I sniff a picture of nekkid Tom Hardy twice a day. Is clinically proven to increase a 30+ woman's fertility more successfully and strongly than IVF drucks 
I has a sad and I has also brokened my own commandment about twatfaces. Please to indulge me in long, probably confusing whine about fambly:
Today is my Aunt's 70th (Mum's SIL). Her and my Uncle live in Milton Keynes and have been staying over in the old country (Peaks) for a nostalga hit. On their way back down today, they went to see my parents (unbeknownst to the Aunt, my Mum had prepared a sumptuous feast and mini-party, etc.). I didn't go - I can only pretend to like my Aunt for 5 minutes before I turn into a petulant teen. Anyway, I rang her there not long ago and wished her a happy b-day and so on, all very nice, then she put me onto my Uncle. Now, you know how most men don't like chatting? Not my Uncle. The man brings new meaning to the term 'Verbal Diarrhoea*'. So he's talking at me for about 15 years - or so it felt - and out of the blue, he sighs and goes, Oh, your parents are such lovely, caring people. It's such a tragedy they'll never be grandparents.
Me: What makes you say that? Both me and Brother are young enough to have kids. Don't presume we don't want any just because we haven't done already.
Uncle: Well, you're too old. We (he meant all my cousins, their partners and kids!) were all saying the other week that we can't understand why you hate children, as you're such a sweet girl
Me: I do NOT hate children! And I'm not too old to have them myself.
Uncle: But you are, sweetheart. Don't kid yourself.
Me: Excuse me, was not your own mother in her 40s when she had Mum?! How can you say 37 is too old?
Uncle: But your Grandma had already had me years before (he's 13 yrs older than Mum), so she knew she could do it. If you get to a certain age and your body doesn't know what to do, it gets too late.
Me: I don't think tha...
Uncle: And your brother's with that young slip of a girl (THIS from a man who started going out with my Aunt when he was 20 and she was 15! And married her at 16. Bro's girlf is 23). She's not going to want kids for a while and your father (he's 70 this year!) probably won't live long enough to see it if they do...
And at this point, I heard footsteps (he was on the hall phone) and then my Mum wrestled the phone off him, hissing at him to STFU, and saying a hasty goodbye to me. They went not long after and she rang me back to apologise for him. She'd not argued with him, so as not to spoil Aunt's day but all he'd kept taking about after that, was about how my parents must be devastated they'd not be grandparents. THE CUNT! Brilliantly, my Dad apparently said that he found emotional voyeurism more upsetting, but they didn't get what he was saying. Then they left all nicey-nicey, etc.
Mum admitted to me that they've been coming out with this 'shame you'll never be grandparents' shite for about 2 yrs now. I waited until the call was finished to have a little cry.
Why? WHY? Why are people so cunty? I know Uncle and Aunt well enough to know that they really would discuss this topic at length over big family dinners with their lot and come up with salacious reasons of their own. My cousin had to have IVF to win her first child and my cousin's wife took 7 years to diff (finally won with IVF too, FIVE rounds - they're not rich; 3 were on NHS and they're still in huge debt for the others) and due to birth complications, can never get pg again (and she's Catholic who wanted a huge family, poor woman), so you'd think he might have a modicum of understanding.
Sorry that's so long. Just had to get it out. Is so AAAARRRGH and so upsetting. How can a man whose own mother gave birth in her 40s think like that? How can he claim to love me v much (as he does) and talk like that? AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! 
[homicidal]
*I spelt that without using spellchecker. Am so proud!