Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Roll up, roll up for the BESH fun fair in the land (30s)

1001 replies

Truffkin · 16/02/2011 18:54

Oh yes, this place is filled with your finest hormonal roller coasters, dodgems (mainly enjoyed by the spermz) and the finest side shows you'll find anywhere. Come and squeeze our buzzwams to check for imaginary aches & pains, play 'guess when I'm ovulating' (made all the harder when you're as wizened and decrepit as we are) and indulge in a little light WOOFLing if you're feeling up to the challenge. There's are even droid shies for taking out your pain on the beeping little fecker when he comes along to rain on your parade.

So, if you've been TTC since the chairoplanes were the latest attraction, let's hear about it.

OP posts:
HighPriestessBoo · 24/02/2011 23:07

How about starcunt(it'sreclaimed)mole ? :o

moomaker · 24/02/2011 23:37

Thanks, have put science question back where it belongs (soz), oh and DH only agreed to pills not test-tubes, but to quote Truffkin "every little helps"

so, cheer chant for swigging...

Were Besh-y,
were fun
we'd like to be a mum

our special plan
to get updiff
swig every night
POAS

AlpinePony · 25/02/2011 07:33

POAS fail and beeping this end, to whom should I pass this baton to? aries?

Am going to buy shag dictator toot sweet.

Nearly choked on my coffee, a man refused free NHS IVF? Wtf why? Pride?

rocketleaf · 25/02/2011 07:51

Actually TB wasn't keen when it first came up with us. I think it was more that he was worried about the effect it would have on me/our relationship etc. and fear of medical tinkering. Also we had had an original agreement wrt the whole TTC malarky we were going to let nature take it's course so by even going to the FC I was moving the goal posts. But he would have done it in the end if it had been the only route to winning a baby (and after I cried )

moo welcome back. Lets hope the vits to the trick then and you find some answers re the clomid. But you might find ge comes round if not.

rocketleaf · 25/02/2011 07:52

Sorry pony about the metal fucker finally getting you. S&M win next month then :o

starcuntmole · 25/02/2011 08:45

Arse cunts and fuckwittery ski especially for fucking about with you. I have a tequila toffee apple here to soften the blow.

moo sorry for science fail, we're more expert at lesboeroticviolence rather than the actual nuts and bolts of it all. Pile on?

boo that is genius- I lolled Grin

BarbiesBeaver · 25/02/2011 09:27

Moo welcome back - I've done 6 rounds of Clomid so might be able to help. What monitoring have you had (apart from dildocam up to CD17)? How much bleeding was there - a bit of spotting or more? Did you have a HCG trigger injection? Implantation is not outside the realms of possibility but could be some breakthrough bleeding or you may need some progesterone support in future. Did they say anything about how your lining looked? SOme spotting can be normal after ovulation, due to hormonal changes (which will be amplified on Clomid).

Ski arse about the Droid. Beat the fucker to death with the baton before passing it on would you?

Ariesgirl · 25/02/2011 09:50

Didn't shag Too tired and not in the mood. Well, he was, I wasn't. How am I supposed to get up the duff? Preseed here I come.
TMI? Don't care.

BarbiesBeaver · 25/02/2011 10:00

Rammstein I love Preseed. Just don't use the full amount they recommend . Can you watch a bit of Mitchell/Cap'n Black to get you in the mood? Or wine? Or start yourself off a bit first? There is no such thing as TMI on the ESH threads surely? Unless it's about squeezing spots or bogies in which case keep it to yourself.

Ariesgirl · 25/02/2011 10:11

The full amount?

Just say I did get in the mood alongside the full amount of Preseed? Would I drown the poor bastard? How do you approach it? What do you say? "Just off to the bathroom to shove this jelly stuff up my foof, dear. Hang on a second"? And then come waddling back in, all drippy? I'm still such a rank amateur!

Original poster
Truffkin · 25/02/2011 10:32

Shitty droid, second the beating to death request pliz Ski

Barbie you have also provided graphic imagery for me with the pre-seed references. I worry I would be over slippery, which would lead to erm, friction fail. Nevermind.

I think my cycle is fucking with me this month just as I had started to get all evangelical on you. Lots of FFJ yesterday and temp up today suggest I may have OVed early - WTF? I suppose the good news is that we have been managing the 3 times a week benchmark for the last 3 weeks or so, so the fact that the full on shagathon plans haven't had time to get off the ground yet shouldn't be the end of hope. Good God, this is a minefield of 'what ifs' isn't it? How am I still saying stuff like this? Of course it's a bunch of fuckwittery, why am I surprised?

OP posts:
BarbiesBeaver · 25/02/2011 10:48

Aries yes, you will need a funnel and some hosing I think, plus a generator powered water pump to get the requisite amount up the fanny. I wouldn't recommend getting too turned on unless you want a repeat of Boscastle. Best to cover the bedroom in clean wipe down plastic sheeting with a pile of old towels handy just in case. And for God's sake, don't have an orgasm! Sea levels are rising fast enough already. HTH.

Truff you hit the nail on the head surmising friction fail. More like a slopping...no I've gone too far (is that possible).

I have a Friday feeling, what about margarita slushies all round?

BrownB · 25/02/2011 10:55

When I was reading TCOYF she recommended using real egg whites. I think that might be worse than pre-seed... couldn't quite figure out how that would work. I did get some of the pre-seed thingie, but am not using it right myself. I had the same mental image rie and threw out the applicators.

I have fired my acupuncturist. Fucker. You know those people who always have an answer...

He says: How did you get on?
I say: I cut out 80% of the wheat and dairy. Have been eating loads of other sorts of things and it's fine. My period was really very light.
He says: What sort of things have you been eating?
I say: Rye, barley, quinoa, spelt, buckwheat, chickpeas, lentils, beans...
He says: Well, what we're actually aiming for is to eliminate all "heavy" carbohydrates.
I say: I've tried low GI diets/Aitkens. They're just awful, and I'm never satisfied by what I eat.
He says: Change is hard. You're not feeling full because it's emotional.

How about this patronising shit he was spouting about my recurrent thrush?

I say: So what about my recurrent thrush.
He says: It's linked to eating sugar.
I said: I read that and so eliminated all sugar from my diet for a period of 4 months at one time. It didn't make the slightest bit of difference.
He said: Were you taking a probiotic?
I said: I was eating probiotic yogurt.
He said: Well the milk that makes yogurt is filled with sugar.

I am not paying for this horseshit. Honestly. People who have all the fucking answers. And the answers always seem to be, "You only have yourself to blame..." I always want to scream in their face, "For fucks sake! How did the human race survive before you were here to advise them!!?"

BarbiesBeaver · 25/02/2011 11:00

BrownB I would advise consuming nothing but water for a year and see how you get on. If it doesn't work, it was probably because it was the wrong sort of water/you drank it the wrong way/drank the wrong amount. I think the amount you are paying your acu bloke should be put towards a good massage/food/wine/weekends away instead.

BrownB · 25/02/2011 11:03

I need more gin. It looks like water... Grin Honestly, am turning into a grumpy old crone here. Funny how life does this to you.

BrownB · 25/02/2011 11:04

BB - is very nice to have you back btw.

Ariesgirl · 25/02/2011 11:19

"Blowtorch"

Glad you sacked him BrownGirl. He sounded like a tosser.

starcuntmole · 25/02/2011 12:51

I sacked my accupuncturist when -after nearly a year- he referred for the third time to my 'tubes', and then for the third time acted surprised when I reminded him (for the third time) that the reason I was seeing him was that I only had one, and thought I should get help....Am not against it per se-reason I kept going after first two times was because it was soooo relaxing and I did feel better, just don't like people being all 'I'm so in touch with the universe I don't need to take notes' and then being fuck ups. (I spotted one of the BESH is thinking about training in needles; perhaps we could all go to her for special BESH treatment that includes gin at the end?)

truff I am exhausted just reading about three times a week If you don't win after these services to the sechs there is no justice. [hmm 'justice':an interesting concept in BESHland]

barbie brown and all things B- I think Friday Feeling sounds great- I will start with you, if that's ok. Can this be a weekly institution? Also margaritas.

BarbiesBeaver · 25/02/2011 13:57

Please go ahead with the Friday Frottage StarryStarryMole.

Classy Brownie

Ivegotmrbitey · 25/02/2011 14:04

That looks amaaaaaaaaaazing! So refreshing!

HighPriestessBoo · 25/02/2011 17:20

In a bit of a rush but just to say

  1. I do so luff this fred
  2. I concur with the TMI ban.

Bitch slaps all round. I am actually going out tonight! Shock

AlpinePony · 25/02/2011 17:34

Me too boo i'm wearing almost my own bodyweight in make-up and hairspray in a poor attempt to detract from the fact my top is too small.

We're going for a mexican so it's margaritas all around. Am so nervous 'tis ridiculous, clearly I don't get out much.

At least I can drink without guilt. Fucksticks.

Original poster
Truffkin · 25/02/2011 18:30

Last minute decision to get on the beers here too. Have just got home from work nice and early to spruce myself up before meeting TGB in our favourite local. Have also had more ffj today so I officially have no idea what is going on in the ovarian region. As we'll probably get pissed and shag anyway tonight I'm not going to ponder it any more. Am going to sed my sister tomorrow to offer siblingly cuddles to cheer her up so may manage a final fling in the morning befor I go.

TGB has visitors this weekend and they are off to Wembley to see Blues get trounced play Arsenal. He may be in a drunken strop when I get home on Sunday evening but at least his brother will be here to take the brunt.

Happy nights out BESHies, let's get trolleyed Wine Grin

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread