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Original poster

Boy moms I need to know whats normal and what's not

160 replies

MommaBH · 06/12/2025 15:06

Boy moms, I have 2 boys , 4 and 2, 21 months apart...

Life is 70% UTTER CHOAS
I don't know if it's me, it's normal behaviour or what but i am stressed out 8/10 when with both boys at once....
Am I overstimulating them ?!

Today.... 🎄 up....
Started off lovely ,ended in CARNAGE, 2 year old tore tree down, 4 decorations broken, one where glitter was thrown everywhere....2 Wild crazy overstimulated boys...

Life is often like this, is this normal?!
Does it get easier?!

I'm stressed all the time

OP posts:
ThatLilacTiger · 06/12/2025 17:15

I have a 4 year old boy and a 2 year old girl and neither would intentionally pull the tree over but my boy is definitely a bull in a china shop. My daughter is more of a dust devil.

Mustreadabook · 06/12/2025 17:17

MommaBH · 06/12/2025 15:16

Yes but does it get easier?!

Mine were very hard work at 3 but now at 14 seem to have calmed down. Not long to go!

GoodBones85 · 06/12/2025 17:27

OrdinaryGirl · 06/12/2025 15:46

This is obviously only my perspective, but…

I have three boys (now 12, 9 and 9). In case it’s relevant, they are all NT. It’s easier now but up to about the age of 8, they were like spaniels.

At the age your boys are now, OP, if DH and I didn’t take ours for a long, long walk or to the park or to s•ft pl•y to charge around and let off steam for a protracted period of time, then chaos like you describe would reliably ensue.

And I mean C H A O S. It was a law that proved as inalienable as gravity. Skip the exercise = have a terrible miserable time as they all misbehaved. It wasn’t additional needs, it was just they needed to discharge energy.

It’s absolutely exhausting and felt so unfair. I now have a deep and abiding loathing of parks because of the number of times I had to go to one in the rain and wind and freezing cold, with chuffing scooters or to sit freezing my tits off in the play area so the boys could burn off the IMMODERATE amounts of excess energy they had been blessed with.

All my friends with just boys had the same situation. My friends with girls were baffled. They just did not experience this. It’s stereotypical and yet here we are. 🤷🏼‍♀️

It felt more like crowd control at times. We were (and are) really militant about decent, kind behaviour and good manners. Victorian, almost, in enforcing this. And my goodness that is terribly wearing. Repeating the same thing, insisting on the same thing, over and over again.

I should add that they are all delightful, thoughtful young chaps now. Still annoying but the spaniels era has mostly passed thank the Lord

I wonder if sometimes people move to thinking their child is ADHD in these situations, when perhaps it isn’t always that.

It is really really hard to manage, but parenting is really really hard, one way or another. So I would say, in answer to your question, yes. The situation you describe was nerve-shreddingly normal here if they weren’t exercised enough, and if we didn’t do the hard, demanding stuff in not letting poor behaviour slide.

Hard choices now, easy life later.

Edited

Couldn’t have put it better

👏 👏 👏

Animatic · 06/12/2025 17:28

MommaBH · 06/12/2025 15:16

Yes but does it get easier?!

It does. By the time they get to 5/6 they are unlikely to go around knocking the trees on purpose.
Mine did knock the tree once in the middle of terrible twos and pretended he was going to knock it for the following 2 years (to check my reaction). By 5 it was all forgotten.

In your case there is 2 of them and both are young, and catalyse each other, plus Christmas is an extremelly stimulating time of the year.
Try to create routine, enforce discipline (won't work overnight),keep them busy and aired:))

Timmette03 · 06/12/2025 17:30

I have 3 boys this is not a boy thing! !!

RoamingToaster · 06/12/2025 17:48

I have similar ages boys and like others say exercising them is the key. They bounce off the walls if left in the house all day.

Some previous posts talked about testosterone levels, I wanted to add that baby boys have an increase in this hormone after they’re born peaking about 2-3 months and levelling off at about 6 months. I think you need to be careful with measuring hormones in children. Saying girls and boys have the same level of testosterone at age X doesn’t give the full picture of their different development.

BringBackCatsEyes · 06/12/2025 17:53

we didn’t bother with a proper tree when DS2 was nearly 2. Small house, he was into everything, I just couldn’t be arsed with that additional “no” thing. We had a small houseplant that sat on a table with a few decs.

He’s 16 now and his tree “bothering” is now throwing it in the car, helping to stick it in the base, helping decorate, and dragging it out in the New Year. So yes, they do grow out of it.

WiltedLettuce · 06/12/2025 17:54

All kids are capable of running riot on occasion.

I give my two (boy and girl) foam swords and shields and let them knock merry hell out of each other.

But then I've always found that the secret to low stress parenting is to have very low expectations of how things will turn out so that you're not stressed and disappointed when they go to pot.

On the boy-girl issue, we know plenty of feral toerags of both genders but the numbers do probably sway to include more boys. Read into that what you will.

BringBackCatsEyes · 06/12/2025 17:57

OrdinaryGirl · 06/12/2025 15:46

This is obviously only my perspective, but…

I have three boys (now 12, 9 and 9). In case it’s relevant, they are all NT. It’s easier now but up to about the age of 8, they were like spaniels.

At the age your boys are now, OP, if DH and I didn’t take ours for a long, long walk or to the park or to s•ft pl•y to charge around and let off steam for a protracted period of time, then chaos like you describe would reliably ensue.

And I mean C H A O S. It was a law that proved as inalienable as gravity. Skip the exercise = have a terrible miserable time as they all misbehaved. It wasn’t additional needs, it was just they needed to discharge energy.

It’s absolutely exhausting and felt so unfair. I now have a deep and abiding loathing of parks because of the number of times I had to go to one in the rain and wind and freezing cold, with chuffing scooters or to sit freezing my tits off in the play area so the boys could burn off the IMMODERATE amounts of excess energy they had been blessed with.

All my friends with just boys had the same situation. My friends with girls were baffled. They just did not experience this. It’s stereotypical and yet here we are. 🤷🏼‍♀️

It felt more like crowd control at times. We were (and are) really militant about decent, kind behaviour and good manners. Victorian, almost, in enforcing this. And my goodness that is terribly wearing. Repeating the same thing, insisting on the same thing, over and over again.

I should add that they are all delightful, thoughtful young chaps now. Still annoying but the spaniels era has mostly passed thank the Lord

I wonder if sometimes people move to thinking their child is ADHD in these situations, when perhaps it isn’t always that.

It is really really hard to manage, but parenting is really really hard, one way or another. So I would say, in answer to your question, yes. The situation you describe was nerve-shreddingly normal here if they weren’t exercised enough, and if we didn’t do the hard, demanding stuff in not letting poor behaviour slide.

Hard choices now, easy life later.

Edited

I’d call my sister on a miserable Feb Sunday. She’d be doing Hama beads or Sylvanian with her 3 young girls.
We’d be putting in wellies and heading out to the park to get rid of energy.
Just my experience.

PInkyStarfish · 06/12/2025 18:01

Get a playpen.

khfippjjj · 06/12/2025 18:02

mondaytosunday · 06/12/2025 17:53

I vaguely remember that tv series, what it can’t tell you know is what is environmental and what is inherent. Those children were raised in the 90s-00s with parents who had gender bias (as we do now of course, but I think we’re more mindful) boys and girls were (are) raised differently. So it doesn’t mean what was demonstrated was inevitable.

DreadingWinter · 06/12/2025 18:02

DS was a nightmare in the run up to Christmas. I didn't put up a tree or decorations until the 23rd because he would have been so excited that he would be impossible.

I had to keep everything very low key so that his behaviour was reasonable. His older DS didn't mind at all at doing everything last minute.

Daisyblue2 · 06/12/2025 18:10

boy mum is not a thing.parenting is the same. You need ti be the parent and teach them how to behave. The amount of times ive seen feral violent 5 year old boys because ‘boy mums’ have let behaviour go with ‘oh hes a boy’ . You need to step up the discipline now before it gets to that stage. No 2 year old should be wrecking the tree. Where were you when this was happening?

khfippjjj · 06/12/2025 18:29

Daisyblue2 · 06/12/2025 18:10

boy mum is not a thing.parenting is the same. You need ti be the parent and teach them how to behave. The amount of times ive seen feral violent 5 year old boys because ‘boy mums’ have let behaviour go with ‘oh hes a boy’ . You need to step up the discipline now before it gets to that stage. No 2 year old should be wrecking the tree. Where were you when this was happening?

Exactly this, it’s the “boys will be boys” mentality, parents put different expectations on girls which results in different behaviours. Don’t tolerate it OP and it’ll get better.

Yourethebeerthief · 06/12/2025 18:33

Daisyblue2 · 06/12/2025 18:10

boy mum is not a thing.parenting is the same. You need ti be the parent and teach them how to behave. The amount of times ive seen feral violent 5 year old boys because ‘boy mums’ have let behaviour go with ‘oh hes a boy’ . You need to step up the discipline now before it gets to that stage. No 2 year old should be wrecking the tree. Where were you when this was happening?

It’s no excuse for lazy parenting, but parenting boys and parenting girls is objectively different when you look at the bell curve. Yes there are boys and girls who are outliers, but in general the sexes behave differently from a very young age. Anyone who says otherwise is wilfully ignoring reality.

Endofyear · 06/12/2025 18:37

No it's not a boy thing - I have 5 boys and it's never been chaos or carnage! At 2 & 4 of course all the Christmas stuff is exciting but breaking things, tearing the tree down, throwing glitter everywhere?? I would have stopped that from happening and removed him to another room to calm down. Even at 2 and 4 they can learn that their actions have consequences.

CandiedPrincess · 06/12/2025 18:43

Three boys in my household.

No 1 and No 2 - Model citizens.

No 3. Feral. Tasering wouldn't stop him.

Nowheretobeseen · 06/12/2025 18:43

Endofyear · 06/12/2025 18:37

No it's not a boy thing - I have 5 boys and it's never been chaos or carnage! At 2 & 4 of course all the Christmas stuff is exciting but breaking things, tearing the tree down, throwing glitter everywhere?? I would have stopped that from happening and removed him to another room to calm down. Even at 2 and 4 they can learn that their actions have consequences.

I agree with this. My boys would never have tore the tree down nor thrown things everywhere. If they did there would have been consequences.

Yourethebeerthief · 06/12/2025 18:45

CandiedPrincess · 06/12/2025 18:43

Three boys in my household.

No 1 and No 2 - Model citizens.

No 3. Feral. Tasering wouldn't stop him.

😂

DelphiniumBlue · 06/12/2025 18:55

There shouldn't be glitter or decorations within reach of a 2 year old. I don't think I'd let a 4 year old near glitter either, unless very closely supervised. The tree needs to be somewhere out of reach or securely attached so it can't be pulled over. Sounds like your house needs to be child-proofed, unless you want to be watching them every single second. They need to be safe in their own home.
I've got 3 boys, they were fine drawing and playing with toys, but not for very long even at 4, and at 2, they needed close supervision and clear training.
They need frequent changes of place and activity, and to be exercised like a puppy.
Take them to the park, to the local shop to get milk, down the road to watch the trains/puddle jump or see the lights at this time of year. Out again to post a letter, go to the library. You can't expect to spend much time at all at home just chilling. Make them walk everywhere.

QueenElle · 06/12/2025 19:12

I’ve got 2 boys, currently 12 and 14 and yes it can be chaotic but they’re not out of control. They fight, they make a mess and oh the noise!!! but they know right from wrong and they would never do something like pulling a tree down. Others may have a different opinion but I wouldn’t say that was normal for boys. Don’t want to scare you but mine are definitely wilder now at 12 & 14 than they were 10 years ago!

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 06/12/2025 19:25

I have DD3 and DS 1.5 sounds vaguely normal.

I refuse to let my uptight dh put anything breakable on the tree..all Decorations are fabric/ felt or those plastic baubles from Robert dyas. You get 20 for £5 or something like that.

Today I went to make a cup of tea for literally 60 secs they were glued to cbeebies Peter pan panto...i came back in and DS was using a 3 ft inflatable candy cane to beat baubles off the tree laughing lile a loon while my dd was "balancing like a gymnast"/ trying to kill herself along the back of the Chesterfield sofa.

😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

They know thry arent suppose to do X and Y but they are babies still.

I stick to serious rules "no spitting hitting kicking pushing" and try and preempt drama situations (eg. Plastic baubles because babies WILL touch the tree!)
Beyond that I try and lean into fun and laughter and enjoy the.silliness and chaos....

So today I confiscated the candy cane and turned the sofa and some cushions and side tables into an assault course circuit and used the cane candy to jab them while.they ran round (i was the candy cane monster obviously 🙄😅)

To quote Oasis- you gotta roll with it....

user2848502016 · 06/12/2025 19:30

You need to get the “boy mom” thing out of your head. In my experience it leads to excusing bad behaviour in boys.
They are just children and at their age they need a routine, realistic boundaries and consequences for bad behaviour.
Putting the tree up is actually quite boring for young children and I would have taken them outside for a while first and done the tree later, just let them add a few baubles then finished it myself when they were in bed!

And yes of course it gets easier because children get more sensible as they grow older, but you must lay the groundwork now of how you expect them to behave and listen to you.

ClemFandangosHair · 06/12/2025 20:09

Get your children out of the house! We have been out since half seven this morning! Swimming, cafe, library, museum and playground today. Mine are seven and three and fight like cats and dogs if they spend too much time indoors.