We're All Going To IBESHA: Last minute budget holiday fun for 30s TTC. Pack your string bikini and your oversized shades and get on board.

[Saladbomb]

Last call for flight SWI101 to Shagaluff. Sangria laced with folic acid on tape. Fake tanned Club reps will be dishing out the 2 for 1 cocktails, dressed in nothing but the most miniscule budgie smugglers. The pit will be manned by sleazy but virile Spanish waiters to provide your every need. Lets see the summer out in BESHley style, IE: starting a bar fight, drinking the place dry and falling over in a heap at the end of the night.

with your toes, plz to video efforts and post on interwebz.

And do you suggest i clench the video camera between my buttcheeks saladcream? I think i have enough prolems without providing amoooosment for you

To add to the Scorp method you can also plop some FFJ of dubious origin (FFJODO) in a cup of water. If spunk will dissipate hither and thither. If egg goo will ball together and sink. You should be able to fish it out and it will still do the stretchy thing. Waterproof, see?

Anyone still not vomming? See, there ARE worse things than just looking for stretch and viscosity.

By the way TCOYF suggests using ACTUAL egg whites as a lube if not making enough FFJ. Salmonella free chickens, obv.

LadyGG nice to see you. You all ok? I will take any advice from you coz of you winning this month.

But actual egg white?

Bleurgh....

And don't forget that FFJ will not be dissolved in water while sloppy seconds will be.

TruffleIcing and MooCow thank you for your potted histories. It is good to know as we are all nosey bitches very caring. MC and sperm allergies is not good though. I think you can still have IUI with sperm allergy or hostile FFJ as the sperm is "washed" before being inseminated to remove the prostaglandins and rubbish sperm.

Don't know what you're all moaning about on the poo thread - I did try to clean it up a bit afterwards FFS. And she was a rubbish host anyway.

Oh lordy, GG thats just made me be a little sick in my mouth. And I was just lamenting the thought of ever producing enough FJ to get some into a cup of water. At least I am distracted from that.

saltencurstedbumcheeks one word for you. tripod?

You lot are too quick for me. I missed out on looking clever on a) FFJ dissolving b) Smell my cheese you mutha c) What have the Romans ever done for us. And now you will think I'm lying to look cool - just like when I say the right answer to the pub quiz and no one believes I knew the right answer.

Salty, that does sound worryingly like you intend to ice a cake with your FFJ/spunky backwash...

I find spermz to be quite glisten-y. So sparkly spunkwash could be the right term

Skipper'sClunge - Will we be seeing you any time soon on the new ITV3 show 'Houseguests From Hell'?

I find the dissolving in water thang quite interesting. Am tempted to go try it...

Scorps I'm trying to cheer my friend up, not make her banish me!!

Sparkly spunkwash....dearie me....

Salty I never DID the actual egg white thing. Step too far for me filling self full of uncooked meringue. But ya know, it's an option. Do you think you could make meringue out of FFJ? And not spunk? Maybe that could be a third test?

I'm ok. Eating biscuits to stave off nausea and not doing a fat lot of work.

Did anyone ever take Gemaine Greer's advice in the Female Eunuch that to properly know yourself you needed to know the taste of your own menstrual flow? I did when at uni. Wish I hadn't bothered. Who's for a snog?

Sindy'ssnuff is correctumundo. Apparently sperm is washed to get rid for the bits that our lady bits would attack as soon as they set eyes(?) on them. Otherwise as soon as they placed the sperm in your lubberly uterus all the spermz would be murdered instantly. Clever, non? Normally your FFJ would do this bit for ya. I iz a IUI expert ya see (disclaimer - I've done it, doing it and have been paying attention (mostly when they showed us the sperm before they put them in, yep you get a preview of the little fellas ) as well as googling IUI a zillion times a day

How's you doin rocket my love? You do know that all diffed symptoms are absolutely identical to droid symptoms so I reckon you're still in the game.

scorps I'm interested in your needles lady, spesh as you say she is just down the road from me . Would you kindly give her details pliz. Oh and forgot to say I knows exactly where you are - rhymes with a rude word indeedy - and have been duly stalking you

Salty pliz to have a slice of your cake when done, sounds yum.

you ate your own DROID???

And you want to make FFJ-rangs

LadyGG you are truly disgusting and I think I want to marry you

Way behind again....just read meringue made out of FFJ, hmmm, got plenty at mo so may give it a whizz

I'm still waiting for HB to tell me if tis ok to put ganache in middle of cake with whipped cream??

HB, pliz to come out you are baking goddess

well we need to rival the jizz cook book. so FFJ Mess and maybe LadyGrossGourmet could contribute some droid recipes [sick not ]

i know cinco i know. i have decided i am going to test tomorrow I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!

i can tell you from experience it is ok salts but you might want to wait for the headbakers confirmation.

All this talk of cake, ganache, whipped cream, droid scoffing, FFJ, egg whites, meringue, poo skids is making me nasty. Think I need a lie down and a Wispa. Yes just a Wispa - not a shit rag, or tampon or bum hole or anything else you perverts want to link it to. (Is secretly laughing up my sleeve at filth talk).

Well, you could make a blood sausage. Or maybe a jugged hair (sic). This is not helping the pukey feelings. Going back to my biscuits.

(Ties up rugby boot prior to toebunting applied to Lettuce's kidneys).

or combine the 2 with vodka in some truly rancid hangover cure?

Realised I sound as though I'm explaining stuff to a 3 year old..very patronising..soz. I'm going back to the pit, think it suits be better.

As you were.

FFJ-meringues? Sweet baby Jebus in a manger, there's someone actually sicker than me on here!

Are you sure you're not the REAL LadyGaGa? And if so, did you impregnate yourself in the mangina with your vajenus?

PhantomFlanFlinger If you Google acupuncture + name of our city, she's the first hit after the map shit (have just checked this). Lives near the health food shop.

Leedle bit worried about the stalking now...

Not a JAM SANDWICH, DollFlange?