We're All Going To IBESHA: Last minute budget holiday fun for 30s TTC. Pack your string bikini and your oversized shades and get on board.

[Saladbomb]

Last call for flight SWI101 to Shagaluff. Sangria laced with folic acid on tape. Fake tanned Club reps will be dishing out the 2 for 1 cocktails, dressed in nothing but the most miniscule budgie smugglers. The pit will be manned by sleazy but virile Spanish waiters to provide your every need. Lets see the summer out in BESHley style, IE: starting a bar fight, drinking the place dry and falling over in a heap at the end of the night.

I suggested the name Annabel Ginster's Cameron on Twitter...

Morwenna Cameron? Yuck. Loveday Cameron? YUCK. Demelza Cameron? YUCK. Time will tell.

moo I thought you were me until the sperm allergy. That is . Nightmare.

If it helps I took the BESH spirit to Spamalot. I laughed loud enough for all of us to be there

I applaud anyone who is currently or who has been in the teaching profession. I have NO patience & would prolly be sacked (at best) or jailed within a week*

*this does not really bode well for me being a serene & fabulous earth mother, does it?

I have avoided that BT advert at all costs. However I did catch a glimpse of Corrie on Mon when they were refused adoption. This was mid snot-fest anyway. It didn't end well...........

Am now off to read that fred about houseguest shitting on floor. Surely this cannot be troo............

Here goes with the canned history then.

Couple of mcs with previous partner some years ago (shit at the time but now thankful for no sproglets to keep me in touch with the total norse and his strange overprotective mother). Snatched my geek 6 years ago and happily whelmed along sprogless, even after getting married 3 years ago (in his family I think this is tantamount to drowning kittens)

So we decided after much procrastination that we were as ready as we'd ever be; I had my implanon removed, with a plan to 'get to know my cycle' after 8 years of no periods before ditching the prophylactics in the spirit of getting diffed. So, no period arrived and I had some drugs to start the first one and am now in irregular cycle hell trying to determine my usual cycle length. I remain resolutely determined to never get intimately involved with my cervical mucus as it makes me want to vom (although my bezzie who is just about to commence IVF after 2 years of horrible investigations wagers otherwise).

At the moment our strategy is shag like mad as often as possible and if still nothing by Christmas, go to see the nice doctor man for special baby-making potions (that's how it works - yes?)

I rather like Loveday

I need a chocolate fudge icing recipe BESHies one that is delish and not nasty,,,

anyone??

Scorpy knew someone at Uni called Loveday. Bizarrely she was an utter, utter bitch...

Does it need to be fudgy or could you make a ganache (my preferred chocolatey topping)?

oohh..ganache would just peachy hunny (I will stop that, tis just funny...)

Recipe pliz?

I see our noobs are in need of Ye Ancient BESH Wishdom. Here are the patented ways to get pregnant:

1. Rub your ovaries widdershins. None of us know which direction widdershins is but that's irrelevant.

2. Sleep with a wooden spoon under your bed. Tie a pink ribbon round it for a girl, blue for a boy. Presumably purple if you want a fabulous gay son

3. Give praise and offerings to our very own living deity, Goddess Lyra. She's on her much-deserved holibobs at the mo, but she'll be back soon, which gives you time to create gifts to please her.

and

4. Meet another BESH. There WILL be updiff for at least one of you. I personally got Pooface preggers when we met at Easter. And now she's having the Christ Child at Xmas. I promise to take my responsibilities very seriously

'ere you go chick

Basic recipe. Only thing to be rilly rilly careful of is to melt chocolate very slowly or you risk and expensive and heartbreaking curdled mess.

Whisking it once its set will lighten it in colour and texture. It is EXTREEEEEEEEMELY rich - imagine a cake coated in a chocolate truffle nom nom nom nom.

ScorponHigh if you got Poo preggers with Christ child that makes you T'Holy Ghost n'est pas?

I want to see the shitting guest post.

HAHA, just saw this on Twitter:

Fun idea: Not got kids? Hire a babysitter anyway, say kid is asleep upstairs and not to be woken. On your return ask where your child is.

Posted by a man. Obviously a He-BESH!

Oh for God's sake! Here! www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/1028134-I-have-the-houseguests-from-HELL

It's a bit nasty I warn you, not like HB's yummy recipes.

I love you HB thanking you. Am creating a cake of lovliness for lovely BF. Could I put ganache inside cake with also some whipped cream?

Friend is sad so am looking to cheer her up with cake of outstanding natural beauty.

FFS Ariel why would you even post a link to something that gross

SaltNPeppa, I am actually the Angel Gabriel, yes. That bloody Polly tricked me into it - she claimed she was a 13 yr old virgin. How was I to know she's really a croney old slag?

(I HEART YOU POOFACE!)

preeeeety sure that would make aries the Arch Angel Gabriel. (was messenger sent to deliver holy white goods)

scorps everyone knows purple ribbon will give a lesbianos baybeee, it well know TRUFAX. dunno what colour would give you a lovely gay son, pink with yellow spots?

moomoo spunk allergy sounds very ouch and inconvenient, :( you poor thing. This is not the same thing as having FFJ murdering sperm tho is it? So you can still do the IUI (which is no good for spermicidal FFJ)

sorry i meant scorps and cross posted anyway. will bog off again.....

Scorps you forgot "worship at the shrine of HB's broken bedside lamp" :)

Also, aha ha ha ...ha. Truffle everyone starts like that and before you know it you're talking cigars (don't ask).

I too wish to read the shitting house guest story but dare not as I am sitting in't office and OfficeSnorting is frowned upon.

Please do not discuss ganache and poo in the same breath. My mind is too puerile to resist the visual link.

ATTENSHONS! CD11 in the Scorpular Groin and we have FFJ! Whoop-de-whoop! (And it's not Spunk Backwash, neever - I can now tell the difference. This is why you want to get to know your FJ, TruffleShuffle - helps cut down on menkul and tells you when to shag.)

Pliz to explain difference between spunk backwash and eggyfoo? that's always confuzzled me...

Also, Truffleoil you will, sooner or later be poking around to see where your cervix is at...I have a very well behaved cervix...

Bugger, looks like my declarations will mean nothing in the fullness of time. The joys of sprogging (or not, for a while, maybe)

yes scorps tell us the secret. is it that leftoverjizz isn't stringy? I hope so or I've been getting it all wrong.

SaladDays, I forgive you, my child. Now come back and stop flouncing!

There's not a lorra difference between spunky backwash and eggyfoo, BUT what I see as the difference is that FFJ is duller and less shiny and is a bit more viscous than spunkygunk. Also, there's the ole 'finger-stretch' test: spermz will be a bit elastic but FFJ can handle a proper wide stretch betwixt thumb and forefinger, which spunk can't. Girlz R bettR than boyz!1!!!1!!1!1!1!

ahah, all is good then my method of FFJ identification is scorps approved. Thanks for enticing me back although it was crocodile flouncing as you may have already guessed. :o

You see I have an excess of FFJ...I don't know if it is the naughty sperm backwash trying to escape the nice friendly egg, or if tis egg. Indicating ovulcluckilation.

Not that it matters.

Do you think I should perhaps do a head stand to help things along?

But then how would I ice cake?