30s TTC: For BESHes who have been trying to conceive since the Higgs Boson was last seen

[ChoChoSan]

Come and learn the Tao of BESH, a path to wisdom and emancipation that can be gained only by careful practice and meditation on the central tenets leading the way from the barren to the Updiffed. The Tao consists of:

4 Noble Truths: 1) The life of an emancipated women inevitably leads to barrenness and babyfails. 2) Barrenness is caused by women?s FAILURE to procreate before they reach their thirties as a result of selfishness and evilness, and general hag-ishness.3) Barrenness ends when BESHness ends. This is achieved by eliminating The DROID, thereby reaching a liberated state of UPDIFFMENT. 4) Reaching this liberated state is achieved by following the path laid out in the Tao of BESH.

5 Pillars of BESHdom; YOU MUST: 1) Undertake Regular Visits to FC ? Always observing the ritual traditions of Getting Your Rat Out and Partaking of the Dildocam 2) Undergo the Purification Rite to evict the cobwebs, rusty bicycles and old prams from your ancient uterus 3) Realise that Camping will most assuredly lead to a swift and lasting visit from R2D2 4) Observe the solemn monthly rituals of ?the prodding of the buzwams? and ?insertion of cigar? 5) Recognise the terrible power of such artefacts as the CBFM, and despair!

Eightfold Path of Diffment;

1. Intercourse must always be a union of Winky and foofoo (No Hankyhole)

1. Defeat the negative karma of ?spitting a lot up the fanny? by pushing egg white up there after it

1. Appease the gods of fertility by rubbing your ovaries whiddershins

1. Pray to Jebus to put baybee in your tumtum

1. Have your uterus sprayed with Teflon, and apply gaffer tape to the lady garden to stop BOC falling out and making angelbaybees

1. Recognise that likelihood of diffment is in direct proportion to the number of poas you use, and the earliness at which you use them.

1. Confirmation of a WIN can only take place after you have undertaken your First BESHly Baptism, and assembled in a place of drinking with other followers of the Tao.

1. The state of diffment is confirmed when the second red line has been drawn on the poas, and the poas set on fire to release a pall of white smoke.

The BESHly acolytes are now called upon to provide suggestions for the Ten Commandments of BESH...JOIN US!!

Good news on the heartbeat gaga, hope all goes well next week as well.

So glad there was - and IS - a heartbeat, GaGa. Don't worry too much about the size-date thing; many PESHes and indeed FESHes have been told that their BOC is a week smaller than they know it to be.

We understand that you just want to be quiet and still but we're always here for you. ALWAYS. But you know that

Oh GaGa, I'm not surprised you went mental with Car Twat Face. What an afternoon. Glad to hear BabyGaGa is still beating away though. What the others said - it would probably be very good to take some time off and hibernate for a bit. If you're near Cass take her up on the offer - she's ok, she is! If you're near me (which I doubt - no one ever is!) I'll help too.

good news that there's a heartbeat, keeping hope for you.

Am I too late for evening prayers? Love the new place chocho you are genius and also the commandments so far, can I add:

Verily thou shalt imbibe the holy concoction of gin, as the sun rises and the sun sets and all the hours between.

LadyG I am so so glad that there is a heart beat. I think working from home would be just the ticket as you can chill out a bit a bit but still have something to occupy your mind. Just take it really easy on yourself as already advised by wise BESHes.

Where is salty??? :(

cass i love the end of the last thread (read to the bitter end)

HB TB got his over the phone but only from the "special results lady" all they told him was 'not very good' so yes get the OM to get all the actual numbers.

Oh boo hiss Lady - we lived in Leamington (well, Radford Semele, just outside) a few years ago but now we're just outside London. If we were still up there I'd have popped round no problem, brought you dinner. Glad you've got nursery though to help with MiniGG.

I think working from home sounds good - especially if you can lay in bed with a laptop - gets you some rest but also gives you something to do with your brain other than lay there worrying.

Also as Scorpula said, dating scans seem to be something of a loose art at best - many people have their due dates changed over and over by them. I really have no idea why they persist in using them. Besides which, and I am going to state something revolutionary here - BABIES COME IN DIFFERENT SIZES. Quite why the medics can recognise that outside of the uterus but persist in doggedly beggaring about with dates inside the uterus despite women being completely sure that, on the date the scan gives, they were untouched by human hand ~(or winkle) - it's all bollocks. Just another chance for the medics to try and mess with our heads. So try not to worry about that bit, though I know obviously you will, and we all would.

12pt I was v touched by your character reference

spooky psychic x post there cass

Glad you liked it rocket Oh yes, and great minds think alike.

Speaking of which - SALTY! GET YOUR ARSE IN HERE!

Hello Sorry have had day from hell at skool and had to go buy a washing machine as mine is broken, which is my idea of hell...

Anyhoo....

LadyGG heartbeat is muchos good news my dear. Waiting until next appt is muchos shite.

In gusset news, Droid has not appeared, not even any pant snot, which I suffer from for fecking days beforehand usually...but, I (obviously) POAS and was negative whihc is a pisser as it probably means my cycle is all out of whack. I don't feel as though Droid is appearing any time soon....

Guess I have to just wait...

Ooh! I speak and they appear!

Salty we have had washing machine hell several times this year thanks to some dodgy electrics which eventually traced and fixed. It is SUCH a pain. As is the droid messing you about like this. Well, it's not over till the fat fucker beeps, so will be keeping a beady eye on you anyway...

DOMINIC COOPER! GET YOUR ARSE IN HERE!

Whaaaat?? It's got to be worth a try

Now then. Dominic Cooper? Is he the one who was in Mama Mia? And played Willoughby in S&S (TV drama version)? If so HE'S A MINGER!

Sorry to be harsh, but Greg Wise IS Willoughby.

If I have his identity all wrong, I do apologise.

We had Teh Secs again today. Things are looking up. Thank you all for your kind words of the other day

I suspect Droid will be along tomorrow. Feckin bastard. Still, no matter. Not like I've been going menkul or anything....

Means that it puts my SWI ideal days right in the middle of the week i.e. the most inconvenient time, and extremely difficult without scheduling, which Mr S so not good with. Anyone know a way of bumping your cycle on a day or so?

This is too fucking difficult! I am going to the pit, and I'm staying there until I get my baybee.

Thanks for Fred btw Cho...did you put a pit in here?

Ok my salty friend. What kind of S did you P on? Because if it was an internet cheapy it might not show up for a day or two after droid was due. Not that I am encouraging you to go out and buy an expensive one, just saying (POAES, POAES POAES)

yey for aries getting some, glad things are looking up a bit. I am on for it again tonight. tbh I am a bit glad that needle lady has said that we shouldn't do it more than every other day cos of the JIAP results. Not sure i could cope without that excuse. Should be oving tomorrow but fucking useless cheap OPKs dont seem to be woring again this cycle

Oh Salts :(:(:(:(. Bastard bugger. Isn't this horrid? I'm sure Cho wouldn't have omitted to put a Pit down in the Taoist temple. It's probably full of relaxing niceness which is certain to ensure diffment for next time

It wasn't a cheapy internet one, it was a stupid clearblue one. Stupid, but I suspect accurate.

How are you all having so much midweek secs? HOW

One of the very small benefits of running your own biz, Salt'n'vinegar.

Sheer will power and tooth grittery. I have heard that clear blue are a bit dodgy. I really don't want to add to the menkul but I am a sad bint and surf random thread quite often and there have been a couple recently saying clear blue have given BFN just before BFP with another one. If no droid in a few days time i'd do a boots own brand or a first response.

Tis not the Clearblue that is dodgy Salad dear, it is a) my ability to get diffed and b) My inordinately slippery womb when I do get diffed. That is dodgy.

Did someone mention Greg Wise as Willoughby? That man was, is and will always be, the very model of sexy to me. No man/character can compete. Apart from TYF, I mean

(Greg also married a much-older BESH and anyone good enough for La Thompson has to be a cut above most blokes)

Oooh, can we not just kidnap GW-As-Willoughby for our sex dungeon? I'm sure Mitchell could do with a break (suddenly realise that Mitchell and Willoughby look verr much alike).

Salty, would having a go on Willoughby cheer you up? We won't give up hope until the metal midget beeps

I miss the Fritzling Chamber we kept at work for hunky young lads Ah, them were the days

I just hope BossFriend released them before handing over the keys.

Arsing buggery, salts , mid-week SWI is only possible if you have heroic-dedication-to-the cause-hubs like what HB does.

Good ways of bumping cycle on a week or two:

1. Change the women you share your office with (this always works for me)
2. Book a really expensive massage/waxing/spa session mid-week.
3. Put your best white pants on.

Also tis not over til the fat lady sings (strangely, last time I typed that on here, someone with the username TheFatLadyScreams replied, damnit)

raddichio YES to the gin commandment, hoorah for gin!

but I am dedicated to the cause

ok sorry salty i will chut up and quietly paddle along a river in Eygyt regarding your diffment status for a bit longer.

mmm, willoughby, what a delicious rotter he was.

Lets have a full and frank discussion about sex. Smug people need not apply. How can it not be dull and routine?

Evening all,

Am loving the new fred; impressed with intro from Cho; making plans to ensure eightfold path to diffment is followed to the letter and LOLing at the commandments so far. My contribution is thus: "Do not swear falsely by the name of the BESH" and "Do not covet thy neighbour's baybee"

GaGa am happy with the strong heartbeat found today, make sure you rest up and I'll be keeping the BESH candle going for the next 2 weeks.

Aries nice work on the midweek secs, will be joining you (not literally, as from what I have read that won't result in baybee win) as next week is OVing time methinks and want to get the practise in nice and early.

Salty boo hiss for the BFN, how can the beeping driod be messing you about like this? Fecking feckwit.

WinterStewPot very nice work bowing out of the dormitory, am missing post lights-out snogging snuggle time with fellow BESHes a bit though.

I'm off to cook some dinner. Me and TGB have had a stand off, him on Red Dead Redemption and me on MN and as I've finished this post I think I may capitulate. That and I'm fucking starving.

No apologies necessary Salad. Am mopey and possibly a bit pre-droidal.

who is willoughby?