Come into the BESHt youth club in town, all you sad and bitter crones.

[Ariesgirl]

Enter the darkened youth club, where desperate 30-somethings who have been TTC since the eighties determinedly try to recapture their teenage years: their snogs with Darren from maths in the corner of the disco, the waft of Impulse, the slow dances at the end of the night, table tennis tournaments and the queue at the tuck shop for black jacks, Panda cola, fruit salads and Wham bars. Bop to Ride on Time, Love Shack and Vogue with Madonna and we'll see if all those sweaty hormones and pheromones can do the trick.

It is clearly the JIAP part for the male singer not a teenage laddie. The scene can be of him in his little booth wanking into a pot while a cast of 50 Dr's and nurses rap on the door telling him to hurry up and keep trying the handle, and brandish the rectal probes if he can't manage it himself. I think it will be a sell out.

Pure West End. Can you imagine the billboards on the escalators in the Tube?

Do you think it'll get to Broadway?

Joseph and his Technicolour Jizz Pot?

Do we get to wear nurse uniforms? I'm thinking like Frenchie's dream scene in "Grease", but with more implements and jazz mags.

Oh Ski, what have you started?

OMG quite possibly a BESH classic moment. That song is immense. So much so in fact that I just read it on my phone and immediately logged on to PC whilst at work so I could type a response quicker. Ski that is brilliant

Going now am meant to be doing work & stuff. I love the ESH. That's all.

you schlaags have made my day!

sunny I am going to build a statue to you and your fabby put down of the idiot

brownie you brought in to my life the freakiest easter bonnet ever and I have laughed muchly, and now have hat envy

ski and the jazz hands jizz hands troupe, a small bit of wee just came out . Thank you for my first foray into incontinence

I killed the fred when I peed

I have been home and had a shower and am fresh like a daisy again

Can't believe I missed all this aceness. You lot rule.

Way way back many centuries ago, not long after the bible began...

I bloody started trying to win a baybee

Hello all, have been away,anything much to report? Other than droid shite, work shite and people talking shite? Will catch up a bit more in a mo. Have this round of jaegerbombers while I look.

Very funny - am just catching up now.

Can it be true? Can it? Oh. My. Goooooooooooooooooooooooooddddddddd!

Both Mitchell AND Lucas are going to be in the Hobbit! I will be in a fever of anticipation until then

Ries I don't know who Mitchell or Lucas are. Now, put your fucking coat on and I want to see the heels of your shoes tapping!

Thought you knew this already rie? have you just watched the preproduction doc on youtube? Just a glimpse of Aiden looking very lovely with short hair but I am not sure how hot he will look once they have made him stumpy.

Was it him with the beard? it was very.... full. Though his legs did look particularly muscular on that clip- do you think he's all beefed up for the film
Anyhow, I lay claim to Rob Kazinsky, who I always said was destined for bigger things. hands off

I had a frankly x rated dream about...Olly Murs last night. Is that really really wrong?

Apologies for my lack of creativity on the opening number- I literally sat there for 15 minutes trying to come up with a line to convey the idea of ' BESH starting ttcing' for 'Jacob lived in the land of Canaan', but like my ute, my mind was barren. I'm sure there's scope for combining the coat of many colours song with the paint chart:
"It was red, and rusty, and cream and beige and stringy and sticky and see through and green" etc.

It's very "easter-y" isn't it? Our New Testament theme. Whores of Babylon, wine, walking on water, 12 disasters. Although personally I've always felt more au fait with Dolly Parton's "Coat of many colours (that mama made for me)".

Should we go with Jebus or Dolly's glamma?

Please remind me not to poke about on other conception threads. I have thoroughly irritated myself with the ridiculous nonsense on some of them and them calling themselves barren after a whole 7 months of TTC and lying about how long TTC to see the GP (and then of course getting pregnant). Thanks - you have wasted NHS money that could have actually helped someone who was having trouble getting pregnant, and had actually waited their fucking turn (or been used towards funding adequate antenatal care for yourself you stupid cows). I know it's frustrating not getting pregnant for a while but they seriously need to check out the average time it takes to get pregnant.

Sorry about that.

I am so fucking bored!!!

Barbies I am one if those people who went to the GP after 7 months -and they offered us blood tests and semen analysis to check everything is ok. Still waiting for SA results. I pay into the NHS like everyone else so have no qualms about asking for tests.

BTW I am not bored with this discussion... Just bored with work!

Depends on age doesn't it - if you're a vintage person all the literature says go and pester GP after 6 months. I believe it's all set up to allow each PCT maximum time to mess you about before telling you they just changed the IVF rules and no, now you don't qualify etc.

Basically there is not enough fucking money or staff to supply the decent standard of fertility/maternity/postnatal services that is required. That is what makes me v.v.cross.

BB my personal favourite threads are still the 'OMG! I had half a shag once this month am I pregnant???????1111???!!! LOL' .

Yes Salad, I saw your clip and watched it all the way through, craning for a glimpse of Aiden. And oh the joy! when Lucas stood up to speak! I didn't know either of them were in it. I only knew Martin Freeman was Bilbo. PS what the fuck was he wearing in that presentation? Was he is Hobbit clothes already?

Dor, I think that BB is more entitled than most to vent her spleen about 7 month TTCers saying they have fertility issues. That's all.

BESH rule. Trufax.

Yeah I am not saying she isn't allowed to vent her spleen.

Well that's alright then.