We're All Going To IBESHA: Last minute budget holiday fun for 30s TTC. Pack your string bikini and your oversized shades and get on board.

[Saladbomb]

Last call for flight SWI101 to Shagaluff. Sangria laced with folic acid on tape. Fake tanned Club reps will be dishing out the 2 for 1 cocktails, dressed in nothing but the most miniscule budgie smugglers. The pit will be manned by sleazy but virile Spanish waiters to provide your every need. Lets see the summer out in BESHley style, IE: starting a bar fight, drinking the place dry and falling over in a heap at the end of the night.

'Ello Baldie, of couse we missed you, I just scared them all away. My money is on Lozza too, but let that stay between us so as not to stir the menkul. Though there are a few other close runners such as PencilHead and Dressing and...

Hmn. Shouldn't the new name have an apostrophe? Hmm??

Yes it should SaltNPeppa but Mumsnet wouldn't let me have one. I apologise for the bleeding eyes in advance.

Is fine, I will just withdraw groping rights until you change it to something less offensive...

Oh no! Sorry for any offence! I was looking forward to a good seeing to as well.

I has tummy ache. Am too scared to go to toilet as a) I don't want to see the droid, b) I don't want receptionist to think I have the trots, and c) it involves actually getting up, & I really can't be arsed.

A less offensive name? You mean, like Sindy'sCunt?

Gaga, I was born in the crooked church town! You're going to end up being my 2nd cousin or summat now, aren'tcha?!

LOLcats, I have everything so crossed for your win that I have defied human biology. I'd grope you but it's going to take at least an hour to detangle myself...

And HB, I've got good feelings for you too. And not just my usual sexy ones, either

Piss in a bottle under desk?

Lozz honestly, I am so channeling you when I try to woo Mr S into SWI

OK, so I dragged my sorry backside to the loo - thankfully receptionist at lunch. After some rummaging I have detected a little beep. Fuck. FUCK. Am now back at desk hiding behind thankfully hooge monitor as am crying. In the office. Fucking great.

Still not my normal full on droid, but its on its way I'm sure of it.

All I can say to Clomid is thanks for fucking up my cycles & not giving me a baybee.

What do I have to do to win this baybee? Am seriously starting to think of giving up & leaving the boyf so he can find someone with younger, perkier ovaries.

salty pliz to not channel me, I'm obviously doing sommat vay wrong.

Lozaa, Lozza Don't cry. Are you sure 'tis the droid? I mean you went rummaging. Sorry, feel bed we sparked menkul. And wouldn't it be too early for the evil bastard?

Lozalovely pliz to not cry.

Do not do any more rummaging. If bastard Droid comes then it comes, going hunting won't get you anywhere my dear.

Oh come here for a cuddle fish slap

Lorry I second Mountie in thinking it was too early for droid?

What's happened to your cycles? Did you used to be regular and now are not?

Pliz not to give up. Feels shite now but us BESHies have to keep going. We WILL NOT BE BEATEN - you hear me?!?

Thanks both. Fairy do not apologise for sparking menkal, twas well & truly there to begin with. Plus I enjoyed you all menkalling with me, made me feel, well, less menkal

It would normally be early for the evil droid but since I stopped taking Clomid its been cycle lucky dip.

salty thanks for the bum pinch - I prolly would cry again if everyone was nice. Do you mind if I take this fluffy blanket to The Pit? Will try not to smudge too much melted Twirl on it.......

Oh Laurie I am so sorry. I so wanted this to work for you. Clomid does dick about with your cycles but there are lots and lots of success stories too. How many cycles on it have you had? I take it you've had all the usual malarkey like HSG/JIAP/dildocam to see if you're ovulating on Clomid etc? Do you have a review with your clinic soon? Tis utter shit and crazy making and I'm sorry.

As to the name - surely it is a paradox - Barbie has no beaver so it does not exist so can not be offensive? If I am offending any of the BESHes pliz to let me know and i will change it to something else, like Ken'sGiantCock.

Yes dear, take the blanket and you get as much melted twirl on yourself it as you like. I'll only too happy to help lick wash it off....

I like Ken'sGiantCock BTW (in a metaphorical kind of a way)

I don't care about Barbie'sFurryMuff I just dislike the lack of apostrophe...

I have a young man coming over in a minute to see about clearing all the crap out of T'garden. Should I but on a satin kimono and play 70s porn music d'you think??

'put it on' obviously, not 'but it on'

Make sure you're wearing a crochet bikini under it and shimmery mint green eyeshadow up to the eyebrows if you do, Salty

Lozza, am refusing to give up all hope until we hear news of the Full Droid. I have those fleeting moments of feeling so shit about myself that I tell the TYF I want him to go find a young, fertile caaaah to provide him with many, many childs, but he gets angry and upset and tells me not to be an idiot. And that's what Mr Loz will say too. I think you need to hassle the Docs and specialists and whatever, till they sort you out with better help. I want you to win sooooooooooo much

Beaver, I think Skipper'sClunge has a ring to it...

LorryLovie, please don't cry. Of course you shouldn't "let" the boyf have some young cah. It's you he wants, and no wonder because you are gorgeous and lovely and funny and clever. So there. And like Salty says, stop doing the cigar. No good ever came from it.

Thanks for the kind thoughts and frettings re the flood. We survived the night, just. But you can come round in a jumpsuit and a dog if you like. It would be most entertaining.

*Sindy'sCunt" - good one.

I can hear rumblings and beepings also, and I have Such Rage. SUCH RAGE against stupid husbands who never clear up after themselves. But seeing as we only did it once this month on day 22, it's not entirely surprising. Then again, who would want to shag someone who never wipes down a surface or puts their cereal bowl in the dishwasher. I mean WHO?

SaltySpunk phew I thought I'd actually offended you with reference to a dolly's ladyparts! Good to know it was just the punctuation that was the problem. I thought it wasn't like you to be sensitive about such language. I would vote for answering the door in a skimpy bath towel.

Scorps/Skipper ah yes I had one of those. I think she ended up with Ken naked in bed quite a lot.

Orchid we all knew that anyway.

RIERIE you're not all drowned and dead like a little drowned dead kitten.

Couldn't agree more, Arial. Can I add picking up the socks to the list? Man, I want a boy just to teach him to be tidy.

No, you refer to as many dolly's lady bits as you like dear. Just don't mess with the apostrophe.

Am pedantic cow.

Will get over myself.

perhaps