Boy moms I need to know whats normal and what's not

[MommaBH]

Boy moms, I have 2 boys , 4 and 2, 21 months apart...

Life is 70% UTTER CHOAS
I don't know if it's me, it's normal behaviour or what but i am stressed out 8/10 when with both boys at once....
Am I overstimulating them ?!

Today.... 🎄 up....
Started off lovely ,ended in CARNAGE, 2 year old tore tree down, 4 decorations broken, one where glitter was thrown everywhere....2 Wild crazy overstimulated boys...

Life is often like this, is this normal?!
Does it get easier?!

I'm stressed all the time

That's not a boy thing that's an over excited at Christmas little kid thing. As a mum of two boys now 18 and 15 I recommend not believing the social media stereotype of what being a mum of boys looks like.

I have a boy and a girl and neither of mine would have done that. The cat on the other hand though…

They are like dogs, they need constant exercise and stimulation. Out of the house preferably.

I have three boys. They have run parkrun this morning, had a walk at the beach and are now at swimming. This is the minimum they need on a weekend day , it's exhausting.

If ever I think we can have a cozy day indoors I soon regret it.

It's not a boy thing though, my sister has girls and they are the same. It's a child thing!

I've have the same ages but boy and a girl (boy oldest). We also put our tree up today. Setting expectations in advance helps - such as once decorated you can look but not touch, and if you grab the tree it will fall over and hurt you. But I'd say it sounds like there are things you can do to make your life easier, like robust decorations and no breakables. Overall though, I'd say we only hit chaos levels when they are super tired or ill, most of time listening isn't too bad.

It’s a child thing.

Mum of two boys and two girls here. All ND.

IMO you don't have a boy problem, you have a parenting problem. Probably because you think that girls are naturally better behaved and haven't addressed poor behavior earlier.

I would recommend Christopher Green on parenting but it is quite old now but the fundamentals remain. Catch the good and reward it.

I raised adults, so I supported behavior that I wanted them to have in adulthood.

Bratbuster parenting on YouTube is also good.

Basically it's you not them, they're kids in the system you created.

Yes but does it get easier?!

It's not a boy thing, it's a lack of discipline thing. I wouldn't let my kids, the boys or the girls, do any of that and if they tried, there'd be consequences.

It's not a boy thing, it's a lack of discipline thing. I wouldn't let my kids, the boys or the girls, do any of that and if they tried, there'd be consequences.

I know people are quick to say there is no difference in being a boy mum, but developmentally toddler and young boys have crazy levels of testosterone for being so little so it's very likely they will be more boisterous and physical as a result. Obviously there will be differences between individual children. I have a 3 yo and he wouldn't do this but I find that he needs a good amount of time outside being physical every day or he does become much harder to manage, behaviour goes to pot and he finds regulation harder. At Christmas there's so much busyness excitement and change to routine so it's normal for them to get over stimulated. Having a good routine, lots of time outside in nature or doing sport and loving but firm boundaries helps.

It won't get easier while you excuse their behaviour as 'boys will be boys' rather than setting boundaries and disciplining bad behaviour.

Great post @Mumptynumpty

@MommaBH, you're talking like this is all just happening to you and you're completely passive. No, your kids won't magically learn how to behave they say you want them to, and it's not helpful to think of their behaviour as 'a boy thing'. You've had good advice on here about boundaries and expectations from @Sillysoggyspaniel and @Mumptynumpty

Personally I think it gets better a whole lot quicker if you truly believe that as children they are perfectly capable of behaving in a civilised manner and you calmly but firmly expect them to live up to that. Praise them when they are doing well and gently but firmly correct them when they're wrong.

Expectations of behaviour should not be gender dependent. My DC are expected to be kind and polite members of society who listen to their parents regardless of gender. I think the people that buy into the whole "boy mum" thing inadvertently set themselves up for their kids to fulfill the stereotype.

Also set them up for success. So if they're hyper, I'd take them for a run around in the park before trying to do something that needs calm attention like putting up the tree. Put the breakable decorations away for when they're older. Keep things pretty simple etc.

Umm, no, toddler boys do not have ‘crazy levels of testosterone’. They have a similar amount to girls until puberty starts to hit, around 9-11 years old.

Mum of two boys here, 5 and 7. Completely normal, and it will get better, I promise.

At 2 years old?

I have a boy and a girl...they are teens now but as toddlers my ds was way more boisterous than my dd. She had very high levels of concentration and would spend hours playing with toys or colouring. My ds would be bouncing off the walls. No idea if it's a boy thing or just toddlers....but it does all sound normal op. I recommend getting them out to the park every morning to burn off energy.

@MommaBHmy SGS would do it but he has severe autism and ADHD

Mine are the same but there’s still no way my DS would rip down the Christmas tree.

That’s not necessarily a boy thing. But I would say no, not normal.

Poor OP, I don't think we have enough info to go on to blame this on either your irreparably poorly behaved children, or your terrible parenting.

Some kids are very high octane, boys and girls, and this kind of thing sounds quite typical of them. Agree the best solution I've found is loads of exercise.

But yes, it goes get better. 2 and 4 is probably the peak ages for this!

Make sure you put in some solid boundaries, with warnings and a time out or similar. Excitement is fine but they need to know when enough is enough. It’s not a boy thing though, it’s just a boisterous kid thing. They come in both boys and girls.

In fairness i didn't explain that at all well. Boys have much higher levels of testosterone than girls from being in the womb and that does impact on brain development and socialisation. So boys are initially more inclined to physical forms of play whereas girls will more quickly adapt to more social and communicative forms of play. This also is evidenced for girls who were exposed to higher levels of testosterone in the womb. So it does have impact on how children develop and the types of play they will be inclined towards at those ages. Obviously as a parent we help them regulate and learn boundaries in constructive ways but their play needs are slightly different developmentally.

Oh for goodness sake, not every flaw in a child is entirely down to their parents. I used to buy into this nonsense myself, tore my hair out following every parenting guru and trying every method. Now it turns out he probably has ADHD and when the teacher told me how they can't control him either I stopped beating myself up about it. If two very experienced SEN specialist teachers are having trouble getting him to sit still then the problem is clearly not lack of guidance or discipline from adults is it?

I hate how every child is viewed through the same lens and they are all supposed to fit neatly into one stereotypical box.

The truth is kids have a range of energy levels and ability to focus. Not all of the buzzy ones will have ADHD but people need to accept that parenting children is not a one size fits all solution.

To the OP - it's too early to tell if yours have SEN but it's very common for boys to have more energy and need more direction in their younger years. Don't let people make you feel inadequate.