Shh! Don't tell anyone, but the whisky-sodden, foulmouthed, Silk Cut smoking, 30 something etc TTCers are hiding from babydust under a mound of wine bottles - come & join us!

[openerofjars]

And there we go...

Shiny, winy (but never whiny) new thread!

Come on in then, settle down and pass the gin. No baby dust, no huns and no fecking glue, just lethal combinations of dodgy duty free and the confidence to use the word PERIOD required.

Aaarrghh, no, not the bump rubbers!

Hello ladies, anyone mind if I join the thread? I'm 40 something but the title of the thread was waaaaay too tempting to ignore! Hope you don't mind me crashing in? I can bring tequila and jack daniels if that helps? :)

Come on in, welcome!

Right, don't sit on that stool, it's only got 2 legs, and remember, the home-made stuff sends your vision a bit funny after the 3rd pint. Mine's a margharita, and if Loops says it's my round, ignore her! [shifty]

Jewels, that is Officially Extremely Unfair. Have you not suffered enough? There's one in the taps for you when you're off the meds, love.

Fish, well done, well done indeed. So, that sex thing that DH keeps trying to get me to do actually works? I thought he had just been reading the medical dictionary again. Hope all is well.

Loops, carrier bag of duty free, you say? Hand it over, but wait til I've put my fag out. That rosé looks a bit flammable.

Rara, how do? All okay in there?

Drunken vomit story: I made vodka jelly for my mate's 21st, with faaaaaaaaar too much vodka in. I couldn't see. My then boyfriend took me home after I lost my shoes and I threw up in his bed wearing his dressing gown. Being a nice person, I put it in the washing machine, but being 21 and still paralytic, I didn't rinse it off first, so the next morning I found a nice clean dressing gown covered in nice clean sick. Groo.

Hope you're not eating your tea or anything...

PS CD 34, no period or signs thereof, BFNx3. Eh? Mind you, it is my first cycle post-op and work is dreadful right now, so I guess I'll be coming on any day now.

Antibiotics for Beginners: Form 1A (Remedial)

Everyone, say hello to Desperate.

Jars don?t think I didn?t notice you sneaking in late at the back.

Ok class...

Q: One has a five day course of metronidazole. Completion of course is compulsory. However, one also has engagements at which drinking is (effectively) compulsory on Saturday, and on Thursday. What does one do?

A: One divides number of hours in the four available days Sun-Weds by total number of pills (= 9.6, maths fans!) shortening time between doses by surely medically inconsequential increments to enable completion of five day course in time for Thursday night.

I know, I am a WIZARD. Someone give me a PhD.

Class dismissed.

Except, my lovely jewels, that you should leave approx 24 hours to allow the evil stuff (the metro-thing, not the booze) to clear your system... ah, what the hell. You'll probably be fine. I like your thinking, I have to say.

Hiya desperate. You can keep the tequila and JD - got any Highland Park?

Jars, for all I know my upduffedness was caused by the fact that it was a wet Thursday when Saturn was in confluence with Orion.

Sorry, no Highland Park, but having looked it up, I feel I should rush out to the shops and get some, post haste!

No need to frisk me for fags ladies, as I DO have some, but of your rolling tobacco variety - sorry, I don't do ready mades, they make me hack. Although, on the subject of fags, I'm going to make an appointment with my GP this week to start getting help to quit. To be honest I've wanted to do it since my dad died of lung cancer in 2004, but haven't quite got around to it. Somehow wanting a baby is a better incentive to give up than not croaking it in a painful way... struggles to work that one out

Fishandjam (I daren't ask!) there's nowt wrong with tequila, you just have to drink the good stuff - try some Patron (at nearly £50 per bottle it's not cheap, but by golly it's good)

And for those of us wot can't do maffs...stop showing off jewels :o

I like this thread - I don't feel the need to be thinking about how to get up ze duff all the time LOL!

Openerofjars are there any rules against turning the two legged stool up the other way as it's useless to sit on that way around...

OK, I'll get me coat! Sorry, having the period from hell, didn't see darling boyfriend last weekend and randy as all hell.

Did I mention boyfriend is 30 and I'm knocking on 44 (September)?? What a RE-SULT! Not quite sure how I managed it, not bad for an old bird, eh?

What?! That's detention for you fish.

whoops sorry desperate missed the intervening posts. This threads gone all busy.

I'm a fellow rollie smoker when I'm indulging (currently clean, but only just).

Nice work on the youth snaring! Mine is knocking on 36 and starting to cultivate old-man eyebrows. [resigned]

oh god, and sorry about your dad. I'm a bit socially inept at the mo.

Ok, am logging off to have final burst at work I have been avoiding ALL DAY.

Laters.

Hahahaha. Thing is, I only went out that night because my friends literally dragged me out of the house - and he was the same. If they hadn't done that, we may never have met. He followed me round all night (good job the band were awful!) buying me drinks and groping me at every opportunity! A year down the line, and I'm happier than ever (feel free to grab for the vom bucket).

Mind you, he's just come back from a friend's stag do in Eastern Europe with the killer line that all the local women looked like supermodels - maybe THIS is why he was single when I met him - no other woman would put up with the fact that he opens his mouth and just lets whatever he thinks fall out of it LOL! And as a woman with fairly low self-esteem at the best of times, I've struggled to get used to this, but I figure he cracked on to me in the first place and if he wasn't happy, he'd shuffle off :o

So don't worry jewels you can't ever be as socially inept as my DP. Don't be sorry about my dad, it was years ago now and we weren't very close and saw eye-to-eye on next to nothing. But then I think there's something wrong with me as I don't grieve like anyone else I know!

Yo!
Congratufuckinglations fish on fertilisation - that is brilliant news! Hope you're feeling ok.

£50 for a bottle of tequila desperate you are one classy bird! Welcome to the thread.

jewels hope you're feeling ok lady. Those sound like some mega drugs - hopefully will do the trick though and fix the womb up good.

Hope you're good jars and loopy.

We went camping at the weekend - not been for ages so was ace. Though fricking air bed deflated by the time it was bed time so slept on cold, hard floor. Husband was pissed so not that bothered, I on the other hand was sober (despite necking 4 cans of shandy bass) and therefore was very aware of the bed situ. No sleep. Quite unpleasant. Still knackered 3 days later.

I head about a new cocktail - a steel bottom - over proofed rum topped up with a pint. Apparently disgusting but moreish. Yes.

Classy bird???? Hahahahaha! I can't remember the last time anyone said that to me, or even if they ever have. Thanks for making my day :)

Boyfriend referred to me as "some woman"...but then I'm not your average girlfriend. I like hiking in the country with him and happy to get muddy and laugh about it. I don't wear heels (despite the 12 inch height difference between us) cos they hurt my damn feet! I'm not one for loads of make up even when I go out, I smoke rollies and drink pints, I'm happy to go shooting with him if that's what he wants to do on a Saturday, I hate chick flicks and will occasionally say "ooh, she's gorgeous, you're dumped big fella!" On the plus side, I scrub up ok. So yeah...not all that classy LOL! :o And having read that back, I have no idea what he sees in me!

I can't face camping, not ever. I did it a few years ago with a friend of mine for some music festivals and swore never again, and I bloody meant it :o

Congratulations to Fish on fertilisation. I'll be shagging the arse off my fella next weekend in the hope I join you in the up ze duff stakes. Though I'm not sure how to break it to him if it works...

Camping - ohhhh - brings back memories of waking up, in tent, one chill autumn's morn, to find that during the night I had rolled onto a small mouse. It was laminated to my sleeping bag.

Woke up THIS chill summer's morn to find I am feeling distinctly barfy. That's just not on this early in the proceedings. It's bad enough I can't have some invigorating booze, without feeling like I'll be calling for Huey on the porcelain megaphone for the next 5 weeks. You'll all have to do my drinking for me. Tonight's cocktail is the Gimlet - half gin, half Rose's Lime Cordial (NOT fresh lime juice, that's just wrong), shedloads of ice.

Desperate, my advice would be to shag your fella while repeating to yourself "I do not want to get pregnant. I just want to have lots and lots of sex. This is not the month that I join the Dodgy Sausage Club." (The latter name coming from a comment to a mate of mine, when I told her I was fertilised and that because I'd been feeling a bit off colour, I'd originally put it down to a BBQ on the previous day where I may have had a dodgy sausage - she said "Looks like you did.") It worked for me anyway.

Plus - yes, Eastern European women do look like supermodels - so long as they're under 30. Once they get over that age, they start looking like Boris Yeltsin in a headscarf.

Hahahaha...nice advice Fish! I always want to have lots and lots of sex - poor fella can't keep up with me! I don't know, there I was thinking a younger man would be able to keep up with me... :o

"Boris Yeltsin in a headscarf"??? Bwahahahahaha! That's made my day! :o

jewels good skills on the maths/booze front, hope you're feeling a little better now. I hear you re the old man eyebrows and mines only 34!

desperate pleased to meet you, especially now I know you have good tequila on board and a toy boy to boot. well done m'dear

jars vodka jelly many a bad bad memory of that particular pud.... how is that gusset? clean and dry me hopes???????

Apologies in advance but allow me to self indulge for a second... I am approximately 2670% fucked off. CD33 for me, still no fucking bastarding period, 3 BFN in last three days and absolutely no symptoms whatsoever and it's driving me mad. I know I'm not pregnant so would you please put me out of my misery!!!!!! arrghhhh

My beautiful gorgeous friend had a baby girl today and I am so so so happy for her but it feels slightly tinged with sadness which I wouldn't tell anyone in RL but I know you gals understand what I mean....

In the paper this morning was a story about a woman who had murdered her 2 and 3 year old children to spite her husband during a bout of depression and it must made me so angry and sad. It's not fucking fair, plain and simple.... Really not having a good day, the whole world can kiss my non fertile ass today.....

Had a work lunch and there was wine in case you couldn't tell....... (and because I'm stupid I did another test before I drank - idiot....

Wino, I reckon you are entitled to feel fully fucking fucked off. (Though is your cycle always regular? I never tested until I was well past day 32, as the Red Bitch used to tantalise me every month by being irregular. Cow that she is.) And yes, totally understand why joyous news for someone else is bittersweet for you. Hate to say it, but alcohol doesn't really help that kind of emotion!

(BTW, I'm the kind of annoying mate who always dishes out well-meaning but bollocks-irritating advice, so if I ever show tendencies of doing that to excess on here, please do chin me.)

Anyway, a big hug and a large Gimlet coming your way. Gordon's or Plymouth?

Mind you, I didn't do much other than turn up, and flash the girls ;)

Tomorrow is another day ladies...onwards with our knickers down (it's me new motto) :o

wino pint of best and some pork scratchings for you love. What a crapiola day. Totally understand on the new baby, smile through gritted teeth front and horrid news stories - it's just not right or fair. Times like this call for gin with a gin chaser.

Hope the rest of you ladies are doing ok. Thought my camping was amusing - but rolling on a dead mouse takes the biscuit!

rara, it was worse than that - there was evidence to show that the mouse had been alive and well right up to the point I rolled onto it.... poor little squeaker.

desperate, I like the new motto - just careful you don't trip up ;-)

Hahahaha...not sure toyboy would mind the fact that I was on my hands and knees tbh Fish :o

afternooooooon ladieeeesssss

Having a better day today, still no sign of period... CD34? Longest ever cycle for me - Last six months have been 27, 31, 27, 31, 28, 31 so confused dot com! All a bit weird, every now and then I get a little surge of excitement that I might be may be just a little bit pregnant but then I beat it into submission with a bat because I don't see how I could be...

Off up to Liverpool this weekend to see some family I haven't see for ages and being a good wife I bought DH tickets to see his favourite old band and they are performing so should be a good thing to distract me but if I don't get AF by the weekend I am going to be POS galore!

I hate this, apparently conception can occur within half hour of rumpy pumpy (always wanted to use that phrase) so I wish there was a way to tell within those 30 minutes if it had worked or not!!!

fish as I originally come from Plymouth I had better go Plymouth please - load me up

jars gusset news? It's concerning me how much of yesterday I spent thinking about your gusset if that makes sense :)

Afternooooon :)

I hope your excitment is justified wino. The weekend ahead sounds nice.

Rumpy pumpy? Hahaha! Your challenge this weekend is to drop it into as many conversations you can LOL.

Gin for me too, am at work and bored shitless. I'm off tomorrow thank goodness. There's nothing worse than sitting in the office trying to look busy when you ain't! Yeah, c'mon jars... :o

Update from somewhere along the m6.....

The witch got me :(

Ah well, red wine ahoy me thinks!

Have nice weekends all