Come into the BESHt youth club in town, all you sad and bitter crones.

[Ariesgirl]

Enter the darkened youth club, where desperate 30-somethings who have been TTC since the eighties determinedly try to recapture their teenage years: their snogs with Darren from maths in the corner of the disco, the waft of Impulse, the slow dances at the end of the night, table tennis tournaments and the queue at the tuck shop for black jacks, Panda cola, fruit salads and Wham bars. Bop to Ride on Time, Love Shack and Vogue with Madonna and we'll see if all those sweaty hormones and pheromones can do the trick.

Pone you do get a 6 hour POAS window, y'know :)

Kick up the arse for your parents being unsympathetic. Mine are lovely but completely don't understand just how much BabyFail can fuck with one's head as it never happened to them.

Certain parents have no empathy whatsoever And as OwlPellet says, often ones parents can't understand infertility because they are demonstrably fertile, as proved by ones own existence.

Please don't hate me for using "ones"

This is meant to be the yoof club fred. What is with all the received pronunciation nonsense biatches? :o

Yo hagingtons, have struggled a lot at work today and think the long weekend has a lot to answer for (although I loved it at the time so am not moaning - honest) my boss is on hols so my week is much busier than usual and this is not a Good Thing.

I am about to take myself off to bed for an early night but am currently enjoying TGB getting very frustrated at a computer game he is playing. He sometimes tries to convince me that games 'cheat' and does not like it when I (quite reasonably IMO) explain that cheating infers some sort of intent, which of course a playstation simply can't have (evil chuckle)

I am debating whether to convince TGB that we need a sunny chill out holiday for a week sometime soon. He gets less hols than me but I think can afford 5 days and I'm just talking relatively cheap, lots of poolside reading time, some nice food, it of wandering about seeing local sights and enjoying the sun. I think with a bit of light persuasion, he would go for the idea (when I first mentioned it he raised objections of not enough holiday, should be saving for more sensible purchases etc etc) I'm fairly certain I can rely on the BESH to agree it's the right thing to do

Truff deffo to the holiday. It's a necessity.

Alps & Rie I hear you with the mother thing, I love mine but her last words on the subject over the weekend went something along the lines of 'well I can't say I understand, me & your dad never had these problems... But then we didn't lead such busy lives' oh fine Mum, I'll just stay at home & you can berate me for wasting my education & not fulfilling my potential then instead (because we've had that one before too)

Ah sorry for small rant < removes pants from arse (thanks Boo)& goes to bed.

OI OI shlaaaaags! So last night I flexed the creditcard and spent 114 quid on Amazon. Only went for a Shag Dictator, ho hum. Anyway, can someone please explain to me why I've just dropped 57 fucking quid (plus extra for sticks) on a machine which will tell me when I OV, when I pretty much already know when I do, and I know I can get pregnant (eventually) and this machine will just fuck with my head? Can anyone tell me why I think it'll get me pregnant when The Sechs can't? :(

I noticed whilst on Amazon that they've got home test kits for White Goods - has anyone ever managed to convince HisRoyalVirility to JIAP for home usage? I'm convinced our lack of success is down to him, I mean hasn't the Daily Mail run a report on male infertility every week since 1988? Or at least they used to, these days it's BESH who are infertile, not men.

Aries We've not spoken about my infertility, only have received a text from her when she was shitfaced saying "I just want to be a granny" - in between me losing the first and getting diffed with Bear. Riiiiight, like I wasn't trying during that time. She did tell me years ago though that she got diffed immediately both times and that the only reason she didn't go on to have the 4 that she wanted was because of Diabetes Type I as a result of PG2.

sunshine Busy lives? I can still usually find time for a 2 minute jump! You should tell her that you had a knee-trembler on the stairs next time she gives you any gyp!

truff Pls to come on sunny chill week with you? I want nothing more than to just simply roast my bones, read and have a cocktail or two. However, JB hates beach holidays (so do I usually) and I think it's mean to take a baybee on one. BESH holiday!

Yes BESH holz definitely called for, isn't about time we all head back to ibesha? TGB isn't normally a sunshine holiday type (his pale Irish skin combusts in direct sunlight) but since we spent the last week of our honeymoon pretty much pratting about in the pool and lying on sun loungers all day, then eating and drinking in the evening, he has been sold!

Sounds exactly like Mr Beaver. Bangs on about how boring it is lazing about in the sun all holiday but when we stopped over in the Caribbean for a few days (once, many years ago...)he couldn't get enough of it.

Can you pay out for a proper JIAP test or get one done with your Dr Pone? Would put your mind at rest if nothing else? Is he on the Zinc/selenium supplements?

barbie They are reluctant to test his jizz because I'm overweight. That's right - I could tortue myself for years & years because of my perceived infertility wheras in reality he is a jaffa. There's also the excess on our healthcare policies means that it'd be cheaper to go private than to get our own docs involved. How to raise the subject anyway? Every time I've made some joke about white goods he's been kind enough to remind me that I'm as old as medusa. :( His Zinc supplements stand in the kitchen almost untouched (bought 2 years ago).

Bum. Back to the old Junior Scientist Microscope it is then. You don't sound old on t'internets. More like about early twenties.

That's like someone telling me once (many years ago) "you don't sound fat on the phone". What do fat people sound like on the phone?

"You don't sound old on t'internets"

Do I? Do I? Do I?

Pone you could try garnishing every single dish he eats with pumpkin seeds. I did this for months to Mr Boots and he never noticed. I may also have forcefed him avocado although I can't remember what that's supposed to contain. More zinc possibly?

Failing that you could do what another internet acquaintance recommended and just grind the zinc tablets up in his food although I feel this may be a tad unethical. Perhaps it isn't unethical if you grind it up and put it in both your foods.

Rie : No :)

Flaps to unethical. Needs must I say.

Fanks Owlie .

I'm happy to go with unethical grinding. He's just picked all the broccoli out of his dinner and put it on my plate. Par at passing off pumpkin seeds, or rabbit food as he refers to that 'stuff', as garnish. Garnish is chicken nuggets or perhaps haribo.

'Sup people! Was I out for long?

Did I hear Chicken nuggets?

correction: *Chicken Nuggets - two capital letters (TM)

Bloody hell. Did the panda cola really knock you out that much? Or have you been trying other substances? What kind of youth club is this anyway?

There once was a Palace of Gin
Who's residents were missing childrin
When seeing a bloke
And checking his poke
They ask him 'Where's it go in?'

Yes Aries - it was..... Ginger Beer!

I'm off to brush my teeth. I think I may have scared everyone off

I was glad to see you Cocker I thought you'd gone to a private room with Rie and wasn't ever coming back. :o How's it going?

Re zinc and shizz. My mate gave me some Zita 'we saw you coming' West ttc vitamins when she got diffed. My jar is empty. Mr Boo's jar is full. Pfft.

TGB took Wellman conception tabs for a few months before our win and I'm convinced that's what done it (have no other 'different' things to go on so am clinging to this) He whinged a bit at first but did it anyway to stop me moaning do his bit for the cause.

My House of Fraser delivery arrived today. New towels and bedding. I am extremely happy. I think I sound extremely old on t'interwebs.

On the subject of jizz my consultant says male fertility is decreasing due to too much oestrogen in the water from the pill (so it is women's fault still)

MS wouldn't take my recommendations to eat more zinc & selenium seriously but now that the consultant has told him to do the same thing well that's different.

Truff any ideas where you want to go?

BBB is doing his bit for the cause by drinking a bottle of wine, following a hot bath His aasertion that there can't be anything wrong with his swimmers since he had them examined four years ago is starting to wear very thin. Men pah. Am off to join (have just been trying to think of new name for cocksy incorporating my disdain for all men and their works- twatdodger doesn't work, as it is catagorically not her name, and arsedodger just sounds like someone who prefers it in the correct orifice. wankerdodger*?) and get me some white goods on the black market. (FWIW, I tried to come up with pithy comment vis a vis World Jizz Tour along the lines of 'let's go to Sydney, Aussie men are spunky', but it wouldn't formulate itself into anything befitting the high standards of the palais)

I have done workout this am and zumba tonight- and yet still find myself a lardarse. 10km race on Sunday, so my slim and sylphlike figure will no doubt arrive monday morning.