30s TTC: Summertime, and the diffin's easy. White goods are jumping and the WOOFLing is high. MSDP in full swing.

[MountTheFairy]

The one before the BESHory Towers. Easy one for summer: I have dug up a fishing pond in the middle of the Palace, put a roof light over it, got some fishin' sticks and put some Gershwin on. Salad's providing Elderflower Fizz, served by newbs in topless bikinis. Could life be better?

belated "woot, woot!" and nekkid dancing for stewie! sticky vibes and shin slaps coming your way. congrats!

Stewie, that's such good news, hope it isn't as bad this time around and you come out of De Nile when you're ready!

Scorps, sounds like a big step forwards, well done!!

Am trying to convince my brain that I'm just having an extra long cycle as droid is about 3 days late (if I'm having my normal 6 week one!!)

squishy you are cruising for an elbow in the kidney if i am not mistaking the rules of the palais.

cass was thinking about you this morning, it occurred to me that most peeps i know who have had 2 kids have had vastly different experiences in each pregnancy. There is no reason why this one will be like your first and even if you do have really bad sickness again this time you will know what you need to to to try to ameliorate it. PLUS you will have the BESH support group to look after you so all in all it will be fine.

Gawd Bless TYF scorps Hope this visit is not as bad as a result although sounds like their attitude toward you sucks a bit. yes plz to snogz. Droid is threatening over here and I cant think of a better distraction...

btw i do not understand the GP obsession. Its boring and noisy and it would seem to be fixed half the time. Can someone pls explain what the fascination is?

to do to

That's good news Scope. I am curious how she reacts! I mean seriously, it would only make it easier on everyone.

Well, Salad, SquishSquish is in need of general violence to help the menkul but not sure what the rules are on long periods. If think seriously overdue than I need to lower that kick towards the kidney area.

'Tis troo what TossedLettuce sayz CassInARole.

Morning ladies,

lyra sorry the droid got you. Seems like we've swapped droids this month - I had your 25 day cycle, & you had my 31 dayer. WTF is going on?

scorps how sleek & shiny your new do is - lubberly. I'm also beginning to understand a bit more about your angst at staying with IL's. We're staying at a friends for a few nights dog-sitting. Their house truly upsets my karma. Its a huge old house with such amazing potential. But its filthy & untidy & disorganised..........

cass still made up for you!

OK ladies, I need some help deciphering my cycle. Usually my droid arrives very neatly at the beginning of the day, & I go from 0 - 60 mph in one swift wipe. So there is never any doubt which is day 1.

However, this novelty droid month it arrived slap bang in the middle of the day. Still at full on droid.

So lubberly ladies, would you count this as day 1, or the next day, which was the first full day of droid?

Just to head-fuck me more, this droid has been & come & gone before I really thought it was due. ARGH!!!!

I think Cass is worried because of having hyperemesis last time - and I don't think there's much you can do to manage that, short of being on an IV - is that right Cass? Rocket is also right though, in that this time could be entirely different.

Hi lovely Lolly, sorry about your droid too matey. Middle of the day = definitely day 1 that day, no doubt.

Cass I had hyperemesis too last time and I was given medication for it (albeit reluctantly). I had lost quite a bit of weight and was vomiting 10-20 times a day, so there are things that can help (other than - "have you tried a ginger biscuit?" As one male Dr. helpfully suggested. Um yes, I'll try it before I vomit all over myself, thanks). Getting plenty of rest and sleep also helped, but then I didn't have a minicass running about. Hopefully it won't come back!

LorryLoo tricky one - I would count the first day you had any full flow if it started before the afternoon (ie. 3pm onwards).

Mumra - well done on being obsessed with cocks sorting out the In Law shituation a bit before you go. Now pucker up.

LairyFairy yep needles is for the stimulated bit. How could I not be stimulated with all you secksy BESH minxes prowling about the place?

Morning Hags.

cass hope you're comfortably wallowing in DeNile. I hear it is lovely at this time of year....

Squishy I would definitely don some protective padding, the Hgs are circling your kidleys.

LaurielandHardy has the beeping bastard returned or has it still gone away?

scorpula that is good news about 'im indoors. You must be feeling much better n'est pas?

I have a question - I am getting spray tanned before go on my holibobs. Have never had it done before but thought it might make me feel slightly less hostile towards my body. Now I am having a St Tropez - has anyone had it done, and will I look like a total freak the evening of the day I have it done ass would like to go for drinks with Mr S as is his birthday...(sorry for being superficial when there is so much pit writhing...) Am also having significant bikini waxing. Oh yes.

Ah i see lyra I just had to google hypermesis, that sounds horrible cass but if you get it again you will recognise it for what it is this time? During my admittedly brief research i came across a couple of time the fact that HG is more common in first pregnancies, so fingers x'ed this one will be A Ok!

loooo boo to droid for you too. I'm a bit confused about mine too. i used to be regular 27/28 then had one 25 day a few months ago and since then have had two cycles of 30/31. Have no idea when I am due now, from today (27) to Tuesday (31) Have pre droid gripes so I am hoping it comes before Monday as its our anniversary, have the day off and were going for a posh meal so would like to have a glass or two of wine and maybe some of the elderflower fizz.

MTF can we bundle squishy now or do we have to wait a few days?

Morning salty re st tropez, haven't had one (would look redic on my pastey freckle skin) but i know peeps who do. Ideally you want to leave it on over night and yes you will look like Dickenson until the first shower. SO either have it done first thing am and then shower just before going out or come to terms with the tango effect :D

right i really must go and do some work.

Thanks ladies, I knew you'd be able to help. Droid arrived at 1pm, it was there to welcome me to Heathrow following lovely weekend in Germany. So I shall count that as day 1. That means I had a 24 day cycle...........

You don't think this was anything other than a crazy month, possibly linked to 1st month off Clomid, do you? That really is a week early........

I had a dull ache in lower back & tummy, same as I do when droid usually arrives.

salty droid has kind of beeped off. It seems like it only lasts about 3 days now anyway.

Ahem, I've had a spray St Tropez. Just before we headed off abroad for BIL & SIL wedding. I was the only person that got paler as the fortnight went on as the St Tropez washed off. But it was quite good. AFTER I'd showered. It was a horrendous fright when it was first done. I was advised to leave it overnight then shower in the morning, so don't put your best sheets on the bed either. Good luck with your significant wax.

Troo story - friend of mine (yes really a friend) decided to have it all whipped off as a wedding night surprise for husband. So she was all waxed up when her mobile rang. She had to take the call as the wedding arrangements were in full swing. So she leant over to take call. When she lay back flat she'd basically stuck everything together, thanks to the hot wax. Now that would've been a wedding night surprise, eh? So beautician had to carefully, eh, prize apart her legs & fango before waxing could commence. Just thought you'd like to know.

Good luck!!!

Lozza, given that your hormones will have been massively messed about by the Clomid, I think it would be very surprising if you slipped straight back into your normal cycle - almost weirder than having a weird cycle, in fact!

Important Question requiring BESHput please: hollibobs fast approaching, need to place Amazon order today really. Have got The Hunger Games (thanks Cam) and Her Fearful Symmetry (thanks everyone) in my basket, what else shall I get?

I have already read all available Marian Keyes and Maggie O'Farrell, read One Day on last hols (absolutely loved it).

Nothing too highbrow thanks, it's me hols innit!

Loz that made me laugh, then wince alot, then laugh again!! I'm not having it all whipped off. Thinking a small amount left is only ladylike..

sounds like your cycle is a bit mussed up. but Droid for only an afternoon is unusual, no? Although nice of Droid to meet you at airport.

Am sniggering at the waxed fanjo tale. Being a politically motivated feminist I think anyone that waxes their fanjo to seduce their partner with an imitation child's vagina gets what's coming to them .

Cass the idea of hyperemesis makes me feel faint with despair. Poor you. But - reading your points on the TWATS NICE thread, you didn't eat at all, right? So you presumably know what not to do?

Laura about the droidage. Truly it is a mindfuck of monstrous proportions.

My droid began with two wipes of scarlet four days ago, since when there is been nowt but 1 shred of brown string and a teaspoon of Horlicks. Granted not actually due, technically speaking, until tomorrow - but the whole thing seems specifically designed to swing me between hope and disappointment once every three hours , not least because I never start with the scarlet...Oh SHUT IT Headbanger you daft twat! Stop winding yourself into a state of menkul!

Slaps all round. Back to t'Pit to me, to plan next month's assault on my uterus

Ps Hurrah for TYF's cojones!

head I'm with you on the child's vagina bit.

salty droid has lasted since, it just met me at the airport with a welcome sign & a bunch of wilting carnations.

Right, talking of mind-fuck am now off for our Area Meeting - yawn, yawn of biggest proportions.........

Ahem, actually HeadGirl my reasons for the Significant Waxing is that my nether regions are hirsute in the extreme. I have the equivalent of a fully grown panther lying across my groinal area. Try fitting that into a bikini without some assistance..

Would you like me to give Droid a good kicking dear? Sounds like you are being messed around somewhat..

Happy holibob books for Lyra:

Decline and Fall (Evelyn Waugh)
Hysterically funny, even if you're not supposed to laugh at paedophiles.

The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
Completely asborbing. You'll forget where you are.

The Grand Sophy (Georgette Heyer)
Regency romance that would cheer up a man on death row.

The Little Stranger (Sarah Waters)
Haunted house, mid 20th century upper-middle classes. There is literally NOTHING wrong with that sentence.

Cold Comfort Farm (Stella Gibbons)
Fucking funny, bloody blissful.

Good Evening, Mrs Craven (Mollie Panter-Downes) - wonderfully funny and sad short stories written during WWII

Keep the Aspidistra Flying (George Orwell)
Amazing. Amazing. Threadbare feller would rather starve to death than give up poetry. Twat.

Hangover Square (Patrick Hamilton)
Man has personality black-outs during which he plans to kill his lover. During the 30s. Lots of gin.

Happy to provide more!

Ha, Salt, lovely image! I suppose I would give my own nethers more consideration were it not for the fact that being naturally blonde there ain't a lot there, and also, having a body strongly resembling uncooked suet pudding poured into a large pale muslin sack and tied round the middle with a piece of string, bikinis and all pertaining to them have never been a feature of my life .

HeadGirl I luffs you I do. I luffs you for the book list, and then I luffs you longtime for your descriptive skills. I think you do not look like that at all.

I am in awe of your beautiful blondness I have to shave my legs every 5 minutes because if I get stubble it looks like spider legs.

HB, you're a doll, but they are all (poss exception of Poisonwood Bible) so Bangertastic. By which I mean:

Upper middle class
Received pronounciation
Literary
Consumptive
Family jewellery
Genteel poverty
No truck with social conventions of any sort
Alcoholic
Depressive

And quite, quite, mad.

Not saying that you are any of those things, darling, but you do eat all of that for breakfast, do you not?

I could possibly manage one of those, in the winter, if I was staying in a cottage somewhere bleak, but they just aren't going to feel right when I'm scrunching my bony arse into a white pebble beach beside the turquoise Aegean sea. Thanks though!

The Other Half Lives Sophie Hannah not going to win any prizes but lovely in a Maggie O'Farrell sort of way

Rebecca Daphne Du Maurier, And no, it doesn't matter if you've read it before.

I'm laughing and going bright red and feeling rather foolish in equal measure.

What does one read on a beach?!