What do you spend on your adult children at Christmas

[Sliverreindeer]

I have 4 DC
Two of whom have birthdays on top of Christmas
I've never managed to get Christmas under £1000
I have to save for it through out the year .
Inspired by the thread on what grandparents spend on grandchildren
I'm thinking,
do people reduce what they spend on their children,when grandchildren come ??
Currently I'm giving £200 cash to each DC and about 12 little stocking/ under the tree presents to each DC consisting of about £60/£70 each ....that £1000 does not include family presents or Christmas food .
So I probably do need to cut down ..but I've been giving this amount for years .
Can I ask if you have adult children mid twenties heading to thirty,what do you spend on them Christmas..and birthday if your happy to say .

I don't think it's difficult to tweak, but everyone's different aren't they? My parents were very role reversed - dad would be the one I'd get books, CDs, scarves, slippers and chocolate. Mum was more likely to want car accessories and power tools!

Bit rude! Everyone is different and there's nothing on that list my daughter wouldn't like/use, although as I said upthread, since she's been a uni I make her a food hamper rather than a stocking.

My kids are 19 and 21. Ive spent about 300 on each of them. I try to keep it the same because that was one thing my mum was absolutely adamant on with me and my sister. I want to cut back.and I say I'm going to every year but never quite manage. Next year I'm definitely going to do it .I'm sick of buying for the sake of buying when we really are not that well off

My mum and dad still give us money for Christmas. They will give me and my sister and husbands 100 each and the kids 50.
I spend about £40 on parents, and £25 on siblings and nieces, nephews and God children.
It's all out hand. I love the idea of a family secret Santa.

Sorry if it sounds as bit rude but deep down I just hate all this ad-led consumption in the context of a world sinking under a plastic mountain.

I think its all relevant to what you cam afford, without stretching or putting yourself out in anyway . My parents aren't together, I'm 34.
My mum spends £20-£30 on me and my Dad gave me £1,500 in my card and I'll have a couple of small bits. I appreciate them both as much .

My mum spends what she can on my children which id rather

Surely if you can afford it and want to ...you spend what you like.
I have 2dds and 2dsd.
All young adults.
I do stockings , probably spend about £250 each on them. I put in all the things I know they need/ like but are quite £££ especially for the younger 2 who are at uni. So they all use an expensive shampoo range...the shampoo and conditioner is £60...but that lasts them all year.
Then they get main presents... usually spend around £ 300-400 . This year one asked for one thing which was top of that budget but another asked for a few smaller things.
I don't feel it all has to be exactly equal, but they tend to get what they ask for.
They are all lovely, hard working, grateful girls who understand they are lucky and privileged and I love spoiling them...so why not

You could be me OP….we have 4 and I still do the whole thing, spend a ridiculous amount on each of them. Every year I vow not to, but every year I do. None of them have children yet and certainly don’t expect it. I have no excuse other than Christmas was always shit for me as a child and young adult so it’s completely my stuff that I’m projecting.

As an adult child I have never received more than £100, and no stocking fillers or any other gift. It going up to £100 from £50 is also very recent (4 years ago)
£200 is too high- it's only a gesture for a treat £100 is plenty.

@Sliverreindeer I think this is the best answer on the thread.
Only you can decide if you are budgeting and saving wisely.

Everyone's circumstances and budgets are different.
Some adult children will be students, still semi dependant, others will be full adults potentially with children of their own.
Some parents will be comfortably well off, house paid off, and still earning, others will be paying rent and living month to month.

We do secret santa for the adult kids, their partners and me and dh. Value about £40.
Works well.
Grandkids get presents from everyone.

I’ve probably spent around £200 -£250 each on our adult DD (26) and (20). Life’s tough out there for young people and I love to see them opening gifts at Xmas.

Also neither side of our family buy them gifts any longer apart from my brother that gives them cash. So I’m probably compensating for that.

My ethos with children is spend what you can afford, if you can afford £1000 then spend it. Children regardless of their age deserve to be spoilt. im quite surprised at some of the low amounts on this thread, £40? You can’t rebuy anything significant for a Christmas gift for that amount.
OP glad to see you’re going to continue sounds like you have a lovely Christmas set up.

I’m in my 20s and using this thread to pinch ideas! My mum still asks for a list.

But generally I feel I can buy most things myself so I’m slightly hard to buy for and don’t ask for anything. There was a similar thread last year that I thought had great suggestions though, it was basically posh versions of every day items that someone wouldn’t normally buy for themselves.

I’d say for me, Christmas can be mixed. Sometimes I get spoiled sometimes it’s just token gifts! I don’t mind really. I earn enough where I feel giving someone a list is a bit grabby

Similar to others; my parents stopped buying for me and my 3 siblings once GC came along. We do secret Santa instead with a £50 budget.

I’ll answer from the perspective of an adult DC, I’m in my 40’s, my siblings are in their 50’s and we still get a pile of presents from our parents. It has reduced since I’ve had children (who get spoiled by them) but it’s still a fair few things. We don’t get cash, don’t see the point in that, but it will he a mix of clothes I’ve liked when out shopping together leading up to Christmas, some pj’s and make up or purfume that I don’t like buying for myself and usually something practical for the house…my parents still get joy in gifting items that I wouldn’t buy myself. I don’t see anything wrong in that if they can afford it. I try to find a really nice present for them too, so others may think it’s pointless because we could just buy our own stuff, but each to their own. Mumsnet seems to shame anyone who has Christmas presents as an adult.

3 kids, all at uni. I give them 500 each to either buy presents or save then about 200 each on surprises. I save all year and it's my pleasure to spoil them

I give my DC an AirBnB voucher each year a few hundred pounds -helps towards their summer holiday - he has 3 teenage/early 20s - and a few cheap jokey things between them - then around £60 gifts for each GC. My DHs family we used to buy endless gifts for in-laws, step siblings and their kids (who we rarely see). Present opening took a good couple of hours. We put a stop to that around 10 years ago and everyone is much happier.

OP why don't you just speak to them? You sound like you are a very kind, caring person and it sounds like your children are as well.
Why don't you just have a discussion and ask them what they would like to do and make it a joint decision.
I know it is hard as cutting back feels mean but the cost of living is extortionate for everyone and your children aren't children anymore and what is going to happen as your family gets bigger, which it will do.
Christmas isn't about the presents and how much we spend, it is about family and it sounds like you have a lovely family.
Please don't stress over this OP just a sensible chat could make all the difference.
I hope you get it resolved x

I’m 46 i’ve only my dad and siblings. But i’ve gotten very little for christmas from my parents since i turned 18. My dad will buy me a bottle of fizz . It’s more of a grandkids take over in our family, i’ve no kids.

Im not saying its right or wrong. My MIL spend more on me. She spends around £100 on each of her sons.

But it does seem a lot for adult children. Do they need all those gifts alongside money? Discuss it with them maybe?

My mum gifts me and my husband either £100 cash each or £100 gift. My husbands dads give us £300 between us. His mum doesn’t get us anything just gets the kids. Edit to add my dad I’ve recently gone NC with but he usually gave me £200 in my bank account don’t expect that this year 😂

My parents spend about £150/200 joint on getting my husband and I a gift voucher usually for a hotel stay so they know it’s something we’ll use and then £50 each per grandchild, they then spend similar on my brother but they only have two children - they do have x4 children in my family and x3 in my brothers. Birthdays they spend £50-100 on us adult children.

Same as others have said regarding a child at uni. We’ve spent about £250 all in, but only child. He’s got new headphones (around £70), a padel racket (around £70) and a new football top as he collects from places he’s visited around the world (around £50) on top of that he’ll get a stocking but I refuse to buy tat so that will be socks, pants, pyjamas, toiletries to take back to uni, a book, padel balls (bit of a theme there!) some Lego, a bit of alcohol and some chocolate.

We’ll probably cut down a bit once he starts working and can buy for himself.

Secret Santa is the way forward

There’s no “right” answer to this except spend what you can afford to spend and what you want to spend.

My parents spend a lot on me (and the kids and some but a bit less on DH), they can afford to and enjoy it and we appreciate it. I also spend a pretty reasonable amount on them as they normally ask for a voucher for an experience which is around £300, I have no other family / anyone outside them and my kids to buy for on my side.

My in-laws probably spend about £25 on my DH, it’s what’s right for their circumstances and we equally appreciate their gift.