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Original poster

Boy moms I need to know whats normal and what's not

160 replies

MommaBH · 06/12/2025 15:06

Boy moms, I have 2 boys , 4 and 2, 21 months apart...

Life is 70% UTTER CHOAS
I don't know if it's me, it's normal behaviour or what but i am stressed out 8/10 when with both boys at once....
Am I overstimulating them ?!

Today.... 🎄 up....
Started off lovely ,ended in CARNAGE, 2 year old tore tree down, 4 decorations broken, one where glitter was thrown everywhere....2 Wild crazy overstimulated boys...

Life is often like this, is this normal?!
Does it get easier?!

I'm stressed all the time

OP posts:
Whatnowitsdday · 06/12/2025 20:11

Balloonhearts · 06/12/2025 15:21

It's not a boy thing, it's a lack of discipline thing. I wouldn't let my kids, the boys or the girls, do any of that and if they tried, there'd be consequences.

Exactly this.

Tigerbalmshark · 06/12/2025 20:17

The two year old - did they intend to “tear the tree down” or did they just grab at it and it fell over? At that age we just had these lovely fabric tree decorations from Ikea, because DS was obsessed with trying to touch it and occasionally he’d manage to get past us. By age 3 and definitely 4, he was much safer around it and we could get the pretty glass decorations back out.

Maybe put the breakable decorations away for a bit?

Pineapplewaves · 06/12/2025 20:21

At that age both my DS would have repeatedly taken the decorations off the tree, put them back, taken them off, put them back……. for the whole of Christmas. We lost a lot of decorations one year, after that we made sure all the good stuff went on the top of the tree and we got a load of cheap supermarket baubles for the lower section. It’s a combination of excitement and the fact that the tree is new and not usually there.

If they won’t leave the tree alone, consider getting them a small cheap one each for their own - mine have one each in their bedrooms and they can do what they like with them, I think they were £5.00 each in Asda.

purpleygrey · 06/12/2025 20:23

Balloonhearts · 06/12/2025 15:20

It's not a boy thing, it's a lack of discipline thing. I wouldn't let my kids, the boys or the girls, do any of that and if they tried, there'd be consequences.

This.

Attempt333 · 06/12/2025 21:10

I think all kids are different, all have different energy levels and personalities. Some girls are high energy and some boys as well. I have one ds2 and he is high energy, always on the go. Gets lots of discipline, toys taken away etc and I am quite strict with him but he still tires to push boundaries. Your kids sounds the same. I guess , just keep going with the boundaries and stick to them. Like pp said, exercise and perseverance. I don't envy us 🤣

Toddlertiredp · 06/12/2025 21:18

Sounds like my DD when she’s been in the house to much!

Darlingstarlings · 06/12/2025 21:55

Seriously give poor op a break! Op you had a bad day, you have your hands full with 2 young kids and it can be bloody hard. I remember having days of feeling overwhelmed and having fits of crying. The only thing I can say is that it does get easier and there will be a day when you be retelling the story of your 2 year old pulling down the Christmas tree and the chaos of this day and you'll be laughing at it. It's bloody rough but it does get easier, you're in the eye of the storm now but it doesn't last forever.

TheGander · 06/12/2025 22:14

Boys are like Dobermans, you have to exercise them twice a day or they do damage. I have 2 ( well they are men now) but it was a relentless physical grind at that age. When my friend, mum of 2 girls said they could stay indoors for 2 days straight and entertain themselves with drawing, brushing each others hair, playing with toys I could not believe it. You have my sympathy.

khfippjjj · 06/12/2025 22:46

TheGander · 06/12/2025 22:14

Boys are like Dobermans, you have to exercise them twice a day or they do damage. I have 2 ( well they are men now) but it was a relentless physical grind at that age. When my friend, mum of 2 girls said they could stay indoors for 2 days straight and entertain themselves with drawing, brushing each others hair, playing with toys I could not believe it. You have my sympathy.

Maybe you should have tried to exercise their brains a bit (and yours for that matter) rather than focussing on tiresome tropes.

Hankunamatata · 06/12/2025 22:52

Yep I stupidly had 3 with 2 years between each. Mine have adhd and are jow teens but omg the utter chaos when they were all small.
The Christmas tree got pulled over many times when they were little. Bouncing the baubles along the floor. We couldnt leave presents or they opened them.
Like adorable destructive puppies. They are now just grumpy antisocial teens

Stompythedinosaur · 06/12/2025 23:11

Lavender14 · 06/12/2025 15:38

In fairness i didn't explain that at all well. Boys have much higher levels of testosterone than girls from being in the womb and that does impact on brain development and socialisation. So boys are initially more inclined to physical forms of play whereas girls will more quickly adapt to more social and communicative forms of play. This also is evidenced for girls who were exposed to higher levels of testosterone in the womb. So it does have impact on how children develop and the types of play they will be inclined towards at those ages. Obviously as a parent we help them regulate and learn boundaries in constructive ways but their play needs are slightly different developmentally.

Show quote history

This isn't correct. Boys and girls have no appreciable difference in testosterone until puberty.

What they have is a difference in expectations from society. There isn't a biological explanation.

It sounds really tough, op. Do you have another parent or grandparent you can divide and conquer with? I also think sometimes you just have to abandon the lovely activity you planned because the dc are in the wrong mood or too overstimulated. It's hard having two little ones (of any gender).

Lavender14 · 06/12/2025 23:45

Stompythedinosaur · 06/12/2025 23:11

This isn't correct. Boys and girls have no appreciable difference in testosterone until puberty.

What they have is a difference in expectations from society. There isn't a biological explanation.

It sounds really tough, op. Do you have another parent or grandparent you can divide and conquer with? I also think sometimes you just have to abandon the lovely activity you planned because the dc are in the wrong mood or too overstimulated. It's hard having two little ones (of any gender).

Show quote history

"Boys and girls have no appreciable difference in testosterone until puberty."

Of course they do, it's quite literally part of growing a penis or not growing one. There are also spikes post birth. That then affects cognitive development which affects how children learn and play. So while the difference in testosterone levels may even out, developmental difference is already in place. There is plenty of research available on this if you have a look for it.

The socialisation difference between boys and girls is of course also a massive element, I won't disagree with you there, but you can't ignore the science that's working behind the scenes as well.

Stompythedinosaur · 07/12/2025 00:07

Lavender14 · 06/12/2025 23:45

"Boys and girls have no appreciable difference in testosterone until puberty."

Of course they do, it's quite literally part of growing a penis or not growing one. There are also spikes post birth. That then affects cognitive development which affects how children learn and play. So while the difference in testosterone levels may even out, developmental difference is already in place. There is plenty of research available on this if you have a look for it.

The socialisation difference between boys and girls is of course also a massive element, I won't disagree with you there, but you can't ignore the science that's working behind the scenes as well.

Show quote history

There's an abundance of studies on this. Testosterone levels don't diverge between boys and girls until after the age of ten.

Larymarylary · 07/12/2025 00:12

I had three boys under five. Your two sound like very hard work. We never had dramas like you describe. They were very lively but not to the extent of tearing down the Christmas tree and breaking stuff. We regularly had quiet times, where I read to them, or we sang nursery rhymes. This would calm them down.

Sartre · 07/12/2025 06:43

When my older 3 were toddlers, I was in the kitchen cooking and heard an almighty crash. The three of them had worked together to pull the tree over. This was before I discovered fir trees so it was a Norway spruce, needles absolutely everywhere. It was painful.

I think it’s just a toddler thing rather than boy thing.

SchoolDilemma17 · 07/12/2025 06:43

Bitzee · 06/12/2025 15:10

I have a boy and a girl and neither of mine would have done that. The cat on the other hand though…

Same (but don’t have a cat)

Poppins2016 · 07/12/2025 06:57

Mumptynumpty · 06/12/2025 15:14

Mum of two boys and two girls here. All ND.

IMO you don't have a boy problem, you have a parenting problem. Probably because you think that girls are naturally better behaved and haven't addressed poor behavior earlier.

I would recommend Christopher Green on parenting but it is quite old now but the fundamentals remain. Catch the good and reward it.

I raised adults, so I supported behavior that I wanted them to have in adulthood.

Bratbuster parenting on YouTube is also good.

Basically it's you not them, they're kids in the system you created.

I agree with this. I also have 2 boys and a girl. They all know that I expect them to be gentle and kind, etc. I don't subscribe to "boys will be boys". Amusingly, my girl is actually the most boisterous (at the moment).

I have friends with just boys who are very boisterous, "wild", play fight, etc... their view is that they're just "being boys". My view is that expectations haven't been set and they've been allowed to get away with misbehaving.

This isn't to say that mine are angels and my parenting is perfect (ha, I wish!). They have their moments and (like most children) definitely need to get outdoors, run off energy, have attention be (re)directed, etc... but I don't believe in tolerating certain behaviour simply because, "boys".

TheCurious0range · 07/12/2025 07:18

I have a boy he's never torn down the tree or thrown glitter around the house, or been particularly destructive. He's high energy though, talks incessantly and is now on the ADHD assessment pathway, but I agree with above about clear expectations in advance. Also might be having two, DH and I outnumber DS!

mummybear35 · 07/12/2025 14:08

Not a gender thing, more a child thing and discipline and rules thing. My kids are grown and at uni, we’ve always had rules on boundaries and behaviour and we never had the terrible twos etc or any of the other talked about behavioural issues. I may get a lot of push back in this but children need boundaries and guidance how to behave properly, not just allowed to behave how they like under the excuse of oh they’re kids and that’s how kids behave. I’ve seen feral kids of both family and friends…they grow up into feral teenagers and that’s when the trouble starts as you can’t then expect them to know how to behave when they’ve been allowed to do as they please till then..

TiredMummma · 07/12/2025 14:26

Comedycook · 06/12/2025 15:28

I have a boy and a girl...they are teens now but as toddlers my ds was way more boisterous than my dd. She had very high levels of concentration and would spend hours playing with toys or colouring. My ds would be bouncing off the walls. No idea if it's a boy thing or just toddlers....but it does all sound normal op. I recommend getting them out to the park every morning to burn off energy.

That was just your child - my dd is far more boisterous and physical than my son. She likes football and climbing. My son likes drawing and building. They are both nightmares sometimes and not others. They both need to go out to burn off energy. The tree may have been down by now if I hadn’t spoken to my DD about touching it. The only difference I have noticed between genders is that girls in general develop language earlier so seem to be easier to parent due to that - except in my case where my DD developed faster but also isn’t rule orientated like my DS, so more likely to ignore me.

MrsSkylerWhite · 07/12/2025 14:29

It’s not a boy thing, it’s an individual thing. Our son was far more placid than our daughter.

BeWittyRobin · 07/12/2025 14:29

MommaBH · 06/12/2025 15:16

Yes but does it get easier?!

Erm I don’t think parenthood gets easier it just has different milestones to overcome over the years. Ive age ranges from 18 years old to 2 years old a mixture of boys and girls all variations of personalities. The chaos will soon be a distant memory you’ll think you’ve cracked it then another hurdle will occur that you will have to adjust parenting to overcome, you’ll crack that then it will be another milestone hurdle as they grow for you to over come. So no it doesn’t get easier but it gets different.

Good luck though. You’ve got this. At their ages they do need consistent boundaries and find setting your expectations before activities or the days gets underway helps. And follow through with the consequences you have set. It will be tough but it will make life much easier in the long run xxx

Nichelette · 07/12/2025 14:32

We've also got 2 & 4 year old boys. Slightly bigger gap at 25 months. I'm a pretty calm person who likes quiet. It's like having my own tornado 🫠. I grew up as one of 3 girls though I did have one brother. It's completely different.

Edinburghdaze · 07/12/2025 14:34

overmydeadbody · 06/12/2025 15:10

They are like dogs, they need constant exercise and stimulation. Out of the house preferably.

I have three boys. They have run parkrun this morning, had a walk at the beach and are now at swimming. This is the minimum they need on a weekend day , it's exhausting.

If ever I think we can have a cozy day indoors I soon regret it.

@overmydeadbody @MommaBH

That is not true for all boys. I have 3 boys, grown up now but they were 4,2 and 1 and they didn’t behave like that. They could be exhausting and the little 2 could argue but on the whole they behaved as you would expect a young child to behave. Yours don’t sound like they do.

One of my children had a friend who needed to be constantly occupied and we would take him for walks, play football etc and try and wear him out. I was sure he had ADHD but he has turned into a functioning young person who appears fine if still very talkative!

I think they are all individuals and need to be treated like that. And taught what is reasonable behaviour.

PoppySaidYesIKnow · 07/12/2025 14:36

Not really a boy thing. Sounds like you need firmer boundaries - I don’t mean this in a horrible way.