30s TTC: Summertime, and the diffin's easy. White goods are jumping and the WOOFLing is high. MSDP in full swing.

[MountTheFairy]

The one before the BESHory Towers. Easy one for summer: I have dug up a fishing pond in the middle of the Palace, put a roof light over it, got some fishin' sticks and put some Gershwin on. Salad's providing Elderflower Fizz, served by newbs in topless bikinis. Could life be better?

Ooh, yes please Muse, I'd like that.

MTF i was hoping for something a bit more, erm, inventive. Perhaps involving witchcraft, or chanting or stone circles. Or placards.

I always thought a podiatrist did things with feet...

Podiatrist is deffo feet. They do orthortic inserts and shizzle.

PENCIL !!!! This chopping up veg lark must STOP, you hear me? Stop right NOW. Get thee to the phone and order a takeaway, no knives involved.

Salty am fucking bollocking bloody angry on your behalf about that call. I am also really happy to return the call if you'd like, promise not to be rude, unless you'd like me to be!! Genuine offer, if you want it done tell me and we can email details.

Where is my girrrrrrrrrrl Squarialsquirrel ??

ps am still imagining you all in gym kit.

You can't stop me.

Oh, sorry, I was feeling the seriousness of the situation. Right. Well, let's see. What do we have. One chopped off finger. Many crazy ladies. More crazy ladies in the (almost) nude. One crazy lady in the pit. Ok, enough with the crazy ladies. Back to the finger. Nada, I got nada, Salty. I can only offer to slap the midshitewife myself. Wait, I KNOW, can we offer The Fingertip as a sacrifice to all deities in return for some baybees?

Waaargh, was not ignoring poor Salty. Seems like people are trying to win 'most tactless cunt of the year' around you at the mo Could you not have bribed one of the more naughtier kids with the promise of a glowing report to get them to go and shit in that stupid gobshite's sl*ping bg (I cannot bring myself to speak the evil words in full). And as for the NHS - well... Virtually everyBESH who's suffered the tragedy of an ickleangelbaby has had either had a letter or a phone call about coming in for another scan despite the fact that the info about there being nothing to scan will already be on the system. CUUUUNNNNTS!

I'm a bit premenstrual today, can you tell? CUNTS! CUNTS! CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

PollyPocket, have run out of moby credit, so wanna say a big smoochy thanks for your crackin' text. Reet cheered me up, so it did

Fanks everyone for comments in last fred. I'm not being brave though, I just deal with things in a not very healthy way i.e. have one big weepy, snotty, wailing cry and then pull my socks up and get on with things rather than deal with the upsetting feelings .

Salty am going to bring back lots of pate, soft cheese and wine for a feast in the pit with you ma chérie. Sorry about the midwife message, same happened to me last time, got my booking in letter a few days after it happened despite the doctor at the EPU promising me they would cancel all appointments. It was one of the reasons I didn't get a referral to the antenatal clinic this time; I just wanted to wait and see what happened first.

HB you poor lamb, that must have smarted! Numb the pain with some of this absynthe. It actually made my stomach do funny things, am a bit if a wimp when it comes to injuries and blood, which is a bit strange as my work involves a lot of talking and looking at things to do with how people died. I can look at a post mortem photo no probs but show me a cut on your finger and my legs turn to jelly! Strange non?

Scorpy, poo to the gravy. I always get spotting and braaaan string for a few days from 10 DPO. Sorry for being a dick, but what concerns you about it (obviously apart from it means droid on it's way)? I've never really thought about it too much but do you think it is indicative of something not so good??? . Anyway, I've plumped up the cushions for you in the pit, come vent about your bro with us.

Hello to more newbs! Tis getting a little confusing with all the S names...

au revoir mes amis.

Casserollmop you are lovely. I am sorely tempted to take you up on that offer except would it not make me a bit pathetic? You lot might kick me out for not being wellard...

Scorpington I am not above bribery. Wish I'd thought of it...

MTF - I'm loving your idea....let me just clarify, you're getting nekkid and slapping the midwife with The Fingertip, yes?

Twinks I think we may have been separated at birth, I'm doing the whole unhealthy dealing thing. Except actually, if that's what feels as ok as it can be, it isn't unhealthy. big BESHhugs

Right Saltywalty email me at 5shagstewpot at g mail dot com

Twinkletoes I had to go to a wet lab last year for my degree and poke around in dead people. It made me feel quite queer...

cass have sent test mail to check address. Not because I think you're lying, just in case I typed it wrong...

Evening all. I'm here MyCass - worry not. V v v v long day. All this working like a maniac should be over soon. I wondered where you were - I found the last thread nearly at the bottom of the page and realised you'd moved on and felt really left out. Then had to read five whole pages.

PencilGirl I take it you've had a day off today? Now look, this is getting beyond a joke - would you STOP hacking your digits off. I mean come on! (ouch, ouch OUCH! by the way) And very sorry about brown string situation. Very annoying, but maybe is something to do with Ford Cortina up fanjo yesterday (very old Ben Elton sketch, anyone, anyone? Scorps, anyone anyone...?)

Salty glad you survived intact. School camps are so frantic, there's no time to think is there? But so sorry about conversation you had to endure, and the midwife thing. Is a bit of communication too much to expect? I mean really?

Nipple tweaks Scorps

By the way, is Dairylee soft cheese? Because I fuckin luvs it I does.

Yikes - have killed previously "most Active" thread.

Nooo, I'm here. Just studying. Or trying to, not getting far.

I would like more sympathy for my morning of poking around INSIDE DEAD PEOPLE please.

I don't think Dairylea counts my luvva.

INSIDE DEAD PEOPLE!!!!!

You are a marvel Cass, I am very impressed with your day of the dead! What degree are you doing that makes you fiddle with cadavers? Are you going to be Dr Stewpot soon?

Aye up, it never bleeding stops in here. Soz for the pun but HB what in hell are you trying to do? Scare the finger nail away so it doesn't grow back EVER? I am sympathetic really (silly bunt) must have been tres painful. and slightly mortifying. Hope the booze is helping.

Can we hide the severed flesh in saltys midwifes lunch as punishment? Perhaps after some voodoo rituals have been performed over it. f

squish was it only 11 hrs? seemed like aeons. I feel your pain tho, the 8 pages of catch up on monday took almost that long!

aries i THINK dairy lea is processed cheese, therefore has been heated therefore none of the bugs of soft cheese. Might need further research to corroborate this tho.

Right off back to spend quality time with the OH. He's damn clingy and always expects cuddles and conversation after I've had my way with him. Pah.

Casserooool sorry but did you say INSIDE DEAD PEOPLE? but why?

I am indeed going to be Dr 5shagsstewpot , Twinkle, and I'm going to bloddy well milk it for all I flipping well can when the time comes (which isn't for another 3 years yet).

Only a Chiropractor though, so not a hospital type doctor. But enough of one to have to rummage in the intestines of corpses. Actually I was shit at it, being violently hungover at the time, so spent most of the time holding clipboards and trying to pretend I was doing more than I was. And escaped at the very earliest opportunity for a medicinal bacon butty and mug of builders tea. AND it was in the medical labs at Oxford University, so even though my degree isn't there I feel justified in telling people I've studied there

Though it may take longer than 3 years if I don't stop pratting about on tinternet and do some fucking WORK!

You're all off shagging, aren't you? While I'm sat here researching spinal deformities and having to look at all sorts of heartbreaking pictures of little ones with terrible terrible deformities

Can you research mine please. I have scoliosis and it's bloody painful at times. PLus I had an injury 11 years ago which comes back to haunt me - a fall from a height and a crack on the spine on a metal bar. Hurt. Lots.

Yowsers Squirrel that sounds like a nasty fall, how'd you do that? Something water-related?

What have the docs said about your scoliosis then? It is indeed one of the things I'm looking up tonight.

Just realised I am meant to have ordered various equipment for my neuroscience exam in about 3 weeks (am so shite, honestly) - anyway, just went on a medcal supplies website to order it and discovered to my joy that I can buy my very own speculum, too!

So I have ordered 25, with the engraving: "BESH all the way up". Place your orders, roll up now, roll up!

ps they are black, natch. To match our souls

To be honest, I haven't had any kind of appointment for the scoliosis since I was 16. The found it when I was 13 and I had to have 6 monthly x-rays to monitor it during the teenage growth spurt. But I'd done most of my growing by the time I was 13 anyway, so it didn't get too much worse. But sometimes I feel now I'm OLD that I'm kind of pinched. You know? Like I need to be cracked back into place. Stretching and one of them ball thingies help, as does MrA left me up an jerking me - whitwooooo! Ooooh lovely. The accident happened when I was on a ropes course and was showing off, demonstrating how great I was at balancing. I fell hard onto an iron staple which was hammered into the support. Passed out with the pain and was taken to hospital for x-rays but luckily there was no fracture. Doesn't sound that dramatic but it hurt for a long time afterwards and I don't know if any of the present discomfort is to do with it.

Will have elective C section fo sho because of wonky pelvis. Don't want to be stuck for hours on end. That's the plan.

Incidentally, I read on here some months back about a woman who had finally conceived after seeing an osteopath. Can it make any difference do you think? And just what is the diff between an osteopath and a chiropractor?

Heh. Well, there is a LOT of anecdotal stuff at college about women getting diffed left, right and centre after chiro treatment. But the research base isn't there so we're not allowed to advertise it. The theory being along these lines: all our bodily functions are controlled by our nervous system, which comes out of our brain and to our body systems via the spinal cord. If your vertebrae are out of alignment then the spinal nerves which come out of the spinal cord can be compromised and functioning may be diminshed. That goes not just for muscles etc but for all body systems, including reproductive. So restoring spinal integrity means restoring those nerves to health, so they can more properly respond and carry out their tasks. Last time I saw my chiro I mentioned it to her and she did a bit of work on it - but not diffed yet (as far as we know!) so who can say.

Osteos and chiros are largely trying to achieve the same aim - see above - but with different techniques and slightly different philosophical viewpoints. That's the short answer.

That accident sounds pretty bloody dramatic to me. If you were nearer I'd get you on my Table of Joy quicksmart (ooer).

I found out after having L that my pelvis was wonky, and slightly smaller than average. Narrow hips, lardy everywhere else, me. And his head circ was larger than average. So all that, combined with his odd position of trying to exit with both hands behind his head and ear first, is probably what put me into emergency section territory. But I wish they routinely checked you first. That was 21 hours I could have done without to be honest!! So at least you know, now. I'm probably going to be a section again, should we ever manage it, but planned this time.

I am TIRED. As must you be.

Is HBPencilBangalore still there or has she bled out over there? Or drowned in a gallon of amaretto? What a way to go.... speaking of which, I spent a full minute at the kitchen sink earlier observing one dead ly in aglass of water and another lying in some olive oil and actually took time seriously wondering which I'd rather drown in.

I'm not right.