30s TTC: Summertime, and the diffin's easy. White goods are jumping and the WOOFLing is high. MSDP in full swing.

[MountTheFairy]

The one before the BESHory Towers. Easy one for summer: I have dug up a fishing pond in the middle of the Palace, put a roof light over it, got some fishin' sticks and put some Gershwin on. Salad's providing Elderflower Fizz, served by newbs in topless bikinis. Could life be better?

Mmmm, mmm, like what you've done with the place.

Apparently I write like Ian Fleming. Great, I'm a man. And James Bond is a twat.

Anyhoo, HB no idea about the spotting. Prolly smear related, seems pretty coincidental. Well done for going too, yOu brave lickle shoulder.

I don't know how much I believe of the healthy diet actually helping TTC. I don't drink much (honestly), don't smoke, have a max of 3 cups of coffee a day, drink 2 litres of water a day & have my fruit & veg. The boyf doesn't drink alcohol at all (doesn't like the taste, crazy fool), doesn't drink coffee (doesn't like the smell, crazy fool), doesn't drink tea (its an old lady drink, crazy fool), & doesn't smoke. He is partial to a bit of cake. And we haven't had a sniff of diff. Blast & buggaration!

Headcase I think implantation bleeding is usually darker, mine was last time anyway and that's what tinternet seems to say (so must be right). So if it's red / pink then tis probably smear related and therefore, you iz almost certainly diffed (not sure of logic in last bit but who cares)

5beanstew topless newbs pouring fizz (over themselves) are < to gym skirts and hockey sticks? what kind of perv are you?

Our kind of perv, that's what!

Nobbut the EXACT same thing happens on the EXACT same cycle day EVERY time we SWI regardless of smear!

Ah well. No sense worrying about the great mysteries of life and my flange

Loz I am muchly impressed with your regime . My only healthiness is that Nutracheck confirms I eat twice my 5-a-day nearly every day

Especially as I just misread my own post as elderflower jizz. Oh the dirty mind of a 30-something hag with no job prospects (yes, me too, scorps) and a dissertation to write...

You lot have just made me laugh out loud in the office and now people are staring at me suspiciously as I am clearly not working. Mind if I join you instead?

Excellent use of the word 'flange' btw, headbanger

welcome to work(be)shy anonymous. i am really struggling to do any work at all but at least i don't have colleagues breathing down my neck

'Allo RusticCornishTeatimeTreat. You've begun well by flattering me

Seek out the BESHtionairre and mayhap the mysterious of the 2WOOFL will be open to you...

Interestingly enough Mountebank, my 5 remaining litres of elderflower champagne do have a distinctly jizz-some sediment on the bottom

SaladBomb Pliz sit down here by me. Now then. I notice that in your post of 11.16.51 you used the mordern contraction "LOL" .

You do know that the punishment for these grammatical infractions include, but are not necessarily restricted to, performing acts of oral affection upon Jeremy Clarkson after he has done three laps in the Reasonably Priced Car? Hmm?

Now owing to the frankly eye-boggling scope of your buzzwams I am willing to overlook it on this occasion; but you watch your step, you lady. You watch your step

so do mine! have you tried it yet? i am not sure if mine's ready yet. i left the lids off until we got back on sunday (about a week) and it was bubbling away. will it have built up enough head (oh err) to be jizzy err fizzy enough to drink?

MODERN EVEN!

Yes I've tried mine and it's frigging lush, man, frigging LUSH! Really dry and slightly yeasty, and it's genuinely amazing how much it does actually taste of champagne (or dry sparkling wine anyway). Definitely alcoholic too!

Sorry mistress.

Please not Jeremy Clarkson tho? Anything, i mean, anything but that.

(See my placating use of capitalisation just for you?)

Another newb with a name starting with S! Whatsgoinon? Conspiracy ? Well, me lovely Saffron, does your colouring stand up to your nickname?

balls, missed 'reveal' from that first sentence and now it makes no sense. well you get my drift. i'm just no good at the internet... or grammar... or the english language humph

I am slightly placated. And very turned on. Do us the goodness of aquainting yourself with the use of capital letters, and I shall reduce your sentence to James May

Greetings BunnyGirl! Are you a foul-mouthed crone who can't win a baybee too? Then come join our clan

Right, youse lot. Am off to see my brother chez mes parents on one of his bi-annual visits to the UK. If I am not arrested for GBH or murder within the next few hours, I'll see you all later

ohh good, might have to crack some open. i had a sneaky sip of the concoction before it was bottled and its only down to my lushness that it didnt get drunk prior to fermentation.

ps. welcome to saffron bun, you sounds toothsome! what's with the food names to?

I would rather Clarkson than May. May has stupid hair.

Just marking my place. I have been out for a literary lunch and now feel stuffed, sickly and a bit gorged on talking books.

We seem to have scared off SaffronBurrows...

I am too jealous of Drom to say another word. That is all.

Hammond all the way for me I'm afraid. He's a boy/man after all, even if he too has stupid hair. This is if I absolutely had to choose or die, you understand?

Literary lunch you say? sounds very highbrow, was it?

HB just for you i will make an effort to utilise the Shift key, and find some punctuation from somewhere.

Thank you (I think) for the charming greetings and leering, I've spent most of the day swearing at things, foul-mouthed doesn't begin to do it justice so I'm sure I'll fit in just fine.

What in the name of arse is a BESHtionnaire?

Saffronbun is a crap name but you know that moment of blankness when you have to choose a name and I had a cookery book to hand, and... I wish I'd gone for burnttortilla or doughnutgrease or lardycake instead now, bollocks. I bet someone's already got lardycake though.

Mulleted Top Gear presenters is the ultimate punishment, why isn't there a sicking emoticon when you need one?

We are the BESHes, young BunFeatures. There is a questionnaire to be completed. Quite easy to find !

I WANT A LARDYCAKE

ME TOO.