Roll up, roll up for the BESH fun fair in the land (30s)

[Truffkin]

Oh yes, this place is filled with your finest hormonal roller coasters, dodgems (mainly enjoyed by the spermz) and the finest side shows you'll find anywhere. Come and squeeze our buzzwams to check for imaginary aches & pains, play 'guess when I'm ovulating' (made all the harder when you're as wizened and decrepit as we are) and indulge in a little light WOOFLing if you're feeling up to the challenge. There's are even droid shies for taking out your pain on the beeping little fecker when he comes along to rain on your parade.

So, if you've been TTC since the chairoplanes were the latest attraction, let's hear about it.

Well with Fabragas and Walcott out, they at least stand a chance

'.. I think I'm about ready for my penis' Random Friends quote #324

Am jealous of going outy people. Have lots of fun you slaaaags -and good luck with truffsis if we don't see you before.

I'm not going out StarryCunt. I went out for lunch? What more can a girl asked for. I am watching Noel Fielding on The One Show ffs.

I am supposed to be SWI tonight. MrA is having a catarrh-y cold and is Not Attractive :(

AIBU to be peevishly and meanly glad about something? Over the weekend I learned that my sister and AriesNeph are at my parents' house along with my brother's kid and her sisters. All lovely happy cousins and grandchildren together. I wasn't invited of course, being childless. Anyway, the visit is not going well. The parents are exhausted, having forgotten how tiring four children under 10 can be. They can't wait to get rid of them

Rie - could you attempt that rather improbable shag-position which means you don't have to look at him? I believe it may be called back to front cowboy or something equally alarming. On the other hand, you might snap him and thus make SWI somewhat difficult. P'raps best not.

Er....my tiny brain has now forgotten everything I just read on the previous pages. Bugger and damn.

Would anyone like a piece of fudge?

Ps. I'm not going out either. I've just driven back from the arse end of the west country and I am fooked.

that's what he thinks!

Rie deffo try reverse cowgirl, would have said doggy but always the risk of a lugie on the back

Am installed in pub with 2nd glass of so happy days

Oh I don't mind looking. It's the sound, you see. Snot.

Headphones?

Earplugs up nostrils? Other set of earplugs in ears (yours)?

Soundproof bag over head?

Wish I'd gone out watched Buffy instead and is episode where Buffy mother dies. Have now been crying for forty minutes!

Rie how about spoons? No gravity so less risk of lugies? Personally I find reverse cow girl a bit annoying. Get distracted by the FDHs nobbly knees and monkey toes. Beware of vicks, is very burny and can make you say "hoo-haa" if it gets on your hoo-ha!

I will make him steam his head with Olbas beforehand. God. I can't believe I'm discussing this

R O F L (not literally, that would be hideous)

Got the baby Guinness' in, here for the night. Good job we've got classic tunes on (Beautiful Ones - chooooon)

Oh dear, we now have some JLo, not. Quite so exciting. It's taken me 4 attempts to write this without a spelling mistake.

:o at Truffs very. careful. typing. resulting in perfect spelling but rather eccentric punctuation.

I have no idea what 'quite so exciting' means. Seem to have got into a debate about the royal family. And whether Morgan Spiced is better than Mount Gay rum. Good Lord. I have to drive back to the Mid Shire tomorrow

Can you belieeeeve I can do emoticons when pishhhed? Go me!

Mount Gay Extra Old for the win. Morgans Spiced is for girls. There's your answer (the Internet has spoken)

Aah, I was trying to write 'not quite so exciting'. Goodness me. Mount Gay for the win you say Roquette? I'll up my intake and cross my fingers then, you've let the cat out of the bag now

I am getting the train back to Brum as I wouldn't trust myself anywhere near the car and would prefer to sleep.

I drank many margaritas, passed out on the sofa, threw up, locked my phone and my shoes filled with blood a la Romy. Good night apart from...

Soaked through to my jeans TWICE! :( wtf? Within 3 hours. Clots as big as a blob of butter were coming out. Last month was very light so i guess everything is coming out now, but what's that all about? Have decided not to buy shag dictator because i do ovulate and my cycles are "normal". I'm just shit at getting pregnant. I've often blamed my weight but last night met a girl who was a good 20 stone and 32 weeks with her fourth! Fertile caaaah.

Please somebody win!

Can't find my doorkey.

V of pissed shenanigans. Truffers and Ski, how are the heads, dears? Ew to the clotting shizz, Ski. If you know when you ov, ain't much point of a Shag Dictator - v sensible.

I watched Withnail and I last night. Best use of the word cunt ever is when Monty sneaks in in the night and scares them to death and Withnail is gibbering with terror and realises it was him and shouts "MONTY! You terrible cunt!"

We then had Teh Secs. Not bad, not great. I'd say a 5/10.

Head ok but I've got that horrible thing where one minute my stomach is churning and the next I'm starving for carbs.

Ski sounds horrible, hope it's just catching up from last month. Mine are usually pretty light but had a very heavy period (I think October? Was Boo's woo shiz month) and gone back to normal since. Hope JB is on bear duty so you cannurse your hangover.

Rie am also a fan of well placed swearing. 5/10 not bad in the circumstances! We were slightly over zealous due to inebriated state, I woke on the wrong side of the bed Am thinking I OVed on Thursday so could even have been just for fun

Bloody love that film and can prob quote from beginning to end. 'stop saying that, of course he's the fucking farmer' 'get in the back of the van' 'this doll gas voodoo properties' being some of my favourites.

Skills on the sechs front (updates spreadsheet)

Hello ladies. Hope everyone is doing ok. We're staying with our friends who are the owners of three children, two of whom are our godchildren. Having said that we are abondoning them with a babysitter a d going out to get drunk at a beer festival tonight :)

Truff - I hope you found loads of chips and other fried carbs. Hangover days are guilt-free days of survival in my opinion.

The rugby is on in the background, and my DP is snoring gently in the bed next to me. We're in Brighton, and it's pissing with rain. The hotel gave us a room with wallpaper falling off the walls, so we had a little fight before settling on the room we're in now. Which pleased my DP no end. He likes to have a bit of a fight. Given my job involves fighting, I can't usually be bothered in my personal life.

Ski - did you see the blowtorch I bought for you to use on the droid? It's on the last page. It'll be really good for finishing off the creme brulee too I think...

Rie - I get it. Hope your parents have survived. I agree with Bootie, sometimes I do wonder why we're doing this myself. I have enough children in my life to realise that it's an exhausting thing to have kids.

well in exciting news, I am MNing on my kindle as my phone is out of juice. I have free wifi courtesy of Virgin trains. Less exciting is the fact that I left Birmingham at 7.20 and am still half an hour away from Euston. Some thoughtless fucker jumped in front of a train and the police have closed off part of the track so I'm on the third train of the night, finally headed for London and should get home for about half 10. TGB has been drinking with his brother since 5pm so that will be fun!

Where is everyone?????? I appear to be hosting impromptu 90s old skool dance hall evening in my house. 'do you feel real?' anyone?

Well apparently my younger sister had her baby last night. Just as well my mum text me to let me know. Otherwise I would have found out on facebook as my bastard brother-in-law couldn't be arsed to let me know. I am cross about that. I am happy and sad. All I want us a bloody baby of my own!!!!!

And I have a hangover!!!