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Original poster

Double booked on the same date, no idea what to do

166 replies

ThePurpleHelper · 20/10/2025 10:48

I have 2 events that are now booked for the same day, and I'm so stuck.

My friend's birthday, not a milestone birthday but she loves a bit of a fuss. She's booked an evening entertainment on December 13th for a few friends. I've paid in advance for this (its not a lot of money). Think like painting pottery. This was arranged first.

Now, my family. Oh my family. I am one of four siblings and we're trying to meet up at christmas. However.
Sister 1: Cannot do early December, cannot do sundays.
Sister 2: Has just had a baby, doesn't want to drive far.
Brother: Runs a restaurant/is head chef so cannot get time off in November, or between December 15th and January 12th.

So if we want to meet up for Christmas, that leaves... December 13th. Which they've all agreed on in the group chat, and are pleased they found a date that works. They've also decided I'm hosting and cooking, and some other family members will be staying over. If I was going to someone else's house, I could do both but with the hosting, having guests staying the night, I don't think it'll be doable.

And I want to see my family, so my instinct is to cancel on my friend but I know her feelings will be hurt if I cancel on her, and honestly I don't want to cancel but realistically, I cannot see another possible date that would work for the family...

Not really sure why I'm posting to be honest, maybe with some small glimmer of hope I can do both somehow. Any advice is welcomed.

OP posts:
TartanMammy · 20/10/2025 10:55

Why didn't you say on the group chat 'sorry I'm booked that day already' ? Why do your arrangements come second to your family?

Why not suggest going out to eat instead and then you can do both.

Comefromaway · 20/10/2025 10:56

You have to tell them that you already have an event on that date that you have booked and paid for, simple. They cannot expect you to just be available without having asked you first.

Dorrieisalittlewitch · 20/10/2025 10:57

If you told them you already had plans and they ignored that, expecting you to rearrange and there is a pattern of that behaviour, I wouldn't cancel on my friend.

How many people are you expected to cook/host?

Flipflops6571 · 20/10/2025 10:58

As PP said, why not say in the group chat that you're already booked so can't host, but would love to fit both in so you can make it work if someone else takes on the hosting duty.

I'm not sure your sister with a new baby would necessarily want to eat in a restaurant, but surely someone else can host?

I'd mention it now though. The longer you leave it, the more awkward it will be.

Iguessicoulddothat · 20/10/2025 10:58

Daytime with family then tell them to go elsewhere, evening with friend as planned

SixSeven · 20/10/2025 10:59

Very simple. Yes you can do 13th but you’re out that night.

Flipflops6571 · 20/10/2025 11:00

Why are they deciding you're hosting without actually asking you first? That's really rude. Surely it's up to the host to volunteer!

Allswellthatendswelll · 20/10/2025 11:01

I don't understand why you are the one who has to compromise and host?

I think you should meet up in January instead.

MacBLT · 20/10/2025 11:01

Do the one you want to do! If you want to see your family then apologise to your friend, I’m sure she’ll still have a great birthday with others.

What happens if you tell your family you can’t do that date? Will they try and meet up without you or will they end up rearranging for mid Jan?

SoManyDandelions · 20/10/2025 11:01

Just say you can't host as you already have plans in the evening? Is it your 'turn' to host?

BrucesBarAndGrill · 20/10/2025 11:02

When you say "they have decided that I'm hosting" that does very much sound like you had no input in this conversation at all so I would not feel bad about saying "actually I'm busy that evening so can't host/have over night guests" I'm happy to spend the day together until I have to leave for the birthday party but I will not be hosting.

Is there one you would much rather do?

idri · 20/10/2025 11:03

Could you do friends party and then order a takeaway for family in the evening?

ThanksBridesmaidLikeTheBeard · 20/10/2025 11:04

The thing that stands out for me is "they've decided" you're hosting?

If you've already agreed to go along with this and host, there is no shame in saying you've just realised you've double booked yourself and can't let your friend down so an alternative plan needs to be made in order to see family - ie one where you don't host.

XelaM · 20/10/2025 11:04

Can your relatives not stay at your house while you pop out for a few hours to see your friend?

EndlessDistraction · 20/10/2025 11:05

Well, they've been a bit premature saying it works if you haven't agreed it. You'll just have to say sorry, already got plans, will try and work round them but definitely can't host.

FlorenceAgainstTheMachine · 20/10/2025 11:07

SixSeven · 20/10/2025 10:59

Very simple. Yes you can do 13th but you’re out that night.

Exactly this! They might not mind you not being there for a few hours if they’re all together.

UncleHerbieIsBack · 20/10/2025 11:09

ThePurpleHelper · 20/10/2025 10:48

I have 2 events that are now booked for the same day, and I'm so stuck.

My friend's birthday, not a milestone birthday but she loves a bit of a fuss. She's booked an evening entertainment on December 13th for a few friends. I've paid in advance for this (its not a lot of money). Think like painting pottery. This was arranged first.

Now, my family. Oh my family. I am one of four siblings and we're trying to meet up at christmas. However.
Sister 1: Cannot do early December, cannot do sundays.
Sister 2: Has just had a baby, doesn't want to drive far.
Brother: Runs a restaurant/is head chef so cannot get time off in November, or between December 15th and January 12th.

So if we want to meet up for Christmas, that leaves... December 13th. Which they've all agreed on in the group chat, and are pleased they found a date that works. They've also decided I'm hosting and cooking, and some other family members will be staying over. If I was going to someone else's house, I could do both but with the hosting, having guests staying the night, I don't think it'll be doable.

And I want to see my family, so my instinct is to cancel on my friend but I know her feelings will be hurt if I cancel on her, and honestly I don't want to cancel but realistically, I cannot see another possible date that would work for the family...

Not really sure why I'm posting to be honest, maybe with some small glimmer of hope I can do both somehow. Any advice is welcomed.

“Purple: I’m not available on 13 December as I already have an unbreakable commitment and am therefore unable to host”

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 20/10/2025 11:09

I don’t understand how your family agreed you would host when you are the one who has already got arrangements on this date ? Didn’t you say anything ? You could still have your family members stay over as presumably that won’t stop you going to the event with your friend. It’s still two months away, say something now. If this works with another family member hosting then offer to help them by preparing something before the event.

GingerbreadGirls · 20/10/2025 11:12

I’m confused by your post OP, as, despite what you say, your family haven’t found a day that works, have they. As it doesn’t work for you. That said I get the conflict, I tend to be the one that bends over backwards to accommodate some of my family, just to keep the peace, but I have now learnt to sometimes meet them half way.

I guess you are torn, want to spend time at an activity with your friend, plus see your family.

I would leave my evening plans in place. Say to family staying over, you are welcome to stay. I am happy to cook but it will have to be at (time that suits you) as I am out at a prebooked event between x & y.

that way you aren’t letting anyone down and can enjoy both get togethers.

Ilikewinter · 20/10/2025 11:15

I've nothing else to add, but I 100% agree with all the PP! Get your family to host and you can make both!

Sassylovesbooks · 20/10/2025 11:17

Have you not told your family that you had a prior arrangement on the 13th December, right at the beginning, when dates were being discussed?! Everyone else seems to have made it plain what dates they couldn't do, so why haven't you?! Have you just kept quiet, and because you have, they've all not only assumed you're free on that day, but you'll be happy to host?! Have you agreed to host, knowing that really you aren't even free, let alone able to host?!! Why have they decided you're hosting??! I mean, isn't it decent manners to ask someone if they're willing to do so, and are happy for people to stay over?! You've paid for an event that day, and it was booked before your family event. You should be honest with your family. How much did you pay for the event? Can you afford to lose the money, as you won't be refunded? Forget about letting people down for a second - which event would you prefer to attend? Could you disappear out for a few hours, if you were to host for your family? It has to be the event you'd prefer to do.

spoonbillstretford · 20/10/2025 11:18

Lunch with family, out with friend in the evening.

thisishowloween · 20/10/2025 11:19

You can’t do the 13th as you already have plans. Someone else will need to host.

MsPavlichenko · 20/10/2025 11:23

ThePurpleHelper · 20/10/2025 10:48

I have 2 events that are now booked for the same day, and I'm so stuck.

My friend's birthday, not a milestone birthday but she loves a bit of a fuss. She's booked an evening entertainment on December 13th for a few friends. I've paid in advance for this (its not a lot of money). Think like painting pottery. This was arranged first.

Now, my family. Oh my family. I am one of four siblings and we're trying to meet up at christmas. However.
Sister 1: Cannot do early December, cannot do sundays.
Sister 2: Has just had a baby, doesn't want to drive far.
Brother: Runs a restaurant/is head chef so cannot get time off in November, or between December 15th and January 12th.

So if we want to meet up for Christmas, that leaves... December 13th. Which they've all agreed on in the group chat, and are pleased they found a date that works. They've also decided I'm hosting and cooking, and some other family members will be staying over. If I was going to someone else's house, I could do both but with the hosting, having guests staying the night, I don't think it'll be doable.

And I want to see my family, so my instinct is to cancel on my friend but I know her feelings will be hurt if I cancel on her, and honestly I don't want to cancel but realistically, I cannot see another possible date that would work for the family...

Not really sure why I'm posting to be honest, maybe with some small glimmer of hope I can do both somehow. Any advice is welcomed.

You’re not double booked though. That would be if you were sent two sets of tickets for the same day, or similar. You are booked to go to your friend’s thing. Why on earth you didn’t say so to your family I don’t know.

The only decent thing is to tell them now, they can go ahead elsewhere without you or rearrange. Just do it.

LightDrizzle · 20/10/2025 11:25

You weren’t double booked! That’s when you accidentally book two thing gs not realising they clash.

You have prior commitment that you have to decide whether you excuse yourself from giving a truthful reason (the only date you can join your family Christmas get together) or you go and explain to your family you can’t make that date.

Personally, the fact that my family decided I was hosting without any prior consultation would nudge me in the direction of sticking with the first commitment.

Are you the family Cinderella or something?