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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Come into the BESHt youth club in town, all you sad and bitter crones.

1000 replies

Ariesgirl · 28/03/2011 22:21

Enter the darkened youth club, where desperate 30-somethings who have been TTC since the eighties determinedly try to recapture their teenage years: their snogs with Darren from maths in the corner of the disco, the waft of Impulse, the slow dances at the end of the night, table tennis tournaments and the queue at the tuck shop for black jacks, Panda cola, fruit salads and Wham bars. Bop to Ride on Time, Love Shack and Vogue with Madonna and we'll see if all those sweaty hormones and pheromones can do the trick.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ariesgirl · 04/05/2011 22:10

Nobdodger.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ariesgirl · 04/05/2011 22:12

I am having pre-PMT. Anyone else get that? The sinking feeling of gloom and doom, before you actually get the moodiness and sore tum etc. Why aren't I diffed? Why?

I am not a moaner, and I certainly have never written crap about it being my turn and it's not fair and where's my baybee? But really, where the fuck is my baby?

OP posts:
MadameBoo · 04/05/2011 23:58

I wish I knew Rierie. In the ether somewhere, waiting for the optimum moment? Wasn't there some old bollocks about needing the stars to be in alignment? What you needs, is an astrologer. Whaddya mean that was a rhetorical question?

MadameBoo · 04/05/2011 23:59

In other news, just watched the last part of Exile. It was very good. I do so luff Jon Simm.

AlpinePony · 05/05/2011 07:52

sunshine Well that's what the Daily Mail has been spouting since the 80s - until they did a complete U-Turn in the mid-naughties and started blaming wimminz.

You could of course say that cockdodger is a conundrum, because obviously she dodges cock yet still remains undiffed. (Welcome back honey!).

So I asked "him" last night if he'd JIAP for a home-test, or even nip across the border and pay for his swimmers to be examined. He stated (and possibly with logic Hmm) - "I've got you pregnant twice before, we know I've got swimmers". Fucking wanky logic - what's up with that?

starcuntmole · 05/05/2011 09:01

boysheepfemale You Are Right. You do not moan, and you have been very very patient. And it's not fair. And you shalt be next, by lyra, or there really isn't any justice in the world (cf: Lemar 2005) If I could swim up there and fertilise your ovums i swear I would. ( Confused) I need you to have a baybee so you can teach it to be all wise and stuff like you, so my child doesn't grow up in a world too full of numpties. I'm not even going to tickle you with a prawn, never mind hit you with a fish.

I got my deposit after clambering on this am when he was half asleep fantastic night of hot sensual loving after all, (though no doubt all swimming drunkenly backwards so probably not fit for purpose)

Don't forget to vote Grin

BarbiesBeaver · 05/05/2011 09:49

Rie you must be all of oooooh about 22? Am I right? Yes you have been very patient indeed, and it's high bloody time you got your win. feel free to let rip with an enormous rant about it I say.

I always get the pre PMT rage/despair. I catch myself ranting to Mr B about some drops of water that have got onto the worktop and then remember what day it is and it all slots into place.

Watcha Cock! How are you doing?

BrownB · 05/05/2011 15:06

Hope you ladies are all voting.. Today the Daily Heil said, "Vote No if you want to keep democracy". I needed no further prompting to firmly cross the "Yes" box.

Alps - you don't sound overweight on teh tinterweb. Grin Do I sound tall?

Rie - you have indeed been very patient. um... have you been to the doc etc.

And as for pre-PMT rage, I have ovulation pain that is BAD. More like crampy sh1tty period pain thing going on. Focking sucks.

owlbooty · 05/05/2011 15:32

My question is: why the fucking fuck are we voting on yes/no to AV when what I actually want is proportional representation? Bastards of the highest order, the lot of them.

On the other hand, anything the Daily Heil says no to, it is my moral obligation to say yes.

Also I concur on the long-overdue Rie winningness scenario. A teeny surfer dude must surely be due along any day soon. I have my pompoms at the ready and shall continue cheering until it happens.

MadameBoo · 05/05/2011 16:30

I am registering for the Glastonbury 2011 ticket resale.

Agree with you 100% there Boots.

Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! How are you my luvver?

rocketleaf · 05/05/2011 17:21

I also agree with booty on the AV front and on the AG front.

InTheSunshine · 05/05/2011 21:11

Brownie that was precisely the reason I had when I did my X in the yes box. Anything that shit rag advises the nation to do I will do the opposite as a matter of principal.

Rie you never moan, weep or wail & are always stoic about the whole shitty process. I will join Owl's squad.

Do I sound like a lanky big nosed idiot on the web?!

MadameBoo · 05/05/2011 21:46

No Sunny, do I sound like a little fat lady with a double chin?

starcuntmole · 05/05/2011 21:52

I don't think I've ever really thought about your nose sunny too busy thinking about legs that won't quit-- I do seem to always think of you and brownie striding slow motion up a street together, all very tall and long flowing locks type.

My MP came to my house tonight. Is it wrong that I thought he was a bit of a silver fox? (although no smiley face on astronomically priced CB smiley faced sticks- does anyone know if you can just buy refills and not have to buy the digital thing each time?)

MadameBoo · 05/05/2011 22:09

Very. Where's MrCunt?

starcuntmole · 05/05/2011 22:10

Lady? Boo, Lady?

You, my queen are about eighty foot high with robes and a big stick, like the Lady of the Lake, or boudicca (boodicca! Ha Ha) This isn't exactly what I was thinking, but came across it, and felt the need to share

Also, salad I'm bloody going to get diffed, if only to get me some of them shoes Grin

InTheSunshine · 05/05/2011 22:11

Mole really?? He looks like he might try to sell you a 2nd hand car!!

Boo I always think you sound like a lovely wise hippy, I imagine you to wear lots of flowing skirts & boots. And have joss sticks and the like Grin

starcuntmole · 05/05/2011 22:12

On the sofa.

MadameBoo · 05/05/2011 22:17

You just described me when I was about 18 Sunny :o

I am loving the Boadicea Boodika funky s&m ancient queen pic. Cunningstunt. If I could ifr into that outfit I'd bloody wear it.

So is he up for it? (Mr Cunt, not the silver... ahem... fox)/

MadameBoo · 05/05/2011 22:18

I do still burn Nag Champa a lot actually Sunshine. I luffs it. Blush

starcuntmole · 05/05/2011 22:19

I think it's a power thing- I've always fancied my bosses. He's quite dynamic: 'I am The Government. I will Help' swishes cape

In other silver fox news, why the fucking fuck is George CLooney doing a Nescafe advert? I thought he had scruples? Or at least a scruple.

Ivegotmrbitey · 06/05/2011 07:41

I like him cunty but I also fancy peter hain, will try and find his pic now but it may render you all insensible with lust!

Ivegotmrbitey · 06/05/2011 07:45

Pete yum!

AlpinePony · 06/05/2011 07:52

BrownB You sound really petite with wimpy little muscles and a child-like voice on the internet.

Can you all ask your husbands/boyfriends if they'll fuck me please? JB seems to not be interested right now - plus he's being a cock and winding me up. He won't let me put an anti-virus & firewall on his laptop, so it chugs along being overtaken by snails and applications crash. Twat. It just really annoys me if that makes sense - it's his laptop, he can do what he wants, the dick.

Oh and I'm on CD14 and have done The Sechs precisely once this cycle so you can book me in for a babyfail.

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