Relax and It'll Happen- at the BESH Spa

[starcuntmole]

Unwind and rest your weary wombles as we cater to your every relaxation need. If you've been getting stressed about failing to fertilise for what feels like five hundred years, and your follicles aren't getting any younger, we have the perfect combination of treatments to send you on your way uplifted, and updiffed.
Pampering experiences from head to toe, and all the bits in between, whose benefits stem from the combination of nature?s ingredients and our therapists? highly trained hands and tongues.
Feel the all over healing powers of touch, with one of our speciality Cuban massages (rum and cigarring compulsory) , indulge in a volcanic mud-cake wrap or lose yourself in our unique water experiences: gin jacuzzi, turkish delight baths, and enjoy the Sechseny pool staffed by our attentive in house swimmers. Finally treat yourself to a mani/pedi (polishes come in the full range of colours from Clearly Clear to Russet)

Complimentary bar.
Please note: Robes must be worn in all pubic areas.

Bollox to the 'start a fred, win a baybee' myth- will be join the unclean in the cuban orgy room thanks to 2 day early droid. Bollox also to not tempting fate by not revealing slightly growing menkal caused by

1. not having experienced hissy-fitted-husband-despising rage this week, and
2. being a bit cold (what do you mean, it was cold?) and

3.having strange unidentified cause headache all clearly pointing to having won. Bollox also to having airy fairy woo premonition that I would have a baybee at 33, and then 36, cos that was my last chance.

And I had to have a cheeseburger for lunch (a classy one, not maccy D's or owt), and then found out I can't go to Zumba cos BBB ill in bed and have to be on duty, so can't wiggle off my cheeseburger.

Always feel a bit complaining on here, being as how I do have the one, so apologies, and feel free to stick me with pins. I'm just so booooorrrreeeedddd of the whole thing and its very terribly lovely to have somewhere to complain a bit. And get free gin.

Oh Cunty, whinge away :(

If this is a slow moving freed, then your chance may come around again. I don't believe in that stuff anyway - I haz started four in my time.

Meh. All superstition. I had a dream last weekend that I'd won. I was dubious because I only did The Sechs once (however, know of 2 CRESH at the very least who did same) - and "dreamt I got a BFP" is always up there in the "how did you just know you were pregnant?" topics. Which should be avoided. If you like the skin on your knuckles. Cunts.

Complain away. Complain one, complain all.

The only "good" thing abuot early droid is that it means next "chance" comes around just that little bit sooner.

I've ignored the gym today and eaten a tub of Ben & Jerry's - Vive La Droid!

Ta luffs- you just did both make me smile. Comme ca

Do you think there is a word (bit like that 'Meaning of Liff' fred) for 'The important need to eat and drink copious amounts of Bad Things when droid arrives and you rather wish it hadn't'? Comfort Eating just doesn't cover it (or include large amounts of alcohol)

(Also, arsiegirl (fave typo of day emotion) am in awe of your bravery and extensive subterfuge experience. Have been on edge of seat this evening, all cos of a cool box )

Oh I know. JB nipped out to the supermarket about 7 because I was craving fizzy water and we needed dishwasher fluid, but I knew damn well I didn't need ice-cream, not even hungry. And it'll make me feel slow & sluggish tomorrow and even less like exercising.

arial I dreamt you shagged the FDH last night so will be looking at you through very narrow eyes if you announce a win shortly. I dream that a different lady gets her way with him every night at the moment but you are the first of the ESH to do so. A dubious honour perhaps but an honour nonetheless And yes, just one year of marital bliss life but menny menny years of cohabitation and sulking before a two and a half (for fucks sake) year engagement. At least I know he was sure on the day!

ski what flavour Ben and Jerry's please?

I promise I haven't shagged BiteyBoy, guide's honour Bitey.

I am having a freak out menkul, BESHes. Help me. At the moment I am on day 13 of a 28-31 day cycle. I thought I was ovving - have digging pains in the womble area and am starting to produce the egg white etc. This is all quite normal. And I have just peed on one of gaga's kindly donated stix. And there was only the faintest of one lines, let alone one being stronger than the other. Do they work on everyone? Are there some people they give a very dodgy result on? Or am I not even ovulating? I realise these are real novice questions for someone who has allegedly been in this game for a year :(

I have been sent a shag dictator by a lovely lovely former BESH. I don't even dare start using it in case it shows nothing and I have been wasting a whole year. I am freaking out

aries I tried ov sticks at the start of this game. I never got a positive but we know I have a baybee and noooo I did not stick a chicken egg up my foof.

bitey new York super fudge. Does is pass?

Anyway I gather normal regular cycles are just about the best positive indicator of all.

Have to say is why I go with the stupidly expensive ones that grin at you for go (or clearly lie through their big fat smiley faces this month) cos of the uncertainty. I would recommend continuing to pee on them for quite a while (say from 10-20) cos that's how I realised I don't ov til cd18/19. Also, and more usefully, the 'surge' it detects comes beforeyou ov, -upto two days- so if you are laying right now, you would have got the lines a couple of days ago.

Last sentence v useful LovelyStarryCunt

I wish I couls help with the sticks Rie but I still haven't got to grips with them.

Really pleased you have the shag dictator - it obviously worked for the former BESH, so it must be sprinkled with baybee dust good fortune.

I should be shagging right now, but MrB is watching Alien. Again.

I never got much cop with the ov stix re, got very faint lines which according to instructions didn't count. But I obviously did ov From what I can gather it is not a very exact science so I dont think an inconclusive result means no ovulation, lots of people dont get a result but do ov.

Sorry about the freak out. Very

Salad are you about to sneeze a baybee out? A real one?

Rie you have nothing be about You have been ttc for a year and now you are getting the big guns out, and they are bloody confusing. .

Have just come here for a breather - my competition is very exciting this morning and more exciting than that is what is occuring in the deli

I heard guns and thought buzzwams but then I am secretly a school boy!

rie the pee sticks never gave me a go ahead either, stoopid things.
boo what news of competition? How many have you got now?

Rie I found I only got a decent line on those sticks in the evening - and the next morning it was gone. I can recommend the shag dictator though; I had far more success with that than I did with the sticks.

Bitey I'm winning by 26! But the top 3 are all very close and I think it'll get crazy by tomorrow lunchtime when it's about to end, so I can't rest on my laurels. I am going out with the fam for a picnic today though so I won't be glued to the lappie all day and I don't have an iphone so I will have to leave it up to karma.

Ooh ooh oooh! Apparently you have to wait ten minutes. I threw it in the bin after two minutes and had a tantrum. Having dug it out this morning, there is another line there, not as strong as the first line, but better than only one. Isn't it? Isn't it everyone? Isn't it?

Sticks, yes, apparently the hormone it's checking for is higher in the afternoon (around 4pm) - ffs. I'm just going to get a Dr. Beverley Crusher diagnostic tool.

Sooooo, we're all Shag Dictating it now?

rie get shagging girl!!! (and please read the instructions in future )

There are instructions for shagging?

:o

Hello Rocket, anything doing?

Pliz to issue me with the shagging instructions

Rocket, haven't you birthed yet? Come on woman!