Roll up, roll up for the BESH fun fair in the land (30s)

[Truffkin]

Oh yes, this place is filled with your finest hormonal roller coasters, dodgems (mainly enjoyed by the spermz) and the finest side shows you'll find anywhere. Come and squeeze our buzzwams to check for imaginary aches & pains, play 'guess when I'm ovulating' (made all the harder when you're as wizened and decrepit as we are) and indulge in a little light WOOFLing if you're feeling up to the challenge. There's are even droid shies for taking out your pain on the beeping little fecker when he comes along to rain on your parade.

So, if you've been TTC since the chairoplanes were the latest attraction, let's hear about it.

Oh my word, my work is Jeremy Kyle. I work as a drug worker in a GP practice with homeless people. They always have Jeremy K on the TV in the waiting room and the amount of times it is kicking off on the TV as well as in the waiting room is nuts. Bit freaky though when a client actually appeared on the show which is what happened a couple of weeks ago!

Today I am generally feeling a bit low. Think it is the realisation that my younger sister is going to have her second baby in the next couple of weeks.

whinge whinge

Why isn't it me? Why isn't it my turn? Why does she get all the fucking luck!!!

sigh

Mental...? Moi? Well, I'll confess to some mental-ness. Certainly. Even on a daily basis. However, most of my rage is confined to the bureaucracy, duplication, and just plain injustice.

pps - I come from Christchurch. Does being tearful about the destruction count as a symptom?

brown have you ever written the word CUNT with weedkiller on a love rival's lawn?

Oh dear. Dor - feel free to whinge. Please whinge here if it feels like a release.... I get it. And as for the fucking Jeremy Kyle brigade. How's this for a thought. It has been suggested that the "great unwashed" would prefer to have a community service issued against them cf being slated on the JK show... Bring back the stocks I say!

ps - three gins in emotion... seriously!

Ski, I am mental. Not mean or criminal. That is funny (in a sick kinda way).

Oh no. Jeremy K is a far, far greater punishment. Such an odious little man, and yet every now and then I find (to my horror) that I agree with him on some things!

I do have to cackle though when I see my patients watching the show avidly, they especially like the ones where it shows who's the baby-daddy as mummy-slag has slept with so many men she doesn't know who provided the below average genetic material. You know the ones I mean.

Oh Brown I am so very sorry. Are all your loved ones ok? I have a very good mate living in NZ and she is ok but has injured relatives :(

Brownie, I am tearful about Christchurch due to the mere fact that I once spent some happy days there and have had lunch under the cathedral's spire. It's very sad. Didn't know you were Kiwi though.

Oh! Dor! Sisters eh? I am rigid with dread every time I imagine her announcing her second pregnancy.

FFS I am an awful person. Wot Boo said. Have you any friends or family affected? :(

Jeremy K makes my blood boil. I can't watch it. I really really hate him. Him and fecking Jo 'I'm raking it in' Frost. Wankstaffs, the pair of 'em.

Rie you isn't awful, you daft apeth

What a bloody rubbish day BESHers. Riots, shootings, earthquakes, fucking raining and no fucking baybee wins on the BESH funfair.

Boo love the word wankstaff.

Brown hope people you know are ok?

Jezza Kyle. The sad thing is those people are real. My FIL told me that me & MS needed to have offspring as we were decent.....oh dear.

I am off to Sharm El Shieik tomorrow night. Woop woop woop.

Where is that SunnyD? Is it in Egypt?

Ooh sunny I haz been there- is fabby!

I teach the children who grow up to be on JK. (I have only seen it once myself-it was on very loudly in the day room of mat ward while I waited to be admitted with ectopic pg, I was sat there with two 15 year olds who were having their babies HR monitored. It was not a Good Day.) I will try hard to teach them better-any ideas?

brown am for you and your lovely city. It's just shocking to see the pictures. My sis lives in Wellington, and it really brings it home how vulnerable NZ is to earthquakes- they've talked about their plan for the big quake and it not being a question of if, but when. V scary.

Intersting you said that about egg laying pain boo - I've been getting a bit concerned that I didn't used to feel it much, and now its really ouchy. Did yours get worse after miniboo? Do I need to throw away my 'Diagnose Yourself a Huge Cyst' guide

Yes in Eygpt but it's quite far away from Cairo and there's been no rioting or anything there.

Bitey I've not been before. Just want it to be sunny. And clean. I have OCD issues about clean.

X post Starycunt. Horrid for your sis & you. Here have a manly back slap as a sign of my concern.

I don't have a job that does any good for kids or future goodness. I am a corporate whore who has sold my soul.

It was clean sunny, but the travel agent told us to wash our hands after handling the money as is paper and can be stinky. Other thing is everyone expects a tip and pound coins are more popular than egyptian currency, bit easier to keep track of too!

Ah yes. "Not if but when." Well, that is something you grow up with. We all expected Wellington to be hit, and frankly, would have been much worse in Wellington than Chch. It's far more easy to geographically isolate Wellington than Chch. Which is what the plans are geared up for. We even have insurance built to cope with this sort of shizzle. However, two sets of shizzle in quick succession? It has yet to be seen if the plans can cope with that. HOWEVER we're not there yet. The first and most important stage is to fish out as many survivors as possible.

For me, my brother is okay. Homeless and cranky, but okay. My friends and other family are mostly reported as fine. Still a few outstanding. Worried and anxious frankly.

SunnyD - corporate whore who has sold your soul? Well. You'll have missed out on the cultural phenomena that is Jeremy Kyle. Poor you. (ps - I tried to be a banker, but I hated it. I was also crap at it. What came first...?)

pps - I love Paxman.

ppps - Rie can't you see my accent? It's especially obvious when I say noo ziland...

As for the earthquake. I am unsettled and upset, and now drunk to boot. And I be cluster posting a treat.

brownie so sorry to hear your family and friends have been hit so hard. not surprising you are hitting the gin!! Hope you hear from the outstanding ones very soon. very :( all concerned.

i can't watch JK but have been known to watch a bit of Wright Stuff. Is not the same at ALL

Have just spent 4 hours reassuring Dad about the fact rest of family didn't answer the phone at 6 pm when they said they would be in their apartment. finally got in touch at 10.15. turns out they had been watching some mad Yellow coat style adaptation of Grease in 4 languages in the hotel. Fun for them, not so much for me and a wee bit

Oh God Brownie. I can't imagine the worry. You poor sausage. And your poor family. Fuck!

BrownB really hoping all of your friends are ok and can check in with you soon ((())) I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now.

Sunny vee jealous of your impending hols, I simply must get something booked for us to look forward to. Am thinking that with 5 weddings plus related stag/hen shiz we may miss out on a week or 2 away. We do have a posh weekend away soon so that will be luscious.

I am also a corporate wage slave and I think I'd struggle to do anything different now. I'm ok with it really and on the plus side it pays for TGB to do a job he loves but pays mini bucks. He would get the SAH role though if we ever manage a win so would be quite of that!

rocket - not sure where your family was, but am sure that they all need a kick in the shins...

I need my life to be a little more boring. sigh.

Night ladies.

Night Brownie lighting mental candles for you and hope you get good news about safe location of all your friends. unBESHly (but completely justified) arms around you.