We're All Going To IBESHA: Last minute budget holiday fun for 30s TTC. Pack your string bikini and your oversized shades and get on board.

[Saladbomb]

Last call for flight SWI101 to Shagaluff. Sangria laced with folic acid on tape. Fake tanned Club reps will be dishing out the 2 for 1 cocktails, dressed in nothing but the most miniscule budgie smugglers. The pit will be manned by sleazy but virile Spanish waiters to provide your every need. Lets see the summer out in BESHley style, IE: starting a bar fight, drinking the place dry and falling over in a heap at the end of the night.

A long lunch sounds perfect.....

Well you can shout all you like, but you may get a sore throat! I'm not going to even think about testing until CD35. That's over a week yet.

Sorry to disappoint.

Twinks that combined timing is shit. Definitely reckon it's an occasion to treat yourself to nice things.

OK, if we can't shout at Lorry who can we shout at.

Gah, there should've been a ? in there. Will find dunce's hat ready for BESHory towers.

OK, twinks I tried really, really hard to ignore that you said you liked the look of my imaginery symptoms. But you said it. So......... which ones? What about them? Pliz to come feed my menkal. Better than feeding me that Crunchie bar.......

Not exactly in theme but been to cornwall innit, so got to be done. Loving the new place... I've packed my bikini so I can have my belly and tatts hanging out. Got my eyebrow pierced specially the hols.

Lozzer I am quietly excited about your symptoms but will say nothing more. Yet.

Twinks you are an absolute brick

Aries was there absolutely no secks at all this month then? I know you had visitors during the crucial time.... the inconsiderate bastards.

Scropy if you are lurking, this is for you

And finally LadyGG congrats! I think that is earliest diffing in a new thread non?

Twinks, you really are an absolute brick, 'tis true. Come here so I can polish your medal have a sneaky feel.

Pliz to be completely self-indulgent on Friday. Wine and chocs and warm baths with oils costing a tenner a teaspoon, at the very least. I'll have the BESHcandle burning

Lozza I hate to inflate the menkul (lies! LIES! I LOVE IT! ) but I am MOST interested in the tuggy pullingy feeling in your Wimbledon Common...hourly updates much appreciated.

Aries, the OM and I have been departing early for bed with hot chocolate and cosy things on the iPlayer since we were young newlyweds way back in 1843...

I thought that symptom tres interesting too. Lozza how many DPO are you?

Tis undeserved but thanks, you lot never fail to cheer me up.

Lozzer, am in agreement that pulling feeling and, of course, the sickiness are the most exciting on your list. Are you normally a 35 dayer or is this some self imposed deadline?

No secks at all Aries? Or just very little? all my diffs have been on months where there has been very little action.

Afternoon BESHies

Lorry - think it's the crunchie craving that's making me think diffment for you . Will keep my fingers crossed that this is it!

Twinks you sure sound like one DHB - gives big slap on the back.

So, in my world. Am on CD40, 16 DPO. Sounds exciting huh? Well, fear not, a negative test put paid to the excitement and instead has fueled the menkul about what it is my fecking body is up to. No sign of droid and temps are still high. Am fed up of this irregularity so have booked yet another appt at the docs for Mon to beg them to look into it more. They'll probably laugh in my face and tell me to 'relax and then it will happen', but I won't know unless I try. Pliz help my wombular region someone...

Anyone fancy gorging on some nice cheesecake with me?

Oooo, fanks for feeding my menkal. Pliz to be prepared when it all goes the shape of a pear.

I'm only about 7 days DPO. To be honest, I'm always pretty vacant about the exact science of it. I'm usually about 31/32 days cycle, so I feel if I get to 35 days I'll be sufficiently late enough to allow myself to test.

I'm not overly excited about the sickness feeling as a) I HATE feeling sick & doubt I could ever find it exciting b) think I've done this before, & its basically me working myself into an frenzy that gives me excited tummy. I have the same feeling before I get onto a plane or a rollercoaster

Thanks for the cream tea pollster I know its not fitting but what the fuck? Its delish.

I'll take your cheesecake and swap you some of the vegan/gluten free cranberry and almond cookies I've made - testing recipes for my new business.

not sure if we've been introduced. I'll give your uterus a good shouting to if you think it would help?

My head feels as though it's going to explode. Feckin gonal f triggering a migraine I think. Triple humph.

Mmm, crunchies, cream teas and cheesecake

We need a huge pot of tea to go with those and perhaps some salmon and cucumber sandwiches (starting to sound like next month's thread already).

Orc boo for irregularity, that is a major pain & docs sounds like good idea (you could take Lorry and her Rage with you in case they are unhelpful) :)

Have just read up on When To Shag and it says we have to Do It every day for the next 3 days. They are kidding, right? We have never managed to shag 3 days running let alone 5 :(

Cheesecake you say orchid - lubberly.

Mmmmm, normally I'd be nekkid dancing in delight at CD40. But if your test says no then what the fuck? Glad you have docs booked. How long are your cycles normally then? Am I allowed to speculate cheap test? Dodgy test?

Sorry, 101 questions.

A new business in biscuit making Tarty? tell me more...

Orchid, that's strange and disappointing. What test did you use? How long is your LP usually? Sorry if you've explained all this before, I don't get on here enough to keep up with everyone.

TITS!

Oh, FSS, TYF's cousin is all over facecrack, going on about doing her run, pilates and cleaning the house from top to bottom and teaching her baby son all sorts of new tricks (hooneymoon insta-diff). Meanwhile, I am still in my nightie, with Diagnosis Murder in the background, as I aimlessly surf the tinterwebnets in an effort not to think about baybees and cry for the 5th time since lunch. I'm starting to see why people like her win and I don't - I'm basically too rubbish and pathetic to be allowed to be a mother!

scorps will a jiggle of the buzzwams, or cheescake with no calories in help? It is truely, truely shite and VERY unfair.

'Normal' cycles for me are about 31-33 days, with LP of 14 days. I've had the odd 15 dayer but not often. Being 16 DPO is crap. In Feb had a 22 day LP which the doc ignored and said was normal! Normal, my arse! I'm certain my hormones are squiffy. NICE guidelines say cycles over 35 days are classed as irregular, and my past 2 have been that (and lord only knows how many others). Last Sept I had a 50 dayer. RAH...

Lorry I could def use some rage pliz to make them listen!

Scorpette you just made me get teary. Now stoppit . Don't make me come up there and feed you toasted quinoa pilaff with roasted cherry tomatoes what I grew on my balcony, and fondle your luscious buzzwams. You're only having a day or so of patheticism because you haz had babyfail AGAIN, and you are permitted to be mis about that. It is not a permanent state of being. Your marvellousness remains undimmed throughout. You might want to consider some FB blockage though: I have had to block someone for getting instadiffed entirely by mistake. Which is entirely her business of course, but I do not want to know about it. Meanwhile, if I were your mother, I would suggest you have a bath and put on a frock and cook something time-consumingly delish and nourishing for your tea, but then, I am shallow, and lazy, and greedy, so frocks/bathsalts/dinner never fail to cheer me...

Orchid that sounds like bad misbehaviour on the part of your hormones or something. Can we get Scorps to shout at them and make them behave?

Secretly I'm hoping that when you get to the docs on Monday it'll be to wave a stick with a nice pair of pink lines on it.

Scorps you're the person I usually threaten to set on anyone who's employing such mocking behaviour, but as it's you who's having to read it the rest of us will have to sort her out for you

Oooooh, a bit of ranting unreasonably would pull me out of my doldrums! Thanks for getting your big stick out to wield all over FB, lovely Oxytocin and thanks, lovely HB, for all your cheering words and love. I have done lots of writing and have made myself a lovely chilli

Sorry for only quicksome note la BESHies just wanted to grope hug Twinks, nice to see you my dear - I've been very much the same as you re up and down-ness.

Nipple tweaks to the rest of you

Apropos of absolutely nothing even a teensy bit relevant: has anyone seen The Devil's Whore, and I don't mean those foetid leathern bints off of Loose Women?

Jeebus. I'd forgotten how effing sexy John Simm is in his breeches and hat: I swear one look at his duelling scar and my uterus shivered

Ooh a cream tea. Thanks Pol You mean you were dahn west and didn't come and see me? You hussy!

No, no secs at all. Not even a sniff :(. I think he would have fallen asleep on the job, which would have been worse than not attempting it all. It'll be a June baybee at the earliest pour moi. Which should make life fairly chaotic horrendous interesting! I'll have to put him/her in a little drawer in the office.