Relax and It'll Happen- at the BESH Spa

[starcuntmole]

Unwind and rest your weary wombles as we cater to your every relaxation need. If you've been getting stressed about failing to fertilise for what feels like five hundred years, and your follicles aren't getting any younger, we have the perfect combination of treatments to send you on your way uplifted, and updiffed.
Pampering experiences from head to toe, and all the bits in between, whose benefits stem from the combination of nature?s ingredients and our therapists? highly trained hands and tongues.
Feel the all over healing powers of touch, with one of our speciality Cuban massages (rum and cigarring compulsory) , indulge in a volcanic mud-cake wrap or lose yourself in our unique water experiences: gin jacuzzi, turkish delight baths, and enjoy the Sechseny pool staffed by our attentive in house swimmers. Finally treat yourself to a mani/pedi (polishes come in the full range of colours from Clearly Clear to Russet)

Complimentary bar.
Please note: Robes must be worn in all pubic areas.

brownie congrats am so pleased that it is a real positive. I'm sure you must be very anxious but try to take it one day at a time. I second the advice to go direct to epu and request scan. Failing that I had a private scan for 50 quid. Even babybond only charge 100. Is a lot but if you can spare it, worth it for the peace of mind. Don't hesitate to bother your doctors and epu as often as you like. They ought to be supporting you.

cakes glad you are getting things sorted. Many people have an okish time with medical management, it isn't shit fir everyone. I also chose it to avoid a second operation, and if it gives you one less thing to worry about, so much the better. Just make sure they give you adequate drugs. And you will need practical support too. I presume they will give you the first dose on Monday and then you'll have to go back on Wednesday? You'll want company with you in hospital while you are having the mc (for me I was only in for about 5 hours and I could have gone home earlier but wanted lunch) and I was pretty much good for nothing the rest of that day. Try to vary your painkillers and not take a ton of cocodamol, unless you like constipation!

Slylysqueezes Brown's arse. Hairstrokes to Cakes. and to Kat

I am going mental trying to win a bloody competition. I have become obsessed. Plz to ask you all to look at my fred in AIBU and help out. I won't mention it any more

Mumsnet pulled my fred. Ignore me. That was my last hope - never mind!

Where are you all? I have broke fred :(

I've clicked for you Boo

No FCFU for me this month. Bastard droid.

Thanks Sunny. And commiserations on the fucking droid.

I'm a droider too - started yesterday which meant I had to scramble for the Shag Dictator instructions, which tell me I need 4 AAA batteries, which we don't have. So I'm off to the supermarket in a mo to stock up. I'm supposed to be going for a gym class this morning but I feel so "meh" that I'm not going to bother.

Bastard droid indeed- has no place in a spa messing up the white fluffy towels.
ski as fuckwittedlycuntly as it is, there is a small part of me that is excited in anticipation of your accounts of your adventures with the Herr Fuckke- I foresee a battle of wills ahead! Have this complimentary cuban in the mud bath room as consolation though.

sunshine you can have one too (it's BOGOF day at the Spa) and here's a specially designed R2D2FU cocktail made of gin, and gin, with a splash of gin for you both.

I am decidedly predroidal, so will sit here quietly and wait for my Cuban cocktail to take away the pain. And a drink too

I know fo sho if I ever do actually get my arse to a spa (I've never been to one) the droid will do an ironically timed visit on the day as It Knows Your Plans.

Am liking the R2D2FU cocktail. Does it have an umbrella and a sparkler in it? I do hope so. I love finding random things in my drinks. Even better if the whole thing arrives in a pineapple or coconut.

Pone fret not; you can start the Shag Dictator tomorrow as it permits you to say you are on day 2. Can you tell I have been down the same disorganised route?

Boo to all the droidage. I am finding my new android phone amusing with all the droidage references in the app store. Besh droids are not funny though. Get in the gincuzzi!
Im off to the real spa this morning! Am looking forward to it. Also have managed to product a negative stick this morning atlast, let the ttc recommence! Am ignoring what nurse lady said about using condoms till droid. We are somewhat out of the habit really!

Well the sun is shining and despite all the shittery i think today i am beginning to turn the corner.

Thank you for clicking me. I'm now 3rd! But I need 500 to get to first place.... Have any of you got 500 friends who you can send my emails to? sigh. It's all getting a bit mad now, I have a life.... I think...

sorry x-post Kat. Yes I agree about ignoring the using condoms advice. My GP said that there is no medical reason to wait (usually), the only reason they like you to is for dating reasons. Dating schmating. If you're ready to start riding again, jump on the horse, right Pone? :o

I think that was my problem (one of) last month boo, I only looked at the ponies, didn't ride them much.

owl Never fear, I have returnith bearing cheap batteries and it now says 1. No other actions appear to be required at this stage. Hold ma pissy sticks!

Yes plz to Cuban stuff. Cocktails & men.

How do I click Boo?

And as for droids... Any chance we can fire up a "special" spa bath for them....?

haha - are we going all Hassidic for Shabat?

Brown - are you on facecrack? Will PM you anyway. (One track minded today - I am so sorry - I'm 2nd now and my competitive streak is running away with me totally!).

Alps - please to explain Hassidic for Shabat? Am distinctly ignorant of most things religious... Anyone else want me to vote for them?

And thanks for the refreshing tea. Nothing quite like that hit of virtual gin.

Wanders past nonchalantly glancing in Brownie's direction. What? Whaaat? (would fifth investment in private scan, was a Godsend for us and slowing down the mekul)

Sorry for arrival of droids, how about a hot stone 'massage' but with actual pieces of volcano so we can burn them (I typed that in a 'League of Gentlemen' voice)

Hairstrokes for Kat and Cakes

brownie ultra-orthodox women on their period are not welcome in the communal pool.

G'WAN truffles brand me! N.b., not Russell.

Evening Hags Just to say that it is myself and himself's first wedding anniversary tomorrow (after eleven years of my sulking and him procrastinating) and to celebrate I have made chocolate fondant cupcakes. Pliz to tuck in, those who have been R2ed may have two.

First? First? FIRST?????

He and I are nine years this August

Rierierie That is just because you a: do not have a foot-dragging husband like ElBiteo and b: you have not divorced one either and thus had to reset the counter (like me). Well done to you and MrRie, I say

Bites have you made special ones decorated with fruit flavoured Rennies? If so, my innards will thank you.

Thanks Owlie

I guess he's ok