I am jolly well going to get pregnant this month and I'll brook no argument.

[allhailtheaubergine]

Who's in?

Not feeling sick any more. Must have been a wee hangover.

However, as I am GOING to be pregnant this month, it must just be too early.

Aubergine - I have seen your baby names thread. I plan to raise you a pram hun thread when I get a moment.

Just been flinging out all my sanitary protection as I will be joining you. Don't want it cluttering up my cupboards for nine months, do I?

Good point Amanda We won't be needing them.

Well, I have chosen my 3 wheel all-terrain pushchair

Still in two minds about the cot/toddler bed or co-sleeping bedside cot.

Still, no rush to decide, eh?

Lol I picked my pram months ago tigers! My
Husband thinks I'm bonkers and doesn't quite understand why I want it. But iCandy Peach is a must!

I browsed the iCandy prams today and got very confused by them. They seem a bit modern for me. I can't manage BBCi-player or an ipod, never mind an iPram

May I join you? I will be pregnant by this time next month, luteal phase defect or no luteal phase defect. I have made up my mind. This has to be the month. I have had more sex than frankly seems either desirable or necessary and am waiting for Fertility Friend to decide I have ovulated. I will get pregnant as a result. Anything else would just be ludicrous.

Well, as much as I intend to be pregnant as soon as possible I have just had a lovely weekend away but unfortunately no sexing involved as my demon gorgeous DD stayed awake so long that by the time I got to bed DH had fallen asleep.

I have stocked up on sanitary products just in case I don't need them, chosen enough names for twins of every variety, and have planned knitting projects for all eventual babies. I'm ready!

Thingy due on Friday but as I am so obviously already pregnant it won't arrive.

Tampons burn a crackly blue / green.

Why on earth do I know that?

Pre-emptive congratulations Lintilla.

Thank you aubergine! Same to you!

Congrats Lintilla, and everyone else.

I have a confession: I can't bring myself to set fire to all my tampax EVEN with the promise of a blue/green flame. I'm afraid I'm starting to have some doubts.

I think I need some sort of intervention to get me back on track.

Just got back from the supermarket. I walked past the sanitary protection aisle with my nose in the air.

Now. Schobe. I need you to close your eyes. Take a deep breath. And another. Imagine you are holding an enormous wooden mallet. Feel the weight of it. Heft it in your hands. Notice the smooth wooden handle, worn by countless palms before yours. Take another deep breath. In front of you, you notice a deep, dark hole. It groans out of the ground. It is pitch black. Lean towards it. Watch it. Concentrate on the hole Schobe. Another breath. I want you to heft that wooden mallet over your shoulder. Hold it up. Keep watching the hole. Any minute now a rat is going to peep out of the hole. You know it's coming. You are ready. You are waiting. You are prepared. And when it comes... Schobe, I want you to SMACK THAT RAT. You CAN do it. You WILL do it. That rat is yours for the smacking. You can and you will smack the bejeebus out of that rat, and you KNOW you will.

Could I join please?

I'm about to return to work after some time off for stress, I've just spent a 3 figure sum stocking up on OPKs and preseed, I have a holiday booked for next month with my boozaholic parents and our house build is going to take about 7 months and start end of July - SURELY I've done enough to make it happen?

DH has been away so sexing has not possible but the OPK has not smiled upon me yet...Sooo......

.........this week is the week I'll get pg again and royally p*ss of my employer who is bending over backwards to accommodate women returning to work (I have a 20mo DD).

WE WILL SMACK THAT RAT!

SMACK THAT RAT, SMACK THAT RAT, SMACK THAT RAT

YES! I'm back in the zone.

That rat smacking visualisation spiel made me laugh a lot, thanks aubers.

It's been a long time since my rat got a good hard smacking. However judging by the weariness and achiness of this, my last period for the next nine months, my uterine lining is having a stonking clear-out and shall leave behind glistening plump walls of fresh goodness for the inevitable bundle to burrow into, oh dear me yes.

Also i am having to apply for a deadline extension meaning my studies are going to drag on, so the timing couldn't be worse really.

Right, I am pregnant despite not having ovulated yet (aside from the races next weekend when I am not pregnant and will have lots of champagne, thus ensuring certain updiffedness after all those wasted booze-free 2WWs). This, ladies, is the month when we will all smack that rat. Am sure grim determination will succeed when all else has failed.

Congrats loveinacoldclimate

Thank you, emmaloupolman

Hello ladies, I would also like to join you. It would be disastrous for me to get pregnant this month with the all-night May Ball I'm at attending, the boozy 40th birthday lunch (not mine) I'm throwing for a friend, and the various other social events I am lining up for the summer. But the exhaustion, crabbiness and sore boobs I am currently feeling can have only one meaning .

The timing couldn't be worse really :)

Come on in thereistheball. Chuck a tampon on the brazier and grab a mallet.

I am supposed to be rat whacking right this minute but my husband has thoughtlessly gone out with some colleagues If he has had too many beers for sexing when he gets in There Will Be Trouble. Am rather grumpily trying to stay in the mood whilst actually wishing I could put socks on and go to bed with my book. (Disclaimer: am in another country and it is bed time here).

Am startled by the discovery that tampons burn with a greeny blue flame. In that case what the heck is in them? Anyone remember greeny blue flames from Chemistry?

Anyway, why am I worrying? I won't even need them for another nine months!

Whats all this about tampons?

[Chucks mooncup on to the fire to see what that does]
See I was convinced this month I would ovulate the day of DH's sperm sample giving (tomorrow) but so far I haven't so obviously we'll crack it from tomorrow night!