spending on grandchildren at Christmas

[way2serious]

We’ve currently got 2 grandchildren (from our eldest daughter) on whom we spend about £150 each. So firstly is this too much / not enough / about right? And secondly, we have four other children and so very likely to have more grandchildren in the next few years. We want to be as fair as possible and would need to decrease our spending for each child to ensure they all had the same amount as we couldn’t afford £150 each for more than 2. This obviously means that the first two will have had more for a few years. Do we need to make this up to the others or just lower the amount for all of them?

I hope that makes sense - I know I am probably overthinking things!! How have you managed what you spend as the number of grandchildren increases?

My parents spend about 15 on each GC for Christmas and 20 for a birthday. They have 5 GC.

It's actually ample to buy something nice when they are young and for older ones it gets nice books for example. Children have too much stuff these days anyway!
Experiences can be expensive though and they are nice gifts.

Just imagine how much you could spend with say 6 GC and go from there. They're lucky to have you!

My parents spend 50 each on 4 grandkids.
My FIL spends 20 each on 2 grandkids but puts some in their savings account each year as well.
To be perfectly honest anything you spend on kids toys will end up in the bin one day or charity shop and becomes one of many things they play with then forget in the end.
I think there are better gifts such as tickets to a show or putting money in their savings.

My parents spend £50-60 on each of the grandchildren (they have five) - that’s usually more than enough!

£150 !!! Wow ! I give mine £20 and a gift to open which can be anything from £10-20

id open a bank account , and pay for an experience like a panto or day trip ice skating

no child needs that much and no parents needs that many toys in their home

Apologies did not mean to quote

Are the other grandparents spending £150 too? and aunties etc ??

Spend what you want. Enjoy them, and them you. Worry about later,later.

You sound very sweet and generous. I wish more grandparents could be/ think like this. You could probably lower the amount you spend to even £50 each if your are buying for children aswell

My parents spend about £500 on their other 4 grandkids each. And £70 on my 2. Make sure you spend equally as they will notice as they get older.

I did this too, but they are getting older and tastes change.
In reply to OP I spend about that on each of our DC and DGC now. We don't see much of DGC ( long story) so don't get to spoil them any other time. Our own DC, we had very poor Christmas' when they were little, we could barely eat/ heat so can afford to spoil a little now.

Good advice @justasking111 . I read so much on here about "amount per child". It's almost obsessive. People with smaller budgets seem to torture themselves even more by having to put a figure on it. Someone the other day was tormented because she had only £100 to spend per child. I remember one Christmas when mine were small and I had absolutely nothing like that amount to spend on them (even taking into account the adjustment for the fact that this was some years ago). . But I shopped carefully and got good secondhand bits and pieces.. I don't think they realised they'd had so little spent on them. And they certainly seemed not to care. They had stockings full of little bits and a main present each, under the tree, that wasn't new.

As for those with larger budgets, it's just scary to think that they have decided they have to spend so many hundred on each child. Or more. For kids, who probably already have everything they need and most of the things they want. And then some.

I know people want to be fair to their children and grandchildren, but I somehow seem to have managed without counting up every bit of expense to ensure I spend exactly the same on each. AND on a smaller budget. Roughly yes, not exactly and I will be the same with the grandchildren. And I can assure you, Mother Earth I am not!

I've been far from a perfect parent but somehow my children, who grew up in a lower income family, have managed not to grow up remotely grabby or mercenary at all so I guess at least I did that part right. Even though it was a challenge at times.

Why the need to be so judgmental and tear other down?

my parents would spend about this. It’s what they want to do and everyone is comfortable with it. Nothing ridiculous about it. It would, of course, be an issue if they couldn’t afford it. But they can.

in face they bout my nephew a computer last year because he was starting university and needed.

I wouldn’t personally do it per grandchild as you’ll then have kids with 4-6 kids expecting equality when that’s ludricous. Instead do it per child. So each child gets £150 and then you get all your gc for that child one large joint gift.

Spend what you can afford. I spend £50 on each plus small things like selection boxes

Why did they do this? Very cunty thing to do….I spend the same on all 3 of mine ( 2 are my DDs and 1 is my youngest DSs )

My inlaws have 3 DGC and spend £100 on gifts and £100 into savings. Unlikely to have more. Always spends more on DN from my SIL though and IS noticed by everyone but her.

My DM has 2 DC and spend £50-£100 on gifts. Likely to have more GC from my siblings.

I do not think there's a right or wrong answer other than spend what you can afford.

Not everyone is poor….lots of grandparents have lots of disposable income and like spending on their GC …..fine if 50 quid is all you can afford….but why put down those who are very happy to spend more

I wouldn't want anyone spending more then me on my kids as they are my kids. Id feel like the grandparent was trying to out do me

Thanks again everyone. I will definitely be reducing what we spend going forward as it has been a real stretch this year and your comments have encouraged us to rethink and not feel guilty.

£150 is fine if you can afford it. My parents have spent about that on my 12yr old nephew this year. But they only have one grandchild.

I think it’s far too much, it’s a parent’s job to provide, not a grandparents. I have 6 kids and tell my mum to buy a token gift or voucher for the older ones. £25/£30 max. She can certainly afford much more but absolutely no need.

My parents have 4 DGC, are fairly comfortable in retirement (both on DB pensions, mortgage paid off many years ago), and spend about £40 on each DGC. They do contribute more to my sibling’s (only) child but that’s because my sibling doesn’t earn much and I have a better-paying career. So they help out with his football stuff, etc.

My mum has 9 grand children. They each get £30. They know that is the amount they get and that they all get the same. They choose one present or give ideas of what they may like to my mum and that is that. They have never felt hard done by.

Can't believe you spent 150 if it was a stretch. 50 is absolutely enough. And less if you're poor ofcourse. My father doesn't give my kids any gifts at all because his pension is so small and he's a smoker so no money left for that which is fine. Mil is well off and gives them around 80 each in gifts. No one should be feeling stretched for buying gifts.

My parents are very wealthy and my children are their only grandchildren. they spend about £40 per child on one gift and maybe up to another £10 on a book and some chocolate. My MIL and FIL are not very well off (but comfortable) and they spend £20-30 per child (they have 4 grandchildren including our two).

The exception to this was probably our eldests first Christmas when everyone went a bit overboard. We find too many gifts tend to overwhelm the children.

I have asked GP for a max of £50 over the years. I don't want all these expensive gift for my children.
They give £100 to the university attending kids which is fine.