Freak Out Room For Those Newly Updiffed After M/C Part VII

[Blackkat]

Just found out you are pregnant after a previous miscarriage and too nervous to move over the to pregnancy boards? Freaking out about spotting, cramping, symptoms (or lack there of) and nervously awaiting your first scan? Here is a lovely place for lot's of support, hand holding and problem sharing.

Courtesy of owlbooty here are the Ten Commandments of the Freak Out Room.

1. Thou shalt check thy knickers to the point of insanity until the baby actually arrives.
2. Thou shalt also check the loo roll post-wipeage (sorry, gross, I know)
3. Thou shalt bore thy physician and midwife to tears with the mentalling.
4. And thy husband/boyfriend/family/neighbour's cat.
5. Thou shalt obsess over the absence of symptoms.
6. And the presence of symptoms.
7. And the fluctuation of symptoms.
8. Thou shalt pee on a vast number of sticks and keep ClearBlue and First Response in business.
9. The day before any scan extreme mentalling is permitted without recourse to the Haddock.

10. Self-diagnosis with Dr Google is Forbidden.

The Haddock will be applied liberally to all transgressors.

See here for the previous thread

Coconuts - just cut, paste and amend the list - recently the list hasn't been updated every day.

Didn't want to C&P and edit just myself if others were wrong :)

Friday 10th June LIST

Lovemysleep 22+3 EDD 11/10/11
Tunnocksteacake 20+5 EDD 24/10/11
IreneHeron 20+3 EDD 23/10/11
CEP 18+6 EDD 5/11/11 - 20 wk scan 22/6/11
Hils74 18+2 EDD 8/11/11
Katherine2008 18+1 EDD 10/11/11 next scan 23/6/11
Haffertee 17+6 EDD 14/11/11
Ninunina: 17+3 EDD 15/11/11
delilahbelle 17+1 EDD 22/11/11
Mattsmama 17+1 EDD 17/11/11
CollieandPup 16+5 EDD 20/11/11 next scan 20/06/11
Banana87 16+3 EDD 22/11/11
wombatinwaiting: 16+1 EDD 24/11/11
LaraMi 16+0 EDD 25/11/11 Next scan 20/07/11
IzzyWizzyletsgetbusy 15+4 EDD 26/11/11
Blackkat 14+4 EDD 5/12/11 Next scan 26/07/11
Jigglebum 14+1 EDD 8/12/11
Minnie74 13+6 EDD 12/12/11
Lucky 12+4
Dooscooby 12+1 EDD 22/12/11
Harassed 11+4 EDD 26/12/11 next scan 10/6/11
Hadrian 11+1 Next scan - 13/06/11
Youremindmeofthebabe 10+1 scan 22/6/11
Updiffed 9+6
Bump 8+6
Hairylights 8+4
Mamarara 8+1
Lily06 8+0
Pigletmania 7+6
Laylasmummy09 7+5
willitbe 4+0

On the grads thread too:

Nickster 31+6 EDD 7/8/11
Orange 27+6 EDD 4/9/11
Wombat33 26+6 EDD 10/09/11
Daisybell 26+1 EDD 14/09/11
Pinkfondantfancy 24+6 EDD 25/09/11
Tiggersreturn (TTT) 24+3 EDD 26/09/11
mamapower 24+1 EDD 28/9/11
ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts 23+6 EDD 01/10/11
Emoo 23+1 EDD 7/10/11
Onions 20+4 EDD 24/10/11
Velvetcu 20+3 EDD 25/10/11 next scan 22/06/11
MummyAbroad 19+0 EDD 4/11/11

In our thoughts and prayers
Dachs whose beautiful little babies Alexander & Felicia left this world sleeping

Thinking of.... ladybee; digi; A&R; barbie; MumTum; Knitter, Kat2504

afternoon ladies.

fx for you hrhp

as for size comments, i'm huge anyway so noone's going to realise till i'm about 7-8 months.

Awww Cep.... I'm sure that isn't true... And if it is true, then I bet it's actually quite nice to be able to hide your pg from the wider world. My sis was telling me yesterday that random strangers come and try to touch her stomach. Euch.

Anyone planning on getting a doula?

lara unfortunately it is, when i went on mat leave last time at 8+1/2 months, i was saying goodbye to some of the women and 1 asked me why i was going off. "ok i thought i showed by now". i hate not having a nice obvious bump, but never mind. Have you thought you might had spd with those pains? have you sat funny before hand? have you had any pain in joints when walking? or when lying down?

Well at least it keeps you well away from 99% of super annoying strangers. I hate being the centre of attention and so any baby-related attention totally puts me off. I am very body conscious at the best of times (am 5'8" and a size 14-16 normally so far from slender!) with wobbly lumps and bumps curves all over the place so the last thing I can face is people talking about my boobs / stomach etc. I just spent my entire adulthood trying to draw attention AWAY from my stomach!

I'll give it a few days re. the pains - am seeing a consultant next week in any case. It comes and goes every few days so might just be stretching. Walking and sitting are all fine. Thanks for the suggestion - will spend the next hour of the one hour and 40 minutes I still have to kill googling SPD. I seriously can't concentrate at work these days. On one of the threads the other day one lady has posted "when did you start winding down at work?" Obviously the right answer is at 37. 38 weeks etc but I felt like answering: "as soon as I got my BFP"!!!!!!!!!!!!

coconuts glad you got sorted easily, nice to have a positive story to hsr about the labour unit too, you sounded well looked after.

My dates are fine in the list

lara what's a doula?

cep I can't believe you could tell at 8 1/2 wks, woman sounds like eejit! My sil is a size 18+ and you could def tell she was pg in the later months.

cep what's spd?

Couldn't tell I mean!

Do you think it's too early to be lurking for news from harassed ?

According to wiki, "a doula is a word that has most closely become associated with a woman who provides non-medical support to other women and their families during labour and childbirth, and also the postpartum period. A doula helps fill this gap by providing support to the woman and her partner or support system throughout the childbearing year. A doula does not replace the support system; instead, they help support them so that they can focus on loving and encouraging the laboring woman. Doulas can serve as a source of information during pregnancy, labor and birth. A doula assists families in gathering information about their pregnancy, labor and the options available for delivery.Their goal is to provide continuous physical, emotional, and informational support before and during labour, birth, and the immediate postpartum period. The intent of a doula is to help the woman have a safe and satisfying experience, as the woman defines it. A well trained doula understands and works within the doula's scope of practice and should not interfere with any medical aspect of labor and birth"

They seem to be quite popular in these parts....

I don't want to hire a doula for any handholding (DH will be fab at that) but I'm not wholly pleased with my hospital thus far and I thought a doula might be able to provide continuous support during labour if the midwives chop and change. The lady I found will provide three antenatal visits (to discuss the birthing plan etc) and then the minute I go into labour she comes over and supports at home, advising exactly when to go to hospital (so that I don't go too early and get sent home). She is then there throughout labour and then does a couple of visits after birth.

I don't want to waste money on the service of a doula if unnecessary, so I thought I'd give it until later in the pg (after I've had lots more mw appts) before I decide. I just worry about the hospital not being totally competent and as many doulas were previously midwives, she has lots of experience to offer. She then should alleviate many of the concerns I have so that I can focus on a calmer birth experience. Apparently (and ladies here might disagree - my research so far is fairly top level besides a recommendation from a friend) according to their website, a doula:
?Shortens first-time labour by an average of 2 hours
?Decreases the chance of caesarean section by 50%
?Decreases the need for pain medication
?Helps fathers participate with confidence

I am sure lots of you will think it's a total waste of money (as I said, I am not totally convinced - I am just considering it after the experience at my recent appts). I know the obvious thing to do is to change hospitals but my hospital is so convenient and does have a good reputation - I don't think any of the other ones in the vicinity are actually any better... Midwives just seem so stretched and the NHS just seems at full capacity. We can't afford complete private care (and in case of complications I'd prefer to be on the NHS in any case) so I thought this might be a way to get some personal support from someone independent with experience.....

Sorry for long spiel.... Tis to answer Collie's question, so anyone else feel free to ignore! (Plus side is I have just killed ten mins writing this!)

Lara - have been contemplating this, How expensive are they usually?

Ah, lara I did know what one was, but only realised now you've explained. I personally don't have a view on them, but mainly bcs I've not done my homework on it. However I do have a friend who first explained them to me and she is very pro-them. She didn't have one with her first child, but feels that in the heat of the moment lots of decisions were made that with hindsight she's not happy with now, and thinks a doula would be excellent support to help make sure you have the birth you want, when perhaps you or dh are not best able to decision-make (but she also now has very strong views on her next birth plan... and she's not even pg!) in fact she's so sold on them, that in the face of possible redundancy she was considering training to be one.

Also, maybe post on the grads thread and ask pink I have a feeling she is planning something similar.

Lurky for harassed hope it went ok sweet? X

Harassed - we're all here thinking of you! I think Harassed has a young DD so is probably busy after her scan.

Coconuts - I think the London rate is about £450 - £500 for a fully qualified doula and £250 for a partially qualified one. The lady I saw on line was £500 for the whole package and she has several years experience (I believe that a fully qualified doula has been at a minimum of three births but I'd want more experience than that!) Collie - the reasons you explained are exactly why I'm considering one...

Ooh - will ask Pink.

Lurky lurk for news from harassed

sorry for lack of posting just been busy at work. Told a few people there now, still freaks me out.

As for pains, I keep getting cramp in my bottom, DH thinks it's because I'm not moving about as much as I used to, he's probably right, need to start swimming more and watching tv less. It's definitely muscular and not joint so I'm trying not to worry.

Coconuts so pleased to hear such a positive story abt the labour ward.

YRMOTB I got a nice maxi from Gap last year, but I noticed some nice ones in DP's and Sainsburys (yes!) the other day for a decent price. Also Boden have a few and they have a discount through MN at the moment, and White Co. have a lovely one, with 30% off dresses this week.

Scooby have an awesome holiday, hope you get chance to relax and to enjoy the wedding.

to everyone else

I'm here!!! All was fine!! So relieved I cried.....again. It's quite common these days!

Baby is measuring 55mm which is good going considering 3 weeks ago she (I think she, dh thinks he) was measuring 14.7mm. I knew it wasn't me as such eating all that food!! Due to sizing they've brought my edd forward to 21st Dec..... no cooking of Christmas dinner for me this year . I'll either have a baby or be over due, I'm sure that excuses me!!

Dd is ecstatic and over the moon! We've had to go through all the scan photos and we found my old preg book that dh bought me when I got preg with her, so she's been pouring over that. Had to explain where the baby comes out......

Am thinking of a name change.....

YIPPEEEEEEEEE for harassed so so pleased for you sweet!!! Over the moon!!! Crying is aloud - so did i And double yay for gaining a few days too, thats an added bounus!

Bless your DD, she sounds so sweet.

Go for it - a name change that is - l love the ickle 'pup' in mine.

Hope everyone has nice plans for Friday night - I'm off to mums now to have my new dress taken up (its lovely) and then home for a curry!! Yummmmmmmmmm

So pleased for you harrassed :) great news. its amazing how quick they grow isnt it. Your DD sounds just like mine. My DD feeds the baby a drink through my belly button when we are in the bath

Lara - that is a very reasonable price, I was expecting you to say something like over 1k

In my last birth my mum was there with me and DH and she is quite old fashioned and if she says 'it was different in my day' once more I may hit her But now I know what to expect pain wise and I've a good idea what I don't want it would be nice to be just me and DH and have that extra unattached person there to make sure decisions are made properly. I was so out of it last time I didn't really understand what was going on and they just took my baby away without a word to me and nobody asked the right questions. Will have to look it up for my area. Thanks for the info :)

Thanks everyone for the advice will try and not get scan till 8 weeks although working in hospital puts temptation in the way!

Congrats harrassed I am do pleased for you.

Yey harassed that's fab news!

Thanks for the advice re the dresses. collie that Ted Baker one is lush, if a little more than I wanted to pay. Bet it looks gorgeous on hough, ted stuff always fits beautifully.

HIHP yaaaaaaay oh i'm so so pleased for you.

collie see this I got it when pg with DS it is painful, can get very painful the futher along you get. (weirdly i got it really early in the one i mc'd but later in this one and ds's) Thankfully i don't get it horrendously bad, i know of people who have ended up on crutches tends to go after birth as hormones go back to normal.

harrassed so pleased for you about the great scan news. My edd is 12/12 so hoping it gets me out of any 'where are you going for xmas' problems with my horrible mil-to-be who has managed to ruin our last two christmases! Also I loved my o'neils flip flops last year but they are more pool/beach than everyday- comfier than havianas i thought.

izzy, wiw and scooby fab scan news. Enjoy your hols scooby
wiw I'm a lot more tired now just into second trimester than I was in the first- I feel shattered by 4 o'clock!

purple I agree with all others on trying to wait if you can. I had an early scan at EPU at almost 8 weeks and seeing the hb was such a relief. We had a private scan at 11 weeks cos I was stressing and like collie was so glad I did.

lara no sex here either at the moment - too knackered and too worried! It does feel like ages though to be honest. I am starting to miss proper sex (I surprise myself saying as I was getting well and truly p*** off with it before the bfp!)

collie that dress was gorgeous-even considering it myself now! Still not 100% sure of maxi dresses though- I'm 5'0 with (at the minute 30gg's ) so not sure how slimming all the floating around is. I'm also getting fed up with how people comment on my boobs- and my eating habits! Someone even said 'look at you, eating again' today. I was eating an apple and she was in the biscuit tin! I don't think you can win!

Don't shout at me please but anyone got any views on exercising? I used to go to the gym with a trainer once a week plus a zumba and a yoga class. I've not done anything for about 2 months which I credit my flabby muffin top with. It's not even baby stomach, just fat! That along with my boobs is starting to get me down a bit which I know is ridiculously pathetic when my little bean is sticking well so far and it's all in a good cause. I know I should just be grateful and get on with it but weight has always been an issue for me as my mum is big (size 28 and only 5'0) and I've seen how hard things have been for her pretty much all her life. I am embarrassed by my selfish appearance-centred stupidity so feel free to slap me with the haddock

Happy Friday everyone xxx

Happy Friday ladies!

Yippee harassed on scan - that is great news!

Lara I have been looking into training as a Doula since I had my dd and am part of my local Doula network. Mainly because of my own labour experience and how similar it was to so many other women I talked to. My labour was 'brilliant' all the mw told me (dd came out through the fanjo, only g&a) but I felt properly WTF about it for ages. My DH was lovely but a bit useless and my mw was amazing but v focused on the medical side of things (rightly so!) this meant I didn't get my tens machine out of my bag, I didn't eat, drink or wee for 8h+ and I didn't move about much - as I was so focused on being in the zone. I really feel that an experienced woman/Doula would have made all the difference. And I really want to provide this support to other women.

Some women are lucky enough to have family members who could provide this support but there are loads of women who don't and rely on partners/mw to support them. The mw are busy though and I felt like I didn't want to disturb them and my DH had no idea how I felt or what to do to help.

Sorry realised that is a massive rant! But I feel really passionately about this - birth is such an epic experience for a woman that every woman should have all the help and support to have the best experience they can. Someone to advocate for them, to look after them practically, to explain the options at each stage.

Shutting up now...

Sorry one last annoying point - have you checked with your gp about taking codeine? As I was told not to take it when pg last time. Not sure if the rules have changed but thought I'd mention it.

minnie I totally understand where you are coming from, and same thing has been playing on my own mind this past week. In fact, I've just had a row about it with dh, and I've gotten myself so upset and worked up about it that I've had to come downstairs for a cry, hence my being on here at 1am!!

Does anyone mind if I get it off my chest?? No?! Didn't think so

Basically, as I've already said today EVERYONE has been commenting on how big I am. And don't get me wrong, I love my bump. But I did put on some weight with my last pg, and then during and after my mc, none of which I got chance to lose. Before my last pregnancy I was a relatively active person too, gym, classes, running. But never really got back into it after my mc. So I'm really consious that my size isn't all baby, and is likely to be mostly the result of eating my way through 2 sets of ms, comfort eating and now just plain over eating. I've always been slim, so can afford to weight gain, but it doesn't mean I want to and I've always had to exercise to stay slim as I have love my food too much.

Anyway, after asking dh tonight to encourage me to go for some power walks and to indulge less in after dinner puddings, he pipes up that he's 'concerned' about my mental attitude towards this. He's constantly negative about anything I say about exercise - and it's not like I'm suggesting a workout in the gym, just a bloody swim or walk!! And that I should stop worrying about what I'm eating as it's not healthy!!!! So stuffing my face full of crisps and cake every day IS ok then???? Really got me wound up! It's my bloody body that's changing at a rapid rate, not his!!! And when everyones telling you your so bloody big, it's hardly suprising that I might want to curb the carbs!!!

Also I've been getting a lot of aches the past few days, particularly today. In my back. And I'm easy puffed out just climibg steps which is very un-me so I'm keen to try to improve my general fitness for the sake of the rest of the pg. To which he retorted, well I think it's a bit late for that now, you can't make any difference now!!! What a loads of shite!!! (sorry language).

I'm just really and disappointed by him as he's usually so understanding and supportive. I now I just feel trapped between my feeling selfishly miserable about myself, and guilty about worrying about it when I should be so greatful I have a (hopefuly ) healthy baby growing inside me!!!

Aghh!! God, I'm sorry, that really did turn into a me me me rant!! Thanks though, I feel better for getting it off my chest. AIBU?

Absolutely thrilled for you harassed and clearly s/he's growing well - yay!

Had a tiny bit of spotting last night, just on wipe, but enough to send me into a complete spiral for the rest of the evening. DH tried being helpful with everything was fine yesterday etc. but there was no explanation for it at all.... nothing since, so trying not to stress about it too much.....

To add to the exercise debate, do it!! Unless you have been advised by your doc not to and / or you have regular bleeds, all the literature points to it being a VERY good thing for you and baby, particularly walking, swimming and yoga. If you were doing it prior to bfp, continue pretty much as you were unless you feel dizzy, unwell, sick etc. The only evidence I have found relating to m/c and exercise is in IVF patients where the eggs have just been transferred, those who continued exercising intensely (7 hours or more a week full-on cardio training) were something like 30% less likely to have a successful IVF cycle. Please note that this is only from memory and only on IVF patients, immediately after egg transfer. Minnie and collie - you are both plus 12 weeks, have both had good scans and doing well. Evidence shows exercise increases blood flow and oxygen to the placenta, helps reduce labour times, results in lower birth weight babies and helps mum return to pre-pg wait quicker PLUS you know how much better you feel post-workout / walk etc. - endorphins are good! I am just off now for a 30 minute power walk (on the treadmill, not outside as it's 42 degrees! ) so hope this helps!

Sorry.... have just re-read my post above and have just realised that it sounds a bit patronising and even nazi-ish. Better advice might be to do what makes you feel better - if it's exercise then do that, if it's not exercising and taking it easy then do that. You know your bodies well enough to know what's acceptable for them and your beans. Apologies if I have offended anyone .

harrassed - great news on the scan.

WIW - to reassure you, I didn't think it sounded patronising at all!!!!

I think that I might be on my way back out from here. I have been foolishly continuing with temping and it looks bad temps going way down, hpt tests are not getting darker as quickly as they should, and all symptoms reducing. I know none of the above are definiative, but just going to try to distract myself all day today (as if that is possible!), and try to regain some hope that this is not heading the wrong way.