The fred where the BESH practise DIY. Scan the chart below. Customers are kindly requested to keep readers informed of relevant colour and consistency.

[Ariesgirl]

BESHityourself proudly presents...

The BESHtone colour matching system, for all your interior colourways

000 Clearest eggwhite
001 Watery white
002 All that jizz?
003 Cottage cheese
004 Cunt-ry cream
005 Hopeful Yellow
006 Hint of a Tint
007 Excessive Cigaring
008 Stretchy but streaky
009 Palest Pink
010 Implantation Imaginings?
011 Itty Bitty Brown
012 Brahn String
013 Ovaltine Ochre
014 Sludge Brown
015 Clotty Red
016 Purest Scarlet
017 Possibly Green*
018 Barely Black*
019 Sump Oil Surprise*
020 Nothing. Nadda. Where the fuck IS it?

*Available at specialist retailers

Well Cass had tantalised with her thread and then buggered off. Someone had to do it.

We haven't had any wins this thread, BB , tis rubbish. I was hoping Bitey might do the honours but it seems not. I therefore vote for the non-menkulling salts .

Have my giblets worked then?

Whoop! Whoop!

salty yes a rundown of imaginary symptoms would be good. I shall stay silent on the issue of how you can have a list of imaginary symptoms if you are not secretly doing the menkul. [hgrin]

Stop. It. That counts as menkul fueling.

I vote Offallyversatile for winner

I can have a list Muse, because I am merely an observer.

that is actually possible.

IT IS

Twinges in the Wombledon Common
Head spinny feeling all the time
bursting into tears for no reason
Soo tired I can hardly lift my legs

That's all.

Now, you go off with that and do what you will MuMu

is clusterposting a symptom?

If so, pliz to add to list...

They are very interesting symptoms salty. Very interesting indeed. The extreme tiredness and bursting into tears are particularly interesting. I shall be over here doing some menkulling on your behalf. I'm nice like that.

Thank you Mu

I, true to my word, have worked out a non diffed explanation for each one :

Twinges = wind
Headspins = inner ear problem
Tears = my naturally sensitive nature
Tiredness = end of term combined with driving 400miles yesterday

See? All very logical

Thanks medee - realised I had forgotten to request vital component of A's lower body but you have kindly provided it anyway.

I had those last month salts. And the month before. And in March.

I am firmly in the non-menkul camp now.

This is my point about symptoms Rie. I have em all the feckin time. To the point where I think i'm probably suffering from some sort of serious illness!!

In fact, thinking about it, my "symptoms" in the first 2 weeks of being diffed were exactly the same as my symptoms in all the months I have not been diffed.

We should create a room in the next Palais especially for the promotion of non menkul.

I've got:

Tiredness - snoring husband
Sickiness - crap diet of chocolate/junk
Twinges - normal PMT or wind as salts rightly says
Snottering and wailing - refer to SIL incident for details.

I've got to do the epic driving this weekend, which will go nicely with the droid arriving.

ariel and salts I've got my non-menkulling pom poms out and am cheerleading you both.

There you go *gibletbag you've got the idea.

This should be the mantra of the non menkul:

I will have SECS FF and WI.
I will not obsess over either sort of SECS
I will not think about when The Droid is due
If I seem to not have had a visit from the fucker for ages, I will note that, with mild interest.
I will do a test when appropriate, and not before.
I will know in my heart, that if I am diffed, I have (assuming no slippery womb) 9 whole months to enjoy the news, therefore not finding out until a 2 or 3 weeks in is absolutely fine.

I'll sign up to that.

In fact we will be very boring BESH companions for everyone else, the Menkullers, given that our conversation will now mainly consist of food, TV, booze and boys.

You know what this is don't you? It's the BESH equivalent of the Great Schism or the founding of the SDP or the firing on Fort Sumter.

Oooh, v.good.

I feel better already. I might actually do some real work now.

I'm not sure I want to be boring...

We won't be boring Salts, rest assured. We're too interesting to be boring

I know what you're saying about the illness thing though. This month I felt sick, I was tired, I had dizziness on standing and I was emotional. If not diffed then what the feck was going on?

And I've stopped drinking.

Oh God, I am boring

Give me the sloe gin Pellets!

I hvve a question - I'm going to meet my very pregnant friend for lunch in a bit, she's just left work so I want to get her a little pressie - I can't decide if I should get her something pretty and jewelery based or send her flowers to be delivered to her house (whihc I always love..)what would you do, dear BESHes?

I know - it can't be normal to feel slightly ill the whole time, surely!!

I am pretty certain that most of our symptoms are either regular PMT symptoms that we have just never really noticed before we started TTC or they are completely psychosomatic and do not actually exist.

I find it quite worrying that my brain can actually make my body feel like shite so easily. Why does it never manage to do the reverse and make me feel fabulous?

I'm offering a Rent-a-Menkal service if anyone wants me to menkal on their behalf. I honestly keep thinking I've forgotton something, then realise its the menkal. Mr Loz & I SFF (I know!!) the other night, & I nearly drove myself blind trying to calculate what CD I was on.

So, list your symptoms BESH's, imaginary or real.

Do the flowers SodiumChoride. That's my advice

That's a genuinely interesting question, Owl. You hear stuff about psychosomatic illness but not the reverse. Or maybe you do? I wonder how long Jane Tomlinson would have lived for if she hadn't started running marathons and doing iron man challenges etc. She still died in the end though . That's a woman who should be posthumously knighted or something.

Here are my symptoms, Lozza, which I believe are not on the chart:

Leftover dregs.

MrA and I have 2 months of SFF to look forward to. I wonder if we'll actually do any