30s TTC: Back to school at BESHory Towers. For spiffing gels who've been TTC since before rationing ended and find conception harder than Double Latin, chiz . What ho!

[Scorpette]

Come along, we haven't got all day. Pop off your blazers and straw boaters for a mo and listen up. As Head Girl, I think you ought to know that my dear chum Darrell Rivers tells me that we're really letting the side down with our lack of baybee-winning. To that end, instead of prep and lacrosse, we'll be TTC. I know some of us are losing hope that we'll ever win the Motherhood Cup for our house, but chins up and think of England! We don't won't to end up like the bitter, childless, dried-up old spinsters running this place, do w... oh, hello Matron! Yes, yes, we're going now...

Super! We've been given the attic dorm - bagsy the bed by the window, what! We won't be disturbed when we're enjoying midnight feasts, unbridled lesbianism, pillow fights and sneaking in fellows from the nearby boy's school for some ghastly dreadfulness.

So let's pop some Joyce Grenfell on the gramophone and crack open the tuck boxes! Mater's made me a huge ginger cake and oooh, I see someone's brought pontefract cakes! Yummo! Humbugs, sherbet, elderflower fizz, eccles cakes, a whole slab of choccy - what a simply smashing haul! Hmmm, this ginger beer smells suspiciously gin-like...

Oh yes

Epic failure to SWI last night. The OM plainly too tired to complete the job and I got cross . Yes, well done Headbanger, it is a known fact that exhausted members of the emergency services will, having been on their feet for 12 hours straight, respond beautifully to an annoyed wife . I have 2 bars on the CBFM again this morning so will hopefully have 3 days tomorrow and the day after which means there are still a few days to make up for my fuckwittage.

3 days bars tomorrow

Bum, I knew I played all my cards too early. months weeks days of watching you all play til i was fit to bust, and it all came rushing out at once. I am humble I am, honest, it's just not coming out right.

teteatete (that doesn't work without the accents, does it?)have NO experience or working knowledge of CBFM, though it sounds magical and omnipotent. Am sure the fact you still have days left means one night off for recovery is Not All Bad- if he was so tired, bless him (have such a soft spot for heros,) perhaps his swimmers would have been too, and just set themselves up little beds on your common instead of being arsed to get all the way up to goal. What about Sunday afternoon delight? Or is he off saving people again? It ain't over til the CBFM stops having those bar things you mentioned. (So not as catchy as it was in my head.) Smooches and Roundhouses..and LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME SOLDIER!

Is it just me or does anyone else snigger when they see 'Love Stick Man' at the top of the page? No? I'll get my coat...

Thanks for being soothing StarryNight. Can I sit on your lap, please? My bottom is heavy, but soft...

Hey you know: you're right, I think. We SWId the night before and they're supposed to need two days of recovery time, n'est-ce pas? So perhaps 'tis for the best. Afternoon delight alas not an option - he's off being a costumed superhero again - but he then switches to nights so there's scope for afternoons then.

Any sign of droidage yet, btw? And - I'm so sorry: I feel I should know this without asking - are you awaiting it with unalloyed hope, because it gets you back on the wagon as it were, or is there a chance of diffage? I need to know what flavour of cheap IKEA BESHcandle to light .

On another note - does anyone here have a ruthlessly soppy partner who makes the babyfail even worse by being a total fucking girl about the whole entire thing? The OM really pissed me off the other night by saying that he'd got a bit tearful at work when little darlings kept coming up and wanting to play with him etc., and he had got besotted with a wee lass and has decided he no longer thinks women who steal babyees are mad . I was fuming. A) we only began the campaign in January so it's a bit too fucking early for histrionics, and B), I rather think you'll find that it's my job to get upset, and his job to put the kettle on and be all manly. 'Tis troof, I married him for his amazing combination of burly stubble-jawed manliness and tendency to prance among the daffodils composing Petrarchan sonnets, but God almighty...

AIBU?!?!?!

I snigger too Molesworth.

I once wrote/edited a government report and it went to publication with the immortal phrase, "Joe Bloggs became A full member of the committee...". I have never found anyone else that thought that as wickedly funny as it obviously is...

"Love stick man"? Where is that then?

HB I think the OM sounds lurvely, would you rather have a slightly soppy babyee stealer or a self professed child hater? MIne keeps coming out with things like "well we will probably hate each other once you have a baby" ( I might be exaggerating slightly but and )

anyhoo, every other day should be sufficient, my plan is every other day until the day before O day (next wed) and then hoping to sneak one in morning of O day just before the FC appointment (lets hope they don;t send me off for dildocam straight after )

holeymoley I know someone else who used to know Noel Fielding when he was at school, was it going that far back you knew him? Spooky if so. I think he is v funny but not really fanciable and I prefer Julian, does that make me weird?

I have a riddle for you: what kind of creature clambered on yesterday, will clamber on today and once again tomorrow?

Know naught about popular culture apart from MN of course. Hence the question about the man who died with an arial in his hand. And who's Seamus Heaney? I do know I can't abide anyone that takes themselves as seriously as Morrisey. This is an old conversation though. I guess I am the moron who catches up too slowly. What character would that be?

YABU HB. I'll take him if you don't want him and add him onto mine, who is quite similar really, and then I'll put double vision goggles on and have an IMAX hubbie.

Saying that, mine's working today too, and I ain't got no CBFM but there is FFJ and I am gagging for it, so I think this is The Time. Did it last night. I am afraid the poor bastard will be too tired tonite. Although he is stoically accepting his predicament and pretending to be excited about all teh secs he is going to get. Bless. I might bugger off to the farmer's market and cook summat nice.

How do I tell people at an interview that I want a senior position and tonns of cash?

BoringFood the consultant chick with rarified hairline wanted to examine me at our first appointment. I dodged it by getting a period there and then.

Ok thanks for the info HopAlong might have to rethink the pre appointment secs then....

Maybe they are used to little jizz on their hands.

oh and "I am looking for a challenging leadership role and my salary requirements are £"

insert appropriate figure here. I hate having to talk about money tho and am really glad that most positions in my industry are recruited through agencies (this is probably why i was a bit rubbish at freelancing)

haha, "jizz hands" would be downward shaking version of jazz hands? :o

I feel guilty now! I suppose it's nice he's broody.

I'm about to do some work!!!!

Go for it ClamberOn. I'll try and follow suit. Let's all try and slip into the end of the MSDP...

morning BESHies. You lot are too, too verbose. Will catch up.

Did I mention my tendency to cringe at such conversations? CRINGE! Which is weird, because I really am a people person. My last boss used to say "You have 5 mins to befriend the client. Go." Which is pretty weird, but I did do it on various occasion. It's just that when it comes to negotiating me I am rubbish. "Challenging" is a good word, thanks Salad. I guess they'd be pretty peed off if I go and get updiffed. It's not like I can plan that, obviously. I am quite worried actually, because I am getting interviewed by two very senior people and one person my age, who possibly has a teeny bit more experience than me, but not enough to be my superior, and I'd be annoyed if I have to work under her. But I suppose I still have the power to accept / not accept at this stage.

Sorry gals, I am a bit obsessed with this, as I just finished my MSc and got an interview way sooner than I expected in the current climate.

Back to real bidnit! I'll be thinking of other BESHes going for it . Let's catch the tail end! Who else is shagging apart from PencilCase and mua?

Oh, and Salad although a few days later. Is our other appointment sista, Laurel shagging around this time too? I think sod's law dictates that we should all win.

Here's the deal, right? We will all have clambered onb y this time tomorrow? Right? I didn't either HB. A curry and an evening on the beach before drinking loads was a more attractive option. Apparently. I don't actually think mine is cut out to be a parent either - "I'll still be able to go surfing every day? Won't I?"

It's a deal Arial! Can I also come and live with you? Beach, surfing?

Oh can I come too pliz HopOn? Ariel we'll help with the washing up. And I'll bring the old joanna and we can have nightly sing-songs and get drunk on scrumpy !

We did it last night AFTER 12pm which almost never happens (must be some sort of Gremlin fear). I had written it off as got too late but then thought how it would throw my 'every other night up until the night b4 OV' plan out of whack if we didn't (soooo romantic) Luckily TB has no idea that is how Machiavellian I am getting about our secs life. :o

HopOn I wouldn't think too hard about other peoples positions/qualification/age in relation to your own. (She may well feel slightly nervous about managing someone with your experience etc, ever thought of that?) Just concentrate on what YOU want, if the position/money etc are right for you. if other people have managed to negotiate well for themselves then all power to them really as long as they are actually doing the job (its only when people have been paid more than me and not been up to scratch I have kicked up a fuss)

BESH commune would be sure to result in instadiffs around wouldn't it?

ALL round, i meant.

Moley, I was TEASING you! Relax, you is totally accepted. Now toast my bread, run my bath, feel my tits do my homework

HB, I hate manly macho men. TYF isn't sentimental, but he's a very tender, gentle, sensitive sort, very tactile and kissy and I adore that. Every babyfail he concentrates on soothing and consoling me, but last time, I found out he goes and has a bit of a wallow or even a cry in private and I love him even more for that. However, he doesn't get soppy over other people's kids for 2 reasons: 1) he's grown up surrounded by 850,000 little cousins and older cousin's children (on the plus side, he is brill with kids and not scared of handling teeny babies) and 2) he always says that no-one else's kid could compare to what ours will be like so he just focuses on that. I think it's v sweet that your beloved is so soppy about it all. And he works in a very masculine environment, so keeping any non-masculine feelings at bay all day every day probably makes him even soppier when he does get to let them out.

And remember - what we call masculine and feminine do not automatically correspond to male and female. That's all social construct. It's not unmanly to cry and be broody for a baby, just like it's not unseemly for a woman to work, drive, be tough emotionally, etc. Thus endeth my Gender Studies Lecture

HopalongCassidy, you are a BESH and therefore automatically 800x better than everyone else (perhaps not at TTC ), so FUCK 'EM ALL!

I am liking the BESH commune. (Do you think Riela has gone all quiet because she is trying to move quitely before hoards of BESHes swarm her place?) HB can bake and Rie can eat. The rest of us will drink on the beach.

GreenStuff we were doing it at the same time . Thanks for the job advice, 'tis wise words you speak. I only found out about this girl 'cause she is coincidentally a friend of a friend and that got me thinking, but I should really put that out of my mind. And I probably should not be posting it on here, as I really wouldn't be surprised if one of the two girls I was with last night are actually BESHes. Which would make them supercool so that's all right.

Hear, hear Champion! And thank you for the bolstering words. Now I'm gonna think of BESHies both when shagging and interviewing .