30s TTC - The BESH thread at the end of WOOniverse.

[PrincessBoo]

Donne thy robes and come join the hagges round a crackling fire made of ye olde pee sticks, as we run around nekkid, high on snorted baybeedust, and do our straynge erotick rituals on the altar of ye inconstant moon.

Come one, come all as we cast spelles and do any Magick we can finde on our queste for an elusive win.

Bring thy gynne for yon cauldron and help thyself to a laddle, as we prepare the incantationnes...

The kitten AKA practice has been running up and down my stairs for twenty minutes. He miaows at the top and the bottom and bites my ankles if I try to use the stairs too. I am dying for the loo, any suggestions?

Use his litter tray in revenge?

It was stapled to the first one, btw. Why did the third monkey fall over?

Perhaps you could climb out of the window, shimmy up a drain pipe, then tight rope walk along the window sills before swinging your legs to smash the bathroom window, and finishing on a comando roll though it? (it would also be good if, when you stand up, you could do a kind of Hiiyah pose just in case of threatening cats having got in)

I honestly haven't got a clue what mrbitey is on about. Is she genuinely being bullied in her own home by a cat?

I have no guesses for the continuing monkey joke (not very good at remembering jokes at the best of times!)

Bitey can you not put on a pair of heavy boots and kick it out of the way? No? Clearly my non-animal lover side coming out

Any way you can trap it in another room? I'd be tempted to let it outside

So I had pg announcement last night and am feeling deflated by my guilt today. For fucks sake, I massively need to HTFU but am not sure how to do it. Am feeling all bah today and we have leaving drinks for a work colleague tonight so Must. Not. Get. Hammered.

Pone how are things with you? Feeling better? Got over your brush with the law?

Bitey I luff your evil kitten

Mine sticks his paws through the bannisters and tries to cuff me round the head as I walk up the stairs.

Truffs I think a large G&T is definitely in order. Not right now, obviously, as it is before lunchtime.

Was the third monkey jumping on the bandwagon?

Distracted kitten of doom with a saucer of kitten milk in the end. He doesn't have a litter tray anymore and after three days of prune juice was getting to be an ER sittuation!

That's right pone, in my defence the morning sickness returned with a vengance plus hormonal headache from hell so was rather vulnerable! He is normally good as gold, the foot dragging one is away and I think he was worrying about it.

Did the third monkey topple because he was holding the stapler?

Ha, ha Bitey I think most of the mothers I know have resorted to food-based bribery at some point or another!

Did the third monkey fall over because he was originally leaning on the 2nd monkey?

My best joke is 'Did you hear the one about the magic tractor? It went down a lane and turned into a field'

A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.

The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied ?I don't know, it all happened so fast.?

Bollocks to it Truffles. Is this person going out tonight too? Make sure you avoid them if you can and have a good time anyway.

It still hasn't sunk in here, I do expect my period to just turn up. If I can get through the 12 weeks scan ok I'll feel a bit better, as that's where it all went tits up before.

Aww truff have a few anyway, can you have TGB on stand-by to collect you if you suddenly don't want to be there. My mother has a lovely cure for feeling bah - champagne in a bubble bath. She is convinced that that the double bubble has a magic effect on the psyche. Cava works just as well when I try it

BB is very scary time isn't it? I still check the toilet paper everytime I go for a wee. The scan will make you feel much better. I found that the morning sickness, while horrid, was also reasssuring. Although you could be like Owlie and sub contract your puking out.

I am going to try and remember a joke, don't hold your breath anyone - it won't be funny and I will forget half the punchline!

Am still at work and have had a bugger of a day (much of it spent poring over tiny little spreadsheets trying to make headcount and saalry budget numbers balance - boooooring) so have decided I shall be going out for some beverages!

Thanks to all for indulgence I am well aware that this is dangerous territory and will have TGB on standby at home for cuddles when I return. He doens't 100% 'get' the jealous thing, which is nice as at least one of us can do without the blackened soul. Thankfully we hardly ever see the person in question as she lives some way away and is TGB's cousin. I'm pleased for her and as she is older than me and put off TTC until she met the right man and then got settled home and job wise I guess she is honourary BESH so I musn't grumble.

See you all tomoz BESHettes, when I shall be rocking a gigantuan hangover no doubt. I'm off up North so shall be trying a Maccy D's breakfast on for size en route (always a good cure!)

L8rs

Got one! What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.

Woman down. Hoisted by the droid's petard. (does that even make sense?) Have resolved in future to always watch the news just after finding out, filled with revolutions going awry, and huge cyclones, and then sit feeling really rather relieved that all I have to contend with is a bleeping metal zit on the face of womanhood. Have been out and about today, and did experiment of wearing moon cup so as not to 'find out' at inopportune moment- I can't decide if it was a good idea or not, on balance I think it was as I definitely didn't think about it quite as much.

Truff I think in all my years months in the palais I've never realised quite how much the smiley sums up the exact feeling of pgannouncementenvy. I think it's cos it looks a bit evil, as you feel evil for having it, and then a bit confused as well cos you can't help having it and get confused at why you feel evil , and then a bit sad too. I know very much what you mean about dh/p s not getting the thing- BBB once told me I was a bad sister for not being completely over the moon when my younger sister got diffed, (not that I ever showed that to her, I hope) we had lots of angry strained silences words over that I can tell you. Rest assured there be us who do understand, and will always have an open ear to rants and raves.

Swapped my working day to tomorrow this week, so am denied droidal two bottles of wine...hugely indulged in a slice of toast with peanut butter earlier, so do feel like I've let go this evening

Hope you've had a splendid, albeit man free birthday rocket, hope he brings looooooots of pressies back to make up for absence

mrbitey

I have an idea for distracting kitten.

next time hes up the stairs make a little ball out of tinfoil/paper and throw it up the stairs making it roll back down- you will kitten will career down after it and you can dash up!

Haaaaagggs! How you all doing? What's the cauldron taste like at the moment?

Moley Have a un-WOO-like tequilla slammer while I pass your droid through my sausage-maker. Like the research distraction technique though.

I'm crap at remembering and telling jokes so I prefer <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.it/imgres?imgurl=1.bp.blogspot.com/_scfe5YzN958/RmFrdvmnGnI/AAAAAAAAAJo/EgLDELxvOz8/s400/Larson%2B-%2BHay%2BBar.gif&imgrefurl=thebarprop.blogspot.com/2007_06_01_archive.html&usg=__PM_NBrqwH17nZERtotivJOGY5Fw=&h=400&w=299&sz=152&hl=it&start=24&zoom=1&tbnid=bwpwQPwZikJoEM:&tbnh=137&tbnw=101&ei=98VJTeWmBsaChQe9rpi-Dg&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dgary%2Blarson%27s%2Bbest%26hl%3Dit%26gbv%3D2%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D608%26tbs%3Disch:10%2C589&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=130&vpy=152&dur=312&hovh=137&hovw=102&tx=88&ty=129&oei=1sVJTdj5Ao7vsgaU6oWzDw&esq=2&page=2&ndsp=23&ved=1t:429,r:8,s:24&biw=1280&bih=608" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">this

Bitey you need to seriously harden up if the cat is dictating when you go to the loo. but on the other hand, that cat might be perfect guard-cat material.

truffs She sounds like a right irresponsible bitch to me - wasting her fertile years. Fucking cow. Why didn't she simply become a spunk receptacle at the media-approved age of 24? That's 3 years to have established her career. Selfish slaaaaaaaaag.

Oh if we can talk diffed envy - I read (stupidly) that story about the woman who left her baybee in front of the gas fire. How can someone who is drinking 6 bottles of wine a day get pregnant? :( I think there's much more to that story than meets the eye - I'd be looking very strongly at her father if you get my drift. She was smart enough to keep her shit together and qualify as a pharmacist yet started drinking at the age of 8...

bitey I agree with milano - you've got to MTFU or this cat is going to start humping your leg, spraying in your wardrobe and demanding you get up at 5am to get its Felix. Oh.

Normal service resumed with kitten, he's back to usual cuddles and purring. Most relieved as was terrified of tripping over the little shit and falling down the stairs. He's quite solid around the feet!
My husband is returning today after three days in Prague, hope I get a good pressie, or at least a toblerone!

Oh yes, Praha - city of Toblerone.

Fackin' 'ell chaps - she's being bullied by a kitten and 'er geography's gone up the spout.

Warning warning warning - this is what pregnancy does to your brain. (True actually - I was only able to string a sentence together about a week post-partum.)

Cats are too clever bitey. What you need is a dog. These long winter nights just fly by while we watch our whippet try and bite her own back leg whilst spinning around, then looks bewildered at what she's just done. Hours of fun.

Jokes, you say? Which cheese do you use to coax a bear out of a tree? Camembert.

I'll get my coat.

Toblerone!

I tread on the cat at least once a week. Not intentionally, obviously. He doesn't seem to mind too much and it's his own fecking fault for repeatedly sitting silently right behind me with his tail curled around my shoes, waiting for me to step backwards.

Moley Pliz to accept this here metal ice cube tray what I have fashioned from the evil droid. You can use it to make ice cubes to go with the cauldron of filth.

For some reason I thought a whippet was like a ferret. It's not, is it?

ski tolberone is traditional gift in my household whenever anybody flies because those huge bars are sold in every airport in the land. It's true! Even Cardiff! I didn't find Prague a very good city for gift shopping. Fabulous architecture, history and culture but far too many russian dolls on sale for my liking. You are quite right about the preggo brain though, my friends are all calling me Nana Moon because I am so vague, have many boiled sweets about my person and have developed a love of blankets. What is bad it that the blankets and boiled sweets were things I loved pre-diff!

troglet my neighbours have a whippet, I adore her!

Toblerone for the love of god!

A bit like a ferret owl but less biting and more peeing on the kitchen floor.

Love the Nana Moon reference bitey. I share your love of blankets and boiled sweets and seem to have a desperate desire to buy cushions which I never had in my twenties. It drives Mr Trog mad.

I really, really like the smell of lavender. Are we all turning into old buggers in here or something?

Now pass me that fecking toblerone. We also have the toblerone tradition in our family. They always hurt the roof of my mouth but I luff them so.

You're right owl, we're all getting old.

Right - am off to get trolleyed on Thunderbird and steal a traffic cone. That is what the youngsters are doing these days, isn't it?

Thanks hags, she clearly is a selfish, stupid woman who doesn't deserve the diffedness anywayz innit?

I luffs the toblerone too although we don't have the tradition of bringing it back from the duty free I really like the way you get melted chocolate on your fingers when breaking the triangles apart so you get to lick it off.

I have quite a fondness for blankets but am not a fan of boiled sweets and positively hate anything lavendar scented so am pleased I'm clearly Not. Old. Phew

I am feeling more human now after a raging slight headache this morning. Luckily I was home and in bed by midnight but as I had my first glass of wine at 1830, that doesn't really say much. Didn't manage the McD's brekkie but did have a warmed croissant and cup of tea courtesy of TGB, bless him.

Trog you may be disappointed as in my experience, most teenagers spend hours in their bedrooms playing impossibly boring fantasy games on the PC. Now in my day......