Shh! Don't tell anyone, but the whisky-sodden, foulmouthed, Silk Cut smoking, 30 something etc TTCers are hiding from babydust under a mound of wine bottles - come & join us!

[openerofjars]

And there we go...

Shiny, winy (but never whiny) new thread!

Come on in then, settle down and pass the gin. No baby dust, no huns and no fecking glue, just lethal combinations of dodgy duty free and the confidence to use the word PERIOD required.

Jesus Jewels... I had to google ERPC and it sounds fucking horrific, not surprised you're in shock :(

Not sure bitter is going to do the trick - make it a pint of something from the top shelf, eh?

Hang in there kiddo...

Jewels, here's a pint, a rolly, some tea and sympathy. That sucks, I'm so sorry.

Oh, mate, that's horrific. I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say, apart from how rubbish it is and how much I wish it wasn't happening to you.

My heart goes out to you and Mr Jewels.

And pint it is. Gin or brandy?

Thanks you lot, appreciated. Really.

rara I should have said and meant to say that I'm with loops - I hope you continue you to hang round here too. For my part I'd rather hang with real people having lives in which stuff changes, as opposed to requiring the exact same thing to be happening to everyone at the exact same time. And I want to hear good news!!

In answer to your question, it hasn't happened to me before (for which I am grateful - I know you have form). I am oscillating between feeling quite calm and phlegmatic about it all, and feeling horribly desolate/struggling how to work out how to grieve for a lost pregnancy that appears not really to have existed for the past two months. And I'm still awash with the hormones my over-eager body continues to churn out, so to add insult to bloody injury when I tried to get consolation-drunk last night I turned out to be still 'off' alcohol. Fuckssake.

Anyway me me me ME. What's your news people?

In the words of my teenage neice jewels that is supermegawank for you. I am so sorry you're going through this.

It's horrible, and you should let yourself feel as sad as you need to. Don't feel guilty about feeling sad and don't feel guilty if you feel fine. The first time fucked my head up good and proper for a bit.

As loopy said - hang in there.

Hope the rest of you ladies are all fine. I am still recovering from listening to Tony Robinson on Desert Island Discs this morning who chose a Christina Aguilera track as one of his 8. Honestly.

Hey y'all, how was the weekend? Mine was a quiet one, nowt doing much atm but got a MEGA one next weekend - it's a school reunion type thing and fully expect it to be epic & alcoholic!

Oooh, Harry Potter emoticons! Love it!!! But they don't fucking work, WHY???

Jewels how are you sweets?

Hi there ladies,

Can I be the equivalent of the geeky kid at school who sidles up to the cool kids and says "Can I join your gang? I'll nick you some Southern Comfort out of my dad's spirits cupboard."

Though it would then go horribly wrong because the SoCo would have run out, so I'd nick ouzo and try to top up the bottle with water...

Hey kids. Well I'm now all scraped/hoovered/whatever it is they do to errant wombs, and t'was ok, all things considered. Feeling a bit battered but taking the rest of this week off to snivel, eat my weight in cheese, and work my way through the pile of giNORMOUS sanitary pads I got free off of the nhs (Result!).

Welcome fish. Make yourself at home. No soco for me though please. I have history with that pertickilar drink. Baaad history.

The taxis were fighting to take me home that night, I can tell you.

Fish Welcome :)

Ah bless ya Jewels, glad to see you've still got your sense of humour & happy cheese gorging

Thanks Loopy and Jewels. Jewels, I'm really sorry to hear of your recent tribulations. The drinks are on me - not SoCo though. (I have similar history with it...)

Baby glue - blegh - like sticky vibes. I was nauseatingly wished those with my little lad. Now I'm not adverse to a sticky vibe, but I'd rather it involved an adult male, preferably Jason Isaacs.

Fuck, I meant AVERSE. My inner pedant is getting all Malcolm Tucker at me.

Hey ladies
Hope the cheese gorging/resting is going well jewels and you're feeling less battered.

loopy your weekend sounds ace! Regression to schooldays can only end in a drunken mess surely. Brilliant.

Does everyone have a no go booze then? I am partial to a spot of southern comfort but archers, shit the bed, I have thrown that up til it was coming out my nose and mouth at the same time. Yes, I am one classy dame.

And I have repeatedly asked the husband for a tiny Malcolm Tucker for Christmas. One that I could keep in my pocket and get out whenever I felt the need for some epic swearing. So fish I envy your inner Malcolm.

Hope the rest of you are alright. I am heading Out the back to stand next to the bins to have a fag washed down with a half drunk luke warm pint. Anyone care to join me?

Rara I'm refusing to give up booze until I know I'm preggers. I don't drink loads anyway - maybe a couple of bottles at the weekend & couple of lagers but (at least that didnt sound like much until I wrote it down ) nothing in the week and I suspect it'll be hard enough to give it up for 9 months so I'm not denying myself now!

Ah, alcohol-induced vom stories

Errr, I avoid any Blossom Hill wine (just that variety, weird huh?!) and Aftershock for that same reason - few years back (Jesus, how embarrassing, can't even claim studentdom or teenage alcoholism!) my DH's Aunty had a 50 birthday party with free booze & aforementioned evilness. On way home, I chucked all over myself AND DH's car. Just thinking about it now makes me

Ha ha ha brilliant loopy. Nothing wrong with adult drunken vomit stories. I am so desperate for booze right now I am binge drinking shandy bass. I can't quite bring myself to buy an alcohol free beer but so nearly.

Hope everyone else is ok. jewels you feeling alright lady?

Mmm, so yesterday and today not so good. Very cry-y. More drunken vomit stories please.

Drambuie. Even the smell takes me back... to being so drunk age 17 that I passed out on the floor of the club toilet, and woke up to find my cheek and hair welded to the tiles with sticky, sugary Drambuie spew. I actually left clumps of my barnet behind when I finally managed to sit up. (This wasn't a nightclub BTW, it was a sports club and nobody was checking the cludgies - I had been there for hours.)

Although not as toe-curling as a buddy of mine who got totally wankered on a staff night out at work (never a career-enhancing move at the best of times). One of the more senior partners offered her a lift home and during the journey, she wound the window down to barf out of it. Unfortunately the speed of the car meant her aim was a tad compromised, so when she pressed the button to wind the window back up, it came up liberally smeared with chunder.

Nowadays I'm such a lightweight that half a bottle of red results in my being virtually comatose.

PS: rara I let my inner Tucker out to play on a regular basis. I even have a T-shirt with Tucker's Law printed on it. Where I work, it's all too true.

Morning all. I'm highly amused to read vomit stories, given I have a ginormous hangover.

I went to a friend's 40th recently - and there was free prosecco and champers. Which hardly anyone was drinking, so I got stuck in.

I don't remember the journey home, or lying in the hallway for an hour groaning. I remember calling for a bucket, missing the bucket and upchucking all over the books next to my bed and our carpet. Luvverly.

Jewels, so sorry to hear what you've been through. Massive hugs.

Hello all!! back from hols and don?t worry I bought you all some booze back. Now, I couldn?t remember what everyone preferred so I bought you all each a case of red, white and rose to be on the safe side. Plus a few spares for emergencies.

Jewels How utterly utterly shite, I am so so sorry for you. I don?t know what else to say really. I feel the urge to send you a lot of cheese though. Maybe one of those ones you can get as wedding cakes? Hope you?re doing ok.

Well France was mega, husband and I had two whole weeks of relaxing, occasional sight seeing, plenty of pool lying, muchos vino and cheese... I want to go back now!

I caved and took my pissy computer. Much to my horror it showed that I didn?t ovulate until day 21 which was after we got back ? just shows how a bottle of wine and maybe a smidge more every day for two weeks plays havoc with your system!

Therefore, not holding out any hope this cycle and next cycle I have my dye xray thing so not allowed to try during that cycle in case we have some radiation filled four headed baby so that is me out until fucking September! GAH!

Am going to use the time to try and cut the old plonk down a little and am going to try and lose a little weight so by September I hopefully will be in a better frame of mind and a wee bit healthier.

Hello to new people, nice to see some new faces here.

jars how goes it?

My contribution to drunken stories are

1 ? When young and stupid (21) decided to down glasses of wine with a friend at a hotel function and then tried to dance and promptly fell into the djs equipment, knocked an massive speaker thing over, got asked to leave and then was escorted from function room as I couldn?t walk by unimpressed boyfriend and hotel worker. Got into taxi, had to stop to be sick three times.... fell out of taxi at home, fell down the road, a lot. Boyfriend tried to get me up the stairs, fell down the stairs, repeated this about 8 times then slept in hallway as boyfriend gave up and fucked off home. Woke up to distinctly unimpressed mother....

2 - Friend and I went for a couple of summer drinks, turns out there was a rose bin end sale at the bar we went to so we decided to relieve them of 4 bottles over the course of the day. Went back to her flat to dance like loonies etc and at the time I still smoked so went out for a fag. Promptly fell down a giant set of concrete stairs on my bum (think train station type steps) Fortunately was so drunk I bounced but had a completely black and blue arse for weeks. I?m not joking, seriously, both my cheeks were purple!

3 ? Friends hen do a couple of years ago, I arrived late (bloody trains) so missed the meal and got there in time for numerous cocktails/shots and got so drunk I missed the last tube home. Friends put me in a black cab and it?s about £40 to my house in a black cab.... turns out I only gave him town name. I then promptly fell asleep so when we got back to my town he couldn?t wake me up so he had to drive around for a further hour and a half until I came round and could tell him where I lived. By this point meter had crept up to £95. I was too drunk to thank him for not just tipping me out on my arse and leaving me on the street so it?s good that he stayed really, bless that cabbie whoever he was...

Right well, back to pretending to work....

Evening all

wino am ridiculously jealous of your French holiday! Glad you had fun and thanks for the booze. Sorry you are out til Sept - that's annoying.

Loving the drunk stories. We are the epitome of English style and grace. Once when We were younger my husband (or boyfriend as he was then) paid for us to stay in a really expensive hotel. I got wasted on (frankly AMAZING) cocktails. Think the boy had hopes for a wild night - I went back to the room early and spent the whole night puking til I eventually fell asleep head on toilet seat. Ahh the romance.

jewels how are you doing lady? Thinking of you.

What are the rest of you up to? Filled with spunk and love I hope. Mmm there's a thought.

All fine here. Mostly dreaming of booze and eating my bodyweight in carbs.

Cheers wino, good to have you back - red for me please.

So. Is all officially notfun in the j&b boat. Have picked up some kind of infection (poss from getting the jig on with Mr j&b too soon after erpc, though not telling him that) and have three kinds of antibiotics and a letter addressed to Gynae A&E that I have to carry around in case my womb atrophies (or something).

And one of the antibiotics is one of only two known to (wo)man where you actually really can't drink any alcohol on them.

And have bunch of mates coming for BBQ on sat and not only is it probably going to piss down BUT they are all (save for the one or two who know) blatently going to add my current porkier-than-usualness to my not-drinking-because-I'm-on-antibiotics and categorically conclude that I am fecking arseing pregnant.

Sigh.

Anyway, where are you jars?? How goes it with the house moving?

Oh Jewels, that is supermegawank with knobs on. (Metronidazole, is it? I made the mistake of ignoring the "really, don't even think about drinking" advice when I was on that, and ended up feeling so ill I didn't know what to do with myself.) Hope you feel better soon.

Erm.. feel a bit uneasy about mentioning this, due to recent sad news on here, but... I appear to be slightly knocked up. To my stunned amazement. After all those months of piddling on excruciatingly expensive bits of plastic, swallowing excruciatingly expensive herbal thingummies, doing weird things with spreadsheets (yes I am that anal), etc, the month that I stop all that crap and myself and Mr Fishandjam decide merely to see if my back will manage a bit of post-operative horizontal folk dancing (I had a lumbar discectomy in mid-June) is the month that it happens.

Only 5 weeks so there are plenty of hurdles to get over yet.

Still, shows there's hope for us all! I was beginning to be convinced that my 38-year-old eggs were well and truly addled.

Wino - love the cab story.

jewels what a fecking nightmare, you really aren't having a fun time at the moment are you. Whoever invented tablets you can't drink on is quite frankly a prick. FACT. Hope bbq went ok and mates asked no silly questions.

fishandjam Congratulations!!! Don't feel uneasy, everyone here has the same goal! We want everyone to get there! Besides, it means there's more wine to go around for us! Hurrah for a fishy baby! Now, you have to let us all rub your belly like some sort of fertility symbol - it's the law I'm afraid!

May your pregnancy be distinctly uneventful...

rara glad all is good in your camp too.... mmmm carbs.....

I'm current on CD30 and nothing, nadda, not a sausage, no symptoms of period at all - my body is tormenting me again! I have to ring hospital to book HSG as soon as the red bitch shows her face and she is keeping me waiting, the twisted cow. Considering I didn't ovulate until CD21 I am assuming there is ZERO chance of getting upduffed this month so just waiting!!! Tis very annoying!

However, on the old booze front I managed 4 booze free days last week and on course for at least the same this week so am awarding myself a sticker....

jars hope all is good your end....

Yes fish! Thank fuck for some GOOD news round these parts. Excellent. And I'm afraid the belly rubbing is unavoidable. Despite fact that all subscribers to thread are meant to eschew naff superstitution...

And it is indeed metro-whatsit. Good meds knowledge. But I was so disillusioned by the whole prospect that in the end I stupidly cunningly delayed starting that one until sunday so I could drink on Sat (I mean, how many antibiotics can one womb really need?) and it was sunny, and I drank a lot of pimms, and told everyone, and cried all over my mate's newborn, and it was fine really. And now I am going to not-drink all week so body will be fully healed temple by weekend. The plan is coming together...