First year without a Christmas present

[Esgusudoowchvi]

I've just realised that this will be the first year that I won't receive a Christmas present.

My two children are grown up and both have tiny babies. They've decided that presents should be children only. I'm glad that they can spend on the babies and not worry about anyone else.

Sister suggested children only.

My parents have sadly both died.

I'm meeting friends for Christmas drinks, but we won't be doing gifts.

We haven't arranged secret Santa at work this year.

None of these is a problem. I love buying presents and have enjoyed finding things for my children, grandchildren, niece and nephew. Just unusual to not open a suprise on the day. No big deal though

What miserable buggers. I have two DC, one of whom was a “tiny baby” at Christmas and I’d have never ever suggested not getting my mum a present!! A box of chocolates, a bottle of fizz - you could get this on a weekly shop without any extra stress! I’d be so disappointed in them OP.

I've got two children, one being a young baby as well and no way would I not buy my mum a gift. I think it is mean to not reciprocate if you're giving them something. Besides you should just want to give your mum even just a little something. I would be sad about that too.

This isn't right, it doesn't take much to buy a book someone will enjoy, or a nice scarf. I think your children are being really mean.

It's not fair that adults with no children get no presents. My sister and her partner don't get me and DH presents anymore but have always been generous with our nearly grown up kids. I wouldn't dream of not getting them something.

You accuse me of being mean spirited.
I reply that I'm just being honest.
You say you're equally honest.
.....
I respect you @WearyAuldWumman but I won't wheesht.

I would start a new tradition for yourself and do a little hamper of treats for yourself.
Mine would be pamper bits
New book
Pj's
Bedding
Fave box chocs.
Atleast then you get things you actually want .

I cant ever imagine not buying my mum (and dad) gifts!

Its my first year alone. Split 14 months ago but I took the girls on holiday instead last year. So its his turn for xmas and I dont get them til 28th.

I treated myself to a new tattoo today, some boots and a pair of trainers. Have wrapped them up too 🤣

I haven't told you to wheesht.

Wont you receive a gift from their children? My parents still get me a gift and i get them something too, but additionally i always give them something from the kids that they helped making. This year my son is too cool for arts and crafts, but he wrote a nice card and added some vouchers for lawn mowing, sunday breakfast (we live walking distance) and a few more that i dont remember.. he thought of it himself, so i think thats really sweet. And DD took a pottery class and made some things there.

We do presents only for the kids in our family. As grown-ups, we have everything we need, and everything we want. So, anything else will just be clutter or unnecessary stuff that we'd rather not have. And it's really frustrating having to come up with an idea for a present that we might vaguely want, to avoid being stuck with a white elephant present

You said my comment was 'a bit mean spirited' and that there was 'no need for it'. I interpreted this as you saying I shouldn't say what I said.

Better to realise later than never!

Hope you can now make changes to how you spend your money if that’s what you feel is best.

I find it very liberating but it’s taken a conscious effort. I met up with a lovely couple I am friends with earlier this year who live in another part of the country from me. I had to force myself not to buy anything for their kids.

Of course they were really lovely to me and bought me dinner and told me to visit again soon. It kind of made me a bit emotional the realisation that yes some friends aren't just there to take from you and like you for who you are rather than the gifts you provide.

They treated me the exact same way as they did the last time when I rocked up with bags of pressies for their kids.

I guess I was part of the problem by subconsciously trying to secure my place in people’s life by over- giving and I had to own that.

Sorry OP this sounds really tough. I think it's thoughtless of your children to do this. Definitely buy yourself something nice! And don't be afraid to say to them how you've felt so you've bought yourself a treat. Not in a blamey way but stating the facts because they probably don't know how you feel... I realised this would be the first year no one got me a gift. I suspect it's the thought aspect rather than material but anyway, treat yourself and enjoy every second of it!

I only get for children my other half never gets me anything even though I always get him something even if it’s little I even get for his nephews and nieces you won’t be the only one I just look forward to watching my kids open their presents and this year we are spending Christmas Day with my dad normally we go a few days before but this might be his last Christmas and we want to make it special for him 🥲

Op id love to send you a gift if you PM me your address (completely understand if you dont want to) but id hate the thought of anyone having nothing to open on Xmas day!

Also I always get for my mum and dad and there other half’s

I also think it’s mean of your DC, I couldn’t imagine not getting DM a gift. She would never want me to spend more than I could afford but a book, some bath oil, something thoughtful to unwrap…

There are other ways to save tat/money that are more thoughtful. In DH’s family all the adults (his two parents, me, DH, DSIL and her partner) do a secret Santa so each adult buys and gets one decent present each with an approx £60 budget. I have said ‘let’s buy just for the kids’ ONLY with couples my age with children where it would literally be them buying us a bottle of gin for us to buy them a bottle of gin.

I’m sorry OP. Do you have a close friend you could transfer your treat money to who could buy you a surprise to unwrap?

There was no need for it. However, this is an open board. You're entitled to say what you want within MN guidelines.

I'm entitled to tell you that you came across as being malicious.

It's fine for people to say "presents for children only" meaning "don't get me anything" but it's really mean to use it as an excuse to opt out of buying a present for your mother. Are your DC and sister getting presents from their partners? Buy yourself something you really want and don't be embarrassed to let them know.

That’s bit rubbish. We also only do kids presents but DH buys for his mum.

Tell your kids this. I doubt they're so mean they would like this.

How horrible, even if they were short in money a little token gift they could surely stretch to, even if handmade or secondhand.

How mean of him not to even get u a token gift

I’ve had this for about 4 years now I try not to let it bother me and just glad I have the kids to make the day special

That’s awful, how mean!

Unless you are very poor or estranged from your parents you should buy a gift for them. If neither of those situations apply then your children are completely out of order.