Come into the BESHt youth club in town, all you sad and bitter crones.

[Ariesgirl]

Enter the darkened youth club, where desperate 30-somethings who have been TTC since the eighties determinedly try to recapture their teenage years: their snogs with Darren from maths in the corner of the disco, the waft of Impulse, the slow dances at the end of the night, table tennis tournaments and the queue at the tuck shop for black jacks, Panda cola, fruit salads and Wham bars. Bop to Ride on Time, Love Shack and Vogue with Madonna and we'll see if all those sweaty hormones and pheromones can do the trick.

Sorry about droids all round. And BB - sorry about your rubbish doctor. As as for the bell end at work SunnyD - great answer!

Fail on the ** action!!

BB - to make you laff at something funny and not tragic, here. (If you've already seen it, it's still good for a laugh).

Dor That's shit. :( I had a fiver on your uterus. :(

barbie What an eejit! Is she one of those who's had 5 children by the age of 29 or is she yet to attempt procreation? Have you thought about adopting a dog? (I am joking!) You could become one of those women who dresses up their pets in an obvious transference thing... oooh maybe in 30 years you'll see that doctor again, pushing a pram with a chihuahua in a bonnet down the road! I do understand what you mean about being angry with others - the ones who "grip my shit" are the ones who "accidentally get pregnant" six times and the ones "oooh I didn't know you could get pregnant breastfeeding/withdrawal/having a vagina full of spunk". Twats. Oh, and those who say "oh I didn't realise I was pregnant until I was 38 weeks" wtf? Twats and wankers and cunts and fuckheads.

sunny that's an awesome response to an uninvited question!

SunnyD you are my BESHhero and I luff you. I have wanted to say that so many times. So, so many times

They're not horse tranquilisers, honest

Bravo Sunny - that's the kind of response I always think of ten minutes after the offending event.

:o Ponio you've woken up feisty today Missus, just the way I luff ya

Yo. Pone. How ya doing, beyatch?

Well ho, I'm absolutely fine. I listened to Lil Kim's "suck my dick" about 5 times before 8am which might explain a touch of feistiness. Tried to link it to youtube but apparently it contains "adult content". If you're listening at work I'd suggest headphones. Or a new handbag to carry your P45 home in. Although if it was a man singing about blow-jobs there'd be no testosterone-fuelled outcry that's fo sho!

I am getting ready to POAS I think. I think I OV'd early which would put me today at 9DPO. And they're amazon sticks so it's the law.

We need a sing-song gals, Aries can be our choral lead - you all know the tune:

I closed my eyes, drew back my G-string
To feel for certain what I thought I knew
Far far away, someone was needling
But the world was sleeping
Any diff will do

I wore my womble, with ancient lining
Bright FFJ shining, stringy and eggy
And in the clinic, the doc was pubertal
And the ESH were baking
Any diff will do

A crash of dildocams, a flash of lights
My IVF baybee flew out of sight
The colours faded into darkness
I was left alone (with 37 cats and my bitterness)

May I return to the beginning
The will is dimming, and the diff is too
The world and I, we are still waiting
Still hesitating
Any diff will do

A crash of dildocams, a flash of lights
My IVF baybee flew out of sight
The colours faded into darkness
I was left alone (with 37 cats and my bitterness)

Any diff will do (repeat to fade)

I'm going to do the maracas with one hand and the test-tubes with the other.

Don't piss on the stick. Don't. Step away. Leave it until the day you are due

HA ha ha ha! Almighty crossed post there!

I'M ON IT! I always wanted to be on the stage, but lacked the bravery, the ambition, the charisma and the talent. But this, I think, is right up my street

Right, who will be in the chorus? And dancers out there? I think, Ski you have stumbled across the next fred title.

My BF and I went to "step aerobics" once. It was full of trim fit women with up your bum leotards and their own steps. We lurked at the back, embarrassed in our big, flapping T shirts over shorts and our hired steps. Halfway through the class the instructor called "are you alright girls?", all concerned because we were purple-faced, wheezing and completely un coordinated. My second brush with dance was when I thought "Now I am 33, my hitherto undiscovered talent is waiting to rise to the fore," and I attended a....gulp.... street dancing class. I have never been so humiliated in all my life. I will stick to the barn dancing, which I can do.

Pone clearly you have been injecting something far more exciting than I. You are on fire today I tell ee. I always understood the first line to be:
"I closed my eyes, peeled back my foooooreskin"
Or maybe that is just the male part?

hahahahahaha barbeeeeeeeeeeeeee - you are dirrrrrrrrrrrrrty! Yes, the lyrics need tweaking until they're needle-friendly!

I closed my eyes, peeled back the foreskin

Or should it be "opened legs" rather than "closed eyes"?

Oh nooo, tea on keyboard again, damnit you lot

oh my god, you need to put a warning up if you're going off on one like that, I'm in a shared office here!

I clooosed my eyes, peeled back my foooreskin,
To see a dog hair, on me old jap's eyyyyyye.
Far, far away, someone was wanking,
With a dirty jazz mag
Gripped in his haaaand.

Suddenly this sounds like a seedy, seedy brothel.

Or teenage boy's bedroom.

Clearly Aries is drawing on her extensive experiences with BOTH!

You can talk, you dirty dirty schlaaaaaag.

Pure genius!! Has cheered me up. Think youshould approach andrewlloyd webber but stage version might be a bit too much for your average theatre audience!

I am loving it. Pliz to be in chorus?