Come into the BESHt youth club in town, all you sad and bitter crones.

[Ariesgirl]

Enter the darkened youth club, where desperate 30-somethings who have been TTC since the eighties determinedly try to recapture their teenage years: their snogs with Darren from maths in the corner of the disco, the waft of Impulse, the slow dances at the end of the night, table tennis tournaments and the queue at the tuck shop for black jacks, Panda cola, fruit salads and Wham bars. Bop to Ride on Time, Love Shack and Vogue with Madonna and we'll see if all those sweaty hormones and pheromones can do the trick.

How you getting on Kat? I hope that you're in good hands and things are going as smoothly and painlessly as possible. All my good wishes and kindest thoughts. And a couple of these .

Oh kat I am such an insensitive cow, going on about my ace day when you were going through what you did on Friday. I'm so sorry. Hope yesterday went ok xxx

You can have him boo, if and only if you can name the wife he dumped and the preggo girl he dumped her for, and the reason he couldn't have children, and his job title and full character name. Can't? Well clearly you don't love him anywhere near enough.

kittykat sending lots of love for horrid weekend.

Think the last time I watched Home and Away was when Danni Minogue was still in it. And Lance.

There once was a group called BESH
They were lovely women and very SPESH
They chatted all day
Then fell silent, but hey!
I expect they are drinking and getting pissed.

I consider this a work of flawed genius. Any superior other offers will be gratefully received.

There once was a fred named the BESH
which used to be chatty and active
but now when one presses refresh
it's not looking quite as attractive.

Now holiday time is near over
I hope for the return of those vixens
with fish slaps and sapphic erotica,
and alternate menkul and calm zen.

Took me ten minutes that did.

There once was a BESH with a plan
who had had a night on the town with her man
But when they got home
They found that MOTD2 was orn
And hence she faced a total sechs ban

She decided to consult with her bitches
But found that they'd used their off switches
She was all out of luck
There was no chance of a fuck
So she went off to look at rude pictures (of <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=l.yimg.com/ea/im_siggvIgANdU7k0y9.loMV8.bZw---x360-q80/img/-/110211/chris_hemsworth_home_and_away_16l8rs1-16l8s1p.jpg&imgrefurl=au.news.yahoo.com/entertainment/a/-/entertainment/8816775/phwoar-its-thor/&usg=__dPJJTzV7HgmHEff2UQvZfCSOse4=&h=441&w=360&sz=28&hl=en&start=37&zoom=1&tbnid=SE6y_eAyLOs3aM:&tbnh=163&tbnw=133&ei=vty9Te6XE4yN4gab8d3DBQ&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dkim%2Bhome%2Band%2Baway%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Doff%26biw%3D1020%26bih%3D482%26gbv%3D2%26tbm%3Disch&itbs=1&iact=rc&dur=243&page=5&ndsp=10&ved=1t:429,r:4,s:37&tx=92&ty=57" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">him mostly)

Well I for one am going to stop posting if starcunt keeps coming up with prose as good as that!

I tried to initiate sex last night, he said "I'm not in the mood" - I told him that he is 25 and should always be in the mood. I then went on to say "I need it tomorrow and every day for the next 10", he said "well that's the problem, you make it sound soooooo romantic".

And yet he's the proudest daddy alive. You'd have thought the fact that he loves his child and seems to like sex would keep him going. Fecking men.

When are off to find studly donors? I've always liked that Cuban look - anyone want to come to Cuba with me? We can drink rum, smoke cigars and get diffed by some lovely who is in the mood for sex!

There are rude pictures of him Starry? Where, where?

Valhalla, not Cuba Pone :o

MEDS!!!

How are you? And how is dear little EA?

Thank you Meds for the muffins, snuggles to EA.

Hello Boo and Aries! She's good thanks - don't know if you saw we had a second stay in hospital, but since she got home last Wednesday she has been great.

She's certainly been through the mill, and so have you. I'm glad to hear things are on the up. Hugs.

What? What? I can do hugs if I like can't I? As long as I accompany them with a whack in the face with a red gurnard?

There are many rude pictures of him and me together obviously, but I don't want to flaunt our incredibly hot imaginary sex life in your face. Unless of course you like it ?

medea how lovely of you to stop by, hope you and Mr med are loving your snuggles, and recovering from the very steep learning curve you've been enduring so valiently. (and ta for the muffins, if you could make that a weekly delivery that'd be great thanks)

Despite the best efforts of MOTD2 I did manage to snare meself some white goods last night, not quite laying yet, but getting em up there early in preparation

So is that it now? the bizarre no-one-goes-to-work-for-more-than-ten-minutes- fortnight is over? Well it was quite fun while it lasted, and I for one thought the dress was lovely, if the bridesmaid a little too sexy for the abbey. I would like to know where the nuns came from though.

I don't want to go to work today...

Nor me.
Kat hope you are doing as well as can be expected. How utterly gut wrenching for you.

There once was a man from Nantucket...

Work is Teh Suck. I should know, for I am in it and am thoroughly regretting ever returning.

I liked the article in the Daily Fail about how one of the nuns was clearly a ninja as she was wearing trainers.

Wol I agree. Bloody work, life would be so much better if we could all earn money but at the same time just faff about doing nice things. I am at home waiting for John Lewis men to come & measure up for a blind. I am clearly MN-ing & NOT working.

I am going back to see the Needles bird this week. Ah, there's that straw that I am trying to clutch to......

Cunty p'raps you should have a new career as a limerick writer for cards & stuff?

Kat still thinking about you love & am hoping that you have lovely people around you right now.

I had acupuncture for an injury once and it honestly did work - tis magic woo with actual scientific proof so must be good. I did nearly puke on my lovely GP who was sticking the needles in though, I'm not great with needles.

aries you've been very quiet of late - but I can only assume you've been at it like rabbits given the photo on facecrack. What are the odds on you winning this month?

I have not had a bank hol weekend so fuck you, fuck you and fuck you too.

I had needlez yesterday. For filling replacements. Should work though eh?

Hello, just a royal wedding themed treat for the crazy cat ladies amongst us

Fab'lass poetry btw

What photo? Have I inadvertently posted one of me and him shagging?

Had three shags, so not good, not bad. Have been working v v hard. I'll let you know either way of course. I am curiously desensitized. I care not either way.

aries The weather I mean, I presume you're inside "doing the books". Fnar fnar.

I'm pondering (again) buying the fabled Shag Dictator - but my first cycle of using it would involve dragging it to my parents house and having to say "oh no, I need to get up at 6am to POAS/take my temperature because I'm a failure at getting pregnant, and yes, we are trying for #2 and yes, I know you want another grandchild and no, I don't teflon them out deliberately".

My parents are ever so caring & considerate. Upon failing my driving test (first time) my dad accused me of failing deliberately! Needless to say I spent the next 6 years mostly in the "back seat". Didn't get pregnant then either. Bah.