spending on grandchildren at Christmas

[way2serious]

We’ve currently got 2 grandchildren (from our eldest daughter) on whom we spend about £150 each. So firstly is this too much / not enough / about right? And secondly, we have four other children and so very likely to have more grandchildren in the next few years. We want to be as fair as possible and would need to decrease our spending for each child to ensure they all had the same amount as we couldn’t afford £150 each for more than 2. This obviously means that the first two will have had more for a few years. Do we need to make this up to the others or just lower the amount for all of them?

I hope that makes sense - I know I am probably overthinking things!! How have you managed what you spend as the number of grandchildren increases?

It's best to start as you mean to go on. Then all DGC are treated equally. Stop spending so much on your 2 DGC this year. About £80 is enough. Put other things back for their birthdays. When you have 6 or 7 DGC you will be relieved you didn't give first ones £150 each. The DGC won't remember but you DC will. So gift to first ones as you will any that come afterwards.

I think £150 is a huge amount for a gp to spend. Our dc's gp spend £30-£50 ish which is plenty for a nice gift!

Admittedly they did, when we were younger and on a lower wage, occasionally pay for other things (a school trip, or a term of ballet classes for example) but this was never expected.

That is a lot. I don't let my kids ask for anything more than £30 from their grandparents (who have 6 and 9 grandchildren). Also if they are really young, they don't need or appreciate a load of money spent on them. I would cut back and you can always be a more generous when older, if you can afford it. I don't know if you need to worry about making it up to.the children that don't exist yet. My in laws spent a lot on the first two grandchildren as they were the only ones for like 10 years. Mine are not aware of this and my husband and I don't care. But maybe worth a conversation with your children as I know from Mumsnet some are a bit funny about that kind of thing

Way too much. £50 is ample. If you can afford it put another small amount into a savings account for them.

Someone advised this years ago so we do it for five little ones

Something to read..... age appropriate
Something to wear....... consult with parent
Something to play with.... again ask parent.

They seem happy with that.

As to managing, I've always only spent what is comfortably affordable and put into their savings Christmas and birthdays. What's the point of buying a shed load of plastic they neither want or need. It's up to their parents to buy the main gifts.

Wow. £25 per gc is plenty! Kids don’t need hundreds of pounds spent on them!

I think you’re spending too much and need to rein it in a bit, especially if you do get more grandchildren in the future as it’ll just become unsustainable.

We have two GC and spend around £50 tops on each, that includes a main gift, a new outfit and their stockings, ours are aged 8 & 5.

My parents have 10 grandkids.
They spend £20 per kid.
Usually a main present and some sweets or novelty items. If a child wants a particular thing which costs £20 then they don't get the 'extras'. If a kids wants cash (or cash towards smth larger)...fine.
If the presents total less ttan £20, then the remainder is wrapped as cash.
Kids currently range in age from 5-24, but this has always been the case, even when there were just a few of them.

It’s too much my DD has 6 GC and they each get £20 and some sweets. When little they may have got slightly more because it was a toy & outfit but definitely no more than £30.
Id honestly consider looking to do a small gift and an activity my GM used to take me & db to the panto each year, I couldn’t tell you what gift she gave us but I remember the panto trips.

Start a tradition of taking them out to the panto/ice skating when they are a bit older?
Put the €20/30 for birthdays/xmas into a savings account. When they reach 21 give it to them.

My parents spend £100 each (5 GCs) and DH’s spend about £80 each (5 GCs).

£150 is loads. How old are they? Are you getting lots of things or just a big present? Even if you were buying pjs, slippers, a selection box, books etc. there would still be a lot left over for a main present. It’s a lot of stuff.
Most kids would be better off with a £30 gift (or panto trip) plus £10/month in savings.

My mother in law spends £50 per grandchild

Maybe do a first Christmas heirloom gift at that sort of level to be fair then drop spends to something like a ticket to an activity with you and a book to unwrap?

Way to much! My parents do £50 each into their savings bonds. Cut back.

Christmas - £25 per GC plus money straight into their savings account.
Birthdays - £50 per GC plus money straight into their savings account.

My DP spend about £200 on dc, maybe more. They normally get 2-4 larger gifts one or two smaller gifts and an outfit. They spend about £80 per adult sibling and the same for each spouse. It is a lot and we really appreciate it, we’re not a rich family we just love Christmas and save a lot for it. I’m also an older mum and my siblings are older and unlikely to have children so they don’t have the same worries as you. If I were you I would spend a bit less each year probably or speak to your dc about it directly. If you’ve already done for example ‘first Christmas’ at £150 and then drop the budget now, there’s a chance dc having children in the future will think you’ve snubbed their child if you don’t do a first big Christmas for them.
I don’t think you need to ‘make it up to them’ but I think transparency is probably best. And best to do it before the new dc come along so it’s not that they’re born and suddenly you don’t like spending money anymore. Obviously it depends what your relationship is like and what the siblings are like with each other as to how much that’s a concern too.

I was the first of my siblings to have kids by quite a few years so my kids were the grandkids in this situation.

My parents probably did the same as you and to be honest I think at least one of my siblings does slightly resent the ‘special treatment’ my eldest especially got.

So I would start (from now at least start now) as you mean to go on. How much could you afford if for example if you had 6 grandchildren - go down to that amount. £150 is excessive anyway I would say.

That's far too much! If my DM spent that on my DC I'd be annoyed as it would be more than we're spending, and it would presumably be a lot of stuff which we'd need to find space for. One or two small things, £20 to £50 in total is sufficient. Perhaps one bigger and more expensive thing (eg a scooter) as a one off, but only if the parents have agreed that with you in advance.

I agree with the others.
Cut back a bit this year on existing GC, then cut back again next year to get to a sustainable amount.
Better to start cutting back before other GC appear and whilst existing GC are relatively young.

You're just need to decide what you can afford, which is of course different for everyone.

I don't think £150 per child is too much, if that's what you can afford and want to spend. It's about the same as what I spend on my grandchildren. For us, it's roughly £150 per grandchild (there are 4 of them) and £300 per child&spouse. So £1,200 total for us.

Wow that is alot! My dad gives his grandchildren £50 each. I think that's enough! Also means he can afford to cover any new babies that get added to the family! Start as you mean to go on, £50 each is plenty.

Thank you everyone for your feedback. We are definitely overspending by the sounds of it. The boys are 1 and 3. We've bought two outfits each, some toys, books, jigsaws etc and a few sweets / chocolates. Will look at what we could keep until birthdays and will be buying less going forwards.

I think it is too much but if you want to I would put a small sum away at Christmas and each birthday for them to have when they reach 18. My dgm did this and it was such a lovely surprise and gift.