Come into the BESHt youth club in town, all you sad and bitter crones.

[Ariesgirl]

Enter the darkened youth club, where desperate 30-somethings who have been TTC since the eighties determinedly try to recapture their teenage years: their snogs with Darren from maths in the corner of the disco, the waft of Impulse, the slow dances at the end of the night, table tennis tournaments and the queue at the tuck shop for black jacks, Panda cola, fruit salads and Wham bars. Bop to Ride on Time, Love Shack and Vogue with Madonna and we'll see if all those sweaty hormones and pheromones can do the trick.

Ah but you know Ski that the winz come more frequently on the months that you write off as failures before they've begun. I'll get TGB back on the wonder drugs and then send him over for his Euro Jizney weekend. I might even come with him and spend the weekend eating chocolate (that's the main pastime there right?) so everyone's a winner.

Am belatedly joining in to positively encourage Rie to have a good old rant it's what we're here for my lovely and you very rarely moan about it. It's deffo your 'turn' regardless of whether turns are really PC or not. Am also sacrificing some sort of delicacy to the Goddess Lyra (praise be her name) for your winners medal.

I had a bit of bleeding last night so have stayed at home today channelling zen through every pore. MW isn't concerned and it stopped soon after I rose, but you can't be too careful can you? I have been appalled at the poor quality of day time TV though. Even after getting a few hours work done, watching 'So You Think You Can Dance' on Sky+ and vomiting a few times, there was still not enough to keep me occupied for the rest of the day. Luckily next door were having their full skip replaced so there was something going on for me to gawp at.

Ski, MrA will shag you, of course. He can't shag me as I have thrush. I have never had it before in my life and I feel like that cartoon advert women who's flinging herself around wriggling with discomfort.

Whilst on the subject of the lovely Lyra, please send her all the bestest luffs and wishes today.

Truffers, you sound as though you are having a vomitous time of it. I hope it stops soon.

Dunno about MrBoo but can I have a go on you Ski? :o

I am in shock, Have just won two x-box 360 bundles in mumsnet competition. Bit stunned. But dead chuffed.

Right, Have recovered myself. All love and good wishes to Lyra, as always.
Sorry about the thrush Rie, I have never had it either but I suspect I have it in my belly button at the moment, by all accounts. Love and yoghurt to you (I'm celebrating my win, ok?).

Truffs you poor love. Huge sympathies on the sickness front, and congrats on the zen.

Truffers hope TGB is doing your bidding & generally being lovely to you.

You have my sympathies Rie it's the most irritating thing. The first time I had it I didn't know what it was & convinced myself I had herpes!

Good work on the competition Boo

I don't know the goddess Lyra but her reputation proceeds her & I wish her well.

The FC called me today. Confirmed that dependant on MS swimmers it's either IUI or IVF to start in July. Not sure how I feel about the whole thing right now.

Taking my lovely Dad tank driving this weekend

Sending hugest smooches Lyra's way (any excuse to try for a bit of a grope!)

Sympathies on the trush Rie and hope the natural yoghurt is doing its' stuff.

Boo congratumulations on the prezzies, how fabulous but why 2?

I'm pleased to report that TGB has indeed been good and made my dinner.

Apologies SunnyD I posted before I'd finished there. Hope you can spend some time mulling over the options and make some sense of the information. Kind of exciting / scary / daunting to have a 'go live' date though? Tank driving sounds cool.

Truffs The comp was to win two - one for you and one for a friend. It includes a Kinect. MrBoo is very pleased indeed :o We're giving the other onw to his brother - he's very good to us :)

Nice work! I've heard they're great fun!

Intherainfromthelooksoftheweatherfortheweekendwhichisgoodformyrun sending supportive gropes strokes and just going to crack open this 1923 Excellent vintage Magnum WKD for you to down sip while you ponder over it all. Must be a major headfuck, we're all boobs ears to hear any ruminations you have. How's Mr inthe bearing up? Hope you have fun getting tanked up

I ate a huge fly whilst running this evening. It totally put me off my stride.

And forgot to POAVEDS (Very Expensive Digital) when I got in again. Soon I'll have to resort to having sex whether there is any point or not What the flip's that about.

Night hags

How exciting sunshine! Sounds like you're now set for an fufc!

boo yay let the sex commence! Being a girl we can do fun things like first date at the stables, tight breeches, stirrup cups and a roll in the hay!

aries happy to, he reminds me of all the boys I fancied in school. N.b., I don't think he looks 12.

Poor truffs, I chopped down my fair share of cyclizine and am the proud bearer of a healthy monster. Mums best friend was offered thalidomide but only took it once because it made her feel worse thank goodness. If it's any consolation I stopped puking within an hour of giving birth.'

Hey slaaaaaags, where are you all?

I have the merest whisper of a droid. Droid and thrush. How lovely. Wot a pile of wank

Mother is staying here for a few days

Boo, Aries, that sucks.

Well if nobody else is going to say it: implantation!

No it's not fucking implantation alright.

I can say fucking in a moody way to you Alps can't I?

I even had to send MrA down to tesco's for some sanitary towels as I am feeling so utterly sorry for myself. Lillets are clearly out. Cannot use them on a fungus-fanjo. Why the FUCK would I have this for the first time in my life for no fucking reason?

Poor you Rie. I sadly have a lot of experience with thrush - have had parts of my life when I got it each and every month. Here's a list of things you can try...

• Canesten (cream and tablets)
• Garlic (whole cloves...)
• Yogurt applied locally as well as ingested
• Ice (but not for long)
• Tea Tree Oil (stings)
• Coconut Oil (the most soothing item in this list)

What I've found in my time is that it tends to be worst when you have progesterone rushing around your system. In my experience, your period should clear it out..? Well, I hope so - that was the only sure-fire thing that ever worked for me.

And if you want to be patronised, you can go to the doctor. They'll tell you to wear cotton knickers and stop wearing tight clothing around your nether regions. They'll also give you useful advice on how to wipe your arse when you go to the toilet. And you may even have the joy of having a number of them tell you that "not much is known about it, some women get it every month, and there's not really much they can do to help you." Oh and the always helpful, "Canesten doesn't work? Oh. Well, it SHOULD work." No wonder I resorted to alternative medicine.

ps - lillets soaked in yogurt. Not bad for a time.

Sorry folks. I could in fact go on Mastermind with this one.

Brownie I must know: does one insert the whole garlic cloves? Pliz no. That would just be horrible and wrong. Especially if combined with the yoghurt.

Ps. My doctor had to tell me how to piss in a pot. I am clearly a bit speshul.

Rie how's the itching? BB you really could go on Mastermind, that amount of knowledge is impressive

Moley how was your run? (it was this weekend right?)

Wol I am forever pissing on my hands & not in the bloody pot.

I have just spent ££££ on the Holland & Barrett website for things to improve our chances of diffment. Goji berries & flaxseeds anyone??

Evening biutches. Biatches? Biothches?

Anyway.
Gracious sunshine you are a heart warming cockle for asking. Sadly i have to report a major fail in the running department, which is quite awesome. (The fail being that I am quite gutted that I didn't get a PB and it took me ages, despite the fact that it was pissing it down, I had 3 hours sleep courtesy of a small person who shall not be named, but Damien if she was a boy came to mind a few times last night, and also, I'm a fat jolly person who is allergic to exercise and who thought the idea of running a couple of years ago was tantamount to anal sex- I was sure people did it, but it seems awfully uncomfy and there are other ways to get from a to b-. Hence the fact I am sulking is something to be quite proud of)

ariel I am also a regular canesten user- I can't add much to what bb (hi bb said, other than 'garlic, wtf?!!?' but would urge you not to spend £14 or whatever it is on the one stop cure thing cos it didn't help me anymore than just the cream does, and its FOURTEEN FUCKING QUID FOR ONE PILL (though they compensate by using lots of packaging) (actually it might be two pills, but still..)

I am sort of excited tonight as have achieved smiley face on the POAFES (fucking expensive) tonight. I actually REALLY hope that i don't go and have the sechs nowand get knocked up, as I bought 20 sticks and have only used 4, and then it would be a real waste of money and really ironic How we'll actually achieve egg meets sperm is a source of ponderment right now, since I can't really move, and he's been doing lots of physical stuff in last few weeks for his dad, on top of normal work, and is perpetually shattered. Does anyone know any postions where both parties are lying down, asleep?

Ski sorry about your poor start to Mother's day (how come you have the same as Australia?) Hope it improved some?

Other people; I have talked far too much about myself to mention you too, or this will take on Scorpette proportions. ,but 'Hi'

Sunny I am so glad it is not just me. We can be speshul together. I pissed slightly on my leggings due to a panic about not getting the pot correctly positioned in time etc.

Go go Moley !!

I used to wear rubber gloves. (Because of the caustic burning powers of urine obviously.) One of the advantages of long time TTC: peeing on your hands with gay abandon, and just not caring anymore.

Am off to try and make it upstairs. You may hear the creaking from there.

I love you Brownie. No I really really do You have just leapfrogged to Current Favourite and Most Beloved BESH. Sorry everyone else, but that's just the way it is

Oh yes... Lillets soaked in yogurt and a clove of garlic (garlic is anti-fungal, as is Tea Tree oil). My 20's were fun filled years.

Do you want to know what the alternative medical quacks say about thrush? That's a different chapter. No really, I am actually that interesting.

ps - Give me a pot and I also piss on my hands Boo. But I have also stopped caring. Urine is sterile. And is also anti fungal.