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When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Conception

Waiting to try for a baby

999 replies

AmandaCooper · 25/01/2011 15:16

A continuation of so many threads spent waiting to ttc that I've completely forgotten what number thread we're on.

If you're waiting to ttc, stop by and say hello!

OP posts:

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bebejones · 30/01/2011 10:36

He says he doesn't know why he doesn't want another one! Personally I think it is down to his work life being so hard & pretty full on at the moment. He barely has any time to spend with me and DD & think he is thinking that he just doesn't have the capacity to fit another child into his already hectic life right now!

Last time we had 'the talk' he suggested that we would have to seperate over it. I think (as much as he loves me & says he doesn't want me to leave) if I turned round right now & said I was leaving over this, he wouldn't stop me :(

The biggest factor in all this is the fact that I have MS (was diagnosed when DD was 5 months old) and I desperately desperately DO NOT want her to be an only child. I don't want to be a burden on her, and her alone, when I am older & if I do end up getting really sick I would want her to have a sibling to share things with. I was an only child & when my dad was ill, I was completely on my own & no one knew how it was affecting me, or how I was feeling. It was miserable. Plus with the MS in mind I have had to stop medication to give me 3 months 'clean' to TTC. The longer I am off it the more I leave myself open to relapse. Right now I am in pretty good health you wouldn't think there was anything wrong with me at all if you met me! But MS is one of those illnesses that could strike at any time with no warning. No one knows how I will be in 5 years time or even a years time. Right now, physically, I could cope with a baby, but I just don't know how much longer I'll be able to say that. Could be 5 years, could be 20+! Being pregnant won't have any effect on my MS, in fact it's actually thought to be good for it as it surpresses the immune system!

It's so hard when friends & family keep asking 'So when are you having another one?' I don't know how much longer I can keep saying 'Oh no, not yet, one is enough' without screaming & bursting into tears!

FancyALittle · 30/01/2011 11:06

Can I sit under a parasol and slather on the factor 50? I don't do well in the sun... I tried to jump on the last thread but it didn't quite work out, so maybe I'll do better this time?

I can really identify with everyone on this thread - BroodyRhi in particular.

We're 25 and waiting at the moment. We'd always wanted to get married, buy a house and have a baby but with house prices as they are, I can't see the buying a house happening! I have a figure in mind I want in the bank before we have a child as I want to make real headway on a deposit for a house before I take a career hit.

DH has a job interview tomorrow and the outcome of these rounds of interviews will determine whereabouts in the country we will be living from August, so it makes sense to wait. His pay will then increase significantly so that we could live without my wage comfortably.

Last year DH had testicular cancer and we've just had the 1 year all clear for that. I'm insistent that we need to have life insurance for him before we have a baby, so that needs to be sorted out and I'm not sure how easy it is with a 'pre-existing' health condition (though his likelihood of it never recurring is almost 100% now).

So, lots of sensible financial planning involved in our decision. If we won the lottery we'd be trying tomorrow!

FancyALittle · 30/01/2011 11:13

OOo, just to add - we also have two cats! Got them as kittens after our wedding last year. We also call each other mummy and daddy around the cats .

DizzyKipper · 30/01/2011 13:26

Oh dear, heavy stuff. What work is your DH in? Will there be a point in the foreseeable future when it's not so full on? I was thinking maybe your DH was also scared of the possibility of having a second child and then having something happen to you - if he's not coping well right now the thought of having 2 children to look after alone might be a bit unnerving for him (sorry, I hope I'm not overstepping the mark in suggesting that). Either way I hope he gets his butt in gear and you can sort this out soon - him saying yes, no, maybe so must be v frustrating. And I agree, in the same circumstances I would definitely want a sibling for DD as well.

DizzyKipper · 30/01/2011 13:29

FancyALittle that must have been really scary for your DH to have been going through cancer so young. My dad was recently diagnosed and this for us has been another factor in why we can't/won't put it off (the marriage followed by kids) even though as it stands we're not really in the best financial position and it would be a lot better for us to leave the wedding (and subsequently TTC) for at least another year until we got ourselves sorted.

bebejones · 30/01/2011 13:37

It is a bit heavy for a Sunday!!

DH works in the financial sector, so not really that much light at the end of the tunnel at the moment! He had said in the past that he wouldn't be able to cope with looking after me, DD & a baby if I was really ill again. But last time we chatted he admitted that isn't so much of a problem now, we have plans in place if I start to get sick (I know the signs & would get treatment alot quicker than I did when I was diagnosed). I just want to have another baby now, so I can get stronger medication (that I can't stop, & therefore can't have if I want more children) and stay as healthy as I can.

Welcome back FancyALittle! :) Fingers crossed for your DHs interview!

DizzyKipper · 30/01/2011 13:49

Indeed, although I'm working today anyway (and just had to clean house and help prepare for a roast) so my day of rest is tomorrow .
I think the worst part is is it sounds that you're actually compromising your health over this, not good

FancyALittle · 30/01/2011 15:29

Oh dear, we did hit a gloomy patch! On the plus side, there's bright sunshine outside and my cats are rolling around in the sunny spots. That makes me very happy! DH is preparing for his interview so I've not seen him since 8am. I think he's feeling under a lot of pressure because it would be his ideal job in the ideal area - meaning I can also stay in the job I enjoy and we can start a family.

bebejones sounds like a really complicated situation, I don't know what to say but I really hope everything works out for you. I remember bits of the old thread and the promises etc.

DizzyKipper Hello! Yes, at 24 it was a bit young to be dealing with cancer but testicular cancer mainly happens to younger men. Thankfully his prognosis is excellent. This year there's been cancer, miscarriages and parents dying in our circle of friends and I just feel we're still a bit too young for all this big stuff to be happening.

DarciesmumandTTC2 · 30/01/2011 16:47

Sounds like everyone has had a tough year, let's hope 2011 is better.

Bebejones I know how you feel with illness. I thankfully haven't got MS like yourself, I do have fibromyalgia, sciatica, trochanteric bursitis & This week a cyst on my right ovary ruptured (not pleasant) have my scan tomorrow for an update on it. It is the one thing that worrys him with my health how will he cope with 2 children if something should happen to me, but we had a really good talk and he sees why I want another one. Although TTC has been put off due the rupture this week.

Hope everyones Sunday has been alright? We had a yummy roast at the inlaws today :-) and DD has been an angel

bebejones · 30/01/2011 19:36

Darcies - you poor thing that is a lot to be dealing with. Sounds painful! I have got Trochanteric bursitis too! Had a steroid injection beginning of December, has not helped at all! Bloody hurts doesn't it?!
Your DH sounds like he has had similar reasons to postponing TTC as mine has. Just wish I could convince him that it would all be fine. (I know I can't guarantee it, but he is being very negative!)

Dizzy - I don't feel like I'm compromising my health, maybe only a little...short term. The medication I was on only reduced my risk of relapsing by 30% & I had a significant relapse whilst I was taking it!! Unfortunately there is no treatment for MS symptoms really, and I am very very lucky that when I'm not relapsing I don't have any day to day symptoms at all! The stronger meds would give me greater 'protection' but have higher risks & would be quite dispruptive & involve hospital treatment (as an outpatient) every 4 weeks!

I just want to do the right thing for my family & for the future & I believe that long term it would be best for me to have another baby now! :(

I promise I'll be less self involved 2moro, just had one of those gloomy days! :(

UnfortunatelyNotAMummy · 30/01/2011 20:23

Hi Everyone,

Me and DH got married last year and I would love to have a baby now but there are a few things in the way. I'll be starting distance learning soon with work so I'll be quite busy, DH thinks we should wait until we've got more money before we think about TTC but I know he's not really ready for it yet anyway (we're both 24). All good reasons to wait but it doesn't stop me crying at anything on telly with a baby in it! :)

Looks like I'll be here waiting for a long time yet.

FancyALittle Good news on your DH's 1 year all clear. My DH bought me a kitten for a wedding present and he really is my replacement baby, we call each other mummy and daddy too.

DarciesmumandTTC2 · 30/01/2011 20:52

Bebe - yeah I had one in dec 2 not helped much at all but hey ho must go on. DP is really supportive in many ways but his attitude let's him down most of time and it make me :( when I know I haven't done anything intentionally to piss him off - says alot that I milk the pain and do sod all indoors :( I love him more than anything and I really want DD to have a sibling but I have a feeling it's not going to happen ESP when he thinks negativly about me all the time and turns it around as if I'm the one with attitude. I try and just plod on day to day. Hopefully will have a better day tomorrow.

BroodyRhi · 31/01/2011 10:24

Morning all (waves)

It was a tough 2010 for this thread, fingers crossed for better luck and health in 2011!

What I cant understand in all of this is how strong the desire to have a child is, its not like something you see in a shop and want, its gut wrenching and physically hurts. A big gap. How can our DP's not understand this? Never thought I would really get this broody, always wanted a family but this is quite something!

Has anyone else been overcome by the power of broodiness?

Any stuck at home today with a stupid cough/cold/sickness bug picked up from school. Those pesky kids.

DizzyKipper · 31/01/2011 10:31

Nah don't make promises like that - seeing people write posts about themselves makes me feel more ok with writing stuff about myself (always feel that I go on about myself too much and how annoying it must be to others)

FancyALittle glad to hear about his prognosis. Will second Darcies sentiments and hope 2011 is a better year for everyone.

Some one at work has just had a baby - came 5 weeks early but seems to be healthy. Anyone else get really jealous of all these people (who are always the ones that were never even planning anything) who then get pregnant before you?

hartey · 31/01/2011 10:33

Hi all!

What a good thread for my first post.

We are waiting - but getting impatient. Have one DD who is 26 months - a bigger gap than planned. We want to move house this year and so don't want too much going on all at the same time - but not sure how much longer I can bear to wait!

DizzyKipper · 31/01/2011 10:35

BroodyRhi that's it exactly! I never even wanted a baby before meeting OH, didn't have any desire and the thought of being a mum (and how my kids would probably end up hating me anyway) always scared me. And then when I met him, pow! Overcome by desires and instincts I'd never experienced before - the desire was so strong it was gut wrenching and so emotional. Every month come period time I would work myself up into a state, hoping so much yet knowing I couldn't (on pill) and really shouldn't (not the right life circumstances) but above it all hoping so much!

So yes, have definitely experienced the power of broodiness of which you speak.

DizzyKipper · 31/01/2011 10:37

Hi hartey . Do you have any dates in mind for when you'll be moving?

PS. Should really get on with housework now and stopping mucking about on mumsnet

hartey · 31/01/2011 10:51

Hi DizzyKipper - we want to have our house on the market before we go on holiday first week of May!

I am not sure we can wait that long - DH is getting particularly impatient which is slightly encouraging me to just throw caution to the wind!

Having DD was the best thing we ever did but I have a sensible head at the moment that tells me the move to the bigger family forever home should be the first priority!

Another reason I am unsure about waiting anymore is a cycle that was always 29 days has now gone a bit haywire!

BroodyRhi · 31/01/2011 11:33

Hello Dizzy I get the same thing with my periods while on the pill, really sad and emotional. I tried explaining this to DP and he seemed confused as to why I would be upset even though I knew I couldnt be and that it was coming?! Also really resented taking the pill everyday, another good reason for me to come off it and chart. Hated taking it knowing it was stopping me doing the one thing I want to happen :( It is hard to explain to DP that it is his fault, that if I didnt love him this much I wouldnt want to have a baby with him, he is unconvinced by this argument!

bebejones · 31/01/2011 11:54

This uncontrolable desire to have children doesn't always go away when you have one!! I thought it would, but I am worse this time, probably coz I wasn't waiting to TTC last time...just 'did it' without considering really what it would entail & without much planning! Possibly not the smartest move, but DD is perfect & I wouldn't go back even if she did turn up at a pretty bad time for us...but we weren't to know that the economy was going to end up in the toilet! Does make me wonder though, if we didn't have DD already would DH be so reluctant now? I know he wants a DS, but just wish he would make a decision so we can move on!

Welcome hartey :) My DD is nearly 30 months & that's a bigger gap than I would have liked, I know how you feel!

BroodyRhi · 31/01/2011 14:54

bebejones I think just going for it has its benefits, I think my DP thinks too much about it. Our friends went for it with a lets see if it happens and they got preggers in one month of trying! There is a danger of thinking too much. Maybe your DP is doing that?!

My DP has his own life plan but seems to have forgotten that I might have one that is different to his! Maybe my life plan should change from its current cooking him his dinner every night! lol

FancyALittle · 31/01/2011 17:52

Just found out someone I know is pregnant. Happy for her, but also thinking her situation is so much less stable than mine. Am I being too sensible? Should we just go for it while we're young and alive?

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bebejones · 31/01/2011 19:01

Broody - My DH is definitely overthinking things too. He likes me being at home to cook & clean & look after DD, but at the same time would like me to at work earning money! Well I can't do both...not full time! His 'life plan' seems to be different to mine at the moment but for us it is also DDs life plan we need to think about, a point which he seems to be missing completely. She keeps asking me for a 'little brother'...why does she never ask DH? It's not me she needs to convince! Frustrating isn't it?!

Fancy - There is something to be said for just ploughing ahead & thinking about the reality of it all after the event! It's completely natural to feel a bit when someone has something that you desperately want. You just have to do what feels right for you. :) So many people I know have announced pregnancies or had babies over the last few months. Everytime I think, 'why isn't that me?'

candyshop · 31/01/2011 19:39

Hello all,

I've been lurking around on MN for a little while now but only just started to post. Came across this thread and noticed that a lot of you are in a similar position to me, and seem like a friendly bunch so thought I'd join in... hope that's ok?!

Like others on this thread I am also getting married this year and my DP has agreed to start TTC after the wedding (this is, of course, if he doesn't change his mind). We've had many talks over the years about starting a family, but its always 'lets wait till next year then talk about it again', I hope that once we're married my DP will finally be 'ready' if thats possible!
Oh and I'm another one who has a dog as my baby for the moment!

DarciesmumandTTC2 · 31/01/2011 20:59

Welcome Newbies :)

Well had a transvaginal scan today, everything looks clear according to the sonographer so just got to wait for the results today. Feel 10times better tho

just getting ready for one born every minute and then Glee :)

Flip

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