Dreading Christmas - surely I'm not alone

[ThisWiseRobin]

As the title says, I hope I am not alone in living in dread of Christmas. This rising sense of panic starts about now and ends when I load them all on the train back to London on the 27th.
I have adult children, all in their 40s. They are well off (more than I could have ever dreamed of) and have very busy jobs.
Because the DH and I are retired, it's " Oh, good news. We are coming to you this Christmas".
Now, while most parents would be overjoyed, I struggle...the reason: VEGANS.

Not just your easygoing (is there such a thing) vegan, but no onions. Garlic, chives, nightshades (whatever the hell that is), no alcohol (including in the pudding), no nuts, no flour, no dairy.
I know you will think... well, make them bring their own food, but two travel by train from London and so can't really drag everything with them.
Last Christmas I really tried; I cooked beforehand, got the local bakery to make special mince pies, the local vegan cafe did some great salads and soup.

My son sniffed at the food and said, "I can smell garlic." - I felt my heart sink as I scraped £80 worth of salads into the bin.

I realise, as friends and my DH have said, ask them what they want to eat, buy it and tell them to cook it. But it's more than that - my husband is an absolute darling of a man and loves cooking and a traditional Christmas, but he is older now and a bit precious around his kitchen. So now the kitchen will be reduced to my daughter-in-law (who I love more than my next 3 minutes of oxygen) peeling endless potatoes and getting underfoot.

My biggest problem is that I am trying so hard to make Christmas joyous, and this requires me to keep the peace all the time. My daughter-in-law is incredibly brilliant but autistic, so she has no filter and just argues with everything she does not agree with. We do not share the same political ideas but hell's teeth she will not shut up. So certain subjects such as politics, religion, food and certain jokes are off the table. My son is incredibly docile and lets her have her way. Last year my DH said that he has never felt so insulted in his own home in his life....with the picking at the food and my son spending most of the lunchtime meal on the phone to his father back home.

Thank goodness my daughter, also a vegan but much easier to please, is coming - she helps me drink a lot more than I should, so things go a bit easier. My son-in-law is a carnivore like us and super easy to please.

I know what I have to do but I'm really on here to say.....anyone feel the same or am I making a massive pain in the arse for myself.

@ThisWiseRobin- I do think asking them for ideas, possibly going with the “I have a slot booked with M&S, what do you like from there?” Is best- you are trying to work out what they can eat, but they have been eating this way all year round. They may well have already tried and tested various vegan picky bits from the supermarkets and know what they like. It would at least take the pressure off.

and do look at the possibility of one of them hosting, even if you have to stay in a hotel nearby.

Curious.....What is left after the list of what they won't eat?

Dust.

At least OP knows what to get everyone for Christmas...

"Do you like green eggs and ham?

I do not like them, Sam-I-am.
I do not like green eggs and ham.

Would you like them here or there?

I would not like them here or there.
I would not like them anywhere.
I do not like green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Would you like them in a house?
Would you like them with a mouse?

I do not like them in a house.
I do not like them with a mouse.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Would you eat them in a box?
Would you eat them with a fox?

Not in a box. Not with a fox.
Not in a house. Not with a mouse.
I would not eat them here or there.
I would not eat them anywhere.
I would not eat green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Would you? Could you? In a car?
Eat them! Eat them! Here they are…"

Recite ad nauseam on Christmas Day. That should do the trick.

Thank you I really appreciate that… you wouldn’t imagine the amount of people who either get incredibly stressed trying to cater for me or angry at me because I medically can’t eat what they make. That’s why I always say explicitly in advance to NOT change any plans or make anything special for me. I’d hate to be an added cause of stress for a host; particularly as I know what hosting can be like haha! I appreciate the kind words. Let’s hope OP can gain something from your lovely post too 💗💐

You need to be careful on the balsamic vinegar. Plus the potatoes are nightshade vegetables. Tbh when someone is following a Buddhist vegan diet, traditional British food can't really offer a good alternative. You need to stick to the rice and vegetable dishes they would traditionally eat. If someone can understand and follow professional behaviour in the workplace, they can not talk at and lecture people. This is a ridiculous situation. When I was vegan, one Christmas I had potatoes and peas for dinner, but I went for the company.

Traditional Japanese.
@PeopleThatYouThoughtYouKnew look up Buddhist and Shinto vegan is, strong vegetables interrupted meditation.

The fact that they are vegan isn't the reason why this is so difficult. They are picky eaters about everything else and rude to boot. Plenty of vegans aren't like this

Good.
You really need to get a group chat going and list all the ways they're a bunch of dicks and tell them that it is ridiculous that you're actually dreading christmas with your family and it needs to change or this year you're having a quiet one with just your husband.

Either you go to them, book a holiday, or take them shopping when they arrive for their own food, which they can prepare themselves. Easy. No stress at all. Such ridiculous "rules" aren't your problem.

Just say no. Really. Why are you allowing yourself to be so put upon?

Do this.

A lot of people dread spending Christmas alone. Maybe join a book club or a gym or a rambling society. Loneliness is an awful business but hopefully you can find a friend.

Today I've eaten a huge pastry and some Haribo. I'm doomed.

Did you bother to read 1 word of the op?

They sound a nightmare, and aside from 'Sorry, we're busy' have you considered making them come shopping with you? My adult son has multiple allergies, but he's also a fussy sod! We'll plan meals together and he'll come to the shop with me.

Eh? Is it my reading comprehension or yours? What's this got to do with vegans?

I feel the same. I found this book that has helped me to break down why Christmas makes me feel so stressed. I’m hoping for an easier going Christmas this year by following some of this tips. it is hard though, we put so much pressure on ourselves just for one day. https://amzn.eu/d/05DTKThv

I might have only read the title maybe misread but my point is still a good one and while being completely irrelevant to ThisWiseRobin I’m sure it has benefited someone.