spending on grandchildren at Christmas

[way2serious]

We’ve currently got 2 grandchildren (from our eldest daughter) on whom we spend about £150 each. So firstly is this too much / not enough / about right? And secondly, we have four other children and so very likely to have more grandchildren in the next few years. We want to be as fair as possible and would need to decrease our spending for each child to ensure they all had the same amount as we couldn’t afford £150 each for more than 2. This obviously means that the first two will have had more for a few years. Do we need to make this up to the others or just lower the amount for all of them?

I hope that makes sense - I know I am probably overthinking things!! How have you managed what you spend as the number of grandchildren increases?

I would scale it back to something closer to what you expect to be able to afford as more grandchildren appear. You can’t know how many children there will be so it’s just an estimate, but keep the gifts smaller now so there doesn’t have to be a dramatic change.

I don’t spend that much on my own kids (2 and 9). DH’s parents spend around £30 ish on our kids and my dad a bit more (he gives me the money and I buy it and he can afford to).

you're right to set a price now that you’d be happy at for all future grandchildren.

Our kids grandparents spend about 25 each so I think you’re overspending too.

I have 2 friends whose parents spend similarly to you and they are actually annoyed by it. One friend because she ends up with her parents arriving with massive sackfuls and she just doesn’t want or need that amount of extra stuff, on top of what she’s already buying for her own children. The other because her parents keep asking what they can buy and she’s having to think of things just for the sake of it, her kids really don’t need that amount so they’re all scratching their heads trying to spend it (a privileged position, she’s aware) but it becomes wasteful.

Start as you mean to go on, and maybe as PP said, buy a bigger gift for the first Christmas of each new grandchild to even it up, then go down to a more comfortable spend going forward.

Put half into a savings account or premium bonds for them. Half in a gift.

I'd work out what you'd have to spend in total if each of your 5 children has 2 each and work from there. You'd have to factor in birthdays too. Definitely don't have to level up just adjust as you go. Probably slowly over the next couple of years. I'd discuss your concerns with your eldest daughter so she's aware of your thought process if that helps.

Pretty sure my grandma used to just buy me one or two things. Nothing expensive.
i love her all the world. It’s not your role to buy loads of presents. The parents will have got them plenty

It’s definitely more than generous and you shouldn’t feel badly at all about cutting back. My kids are the only grandchildren for both sides so are lucky enough to have 4 involved grandparents so a very different situation for me.

I think you could think about taking them out somewhere together if that sounds fun and doable and then something to open on the day - as they get a bit older you could do like a book voucher and take them out to spend it and have a fun hot chocolate or something like that.

My DCs grandparents tend to buy a couple of presents for each grandchild and then put a bit of money into their savings accounts. As generous as you sound I wouldn’t be too pleased with that amount of presents form grandparents as we buy our DCs a reasonable amount and we just don’t have room or need for lots more too.

At that age how did you manage it, they get more expensive as they get older!

It's entirely subjective, What's loads to one person is pocket change to another. I do think £150 is an unnecessarily large amount but if you can comfortably afford it and want to do it then who's to say you shouldn't. I also think it's quite normal to go a bit mad when there's only one or two children and being a grandparent is novel then it has to be pared back when more come along.

My in-laws have 6 grandchildren, they give each set of parents £50 per child to buy a gift the child wants then they take and wrap it and usually add pyjamas or a clothing item and sweets which they get themselves.
My mum has 4 grandchildren, she spends around the same per child at a guess but she chooses and buys the gifts herself so I don't know exactly the amount. My dad and his partner have more to buy for between them so it's pyjamas and a selection box which is also appreciated!

£150 each is excessive. I think £50 is very generous. My parents give me a budget £20 - £25 and I order the children's gifts from amazon and get them delivered to my folks.

You not only have to consider that there might be more grandchildren but also that your finances will change with age. My parents would have spent more when they were working but they now both get a pension and things are tighter.

I don't think you need to make ot fair over all and to balance out the spending over the years. Financial situation change. I just think your setting yourself up and making the expectations to high.

DGS will be 2 on Boxing Day. I’ve probably spent £250 on him between Christmas and his birthday when it’s all added up. Everything he’s getting are things that I’ve discussed with DS2 and DDIL and can be passed along if has siblings.

We’re probably not going to be getting grandchildren from DS1 and DDIL because they really don’t want any.

In laws spend £50 ish which I think is perfectly reasonable. You could do £60 on gifts, £20 for their savings?

My mum has 6 grandkids and spends £40 each. I think thats a bit much but she is happy to spend £40 for each child. Your right to cut it down. I am spending £180 on each of my own kids. I would never expect grandparents to spend anywhere near that.

I don't have grandchildren yet but I love this idea and will try to remember it for whenever they come along.

I think it's best of you started a fund for them instead. They'll need the money in future but not on toys....

i have 3 grandchildren aged between 7&9 and spend anything between £20-£50 depending on what it is they would like. I spend a similar amount for birthdays. We can afford more, but they are happy to have a toy/item they want and don’t need more. However, we do spend money on them throughout the year on things such as trips to cinema, days out etc.

I think attempting to even out what the first two grandchildren had spent on them with what the later grandchildren get is the way to insanity.

Spend what you’re happy to spend (to me, £150 is loads) and make sure it’s even between existing grandchildren. But I wouldn’t worry about retrospective evening out.

I think if you only had 1 child and these are likely to be your only grandchildren then that would be fine but since that isn’t the case I think £50 maximum should be the norm. My mum had 9 grandchildren and the budget was £50 for each one, which I thought was a lot.

I would keep back a couple of bits you have already got if possible and if not just start to tone it down from their birthdays and then for next Christmas.

There’s no right or wrong - just what you can afford to and want to spend.
My mum spends about £200 on each of grandchildren. She’s still working and has a very healthy income with few outgoings. Mil spends around £50 on each of her grandchildren. She’s been a pensioner for about 15 years. Each spend what they want to and are comfortable with spending.

I think £150 is far too much and yes when/if other grandchildren come you won’t be able to sustain this unless you are pretty well off and your other children are likely to cry favouritism. I would adjust your spending now but no, I wouldn’t worry about making it up to future granchildren. Just choose an amount now that will be workable moving forward and stick to it. My parents typically don’t spend anymore than £50 per grandchild (they have four and there won’t be anymore) and I think even that is a bit on the generous side.

I've spent more on my two grandchildren this year than I will next year because next year we will have more grandchildren. The new grandchildren will have the same presents the first two had for their first Christmas and thereafter whatever we can afford will be shared amongst all the grandchildren and the two bonus grandchildren.

In the same way that my oldest DS had 4 Christmases of being our only child we didn't try to make it up to younger siblings as they came along so it will be with the grandchildren.

The love we have for them won't be shared, just the actual pounds and pence - we have plenty of love for them all.

My parents spend £50 per GC, and my in-laws spend about £100-£120. There’s a lot of pressure from my FIL’s wife to be seen to be giving the big gifts as I think she wants the kids to say they got the best gifts from them! It’s over the top in my opinion and way more “stuff” than the kids need. I’d rather they put some money in their savings if they wanted to give them more, but it’s not up to me.

Wow. Back in the day, my GPs were generous in giving us £10-20. (Depending on younger/older) Doubled for inflation that is £20 - 40. My dad sometimes gives more money for my DC but specifically into their savings accounts which are locked in till 18. (He is quite good with financial planning) If you wanted to give more that £50 but less than £150 could you open them an isa and give £50 for gifts and £20 ish in savings?

It’s not how much you spend on your grandchildren that they’ll remember you for. It’s the love you showed them and that feeling in their tummy’s when they see you. I’d say spend less on them, and if you feel you have more money left that you want to spend on them, use it to take them out on day trips to create memories. That’s what matters.