Boy moms I need to know whats normal and what's not

[MommaBH]

Boy moms, I have 2 boys , 4 and 2, 21 months apart...

Life is 70% UTTER CHOAS
I don't know if it's me, it's normal behaviour or what but i am stressed out 8/10 when with both boys at once....
Am I overstimulating them ?!

Today.... 🎄 up....
Started off lovely ,ended in CARNAGE, 2 year old tore tree down, 4 decorations broken, one where glitter was thrown everywhere....2 Wild crazy overstimulated boys...

Life is often like this, is this normal?!
Does it get easier?!

I'm stressed all the time

My boys would not have done that, no. I don't put my decorations up this early... but I know a lot of people do so it's normal. Still if it's too much visual stimulation/ temptation there's no need to decorate so early - we only ever put decorations up a few days before Christmas (two weeks until the 12th day is enough especially if you have a real tree).

I used to take the kids out in the mornings when I was mostly a sahm and when I was part time and home in the morning - when working they were obviously out anyway.

Busy mornings outside the house and ideally outdoors.

Then they're calmer in the afternoon.

I have two boys and two girls and one of the boys definitely needed to run outdoors every morning like a large breed teenaged puppy! I even used to take him to run/ climb off energy before preschool, which was necessary for him to manage the sitting part (he's perfectly capable of sleeping his mornings away on days off now as a young adult and had no problems sitting by junior school age, although he's always done a lot of teem spots outdoors, which I think he needed right through school).

I don't think it's necessarily a boy/ girl thing as my other boy didn't need as much outdoor time as a preschooler, but all my kids, girls and boys, did better on days they were outside for a couple of hours in the morning regardless of weather.

TLDR: Less temptation/ visual stimulation in terms of decoration not for playing with in the house, and spend your mornings outdoors so afternoons will be calm and you can do stuff ypu need to do then.

I also have a boy and girl (22 months apart, DS is now 7 and DD 9) and mine were, and still are, completely the opposite! DS has always generally been very placid.

Though DD is AuDHD so that is obviously a contributing factor...

I wouldn't say you are under stimulating them, more under exceriseing them.

23 months between my two. There is no way I'd have attempted decorating a tree without a proir trip to the park or the swimming pool.

Best structure at those ages - treat them like a dog - feed them well and excerise at least twice a day.

You'll need a very warm coat and sone strudy shoes.

It will get easier if you take them outside for a few hours every morning, dressed for whatever weather you have excluding actual storms.

Set them up to succeed - this probably also includes fewer decorations (less temptation).

This is obviously only my perspective, but…

I have three boys (now 12, 9 and 9). In case it’s relevant, they are all NT. It’s easier now but up to about the age of 8, they were like spaniels.

At the age your boys are now, OP, if DH and I didn’t take ours for a long, long walk or to the park or to s•ft pl•y to charge around and let off steam for a protracted period of time, then chaos like you describe would reliably ensue.

And I mean C H A O S. It was a law that proved as inalienable as gravity. Skip the exercise = have a terrible miserable time as they all misbehaved. It wasn’t additional needs, it was just they needed to discharge energy.

It’s absolutely exhausting and felt so unfair. I now have a deep and abiding loathing of parks because of the number of times I had to go to one in the rain and wind and freezing cold, with chuffing scooters or to sit freezing my tits off in the play area so the boys could burn off the IMMODERATE amounts of excess energy they had been blessed with.

All my friends with just boys had the same situation. My friends with girls were baffled. They just did not experience this. It’s stereotypical and yet here we are. 🤷🏼‍♀️

It felt more like crowd control at times. We were (and are) really militant about decent, kind behaviour and good manners. Victorian, almost, in enforcing this. And my goodness that is terribly wearing. Repeating the same thing, insisting on the same thing, over and over again.

I should add that they are all delightful, thoughtful young chaps now. Still annoying but the spaniels era has mostly passed thank the Lord

I wonder if sometimes people move to thinking their child is ADHD in these situations, when perhaps it isn’t always that.

It is really really hard to manage, but parenting is really really hard, one way or another. So I would say, in answer to your question, yes. The situation you describe was nerve-shreddingly normal here if they weren’t exercised enough, and if we didn’t do the hard, demanding stuff in not letting poor behaviour slide.

Hard choices now, easy life later.

What do you mean by 'tore the tree down'? If it was on purpose, I don't think that's usual. If it was because they were madly tearing around the house and not being careful, then that sort of thing can happen.

Just to add though - at around those ages my boys were wilder together - separately or with a sister either one was easy peasy, but they did seem to bounce off one another (they've always adored each other and still do as mid/late teen and young adult). My in-laws understandably couldn't manage all four kids together but liked to have them to stay overnight occasionally in twos - just not both the boys together! The outdoor time is key.

I've got 3 boys and this is why my tree won't be up for a while yet. It's a lot of light and colour and unless you've got a massive house can be overstimulating at that age.
They need fresh air and exercise and a calm home environment.
Yes, it gets easier. They're still so little and they grow up quickly. My youngest is 3 and days of knocking down trees are well behind us.

I have 2 boys I feel boys are more likely to be physical and live in their body's more than girls who live in their minds. I was strict with my boys when they were little they knew what was expected, knew when they were out of order. I would not have accepted wrecking the tree and they would have been in trouble I would have removed them from participating including any treat foods or drinks you are doing. I always tried to explain it as you can't do this activity because your not able to behave appropriately once you can you can participate again. Don't get angry it's unhelpful just accept it means sometimes you stop putting the tree up and do it while they are in bed.

Once you have the building blocks of strict boundaries it's easier. Never threaten anything you won't follow through on, no more than 1 warning, show them when they are acting poorly by being firm and not soft or trying to comfort them. When they get older you can start to let the reigns go a little as they will have a good base line of actions and consequences.

Depends how you react to challenging behaviour now really

Lack of discipline and not enough exercise and time outdoors.

It’s a parent thing.

Same so muchbeasier apart ,did it get better in time?as thry gotolder?

Yes of course - every age has different good and bad points but things don't stay the same.

Are you going to start taking them outdoors for a couple of hours every morning (or every morning they aren't at childcare if they sometimes are)?

A lot of people are pointing out to you that making sure they get plenty of exercise out of the house is the absolute key.

Yes at 2! And people wonder why their kids act feral. Jesus...

Yes we do this most days thry not at child care and yes it is an absolute must I agree with all posts. Today tbf we didnt do that, we had been at a xmas show in thr morning, was probably all too much and i am chronicAlly exhausted and alewp deprived atm for several reasons I won't go into, my husband also exhausted from work, so we are depleted and at times like this is so had to fins the energy to be on top of your parenting game

I have 2 boys and 1 of them has ADHD and I’ve never felt it was ‘chaos’. Agree with others this is just the result of lack of movement or stimulation, possible in either sex. It has nothing to do with their sex.

First poster nailed it in when they said, this is not a boy thing this is an overstimulated at Christmas young child thing, please do not play into the social media hype of "boy mom" and just treat your children as children, with each one having their own personalities and energy levels and attention spans and adherence to rules and discipline. Some kids are very quiet and introverted and responsible and despite their age or gender would never give you any trouble. Other kids are wild like a little hellions, which may be indicative of some other psychological / physical issue but might just be the way they're wired. How you treat them will also end up shaping how they act. If you treat them like boys should be boys and wild and crazy and chaos and noise and violence and insanity is normal, then there's a good chance that they will continue in this way.
Christmas is very over stimulating for children, it's a lot for them, but the behavior you described? Sounds a little out of control.
Just like having a new pet in the house, you might have wanted to consider going with non-breakable ornaments, a small tree, keep the decorations simple until you can be certain that your wild little ones won't be tearing them down.

Some harsh replies given the very young ages of the children. Still, some good advice too.

Two active kids that age will be hard work but you do also need to learn some tips and strategies for managing their behaviour.

If you keep putting that work in, they will gradually get easier.

This! You absolutely have to start the day by getting them out of the house and letting them bun off energy (whether they want to or not, and no matter the weather).

lots of good advice, but tearing the tree down?? That tree would not have gone back up - until a week later. Actions have consequences- kids don’t know this unless you teach them!

And it’s not just “a boy thing” it’s an overstimulated child thing, followed by weak parenting.

That's great that you usually do get them outdoors every morning.

Today was probably just a bad day.

No need to do "making memories" stuff if you're chronically exhausted - most people don't remember anything from when they were four years old, let alone two (and if they do have it's not usually memories of the things their parents would have chosen but of some random things - my earliest memory is from when I was only just four and managed to trip barefoot and rip my toenail off - crystal clear memory of that, no memory of the trip to Disneyland in California the same year...).

Relax, pair back - they don't need the decorations and the Christmas shows, just walks and time in the park.

I was a childminder at one point and only had a small artificial tree on the table and lights high up over the front window those years - nothing else, and outside every morning...

ALL my kids have ADHD or autism. ALL of them. None would ever touch the Christmas tree, ornaments, trash anything because they were parented.

Yes, all children are different but all children have similar needs regarding boundaries etc.

Blaming the child is absolutely ridiculous.

To be clear, my children do not act feral. I have two energetic boys who are also sweet and kind. As they have gotten older their levels of concentration and understanding have naturally improved, as expected, and I have been able to provide more tailored guidance as a parent in line with their development. ‘Disciplining’ a two year old is more for your benefit than theirs, I suspect. Happy if it’s working for you though….

They're still babies really which can seem hard to believe especially if they're sharp and articulate. My boys 6 and 8 now, both AuADHD (younger one one hyper, older one combined). Things got easier for the older one at about 7, but I feel like we're often still in the thick of it with the 6yo. The screaming has definitely reduced although this went on for some time. There was a phase they were constantly bumping into things or tripping over, hurting themselves. It is easier now than when they were at 2 and 4, but we've needed to cultivate their interests and cultivate good playing together on games like Minecraft and human fall flat. The older one never tantrumed until the younger one started about 2ish so it was like the younger one set the older one back. I'm afraid to say we had a bad patch at about 3-4 and 5-6 (when youngest was in reception life was hard). Then we started to get to come to realise they are ND and sought help and advice and our understanding really helped but it's still hard especially around special occasions. This month is the absolute worst in my experience due to all the changes to routines and expectations, emotions, and being cooped up inside and illnesses. You just have to look out for , and hold onto the good moments, sometimes these can be very simple and fleeting, and try to go easy on yourselves...it's a rough age gap and it's a roigh age, you can and will come out the better side :)