baby will therefore identify with your culture. She's just being possessive about something that hasn't even happened yet! And even if it DOES happen, she's lost sight of the fact the child will still be a PERSON and a person is far more than simply its 'culture'.

Yes, she sounds a bloody pain in the rear end. So, if I were in your shoes, I'd pacify her by reassuring her that the baby will obviously be exposed to all elements of the cultures that joined together and made it - and that given you live in the UK, you're confident that with you and DH working together you hope the baby will take the very best of both for its own.

Which is kinda 'idealistic' but, hey, we all want to imagine the 'best' for our kids and work toward that. MiL is obviously assuming (again!) that you will think YOUR culture is what is best for the baby. She's doing you a disservice, for sure, but that's MiL's for you (often). Nobody will evvvvvvver love their boys the way they do

And, I KNOW how frustrating it is that DH smoothed it over by avoiding - but he obviously knows MiL and how it probably would have been fruitless to 'stand up to her'.

Families. So tricky!

Yup, what Manda said - familes are bloody tricky! Your MIL, IQ sounds quite ham fisted and a bit clueless really, from what you have said. She may mean well but really comes across as a bit ignorant. And grrr at your DH for not standing up to her! Is it because he thinks it's not worth the bother? I can kind of understand this as I cannot bear to argue with my mother, even though she can drive me round the bend sometimes (she can be bloody great but also has Daily Mail tendencies, and she also drinks too much and can be VERY obnoxious with it.)

I may well be ranting the week after next as my in-laws and one of DH's brothers and his wife are coming to stay for the week. They are staying in a holiday cottage nearby and are, honestly, lovely people but I cannot help but get very bored after 24 hours. Suppose this is the same with most familes but DH behaves very differently when his mum and dad are about, he is suddenly Mr Squeaky Clean and I am left feeling like an alcoholic with Tourettes!

So, ladies. I am now officially 'spotting' so am wondering when the actual period will start? Reading on t'internet it could be anything up to a week (super) and isn't really a proper period at all. I usually have two days period, no PMT and nothing heavy so this is a contrast and a half. It's also horribly reminiscent of the MC which aint helping. Am trying to see it as positive though, ie that my body's healing from the MC and my cycles are sorting themselves out (grasping at straws? moi?!)

Hello all! Back from Ibiza, had a fab time. I've done a quick skim read catch up (Shimmery - the bed story was epic!) but if work isn't too manic hopefully back for a proper catch up tomorrow day or tomorrow evening otherwise

Whatso - glad you had a good time. Hope you don't have too hectic day - first day back is always the worst.

Baby - hope you are ok, I know it is frustrating but just try to relax, your body will sort it's self out over the next few weeks. I am sure I read somewhere for some people it can take months to get back to normal.

IQ - it is your mother in laws job to do your head in. I know it is frustrating but I am in the camp of smiling and nodding. Is she someone you see often? Hope today is a better day.

Not sure what is going on with my insides, had some terrible discomfort over the weekend, ovulating has never been painful in the past, but it is ok today. We dtd tues, thurs sat and hopefully tonight. I would of done it every day over the weekend but dp been a bit flaky so we will sit it out for the next 2 weeks.

I am off this week, ds and I are off to bournemouth for the day. Off camping this weekend, just for the night saturday. Ds very excited. Can't believe the summer is going by so quickl. Have got his school uniform all ready only 3 weeks to go and he starts school :-(. On the up side 5 weeks to disneyland paris. Wishing my life away aren't I.

Hope everyone has a good day.

Morning all?well, at CD22 I think I am now in the 2ww, just not sure how far though it yet as not sure of Ov day or cycle length being the first proper cycle since the MC. So, for my place in the metalling room I?d like to present my symptoms for consideration:

-Hair suddenly v greasy and lots of spots late last week ? thinking this may have been due to hormonal changes due to Oving Got some clear CM but didn?t notice any EWCM. If I did Ov last week it will depend which day as to whether we stand any chance this month as only managing weekend SWI at the moment due to DH?s shifts?
-Face v red and blotchy after my shower in the morning?noticed this for last week but not had it before!?
-Nails seem to be growing faster and seem tougher (am sure I had this when PG before)
-Bloating
-Itchy nipples
-Breasts feel a little fuller

Of course all of these could just be pre-AF 2ww signs!!

whatso so glad you had a good time!! Are you now in thr 2ww as well?

IQ hope all sorts out with your MIL...families can be so complex, add a cross cultural dimension to it and it can get ever more so!

baby sorry to hear about the spotting...unfortunately seems to be 'normal' post MC but a real pain nonetheless!

eve hope you have a lovely week with DS! Guessing you're also in the 2ww as well?

Hope everyone else is well...I'm setting up a full heavy metal section up in the padded room if anyone wants to join me for the 2ww?! I have lots of chocolate cake and a large stash of Internet cheapie tests which is the perfect accompaniment for PMT or symptom spotting!!

Afternoon metallers

Blue I am indeed in the 2ww (probably). I have a natty little app on my phone called iPeriod which I have just logged onto and it informs me my AF is due in 5 days. However as my two cycles since the ERPC have been 32 days and 28 days I supect this is just a 30 day average guess on the apps behalf. I also imagine it will guess I will have a 10 day period given the last two were 12 and 8 days respectively (including spotting).

I have very little in the way of ovulation symptoms (never did, so I'm not specifically worried about this) so I am working on a roughly day 14 ovulation at the moment. On that basis we only squeezed in DTD once before DH went away to Japan and once on CD15 when he got back, so all the SWI on holiday will have been too late but I live in hope as when I did ovulation tests in the past I think it was positive around CD16.

I have put on 4lbs on holiday - the joy of full board! - and I am starting Weight Watchers tonight. I am sincerly hoping I have to give up because I get a BFP way before I reach goal weight

Hey Whatso welcome back. Glad you had a fab holiday

Boobeez if you're still around - sorry to hear you're not feeling in the right mind to metal with us Please do come back if you feel a bit better about things. I have found these ladies invaluable at times, but understand you might need some time away from the TTC/SWI/CM chat for a while. We won't be going anywhere, so maybe see you again. Good luck with everything x

IQ uurrgh, MILs. Mine is a bit metal (self-confessed metal). I have learned to cope with her metalness. One example: Because I had a DD before meeting my DH, she actually said to him after he proposed "You know, missgiraffe may be the most important person in your life now, son, but you know you are never going to be hers" !!!! I was really hurt. It was almost as if she was trying to put him off. She's changed a lot since then (MIL and FIL are divorces now and with other partners and much happier) and I actually quite like her now (although, the other day I came down the stairs to find her changing my washing about on the line . Ok, so that's maybe not on the same level as calling into question your ability to raise your child appropriately due to his/hers mixed race heritage ) It's a difficult one though, knowing how to deal with MILs. And, get your DH to grow a set! My DH who is a total mummys boy close to his Mum. He never really noticed the little things that were said and done which made me feel inferior even when I yelled them at the top of my voice mentioned them to him when the frustration got too much. Thank goodness she changed and chilled out otherwise I may have lamped her one!

Whoohoo Blue well done on starting this months 2ww metalling! (I think anyway, hard keeping up when you're off for a couple of days) I think I am only CD 11. Got some SWI in last night and Saturday, need to keep it up (teehee, unintentional pun) for the next week or so, although that's not very likely . Bloody teenagers everywhere and DH going 'fishing' (yeah, right, can you catch beer with a fishing rod?!?) Friday to Sun. Almost got caught too as DD came home much earlier on Saturday afternoon that we expected. (Note to self: lock the door when getting a quick one in!!) So, by the weekend, I am there with you. B
tw, all the things you described are definite symptsoms of implantation and PG. I'm sure of it! PMA PMA PMA PMA !!!!

Baby For comparison, it took 4.5 weeks to get a bfn after MC, AF arrived almost 3 weeks after that (so 6 weeks 2 days after ERPC) and I had 3 or 4 days of very light spotting before this last AF (the second after MC, which was 2 days late). I have never had pre-AF spotting before, but seems relatively common for it to happen after MC (and insanely annoying!) It's a pain in the ass being in the WTF stage . FX for normal cycles and BFPs all round!

Hi everyone Marathon Manda Pie Eve Summer Shimmery Cuttle and anyone else still about.

Right, time for a and some left over rhubard tart. Anyone?

baby your comment here is word for word a description of my own mother! ''I can kind of understand this as I cannot bear to argue with my mother, even though she can drive me round the bend sometimes (she can be bloody great but also has Daily Mail tendencies, and she also drinks too much and can be VERY obnoxious with it.) ''

IQ i had a similar situ with my FIL when i was PG with DS, we dont have a mixed culture in our family (unless you count Daily Mail v The Guardian!!) however FIL was arsey with me because we didnt christen DS (SMIL said 'but how are you going to keep the baby safe if you dont christen him' ) i think you have to take a step back as your hormones are all over the place and her ham fisted attitude is really going to upset you.

hey whatso glad you had a great time in Ibiza - soooo and i am thrilled that you jumped on the thread at 1am to let us know you were back

boobeez sending you the hugs, i too understand that you need to take a step back every now and again

waves to blue eve manda marathon shimmery and all the metallers - you will be thrilled to know that my neighbour has joined a GnR tribute band and has been playing bass aalllll weekend! typical as i am trying to take my mind off metalling!!

i think i am on the 2WW but i can probably join the WTF cycle this month, we SWI on Friday night but we have agreed that we should do it because we want to rather than for technical purposes! normally i would be at that but TBH this month i cant be arsed, i think my mothers reaction has contributed to this but i had a really good chat with my counsellor about it last week and she has assured me that i wasnt being 'over-metalling' (not her words obv!) but that my emotions were normal and she admires me for not losing it with my mother!

try and catch up later but waves

cuttle sorry i meant to ask how you are? has the bleeding stopped? hang on in there as your bean is obviously made of stronger stuff xx

Hmm, have just realised I have not even bought any pregnancy tests to carry on testing to see when I get the BFN. I know it was mentioned at the hospital when I left but, to be honest, I can't bring myself to so, er, haven't. So, in short, I am meant to be testing till I get the BFN and then the period is meant to come a few weeks after that? If so, what's going on now?! Argh! I fucking hate this! I also had nasty cramping the other morning which I NEVER have and that did my head in too!

I am def on the WTF cycle this month too (not that any other cycle was ever actually up for option!) Also, I have just managed to scratch the newly varnished bedroom floor when I was moving the bed to mop underneath and DH is NOT happy so the chances of luring him into bed right this second are VERY slim indeed!

Wonder how long this spotting nonsense will last? Hopefully not long as I cannot bear sanitary towels but I certainly do not need a tampon. (Sorry if TMI.)

Summer my mother says she reads the Daily Mail as it's an easy read but the scary thing is she now says things which sound as if they are directly from it. One obsession is with the bins; and namely the councils apparent 'lots of rules for us and none for them' problems. She is also obsessed with the idea of people parking outside the front of her house (on the rare occasion this has happened her journey will have been extended by a whole 1 second or 6 feet (her street is not so busy that she'd never have to park further than just park one door down) and, more scarily, she does occassionally make terrible comments about 'our ethnic brethren' and in particular their 'human rights' (said sarcastically of course.) However, if you called her racist of offensive she'd be appalled - not at herself but of your suggestion.

My MIL also reads the Daily Mail and as she is a nervous kind of woman anyway is now convinced the country has been taken over my Polish gangs, all teenagers are armed ('even middle-class one's') and if someone says they are having a party on Facebook it means their house will be trashed beyond all recognition. Oh yes, and you can get cancer off everything as, after all, 'they wouldn't be allowed to print it it if wasn't true.'

The Daily Mail is a bane in my life!

by Polish gangs, not 'my'

Hello lovely ladies who don't appear to be doing much work

IQ I don't know what to say about your MIL. I agree with what the others have said. MILs have been sent to try us... I agree with Manda, she probably means well and it's not worth falling out with her about it. She'll be the doting granny when DC arrives and will have forgotten all about it, so it's not worth letting it get to you.

Talking of MissG's MIL rearranging the washing, mine always rearranges the clothes in my airing cupboard (it's much better if you organise them into piles by person...), brings her own rubber gloves, pinny and washing up brush (she doesn't like that I use a cloth), irons DH's boxer shorts (she can't believe that I don't!), gives me advice on how to organise my freezer. I could go on but I won't. DH thinks it's hilarious and that I should be pleased for the help

Baby my DH changes when his parents are around too. He turns into a male chauvinist (like his father). We were walking home from the pub with his Dad one night when I was feeling cold so DH gave me his coat. His father said (in all seriousness) "Don't do that son, you need to stay healthy, you're the earner, marathon hangs around at home all day so it doesn't matter is she gets ill"

Oooh we've got a few on the 2ww! How exciting! Blue those symptoms sound promising, fx! Whatso and Eve will keep everything crossed for you too.

Baby the Daily Mail is just scary. I think it's the best selling uk daily, what hope do we have???

Summer I'd love a chocolate mini roll, thank you I've just discovered mini walnut whips from M&S, they are LUSH.

summer sadly no raving - we thought about it, but it seemed too energetic so we sacked it off!

summer, baby, MissG - I am feeling a wee bit smug so I won't rub it in too much, but I think I may have the perfect MIL She appears to have a no interfering policy, but is supportive when required.

PS blue defo Signs - many of them

Mmmm, mini rolls. Thanks summer.

Oh god Baby - you mean she reads the DM seriously? And believes what it says? You poor thing (Disclaimer: I also read it, but on the grounds that everyone needs a comic and I've never taken it seriously).

Not that I read any of them at present - too depressing for me.

Sorry about your MIL IQ. How you want to bring your child up is up to you and will be perfect. I recommend deep breaths.

As my update: the crumble was delicious (even if I do say so myself) and the gramps are fine. I also made yellow raspberry jam this weekend, so am feeling all domestic. I plan to make apple and rhubarb jam next weekend (got to do something witht he leftover rhubarb). I have also fixed the bed (which no onger even squeaks).

Now, DH and I have DTD on days 10 to 16 inclusive, and I got a positive OPK on day 15. That should surely be enough!?! I feel like it should have worked this month but am trying not to get my hopes up. In any event, assuming AF arrives as scheduled [grrr], I also have days 12 to 15 inclusive booked off work next month :)

whatso i can join you in the smug camp as DH has two sets of parents, my FIL and SMIL are the Daily Mail types (like my parents), however my MIL and SFIL are smugly wonderful, they were v supportive of my CP last week and are generally fabulous. The FIL and SMIL on the other hand.......

baby your mum does sound exactly like mine (i must apologise now to IQ and Blue and assure you that i dont hold the same views we cant choose our family..) my mum and dad always start a DM style rant debate with 'i am not racist but...' it is awful and i hate it, sadly we arent going to change their views but they now know that i dont agree with them. It was even as recently as the Norway shootings and the riots. shimmery my mum and MIL take the DM immensely seriously, my mother actually takes the piss out of me for being appalled by it! Again i apologise.

shimmery 8 days in a row! gasp!! well done you - you must be knackered! you are dedicated, booking time off next month for shagging!

I have just realised that I may come across as slightly obsessive. Which is entirely true of course...

Hi! Will be back later to comment on the many threads I've missed, lots to catch up on but no time at work to reply properly cause it's utter crap! I actually burst into tears earlier infront of my line manager cause I can't cope with my workload (and as a consequence am stressing that stressing will stop me ovulating this month as am CD18 with lots of EWCM but no + OPK so have been getting the SWI in but would like to know when to stop!)

Anyway, I digress! Waves to all and will hopefully be back tonight !xx

pie keep your line manager informed, they really need to know if you are not coping. some are better than others but all you can do is tell them. hope you are having a chilled out evening xx

Morning all.

Blue - well that all sounds very positive. just have to stay in your nice place for a bit longer. Fingers crossed the next 2 weeks go by quickly. Funny how we are all nearly insink with each other?

Whatso I am sure you don't need WW, but as you know I have been really successful with it. 3 stone now. It gives me something else to focus on other than ttc. I too hope I get bfp before I get to goal. Only 22lb to go so the race is now on. Although my mw friend advised me that so long as I get calcium there is no reason why I couldn't keep up the ww for the first 12 weeks or so.

Missg I hope you manage to get some action in. Can't imagine life with a teenager. Dreading it. I too am a fishing widow - but he does actually go fishing for hours in the cold and everything. Loon!!!

Summer - good to hear that you are keeping ok. Can't choose our family can we.

Baby - I too have had a lot of cramps that I have never had before. Just think it is our bodies getting back to what they have to do. I try to see it as a positive but I know how frustrating it is. Hang on in there.

Marathon - your MIL would drive me bonkers. We have the out laws visiting next week for 4 days because they have nothing better to do with their week off. Please don't let me end up like that. If I was them i would be off somewhere summy for a week. Hope you are keeping well.

Shimmery - fingers crossed for you that is a whole lot of dtd going on in your house. Jam sounds lovely you are by far a domestic godess.

Pie - hope today is a better day for you. I am a firm believer in work/life balance. Make sure it is working for you.

Cuttle - hope all is ok?

We had lovely day on the beach yesterday. Today is looking not so good so as ds request (not) we are going shopping and maybe soft play. ww tonight then off for curry as there is a new one opening down the road and I have to try it out. Can't imagiine why I never get to goal :-)

Hope evryone is ok.

pie really hope things improve for you at work today. I was already crying in the toilets within an hour of returning to work after my holiday yesterday as I had a particularly harsh piece of feedback in my inbox I wasn't expecting. I feel your pain. Sending good work karma your way. And of course.

eve you are my WW inspiration, 3 stone is amazing. I have just over 2 stone to lose to get to my standard target weight (never quite made it in 15 years of slimming, but got close a few times).

pie and whatso - so sorry you're having work issues. Pie - your line manager should be taking better care of you. I hope you both feel better soon.

On the wieight loss front - has anyone heard of the insanity workout? And am I insane for considering it?

whatso welcome back! Shame work is so trying right now (you too, pie) all you can do is your best and hope that if you're honest with your managers they will do their jobs - which is to do the best by you.

I hope I'm not premature in saying it here, or that I jinx it, but I feel something is changing within me... First, my sex drive seems to have poked its head above the parapet - with a vengenge - these last couple of days! I just... want it all the time! And in addition to that, I was having trouble, uh, y'know... finishing I seem to be over that too. It's GOT to be my hormones straightening themselves out, surely? Along with EWCM today, more than I've seen in a good while (but not an over abundence) and I'm only CD10. Plus I've dropped a kilo in the last fews days doing nothing different so I'm calling hormones. Definitely. Maybe?

Seems about par for the course that DP and I have had quite a few conversations these last few days about whether we are going to do 'this'. I think, things have been so rotten, and DS2 has been so demanding (since birth!) that we both hanker after feeling 'normal' and wanting to do some stuff for US, to enjoy life a little bit. But I firmly believe if we 'postpone' we won't do it at all - we'll move forward and not want to go back (and I'm all too aware of my age with my 38th birthday approaching in Nov). We haven't come to a hard and fast decision yet but I think if it doesn't happen soon we'll stop.

This was all very different from my emotional wobbles I had the last couple of months. But who knows? Stay tuned, I could be singing a different song tomorrow!

Have calmed down after my MIL explosion ? was loving all your MIL stories though they brought a to my face??must focus on biscuit a.k.a mini IQ and not worry about what other people are saying. My cousin said ?smile and nod because people will tell you all manner of rubbish over the next few months and if they don?t take the hint remind them that as you?re the one pushing the baby out of your fanjo ? you get the final say??..really could a girl ask for better family than that !!!

Tomorrow were off for another scan so will be shaking in my boots until we know that all is still progressing. Have had a couple of puke mornings and some bad nausea over the past week so hopefully all is well but you know what were like metal we will just be worrying right up until someone hands the baby over and then a next set of worries begin!!!!

Here we go for a full on and epic catch up:

Manda - fully agree she is making a number of assumptions but have decided that I will just let it go because as it?s our baby we will raise said baby as we see fit and if other people don?t agree then that?s their problem not mine.

baby - fully agree on DH being ?odd? when his parents are around. How are you doing today? Still spotting/cramping? Liked your ?polish gangs? comment?..I imagined you for a little while as a mafia style leader telling your underlings ?I made him a fimo he couldn?t refuse? he he he!!!

whatso - glad to see your back ok and had a great time. I?m starting my finger crossing for all your 2ww ladies??hopefully we get some more good news this month!!! Also a little bit refusing to speak to you as you got lucky and have a fab MIL?..mine is normally quite lovely but it seems that my big life changing events bring out the dragon in her.....it happened for my wedding and seems to have started already with the baby.

eve - how was Bournemouth? Camping at the weekend sounds like fun ? will it be a situation where ds is soooooo excited that he doesn?t sleep during your over night???? 5 weeks to Disneyland?..super jealous!!!

blue - from your list of symptoms I fully agree to you being invited into the newly created VIP metal area!!! Chocolate cake?.yes please. I?ve gone off salad and veg but would happily eat custard, cake, crème brulee, biscuits and all yummy things!!!

MissG - nearly caught in the act?..he he he ? I suppose I have all this to look forward to!!!

cuttle - how is everything? Hope you and mini cuttle are doing well and things are continuing to progress nicely.

summer - we shall allow you to have one foot in the WTF section and one in the 2ww metal section?..entry into the VIP section will not allowed until we get some symptoms from camp summer.

Marathon - that was a bit of an ?check everyone but not update on what is going on with me???sneaky!!!! So I shall put it out there now and say what the heck is going on in camp marathon? Hope you are all well ? any other symptoms or still around the same? Also do you have another scan booked in or are you going to wait until the 12 week one.

shimmery - crumble?..you are making my mouth water ? have just eaten a packet of crisps and a picnic and am now routing around my desk for anything else tasty I can get my hands on. DTD for 7 days straight??wearing it down to a nub again I see?and booking SWI time off next month ? woman I like your style?..!!!!

Pie - sorry to hear that you were so upset at work how have things been today?

Think I managed to get everyone ? day is dripping slowly by here but home time soon so at least I have that to look forward to.

Take care all xxxxx