We're All Going To IBESHA: Last minute budget holiday fun for 30s TTC. Pack your string bikini and your oversized shades and get on board.

[Saladbomb]

Last call for flight SWI101 to Shagaluff. Sangria laced with folic acid on tape. Fake tanned Club reps will be dishing out the 2 for 1 cocktails, dressed in nothing but the most miniscule budgie smugglers. The pit will be manned by sleazy but virile Spanish waiters to provide your every need. Lets see the summer out in BESHley style, IE: starting a bar fight, drinking the place dry and falling over in a heap at the end of the night.

Queensbury rules, make it a fair fight.

Permission to put forward my application form for entry in atticpation of my 30th birthday (30 days and counting)

1. Do you drink gin?

am total gin snob Bombay only

1. Are you a 'journalist' for the Daily Heil?

do they employ disleksicks

1. Is there a man involved or are you a turkey baster type?

Man (am not good with culinary contraptions)

1. Either way, who is your lesbian crush of choice?

Anyone with nice tits

1. If man involved, is he (a) still at school, or (b) suffering senile dementia?

He was at school (so was I, not total cradle snatcher)

1. Now the big test: which is the correct hole? (a) wee wee, (b) foo foo, or (c) Mr Hanky's house?

foo foo

1. Wall colour question seems to have disappeared. What does this mean?

They are whatever colour the previous occupants chose, as my DIY is about as good as my cooking.

1. Ovaries - gerenally behaving better that foo foo, which is allergic to the one (and only) man bit of the whole pregancy malarky.

1. Crush of shame, David Beckham (pre victoria and tatoos)

We need the full BESHtionnaire!

ohps, wear, ware, where?

Hello Moomaker. Goodness, where did you find that abridged questionnaire? Keeeeeeep searching!

Thanks muchly for the gracious and otherwise acceptance to the clan. One of my favourite Alan Partridge lines is 'let's all have a pear' and also when he recites the list of 'nicknames' to the lesbians then says, "not all mine, I can't take credit for dykes"

I am strangely sad to have woken to the full flow . It's absurd; I knew it was coming but right up to the last minute I cling on to the tiny last shreds of hope! Off to join fat fighters today. I meed to feel like I'm helping matters
God what is wrong with me-i'm normally quite Stoic but am pissed off listening to the news because there's baby talk Aaaaaargh! I guess it all gets harder with each babyfail
ANYWAY. Bucking self up now
. A little violence please thanks
By the way doing this on the old mama's swanky new phone and it's taking an age. Makes me want to stick with my old piece of shit Nokia. ..

tartypants HTFU stands for Harden The Fuck Up, not the most sympathetic of acronyms but ever so useful sometimes. :o

Hurrah for the secs scorps sounds like the endorphins did the trick (and the gimp outfit of course)

Hehe Beavers and Banghead banter from yesterday has been keeping me much entertained this morning :) plus possibly the best thing ever written on the internet... 'shitting fatfingered shabbycunted twatface.' Sorry about arrival of full on droid hb that sucks the big one :(

truffleoil welcome, nice to met another 'geek-snatcher' although i am also cougar material too. nonancientofmoomoo get proper questionnaire done!! (scroll down to truffs)

Orchid my needles costs £35 a sess (or £160 for 5 if you pay up front) but everything is cheaper up north innit. Not sure about reflexology but i think its varies depending on the individual practitioner? Not sure.

I now have 3 days off from work and am having to sit on my hands in order to not POAS. eep. Actually needling is making me think i should test a day early as just about to sign up to above mentioned baby promising 5 sessions which will be a bit of a waste of money if i am already diffed. sigh

Morning SaladDays. HTFU is a brazilliant phrase. I am going to write it on a post-it note and stick it to the computer screen in the office.

POAS! Go on! I need some good news!

Nooooooo. I almost did then but I got a grip and flushed todays FMU. I will do it tomorrow I think, only 1 day before droid is due. Sadly I seem to view that as some sort of gargantuan effort of immense willpower when really I should wait until Sunday :(

bangers I also find a post it with 'Massive Lack of Care' (or MLOC) written on it can come in handy for those times one can't be bothered to converse with ones colleagues

Morning!

Welcome truffkin & moomaker. Truff - A for your BESHtionnaire, moomaker* - C - must try harder

scorps yey for teh secks!

head gah! to full droid. Like you the sadness just takes me by surprise - I don't geddit.

In other news I fell off my chair laughing in the theatre last night when within 5 mins of the curtain going up they were singing "The Fish Slap" song & belting each other across the face with fish. Mr Loz asked me if I was pished.

Anyhoo, if you see me around here too much today kick me out. I should be working like a demon so I can leave early & start my long weekend - HUZZAH.

A special Spamalot at the Millenium Centre, Cardiff fish slap to you all.

Morning all. Right, I can officially start 2WOOFLing as of today. But, my dears, I iz not going to. Oh no, you won't catch me heaving at the smell of cat food and thinking I am diffed. No, I will not be prodding my buzzwams until I look like a victim of a deranged stork (or other, large billed bird, although stork seems oddly appropriate). I won't be checking my gusset/cervix on an hourly basis.

No, I am zen. I am the sky, the air and the earth. What will be will be.

PS Sorry to hear about full on bastard Droid. Metal fucker.

Oh, and I missed an apostrophe earlier

youre = you're

Pliz to discipline.

Lozza Tis a sign I tell Thee! The fish slap fertility ritual!

Welcome Pumpkin and PooMaker. Histories please? How barren and twisted are you exactly?

Orchid my needles is £40 a sesh. It is strangely calming but a bit ouchy when they put the needles in.

Bangers sorry for the confirmed droidage. I was holding on a little bit of hope for you. Dan. Dan! DAN! DAN!

Oh well we can all console ourselves with the outcome of the shitting BT advert. I was hoping it was threadworms but obviously not. AIBU to be jealous of a fictional tv advert woman?

Salty as punishment you must apply forty tongue swipes to Dick Strawbridge's tash. After he has eaten spam fritters.

but I am vegetarian.

Morning haglets. I too have full on droidage this morning (actually started late yesterday, so today is Day 1 of Full Flow, non?). But I am strangely comforted by knowing I am in the company of such admirable and excellent hobbits BESHes.

I want to see Spamalot at the Millennium Centre

Sindy'sMinge I think it is entirely reasonable to be jealous of a fictional TV advert woman, especially seeing as she is forty, if she's a day

How was Spamalot Ariel*? Why the pouting?

Boooooo to Droid....Booo I say....

Because I want to see it too! And I am childish and spoilt.

PS what's going on with your bold, huh?

OOps! Not sure sorry about shouty Spariel. I misread and thought you said you WENT to see spamalot. But that was Lozza

Oh dear the Palais is awash with droid at the moment isn't it? Hope the predicted rain (not droid)isn't going to cause further problems with you Aries.

I think a BESH field trip to see Spamalot Fish Slapping is in order - everyone hold hands now...have you all got a buddy? Anyone need the toilet? Salty sit down in the back please, I won't tell you again. And Ariel stop throwing sweets. Ten green bottles hanging on the wall....Or does anyone know the song "There's a lady in Pink?"

Well done on the GCSEs Salty. What did you get? Oh hang on, you're a teacher, did you say...?

A BESH outing to Spamalot would be the best idea ever suggested!

I'm actually not a teacher SarkyAriel I am a head of year. So nurr.