Mourning our angel babies but still hoping for the future: let the swi commence!

[TooImmature2BMum]

This is a thread for those of us on the bereaved mother's thread who want a place to moan about the perils of ttc without upsetting anyone over there. We've gone through at least one pregnancy, and we know what it is to hold a baby whose eyes will never open, or to have lost a baby after a few days, weeks or years. We know the fear, but we're going to go ahead and do it anyway. And then do it again, especially in the middle of the month!

Newcomers will be welcomed with all the hand-holding and wisdom we can summon up - and that's a lot! Come in and join us: the door is always open.

Problem! I really think people should have lessons on how to talk to people who have suffered a loss. At least she had the courage to say something though, people just get it so wrong sometimes x
Sorry, can't help you with the charting stuff, I have never done it, just used opk's, I am sure someone else will be expert in it x

blue you can learn the basics from these Fertility Friend videos, 25 mins in total. If you want to go into it all in great depth then Taking Charge of Your Fertility is a fantastic and fascinating book. But I recommend the videos for a good introduction.

I'm sorry about what the lady said to you - you are totally right, Sterre is not a "problem". People say such stupid things.

Hi ladies,
Is anyone else terrified? I feel quite positive about this pregnancy as I got a strong bfp and some symptoms from early on but then I talk myself out of being positive in case I get too happy and the world comes crashing down on me again. I know I should try and be positive and believe me I am trying but it's just gone so wrong the past 2 times it so hard to believe things will be different this time. It's like I am scared to be happy, before we lost our little boy we had just got married and we were so happy and everything was seemingly perfect and then I went from that to the lowest point in my whole life in the matter of minutes. Then after picking ourselves up, got a bfp for it all to go wrong again and I had a mmc. I am just so scared it will happen again. Sorry for the selfish post but I think I am driving my oh mad being all negative. Maybe typing it out on here will help it get out of my head. Just wondered if anyone else feels like this

ciwi def feel like that. My DH and I fell pregnant a few months after we got married and thought that we were living the dream ( so to speak). We then lost Ruby at 27+ 5 and my world crumbled. So when we got this BFP I thought that maybe are getting a break?? Fx'd that things will be ok but I guess you never know. I think it's only natural to feel like you are, I'm terrified but have to try and be positive. Probably not much help but you're not alone in your feelings. And a big congrats too (I've been away for a few days with no Internet so just catching up!)

spilt glad that everything is ok that must be a total relief. Now try and relax and let yourself try and enjoy these last few weeks.

I've only got a week to wait until me scan but it can't come quick enough x

I don't feel like that yet, but I expect I will if when I get my BFP. I don't know when I will be able to relax and start to believe in the baby - probably not for a very long time. I hope you two can relax a bit after your first scans. Feel free to vent on here - that's what we're here for!

Okay, I have just discovered small beads of milk coming from my nipples. Do you think it means I am updiffed? It has been 17.5 weeks since I gave birth and I thought the milk had dried up long ago. What do you think - promising sign or not?

Thanks girls, it is hard to believe everything will be ok and I am glad I am not on my own in this. I hope after a scan I will feel better but I don't even know when I will have a scan yet. Glad I can vent on here as I don't want to keep pulling my OH down when he is doing ok iykwim.
too that does sound promising! When did you last test? I didn't ever get milk, I was given a tablet to stop me producing it. Has it been a long time since you last noticed it?

Morning. Horrible headache again this morning and feeling tired and dizzy. Can't complain though!

ciwi I'm also feeling terrifed. I miscarried before getting pregnant with Scarlett and really thought that would work out. It's like, after 28 weeks or so, it's a bit of a magic number and I thought nothing could go wrong other than early birth etc but how wrong could I have been :( We married when I was around 6 months pregnant with Scarlett, I've only recently been able to go through the photos and we're waiting for the album to be sent out too. We bought the cd too.

I hope you hear about a scan soon, could you call if not? I'm definitely going to be asking for what I want a lot more this time and not leaving things for another day or two and see if things happen/arrive etc. Dh has said the same. We've been "lost in the system" a few times and I'm not going to wait to see if it happens again.

Blue I can't believe some people, "problem" Sterre is your baby and always will be. (hugs)

TooImm Hmm, could be pregnant. I stopped leaking pretty fast after Scarlett thankfully and don't remember being as engorged as I was with my others. Small mercy I suppose.

Updated my blog yesterday if anyone's interested, I spoke about being worried on being pregnant again cheeseandgherkinsandcheese.blogspot.com/

cheese it must be hard to look back at your wedding photo's. I was a bridesmaid at my sisters wedding when i was about 15 weeks with my little boy, even though you can't see a bump I still hate looking at the photos.
I am so frustrated with the medical system. My thyroxine dose should go up on bfp but as my levels are low normal my GP wouldn't increase it and said to see what the hospital says, he sent an urgent referral to the medical dissorders in pregnancy clinic on Monday. Well i chased this up with the hospital this morning and they haven't got the referral so I have no chance of getting an appointment and my dose increased until they do. I just can't understand how an urgent referal can take more than 5 days to even reach the correct department. Now I need to chase my GP surgery up but I am in work in an office so how do I do that without everyone knowing my business. So frustrating, I shouldn't have to do any of this and it just all adds to the stress and worry I have anyway! - and breathe, rant over. sorry ladies, hope you are all ok xxx

tooimm could be a symptom, maybe post on another thread in the forum and see what the other mn think.

blue I had my first period at about 6 weeks after Ophelia, but then again I was full term and it was a spontaneous birth, so not sure. It would be esaier for you to wait till your first period to start the charting and tests, as if you start now then you will go through a lot of tests and it wont help you chart for your future months. Maybe start charting symptoms of ov, like cm, temperature and just the way you feel first. I write it all down in a diary myself and I think I recognise the signs now wothout a ov test, I was right this month. My friend says she knows when shes ov because she gets so horny! So thats a symptom too.

So I ov'd yesterday and kinda knew I was the day before so we have been swi for 3 days now, hence while I havnt really been around on here. Feel quite positive about it all and really hope its this month. Our swi pattern has been the same as when I fell pg with Ophelia so hopefully. So Im entering the realms of 2ww, but Im going to try not to stress about it. I have been dreaming no stop this week of babies! Last night my dream was we had a baby girl and we called her Iris.

FX for you zebra :) Let's hope that the dream had a meaning and that you will get your BFP

Things didn't go to plan here this morning. I think DH had performance anxiety. He is now going to come home before he heads off for the weekend. Hope it works this time!

too Don't know whether it's a sign or not, but I'll keep my FX that it is! :)

ciwi That's rubbish! I hope they get it sorted out for you asap

blue That's an awful thing for anyone to say. How can anyone call losing a baby a 'problem'. It's a tragedy, not a problem. on your behalf.

cheese Hope you feel better (or v sick ) soon!

mel I hope you're not finding the wait for your scan too difficult! I hope it goes quickly. :)

Good luck everyone on the 2ww. I'm keeping an eye out for rainbows or dogs utilising my shoes for their own purposes ubt so far nothing happening, so I need to find another omen. I'll let you know if anything occurs!

Have a good day all

Grr, MN went offline for an upgrade and lost my post!

Ciwi, did you get anywhere yet? Can you go outside and phone them from your mobile? Or I could phone them if you like - I'm sitting here at home doing nothing. PM me if you want to try that.

Green, Iris is such a lovely name and it goes well with Ophelia too! Would you use that name if you did have another little girl?

I might post about the milk on the general Conception board in case anyone knows more. I'm on CD 28 but my cycles are generally 35 days and the last one was 49, so I was intending not to test until next Friday. Having said that, I have just suggested to DH that he buys some early response tests on his way home! It is very unlikely I will get a BFP this early! I shall try to hold off until Monday Wednesday at the earliest.

That's a shame, Dachs. Would it help if you assumed all responsibilty - ie, you on top, possibly tie him up? It worked for me - DH put himself in my hands and that seemed to allow him to let go of his worries. Apologies if this is too graphic!

Well I rang the GP's and the secretary who can look up if my referal has gone through or not is off (they obviously have very specific jobs in my GP surgery) so I have to ring back on Monday Grrr. Trying to stay calm though as the lovely consultant secretary spoke to another consultant (as mine is off) and he said not to worry about my meds going up at this early stage but to ring back if I don't get an appointment next week. My consultant secretary is back on Monday too and last time she arranged an appointment for me without a referral so hopefully she will help me on Monday too. Just need to remember that my levels are ok right now and to stop imagining worst case scenario all the time.
dachs I agree with too put something nice on and just jump on him when he gets home - good luck
too I remember reading a thread once where someone had your symptom and was preggers, don't want to get your hopes up but fx for you. Hope you get some advice on the main board x

green yeah I think I will indeed wait until my first period comes through before starting to chart. I'm just hoping it won't come

atm I'm torn between going back to work next week or not. There are a lot of last week of school activities I can attend and that will keep me busy. On Wednesday evening my brother will arrive and Thursday evening the rest of the family.

pregnant ladies: hang in there! thinking of you all!

not yet pregnant ladies: we'll get there! hopefully very soon! x

Blue, quite honestly I wouldn't go back to work yet. You haven't even gone through the funeral yet (I think! Didn't you say it will be the 28th?) and you don't know how you're going to react to that. I went back after 12 weeks and managed 2 weeks mornings only, was off for most of the third week and wound up off again in the 4th. I was getting mucked around by the consultant telling me the MW had made some huge mistakes but not taking any responsibility for getting her sacked disciplined. The consultant also said she wasn't surprised I was signed off again and that she wouldn't have expected me to go back until the autumn, and Thea was born in March. If an experienced obstetrician suggests 6 months off as the norm, then don't push yourself to go back after only a few weeks. I did feel ready to go back to work at 12 weeks and I think if there had been no further nasty revelations then I would have stayed with no problems.

knew I shouldn't have told you that too

blue I agree with too don't rush back, I did and built it up to quickly and then had to drop my hours right back down again. I am lucky in that I have a very understanding boss though. would you have good support?

hmm yeah have the funeral on the 23rd of July.
The thing is we can't afford for me to stay off for any longer, this month is was paid full time but from now on I will only get half pay. DH doesn't earn yet he starts working as a driving instructor in August.
I work as a youth and families worker for the church and they are very understanding. So I could go back to work and get paid and still take it easy...
It's school holiday soon anyway so no direct work with the children, just preparation to do for the new school year in September!

blue dont rush it, i went back to work after only 6 weeks and it was a struggle! I am a childminder i only have after school childre atm, but the playground gossips and comments from the children were so hard to cope with! How awful what that woman said, losing your baby is not a "problem", it is a bloody heart breaking tragedy! Some people have no clue.

In that case I suppose you have to weigh up whether you would be more stressed by your financial situation or by being back at work. Part of my decision to go back at 12 weeks was because that was when my full-pay mat leave ended and I would have dropped down to stat mat pay. Now I am signed off on sick leave instead, so pay is still full. Not sure how long I get full pay sick leave for, though. I've had 2 weeks so far and am signed off for another 2 at the moment. If the lack of money is dictating your return, then maybe you could discuss reduced hours, at least at first? Phased return is something your boss has to consider, and you get full pay while on phased return, even if you are only in half the time.

DH has brought me a packet of First Response 6-days-before-period tests. They are gleaming at me, swinging their little pink hips and beckoning seductively! Must...stay...strong... (at least until tomorrow morning and Concentrated Pee!) It would be a complete waste of money to pee on one now, given that my period is not actually due until next Saturday.

ooooooohhhhhhhh - shiny sticks Stay strong too Although I got a positive 8 days before i was due with the twins...

oh - and that was with dilute afternoon pee...

Ohhhhhh, Dachs, my resolution is wavering! 8 days early! But that was with twins... My fear of a BFN is currently outweighing my longing to pee on the stick. I got all excited this morning because I felt a bit sick, but it could have been hunger/imagination. I went back to sleep and forgot about it and the nausea was gone when I woke up again.

Ooh ... Too you re a better woman than me if you can hold off testing however, with this pregnancy I also got a BFP way early cd 20 8-9 days before my period was due. Good luck whatever you do xxx

too step away from the sticks! My AF is due on wed (i think) last time i had 34 day cycle though I am going to try hold off from testing until next weekend the at earliest. I really don't think i am pg this month as df was working away around the crucial time. Fingers crossed for you too.