Boy moms I need to know whats normal and what's not

[MommaBH]

Boy moms, I have 2 boys , 4 and 2, 21 months apart...

Life is 70% UTTER CHOAS
I don't know if it's me, it's normal behaviour or what but i am stressed out 8/10 when with both boys at once....
Am I overstimulating them ?!

Today.... 🎄 up....
Started off lovely ,ended in CARNAGE, 2 year old tore tree down, 4 decorations broken, one where glitter was thrown everywhere....2 Wild crazy overstimulated boys...

Life is often like this, is this normal?!
Does it get easier?!

I'm stressed all the time

They’re 2 and 4, it’s prime “fed not dead” ages where you’re just muddling through the chaos and trying to survive! Hang in there!

Also… agree it’s not a boy thing. I have a girl and boy and they wrestle and fight a lot!

No child, regardless of gender should be allowed to run rampant through the house. Dragging the tree down is dangerous.

Glitter is lethal. Don't let them have it unless outside.

My kids play with glitter inside.

Thanks Moms, lots of you were helpful and kind ❤️❤️❤️

I do a lot of what was mentioned but exhaustion, excitement gor the better of me and my boys....and we had a bad day.

Sometimes you need reminders and also words of encouragement to keep going and remember to stay consistent and some reassurance too.
These years are tough. Sometimes through the exhaustion and the chaos you forget the basics.

To all those who's comments had a slightly nasty tone...remember to be kind, no1 is a perfect parent......
but there are sure a lot of people on here who to feel they are !!!!!! Nuf said!

Depending on the child. Is your 2 year old always touching things? You might have to move the tree.

I used to say my son needed a hamster wheel to tire him out. A lot of my energy was spent ensuring he had enough exercise and fresh air every day to help him behave in the calm manner he actually much preferred.
There are loads of ideas for indoors activities for wet days or early mornings - we used to make obstacle courses, have number-of-jumps-in-one-minute competitions, pillow fights, play Simon Says, use space hoppers, it ALL helps. That, plus a healthy diet and not much device time. And consequences for any destructive/dangerous behaviour.

It is well worth putting the effort in, you’ll all reap dividends.

I remember building a picket fence around our Xmas tree when DS1 was little. It actually looked really sweet, a bit like a garden centre scene but in our actual sitting room. We put different sizes boxes around it and covered them with a fluffy white blanket, then lots of wintery soft toys like penguins etc dotted about. It later transpired that he has ADHD.

This is all very well and good but you risk creating an ever fitter super child! You will never catch him if he runs away in the park. Best to feed them crappy food to encourage vitamin deficiencies and sluggish behaviour.

I agree about a parenting problem.we have four boys and one girl and never have they torn down the tree and gone crazy.yes boys are boisterous and more full on.but you have to be firm and tell them,they can’t do just whatever they want.start as you mean to go on.

The boy/girl thing is nonsense. Girls can be just as wild. But whatever the gender of your children, your job is to tame that behaviour not shrug your shoulders and tell social media about it.

Be constantly rewarding the behaviour you want to see with small words of praise when they are quiet or play nicely. Perhaps a treat of a packet of crisps for working together on something. If the kids have gone feral then you might have to heap praise and treats on the most basic good behaviour. It works, but you have to be consistent and you have to do this every single day. It’s not something you do for a week and that’s it. I mean really praise everything good- you won’t spoil them, it won’t mean less. All humans need about 5 pieces of positive feedback for any one piece of negative feedback, to maintain a healthy mindset.

Now with the bad stuff - don’t tell them off and then let them continue. Don’t bother with any shouting. Instead remove them from the situation (or stop doing the thing) and tell them clearly and calmly what they did wrong and what they should do differently next time. Keep them away from the thing (and each other) or go home/sit somewhere boring - these are the consequences not punishment. Being encouraged to sit quietly is not a punishment. Then drop it, don’t hold onto it and don’t try to add extra punishment later. Yes there may be consequences that you don’t get a packet of crisps but that’s because the crisps are for doing very good things, we don’t have crisps if we haven’t done very good things. Then go back to praising the small good stuff “oh well done for getting your shoes on like I asked you, brilliant,”

If this stuff worked on skinner’s rats it will work on children, yes even most of those with special needs when adapted appropriately. I say all this because children destroying Christmas trees is not normal high-jinx, that’s behaviour which really needs managing while they are small enough for you to be able to shape their behaviour.

It was my girl who opened the presents and left chocolates on the carpet. One with a bite out of. She didn't like them!

It's an age thing. Small children are hard work. (Mine both autistic and I had them on my own from 2.5/4.5 and never left both of them with ex before that)

Decorations should be child proof none breakable or not harmful if broken or thrown.

Christmas tree should be as secure as possible for a few years.

Watch out for the zoomies around 5-6pm.

100% agree with this.
2 boys, aged 17 and 13 now. Can’t go past a park now without a shudder, and I would never have attempted putting up the tree without a run out first. Despite enormous energy levels, mine would never have pulled the tree down and I wouldn’t have stood for it, even at 2. We too insisted on nearly Victorian level manners - which is absolutely exhausting and means you can’t let anything slide - but it has made for 2 incredibly polite and well socialised young men. They are sometimes grumpy teenage buggers at home, but we often get comments about their manners and behaviour from others, which is what matters to me, because home is their safe space.
TL:DR -
Run them out twice daily without fail, absolutely limit screens to reduced mental overstimulation, make sure their diet is not overly processed, and put firm boundaries and rules in place now and stick to them like glue.

and I bet you can't get rid of it. It gets everywhere.

It's easy to topple a Christmas tree by just being two and unsteady on your feet. They haven't learned the physics of Christmas trees yet. This age they need watching constantly. You can't go off and do stuff in another room. Without duct taping them down

Rooms should be as child proof as possible. (We were starting off from scratch so furniture was built to be child proof as it was just as cheap as buying from high street and we needed furniture to fit the room and the 6 foot of records ex had but not everyone has this luxury. We had emptied the living room so we just put back what was child proof!)

Well there's your answer. You only learn by trial and improvement. You won't make the same mistake again.

Do you have a reasonably safe garden you can let them run in while you sit and watch them? Would they respond to no or do you need to helicopter? Is your park well fenced?

Bloody hell it was hard work.

Keep them well fed, well watered, well exercised, regulate temperature, calming OT, limit the over stimulation but do not let them get bored or they make their own entertainment.

OP I have two grandsons - very different in terms of behaviour and their needs. Both lovely little boys and one is much more boisterous than the other. Needless to say they have been parented exactly the same by my most amazing daughter and son-in-law!!!! Take comfort from the supportive posts on here and ignore the sanctimonious ones!!!!

As an aside, recently I bumped into a lovely, very successful young woman who was at school with my daughter. (She recognised my name when I was picking up a Christmas order). She was saying what naughty girls they were. When I enquired about this my daughter informed me they had a fight with hair-pulling and had to be separated by their Head of Year!!!!!

Enjoy your parenting journey with your boys, it will be fine. Being boisterous is a sign of spirit and completely normal. You'll be able to direct them more as they get older. As one poster said, plenty of fresh air and exercise too!!!

2 boys 18 months apart, single parent since they were babies. Im not going to say it's easy, it's bloody tough at times, especially at those ages. But wtf happened that a 2 yr old TORE the tree down??

2 boys here (now 19 and 21!) similar age gap.

I always said that having 2 boys was like having 2 dogs. We had to get out and walk, run, burn off energy for a few hours every day (for the most part). Usually with me it would be a walk to the local park with a football or a trip to the beach. Husband is very active, anyway and did all kinds of outdoorsy things with them. They both did Scouts and loads of football and basketball. It definitely paid off because they are very fit, active young men now.

Are you from the Midlands? Is everyone on Mumsnet from the Midlands? What is with all this 'Mom' stuff? Also you are talking absolute shit about boys. Your children are unruly. That's just your children. Don't blame boys. People saying boys need exercise, like as though girls just sit there and knit. These stereotypes are so damaging to both sexes. They are absorbing this idea that they are supposed to be crazy and overexcited all the time.

None of the boys in my family are like this at all. They are way less outdoorsy than any of the girls.

At that age it’s a two-adult job 😂 - as is baking. Ask me how I know…. Mine are 5 and 10 now and it does get better, but for doing the tree, we had to take turns yesterday or they would have ended up arguing and shoving each other and I’m
sure something would have got broken. Never had the whole tree over, but I did have to heavily manage them when younger.

I agree with people who say you need to be firm about expectations - you take turns, or Mummy will do it when you’ve gone to bed, once the tree is decorated we don’t touch it, etc. Mine have generally taken this all on board and the older one is ND.

I do think with a narrower age gap they can really wind each other up and feed off the energy until you have two wildlings flinging themselves around the living room…

That is the biggest horse shit I have ever heard. You just had energetic children.

A 2 year old pulling down a Christmas tree has nothing to do with the fact he’s a boy. I have a 4 year old and he wouldn’t ever think of doing something like that! Your parenting is the problem here.

Hedgehog, as a strident feminist, I totally agree with you that gender stereotypes are really unhelpful - DH and I have done everything in our power to combat them in our own parenting. I have never used the expression ‘Boys will be boys’.
I’m only sharing from my own experience and what I’ve observed in my friends, and not attempting to translate that to all children.

Squares with my experience completely and we have a very wide circle of friends with children to draw upon. Plus well over a decade working with young children. Boys in general have far more energy and a need to simply run around endlessly compare to girls. This is evidenced in how boys in general struggle compared to girls in school where classrooms are set up for how girls learn. People like simple-minded responses to this: “what, so girls don’t need exercise then?!”

No one is saying that. But yes, boys do tend to need a lot more physically active play than girls. Girls lean into complex imaginary play sooner than boys and do a lot more talking in their games. Boys will literally put themselves to work just endlessly digging and hauling things.