We're All Going To IBESHA: Last minute budget holiday fun for 30s TTC. Pack your string bikini and your oversized shades and get on board.

[Saladbomb]

Last call for flight SWI101 to Shagaluff. Sangria laced with folic acid on tape. Fake tanned Club reps will be dishing out the 2 for 1 cocktails, dressed in nothing but the most miniscule budgie smugglers. The pit will be manned by sleazy but virile Spanish waiters to provide your every need. Lets see the summer out in BESHley style, IE: starting a bar fight, drinking the place dry and falling over in a heap at the end of the night.

Oooh, get you. So heads of year don't teach anything ? Six hours work and thirteen weeks off a year? Sounds like a cushy number to me.

This is witty repartee between one (ex) teacher and another by the way. I'm not one of those teacher bashing fuckwits.

Morning my luvlies. Big fish slaps to nooobs. I second the need for full histories pliz.

Big WTF to all the droid appearances. My rusty compainion is just exiting the building but I heart all those for whom tis just day 1 or 2. Day 1 is Shite of the highest order.
12point think tis day 2 for you today non?

I love HTFU - am going to put it on my fridge for moments of weakness.

Thanks for info re needling costs all. Was just about to sign up to tres expensive man but may have been saved at the last moment by a new find that is cheaper and who is still Zita affiliated etc. Fingers crossed she has spaces still, or I will be forced to spend the extra and then resent the guy for ripping off unhinged women! Scorps I think I spoke to your lady last night, she was lovely but don't think I can make her times. Lettuce hopefully you have no need for block booking, must be someones turn for a diffment soon!

Good luck with the needling, Orcs.

Opinion is divided on whether this is day 1 or 2 for me then? This is usually nice and simple - after a day or two (or three) of spotting I have to dash to to loo first thing for fear of a flood. This time it started mid afternoon yesterday. Oh well, don't suppose it makes too much difference one way or t'other.

No, I don't teach anything - I'm entirely pastoral support, which is fab.

I wouldn't rise to it even if you were a teacher bashing fuckwit, as I said earlier, I am zen.....

But it does piss me off - the holidays are indeed most excellent, but I am actually more or less dead the rest of the time!!

That's what used to get me as well, the fact that even though holidays were great, you couldn't make any weekday evening plans because you knew you would either be dribbling with exhaustion on the sofa or marking books or lesson planning or at some shit parents' evening or putting up some wanky display (that no one ever looked at, least of all the children). And God forbid that you drank more that two glasses of wine of an evening - the kids knew the next day and would specially give you the Day From Hell. I do miss some things about it, honest

my friends have given up contacting me term time..

Yeah, how DO kids know about the 3rd glass? How??

I gave up half way through my PGCE I have no staying power. Skills on the GSCE results saltykiss

Well I don't think anyone should hold their breaths on my account. Got distinct droid approacheth symptoms, fatigue, achy lower back, and slight womb ache. Something metal and bleepy this way comes. Supposed to be going for a walk this afternoon (in my spanky new walking boots) but I don't think I can be bothered. harrrumph.

Re BT advert, switched over to watch big bang theory last night during the ad break and my friend who was round and hasnt ever seen it, thought that the BT advert was BBT. And I thought I didnt watch much tv.

BarbiesBeaver thanks for the morbid curiosity interest in our histories.

For the record I was sufficienty twisted before discovering additional barroness.

Have been with OH for 14 years, not married, no children, no pregnancies, came off contraception 2 years ago, and actively trying for just over a year.

Have sperm allergy, not lifethreatening more like stinging nettles up the foo foo, spent a few months hating baby making sex, went to docs, got refereal to fertility peeps last Nov, had the first round of tests and get results this November. Fertility nurse suggested not trying in the mean time (yeh right) but limiting trying to "peak day".

lurking on a week day, as I am off sick with tension headaches. I guess I need a dose of HTFU because the doc is right tension headaches are after all caused by tension.

I might be a slow learner, but I guess "sticky baby vibes" is not an appropriate sign off (yes i am dyslexic and always read that as sicky baby vibes)

So will say happy tripping

I will NEVER forget during my last year of teaching when I had been allowed one poxy (unpaid) day for moving house, which we were doing all ourselves because MrA was we were too tight to pay for a removal firm (he doesn't do tired). I had a child in my class - ADHD, autism, violent, oh everything! - and I staggered into class after driving 40 miles from our new place to school on 4 hours sleep after having moved ourselves. The worst thing was I had lost my mascara. He took one look at me and a gleam came into his eye, which I thankfully noticed at once and took him by the wrist to another class for the day. The other teacher luckily was on top form and took pity on me. I shudder to think how my day would have turned out had she not.

Gah, NewbieMooMaking! Allergical spermicles? That is full on Not Nice. Sorry, pal . Hope they can come up with some sort of solution.

Snogs Roundhouse kicks to the rest of you

A sperm allergy. That is truly a pain in the foof. You have my sympathy, MooCow.

Are you all ok down there?

Properly lurking today and feeling pretty glum until checking a post all about someone's houseguest who has shat in the middle of her guest bedroom and not cleared it up. Pissing myself (not all over my sofa btw) although p'raps the not best thing to read whilst eating lunch.

Hi to newbies. Fucksticks at droid appearances and bleepings. And a quick fondle of everyone else's bazookas.

Shat IN THE ROOM??? WTF?

Pit dwellers can I get you anything? I have a cherry tart Or some fancy cup cakes OR, as it is lunchtime, a nice Cosmopoitan (the drink, not the stoooopid magazine) to get the afternoon off to a swinging start

That'll teach me for not refreshing page.

Allergic to sperm - jesus moo, that sounds incredibly unpleasant to say the absolute least poor luvver :(

I'm all right fanks 12pt. I got Cinco to snuggle, and someone at work was giving away bags of plums from their garden so I am going to go home and make the OM plum pie to cheer him up the poor darling. I might not be able to make a baybee but by God I can cook like a Mum

Hahahahahahahaha, they allow BESHes to be responsible for the welfare of children! I'm writing an outraged letter to the Daily Mail over this!

Only joshin', Missus. But it must be hard to be all sensible and in charge and all that as opposed to the true shambolic, anarchic spirit of Teh BESH (and that goes for all of us).

The hugest snogs to our brave droid-warriors You'd think it would get easier to get used to but it just gets worse. Or it gets easier but that just makes it worse. You know what I mean. Come and clamber on Auntie Score's knee for some improper lovin' :)

And yes, I too am consumed with jealousy over the BT preggo hag. I even shouted 'Oh, FFS!' at the telly the first time I saw it. The whole world is mocking us. Mocking us!!!

PS I am a geek-snatching cougar - does this make the most depraved here?

I can?t believe I?m expected to work during the day. When am I supposed to stalk catch up with you all?
I?ve reserved sunloungers by the pool for those currently in the pit to come and get some sun when you're ready.
Hello, Moomin & Truffles I?m new here too. Sorry to see you here ? ?tis a tough deal.

Bumflakes, didn't refresh. Moomin, allergic to swimmers is pure rubbish And I thought my allergies were unfair! So sorry for you. But for why do you have to wait until November for the test results? Are they v fancy and take ages to work out, like? Surely they will want to do IUI with you or summat? Gaaah, the life of a BESH is never straightforward

PS Need link to guest-shitter thang, STAT!

I read the shitting in the room houseguest story also. Made me almost grateful for the visits of my PIL. Lazy, argumentative alcoholics they may be, but at least they don't shit in the middle of the room.

Another precipitation-based poem. Ahem.

Rain.
Is a Pain.
What does it Gain?

(apart from crops, reservoirs, gardens, flowers, leaves etc obviously. And the aqueduct)

What Have the Romans ever done for us??

Brought peace?

Oh peace. Fuck off!

My nose is blind, my eyes are old and bent.

I tell you can also fuck off: Samantha Cameron. Not just for the sickening privilege and offensive politics, but for knocking out her 4th Tory Brat. I know one of their kids died, which is vvv sad, but she's taking the piss.

I am firmly of the view that female slebs over A Certain Age who keep having a lorra lorra kids (I'm looking at YOU, Stella McCartney and Jools Oliver!) are actually stealing them from BESHes like us. They think they're so fucking important and more worthy, so they push to the front of the queue when they already have more than enough already. Greedy, evil caaaaaahs.

Nurse, my medicine!

Ok Scorps my love, you just drink this. It's got some lovely sedatives sweets in it. There!

Have they named it yet? Apparently they want to give it a Cornish name.....

I bet 'SAMCAM' says babydust, like, all the time.