Shh! Don't tell anyone, but the whisky-sodden, foulmouthed, Silk Cut smoking, 30 something etc TTCers are hiding from babydust under a mound of wine bottles - come & join us!

[openerofjars]

And there we go...

Shiny, winy (but never whiny) new thread!

Come on in then, settle down and pass the gin. No baby dust, no huns and no fecking glue, just lethal combinations of dodgy duty free and the confidence to use the word PERIOD required.

jewels well that's just fucking shit isn't it. I hate this, it's just so fucking cruel. I am glaring proper hard at mother nature for you. Tis all I can I'm afraid, I wish I had a magic wand I really do :(

desperate fear not, I only wanted the gin to make THESE

guaranteed to leave you shagged

fish missed you love, glad is all ok in your camp

pressed send too quickly

fish continued... glad to hear about the kicks

snowbeetle YY lack of relish! re my boss - I have another definition of the word turdburger, see cunty lazy work dodging arsehole!

settles down with a gin fizz....

Has had a friend visit tonight who has been ttc for over year and half - guess who had a scan to show me! There's hope for us all yet!

Blimey Jewels, that's horrendous! You have my sympathy on that one. I shan't complain about my knife in the guts pain given what you're going through!

Gin Fizz....mmmmm...sounds lovely :)

Thanks for the cheery last post Snow, that's made my day :)

BORED shitless at work. I've caught up (quite amazingly), and am now applying for jobs over where my boyfriend is from (more in the countryside) as I've been gradually un-city-fying myself for a few years now.

Still getting to know you laydeez so hope is doesn't come over as superficial to say to jewels hope your feb tests go well and it isn't soooo very far off - hope you have some good stuff to take your mind off things in the meantime so it flies by
:)
Good luck with your applications Desp CV writing is a rubbish chore, better done when your not up to your neck in GinFizzes

Thanks gang. Waiting for my day 3 bloods now - what with my ongoing lack of ov symptoms and the sterling help of dr google have quietly, nonsensically but quite (in my head) convincingly diagnosed myself with premature menopause. Am quite scared.

Massive wait which is making me late for a big pile of work isn't helping. I've been here over half an hour, am ticket 73, and they have moved from 63 to 67 in that time.

still, in islington health centre gossip, number 74 is that dude off of Jonathan creek

Hahahahaha dude off Jon Creek has to wait for you to go in before he gets seen to. Magic.

There are 10 trillion reasons why your body might be doing what it is doing (wishes had time to read whole thread then could demolish notions of calamity more convincingly by dashing symptoms to the rocks one by one) and early men-paws is pretty unusual so keep your head out of the despair-water yet my friend.
You need to be kinder to yourself - your body has to have time to recover from its ordeal and it is not a machine - love your body - give it the proverbial thumbs up, pretend it is one of your fellow mners and pick it up when it is falling - give it a huge love and all the care it needs and in return it will do its best not to fail you.

I am however appalled at the amount of time waiting for appointments - it is one of the reasons why it is a total blessing if you are not ill! It is a universal truth that time enters a blackhole when sat in a doc waiting room - poor you!!!!!

p.s you're a twat!

Just had to share this:
www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2092968/My-gorgeous-little-accident-Debbie-amazed-doctors--mention-grandchildren--getting-pregnant-naturally-53-Pill-Here-shares-joy--exhaustion.html

Prepare to pick your jaw off the floor. :)

dear Gods! I'm drowning in paperwork and a 13month old FULL of snot, 3hrs sleep and I feel like I've not been here on AGES.

I have had a quick scan through the missed posts, couple of things that came to mind:

Antenatal testing: you can all the tests in the world and still not be 100% sure that your baby is going to be ok - and I say ok as in everything functioning as normal. Its part and parcel of having a baby - my advice for what its worth - do the basics, depending on the outcome then you can worry about the more invasive stuff.

GPs - fooking useless, the lot of them. I try to avoid them as much as possible. If you have to deal with them, be direct, stand your ground and if all else fails cry and refuse to leave until they do something.

OV tests - I ended up using these the month I conceived last time.

Sex - there is such as thing as too much. My current bladder infection is testament to this :o

Cheers!

...and just to add, my mum had my sisters and I in her early 40s. If you're still having periods you CAN conceive xxx

yo yo yo ladies.

Ugh, I hate my workload at the moment - zero time for surfing, mumsnet etc etc - not impressed, I have my appraisal next week, maybe I should mention it :)

Bugger all to report my end

jewels my love, you are a twat, the loveliest one I know but a twat nonetheless. I never even knew before mumsnet ov symptoms existed let alone have ever experienced them myself? Wait and see what your blood levels come back at?

How is your work going? Has it eased up any? You were mega stressed recently and that can't be helping your loins much?

xxx

oh, forgot I brought these with me

nom nom nom...

oh, and where the fuckity fuck are you jars and fish?

All right, all right, I'm here... just in a grump with my job (horrible head of department being a total knobend), feeling knackered and still a bit sick. The restless legs have gone but in their place I have heartburn. Still, on the upside I have discovered a very palatable no-alcohol wheat beer (Bavaria is the brand name, if anyone's interested), which I can almost persuade myself is Hoegaarden.

jewels, petal, really try to chill. If you're going through early menopause then my name is Jan van der Riek. Plus you are a mere babe in arms, mewling and puking, in comparison with me - if my 38 year old, shrivelled, dessicated eggs can get fertilised (especially with DH's 44-year old, arthritic, myopic spermatozoa) then your fresh shiny little ova can do it too. We've said it before and we'll say it again - step away from Google, the piss computers, any attempts at analysing your fanny fluids, until you KNOW for sure you have a problem. That's not to say you can't do things to help - giving up/cutting down on the booze (yes, YES, I know, vair unreasonable but it can have an impact on fertility), eating a healthy diet, vitamin supplements, ensuring Mr J&B doesn't have too many hot baths or wear tight underpants...

beetle, the bit in that article which cracks me up is that she had to put her reading glasses on to see the test results!

Shock diagnosis from my GP further to my day 3 blood: I?m not menopausal ? I?m just a twat.

So there we have it. You lot ought to be doctors. Thanks for all the words of wisdom and the luvvin.

For whatever reason the premature menopause fear had become the major focus of the anxieties inherent in this shit. I?m much less stressed about the other tests - if mr j&b has limp jizz, meh, we?ll deal with it. If I don?t ovulate this month/every month, meh, we?ll deal with that too.

I am using piss HQ again, but am otherwise am chillin(ish) ? honest. Work is still a bit of a pain in the arse (sounds like that?s true for all of us), but have otherwise been doing lots of wholesome, calm things such as running [not very far, but still?], knitting [half way to achieving a pirate hot water bottle cover which might, on completion, be my favourite thing ever], baking [coffee and walnut cake ? not as risey as I would have liked but otherwise bloody delish even if I do say so myself] and planting seeds for germination [sweet peas]. So I?m not doing too bad on the stress-stakes.

And and AND I only drank once last week (on Friday). And I drank halves to everyone else?s pint so it was a virtuous, teetotal kind of drinking . Oh, and in the same pub as simon from the inbetweeners. It was like a day of b-list celebrity spotting, Friday.

So my body is pretty much a temple of fertility potential and Feb could be the month, I think.

But people, people, you still haven?t told me your DUE DATES. Let me have em!

< hands round slices of cake and hovers anxiously around waiting for confirmation of self-declared deliciousness>

Hello all...just flying in, and then out again. I'd like to stay longer, but given that I'm in the MOOD FROM HELL, I'll make it short.

Still not preggers.

Boss is a complete and utter wanker, and, as I'm a temp, I'm VERY tempted to tell him to go and fuck himself in the arse with a pineapple. Thing is, he's not actually MY boss, I don't technically work for him, but he thinks I do and can therefore monopolise me when his secretary has left for the day, despite the fact that I was doing work for someone else. What a cunt. Sorry. Then again...cunts are pretty useful little things, and a darned sight more attractive than that slimy little bastard.

Right, rant over.

Hope you're all ok. Cake is fab. Would be tempted to neck back some booze tonight after godawful day, but can't handle the morning headache that will inevitably follow.

sniffs

Why don't I get slipped some tongue? Huh? Is it cos I is the oldest here? {wail}

Thanks for the hug Snow. Boss is still, sadly, a tosser. Still, my contract is due to run out here on the last day of Feb...and I WAS going to hang around until they found someone for the job, but I've decided they can stick it up their collective arses! It just isn't worth putting up with this for the stupidly low salary I get paid.

Gah!

desp, sorry to hear of your tribulations. I'm always reminded of a saying of my mum's, which could be annoying but is too often true: "Work is a four letter word, and the man who invented it should be made to come back and finish the job."

Though I also love the passage on work from Jerome K Jerome's Three Men In A Boat: "I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours ?I am careful of my work, too. Why some of the work that I have by me now has been in my possession for years and years, and there isn?t a fingermark on it. I take a great pride in my work; I take it down now and then and dust it. No man keeps his work in a better state of preservation than I do."

:)

That's a great quote Fishandjam - makes me feel less lazy and rubbish that a great author can feel the same way I do about work!

Thanks oh fishy one. She's right. But the bastards never do, do they? It's always us bloomin' women that end up finishing something they started and then got bored of before it was finished!