Relax and It'll Happen- at the BESH Spa

[starcuntmole]

Unwind and rest your weary wombles as we cater to your every relaxation need. If you've been getting stressed about failing to fertilise for what feels like five hundred years, and your follicles aren't getting any younger, we have the perfect combination of treatments to send you on your way uplifted, and updiffed.
Pampering experiences from head to toe, and all the bits in between, whose benefits stem from the combination of nature?s ingredients and our therapists? highly trained hands and tongues.
Feel the all over healing powers of touch, with one of our speciality Cuban massages (rum and cigarring compulsory) , indulge in a volcanic mud-cake wrap or lose yourself in our unique water experiences: gin jacuzzi, turkish delight baths, and enjoy the Sechseny pool staffed by our attentive in house swimmers. Finally treat yourself to a mani/pedi (polishes come in the full range of colours from Clearly Clear to Russet)

Complimentary bar.
Please note: Robes must be worn in all pubic areas.

Actually not all.

@the cheerleaders. Thanks ladies. We should get the results in about 10 days.

I also need to lose weight, and have done fuck all about it for the longest time. Obviously this is on hold with me right at the minute... but I have just been reading a book about decision making, and apparently humans are far more likely to stick to their commitments if there is a real financial forfeit involved. I kinda liked the idea, ie - I'll pay... Boo (?) £200 (?more/less?!?!) if I don't get to x weight by the end of August. It can be modified for maintaining weight too... Anyway - there are no tips how to do lose the weight, just gives you the framework for making your mind want to say no to chips... If anyone is interested, this website is based on the principle.

Bitey... I think Boo's had enough now...

Please to aim at the offending chin instead next time Brown. I will check out that website. Thing is, I am skint anyway...

Thanks for all the beatings. I am suitably chastised.

I am toying with the idea of starting a 6th form poetry thread - inspired by Rie. I still have some at hand. But if I put it on the internet there's no denying that I wrote such god-awful stuff is there?

I've used this website in the past as you can balance exercise with foods and the food list was pretty comprehensive. Was free, I think it still is?

Special pompom dance for Mr Chick's swimmers! This obviously would freak him out bigstyle if he knew random internet women were cheering on his white goods. Poor chap.

Nice one Boots

Are you watching Morrissey Sunny?

I haven't got any booze in the house, so I can't even indulge my sulkage properly.

Yes Boo. I still luffs him 20 years on!

Am of the chat on here today. Am going to read it all now. Have been out for my tea to a West Indian place. Was beaut.

I was joking about crying but I proper am now. FFS. It's only a bloody mudde field. Someone, please, knock me out.

*muddy

I don't even bloody like U2.

Boo pliz not to cry. < wipes tears away with festival bog roll> Come and dance around with me; we can gaze at our doc martins & smoke some green fags. Chin up!

I've never been to glastonbury. Does that make you feel better or indifferent? Ffs mole this ain't about you.

BESH huddle shall we have a festival Fred next for boo? being a virgin I wouldn't know what to do, but you (and sprout who's already been to more than me ) could show me the ropes. People get unto all sorts in tents, i've heard, and wasn't there a mass diff after a beatles concert once? We could incorporate that. And plenty of opportunity for comedy violence what with throwing shoes and bottles of pee. POA light stick?

Sorry my lovely Madame, small consolation. We'll be there next year with our babies in slings luffs ya, < scuffs head, accidentally knocks boiling leg wax all over the both of us >

I'm up for a festival but only if I can have a luxury winnabaego (spelling?) like Kate Moss & the like?! Lots of opportunities for lesbo erotic mud wrestling at festivals. Just sayin.

Cunty nipple tassel vending machines?? And I laughed. Loudly. At Hugh Twiddly Twiddly & the homemade tomato ice cream. You are v funny.

Just went and stood by back door in the rain. Feel infinitely better. Nice warm bed for me tonight! :o

Morning ladies. I am feeling quite depressed this morning. On my way home late last night, as we were getting off the train, there was a woman who looked about 12 trying to shove a pushchair on the train. She had an open bottle of WKD shoved in her gob. You just know she slipped over and fell on a cock once to win that baybee. Meh.

eurochick I had a pub lunch yesterday, across the way from us were sat a trio of butterdish-dropping tattooed teens, with parked up 600 quid prams and sleeve tattoos worth 100s - and I'm going to take a stab in the dark and suggest they weren't on their lunch break. (Hoist pants)

boo I've never been to a festival, but I'm happy to POP around, flick everything in the fuse box, turn the water off at the mains, wee on your bed, nick the bog roll leaving a floated in the bowl. Finally I will be selling Bacon series for 8 quid in your front room. Hth.

Silly ski, it's not £8 for bacon sandwiches at glastonbury... it's £8 for vegetarian bacon sandwiches.

It's not Glastonbury Festival, it's technically Pilton Festival I've never been either despite growing up nearby, the mud puts me right off. It's like camping only 100xworse. I also want an unspellable winnebago (?sp)

Moleymole I'm afraid I'm going to have to savage you with this frying slice for daring to type the words 'vegetarian bacon sandwich'

euro pliz do not be sad; they, unlike you, will breed hooligan children who will tell them to fuck the fuck off and make their lives an utter misery, still be living at home at age 50 and expecting their pants ironing. Whereas the BESHoffspring will be running the country and quite possibly the world. Chin up lovely.

Boolet Hope you enjoyed lovely sleep in your warm and comfy bed

Good morning everyone!

Boo darling, of course you don't want to be at Glastonbury. They will all have typhoid soon because of the liquid field and toilet facilities

owl that did actually help. Thank you. I'm loving the combination of judgey pants and megalomania.