Come into the BESHt youth club in town, all you sad and bitter crones.

[Ariesgirl]

Enter the darkened youth club, where desperate 30-somethings who have been TTC since the eighties determinedly try to recapture their teenage years: their snogs with Darren from maths in the corner of the disco, the waft of Impulse, the slow dances at the end of the night, table tennis tournaments and the queue at the tuck shop for black jacks, Panda cola, fruit salads and Wham bars. Bop to Ride on Time, Love Shack and Vogue with Madonna and we'll see if all those sweaty hormones and pheromones can do the trick.

Rie I was banging on about Thorin just after Lucas fell off that roof, but I think you couldn't read it through the veil of tears

That must have been it. I was gaping in hurt and agonized disbelief at the TV - how could the Beeb do that to me?

But he was needed in Middle Earth - I see that now.

PS isn't he, like, a bit tall to be a dwarf?

PS Moley I love your paint chart idea. My mind is going mad thinking of all the verses
"I look handsome I look smart
My knickers are a walking work of art
Such a dazzling gusset of many colours
How I love my pants of many textures.

They were red and yellow and pink and beige and russet and ovaltine and ochre and maroon and CRUMBLY AND STRINGY AND EGGY AND BROWN AND CLEAR!"

evening BESH. Is anyone around?

me- all tuckered out from Zumba. Is it wrong that I am enjoying the having a good boogie without having to get dressed up/drink lots/stay up late/avoid groping middle aged men aspect of it far more than any exercise value

All the Beshes weren't too pleased with what they saw
"We have never seen bog roll so clean before,
And now these pants,show we've no chance
No FFJ,no win"

And when graced the scene
The BESHes turned a shade of green

Her most fertile womble took the biscuit
"Quite the quickest differ in the district"

(see, I have introduced the antagonist)

Love the 'quickest differ in the district'..... I've come across a few of them this month! Not been to zumba, keep meaning to as loads of people are raving about it. I like the idea of the dancing without being in shitty nightclub.

Hello, I'm a regular lurker but I never post. However I just had to come out of the darkness to say that auntdoris, your sense of entitlement to the NHS is disgraceful. However much we would want it not to be, the NHS is a finite resource, and having tests done at 7 months could be taking away resources from someone who could have been TTC for much much longer. If you don't like that, move to America and take out insurance.

I know full well that the NHS is a finite resource. I work for it. I am still not convinced that asking for basic blood and SA tests is 'taking away resources' from someone else. I was told if you are 35+ then I should be asking for these tests after 6 months - that's what I did.

However, you are likely to get your wishes about me having to go private. In September we will be moving somewhere where if we require intervention such as IVF then we will have to pay privately. The whole island runs a private healthcare system so no more NHS for us. Rather ironically though if we do indeed need treatment we would be shipped to the UK for treatment.

I only wanted to come on and post this finely crafted masterpiece: (it's the moving ballad interlude)

(Solo: Aries)

Do you remember when sechs was for pleasure?
The bed sheets were endlessly stained
In the morning, a love in for breakfast
At nightime the lust never waned

(Solo: Alps)

There'd be hand jobs and blow jobs a plenty
With no care for split drops of jizz

(Duet: Boo and me)

Now the crotch is dry and bare
No joie de bonking anywhere
We've even forgot where our Gspot is

(rest of BESH in chorus walk in together, bearing large photos of lust worthy men- I am carrying Rob Kasinsky, so Mitchell's up for grabs)(Boo, you can't have your Dave man, cos no one will know who he is, you'll have to have someone more commercial)

Our libidos
We used to know
Where have they gone
Where did they go?
Eh bien, raise your mohitos
To our libidos

and when I got here it was all tense and grown up. Ugh. Am so not good in this type of situation, being of the Chandler diffuse tension with humour school of thought. I do feel it a little scary that if we say something 'disgraceful' some one will come out of lurkage and tell us off though- What will happen if I say.....anyone who's number of children exceeds their income should be sterilised....people who don't clear up their dog shit should be actually made to eat it.....jeremy paxman looks really sexy in a borat thong......Anyone? Anyone? Dor you're one of us, and we always protect our own against interlopers, so get behind me while I get my numchuckers out. (That's probably not how you spell it, is it) Bet by the time I've posted this, someone's come and siad something intelligent......

Did you know if you do : next to ( it makes :( by itself?

I'll never need to remember if it's [[ or [ before sad again! Hoorah!

: ) :) :? ; ) ;) :0 just experimenting - other's don't work. End of experiment.

Genius Moley, complete genius. I adore it.

Let's leave the other thing shall we, before we all fall out?

PS I do actually think that those who don't clean up their dog shit should be made to eat it. Oh yes.

Other's
other's
FFS
Now that's something to complain about.

Can i just say hummana hummana

moley I am deeply disturbed by how well you know these tunes. Are you a closet ALW fan?

Rie yes. Yes yes YES. Especially when it's on the bit of grass outside my house and then my clod-footed brother stands in it then redistributes it all over my effing carpet.

You'll be looking at the church (that we didn't go to, but who lets technicalities get in the way of the smell of grease paint) youth group's very own starring Narrator wol, who kind of sang all the way through so as not to be missed out of ANY of it. Appearing at a school hall near you, every night and matinees on Wednesday and Saturday.

I watched him on something the other day, not sure what

starcuntmole If the number of children I were to give birth to was larger than my salary (in euros) I could populate a new country! (But not afford to feed them, which is probably what you were getting at! ).

Why do I get the verse about jizz & wanking & blow-jobs & stuff? Reputation haz preceeded me? :(

Serves rie a dog-shit sarnie.

So BESHes - I know you've all got cats, because let's face it - we're in our 30s and until we arrived at BESH we didn't have children. Roight, last night when going to pick Bear up from creche, we pulled up outside (it's on a very very busy road) and there was a cat just lying on the pavement by the wheel. It came straight over to say hello, very thin, missing one eye, missing a lot of fur, grubby, cuts etc., etc. Obviously we just looked at each other (me and JB I mean, not me and the cat) and knew we couldn't walk away. So JB went in to collect Bear and I scooped up the cat in JB's jumper. Took it to the vet who said they wouldn't take it (and he wasn't chipped) but made various phonecalls and an hour later the RSPCA equivalent turned up and took him away. We went up to see him today at the rescue centre but he's in quarantine (a lot come in from other countries stuck in lorries/engines/etc.) He's not going to be allowed to be adopted until at least 29/04 and we're not even allowed to visit until after Easter Monday. I wants him, a one-eyed cat. Am I fucking mad? We already have 2 dogs and a horse but it does feel "wrong" to be in a family home with no cat.

Get the cat! He has clearly already adopted you by showing up like that -it's fate.

I totally agree that cats make a proper family home, and having a cat sleeping on you is a better stress reducer or than any tranquilizer drug currently on the market. Ours is brilliant for that. And most cats and dogs actually tend to get on reasonably well, contrary to Disney myth.
If he is a boy you may want to get his little catnuts chopped off though.

As for the musicals, I sense a TV show deal in the making here...

alpie my last cat was a rescued one and was gorgeous, I think because he had known bad times he was keen to express his thanks for a good home by being lush, I still miss him :-(

Marvelous work on the lyrics hags, when I sing foxes die but am happy to do the lighting?

I actually used to have a cat, when I had 2 horses and 3 dogs (but no man or baybee) - cat was also adopted (have only ever paid for horses) and he didn't mind my pitbull or my south african mastiff, but when I brought home my Jackapoo (Jack Russell x poodle) he took one look and fucked off! I know big dog would be no bother with him and little dog is no longer a puppy so can be shouted at. I think you're right cava, he's already adopted us - like the other cat I adopted, I went to the shelter and I had my mind on one of the others but it was him who presented himself. Yes, will need to get him de-knackered. Not sure about cat sleeping in the bedroom too, there are already five of us in there as it is!

"When I sing foxes die"

Get the cat, it was meant to be and he might not get rehomed very easily with a missing eye. What colour is he?

We appear to be the local cat whore-house. Have just gone upstairs to see our cat Delilah sharing our bed with the neighbour's cat Wilson. In broad daylight and everything!

I'm disappointed none of us actually owns more than one cat. This is surely not what the Daily Heil expects of us?

Also, wtf are all these dead foxes doing piled up outside the Palais?

boo has 2 cats, although not for want of trying to palm poor Tim off on anyone who looks at him :o

We used to find our cat cosied up to one of the neighbourhood cats dor, but then he started spraying everywhere so we decided to put the cat flap on lock down. And they are both male, so not sure what that makes our house? Certainly not the cat equivalent of the John Snow.