Avast Behind! Full of salty seamen and buxom lasses, the Gin Palais is heading off in search of Pirate Booty! For those brave BESHly wenches in their 30’s, TTC since the Black Death.

[BarbiesBeaver]

Ahoy Gin Hags, behold the Hendrick?s Palais, the finest sea goin? vessel that ever left these God forsaken shores. Packed with comely wenches and salty seamen, I be lookin? for a BESHly crew to travel the seas in search of booty. Land lubbers lackin? a twisted disposition need not apply.

Let me shiver yer minges with tales of the fearsome Droid Monster, who raises his bloody head each month, and the dreaded 2WOOFL, where the vaguest signs can be espied from the top o? the Crow?s Nest.

Get ye to the Brig, yer scurvy dogs, where Roger the Cabin Boy will see to yer needs, or apply the Cat O? Nine tails to yer britches if ye should mutter the oaths of Babydust.

Drink up me hearties, yo ho(es).

Dressing cats up as humans is hilarious - FACT (Bossfriend dresses hers up in little baby rockabilly outfits!). But is it as funny to dress a baby up as a cat? These, my friends, are the important philosophical questions of today...

When we were younger, our cat used to fart and then glare at one of us in disgust and outrage. Yeah, because our trumps smelt of Whiskas!

Does George Osborne personify the phrase "chinless toff"? (No offence George - much).

BB - well I'm afraid you'll have to try and bear with me, I do like to try and put a positive spin on things. I can't abide people who wallow endlessly in negativity. :( On the other hand - sensitivity, discretion and tactlessness are oft underrated!

Aries Are you pollynating yet and taking photos of your boobs to compare at different stages of your cycle?

Ugh, my folks are entering the building. I was out and just on my way home when I found two texts: 1. We're in France, 2. We're in Gent. Both sent hours previously so I've had just half an hour at home and they're coming. [heavyheart]

I shall just look in the mirror thanks.

BANG BANG BANG! Pony, it's us! Let us in! We've brought your Tesco's food!

Tactlessness is oft underrated? Ah, time to pop on the Freudian slippers, methinks!

Lyra Yes, a little but more gay disco if you please. IT WAS FOR HIS OWN GOOD. He was self harming because he is a bit mental and of a nervous disposition.

Schadenfreude is funny but slightly guilt inducing at same time.

HB I suggest kidnapping yo man and taking advantage til the bar goes down again. Pull a sicky. People of London, behave for a bit whilst MrHB impregnates his lovely wife please. But I have little sense of responsibility.

Alpine oh I don't know I like a good wallow in my misery, have you noticed ?

Bangers I'm doing ok today my little chicken. Good days and bad days and all that. Now get shagging!

Gutted about the sailor suit for my cat - guess I'm not posh enough for that kind of thing. Surely the frog head thingy is ok though?

Barbie Well, a temporary wallow can be fun - but I'd figure you must be a positive person generally because only a bloody lunatic would be a miserable twat and think that having a child would turn their life around!

banger Can you not meet him in a hotel booked for an hour for a little bit of the other?

I dressed our Mog up in reindeer antlers and baubles for Christmas card photo. He looked incredibly pissed off about it which made an excellent card

Would you consider putting that photo on your profile Hooter? That is something I'd like to see. Understand if it gives too much away though, I'm sure I'll be able to imagine it!

Please do hoots . I've just sat down to my fucking editing and am not at the stage when just opening the doc. makes me feel physically sick. Pliz to provide feline diversion. Thanks in advance

Scorps I DID dress baby, well toddler up as cat for the nursery National Literary Day (no, I wasn't aware it was a day one dressed up for either). He is Puss in Boots. I have included the picture on my profile if you want to see. He also looks pissed off. Sadly no pictures of Withnail (the cat)

Owl but that is brilliant! Do you have the pic?

not now

You see? Fuckfeatured cheesebrain. I'm going to re-train as a bus driver.

It might be on my other computer which would be a disaster in which case I promise to dress the cat up in a suitable outfit for your amusement this evening. T'will serve him right for barfing on the sofa again this morning.

Love the MiniG pic, LadyG

Do you mean to tell me that you all routinely humiliate your cats? Oh please put the pic up, Plop - I could do with a laugh! And for the record "Withnail" is most excellent name for a cat.

HB, keep going chick. You can do it xxx

Now I'm blubbing because of this:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/1054916-My-cat-s-been-hit-by-a-car-one :(:(:(:(

Evening all.

I have random abdo pain. Feels like I have terrible wind, but without the terrible wind. I'm not saying this because I want to menkul, I 'm wondering if it might be a symptom of Something Other Than Diffedness...like, I don't know..probably colon-mould or summat..I can't think of anything that might be up that doesn't start in pre and end in gnancy.

Any suggestions dear wise BESHes?

Nearly pissed myself at your dress up cat stories. I'd have no face left of i tried that with mine....

Where in the abdo salts?

Sort of high up - under my diaphragm...but extends across most of my tummy.

That sounds intriguing, Salty. I didn't realise it, but tum ishoos can be the first signs of winning (I manage to have constipated diarrhoea, which I should possibly contact the Guinness Book of World Records about. Or the Channel Five documentary team). I shall be watching you with interest

I wish we'd been able to dress our old cat up but the fear of looking like one of Freddie Kruger's victims was too great You lot do realise that there's whole websites dedicated to cats and dogs (and other pets!) dressed up like absolute twats, don't you? The Yanks seem particularly obsessed with genius dog costumes for Hallowe'en (Jimi Hendrix Labrador, anyone?). I think it's only fair to harmlessly make cats look stupid - it's the only revenge possible for sociopaths

You sickos might also enjoy THIS picture...

PS GAGA, he is beyond cyoooooooot!

Scorps I may be dying from some sort of exotic tummy related illness and all you can do is menkul. Pah, hadn't even occurred to me it might be a symptom.

Constipated Diarrhea? Is that where you feel like you have the squits, but can't go, but then when you do tis all soft 'n' gooey?

Yes, Salty, how foolish of me to think that you are 2WOOFLING...

Constipated Diarrhoea - yep, you got it right. Is bizarre and horrible to have to sit there straining to get slop out! Mmmmm, enjoy your evening meals, everyone