Page 3 | Double booked on the same date, no idea what to do

DeQuin · 20/10/2025 11:53

And: I am an old hand of dealing with shit like this. You need to take charge of how this plays out.

WhatsForDinnerMama · 20/10/2025 11:53

ThePurpleHelper · 20/10/2025 11:46

I guess I should add in more detail.

Restaurants are out of the question - we tried recently having lunch in pub with my 3 year old nephew and it was hell. We all have kids under 5 so its difficult anyway but my nephew is a terror. We can't even do an early lunch as my daughter has a school thing that morning that finishes at 12:30pm, so it would be a later lunch anyway.

Why am I hosting - its assumed because I'm closest to Sister 2 so less driving for her, and I have the largest house. I am a bit miffed it was just sort of assumed but it sort of is the default option for my family, and I hadn't said I wouldn't this year. It helps I have a playroom we can let the kids go crazy in with minimal worry (see above about terror nephew). Plus enough space for everyone to sit down for a meal.

I had already said I wasn't available on Saturday - both because my daughter's school thing in the morning, and because of the friends birthday. My fault for saying why, I should have just said "can't do Saturday". But things get missed easily with so many voices in a chat, and by the time I got back to the chat, they'd already agreed. I do think if I push back and say I can't do that Saturday, it just wouldn't happen. This year has been chaotic - my brother is going through a divorce, my dad is going through cancer treatment, we've got the new baby, and I don't want to be the one to ruin a family christmas. My sister is very strong willed and I can see her refusing to reschedule that date because "its already been decided", which means it just wouldn't happen (also not sure it could happen before Jan 12th anyway because of the schedules)

But I am seeing I am a bit of a pushed over. I even said to my husband I'll probably just order in take away. And he has guilt tripped me into cooking the full roast (he lost his mum 2 years ago, his family are in pieces, and its the only time he says that he feels like he still has family to sit down together. And we can't do a pub lunch).

I think I'm sounding a bit pathetic 😂 and probably scatter brained, I'm sort of typing out my thoughts as they come.

Edited

Your family are pushy and didn’t wait for you to confirm before volunteering you, and your husband has guilt tripped you as well. I’d tell them all to fuck off. <only slightly joking>

Tiredofwhataboutery · 20/10/2025 11:53

What time is the thing with friend? I’d be tempted to say I said I had x and y but am happy to host if you guys can work around them and help. Maybe chef brother could turn up a bit early and help your DH create a lovely lunch whilst you do DD thing then family lunch then you bugger off to friends thing. Then home and a nice brunch the next day as staying?

caringcarer · 20/10/2025 11:54

Flipflops6571 · 20/10/2025 10:58

As PP said, why not say in the group chat that you're already booked so can't host, but would love to fit both in so you can make it work if someone else takes on the hosting duty.

I'm not sure your sister with a new baby would necessarily want to eat in a restaurant, but surely someone else can host?

I'd mention it now though. The longer you leave it, the more awkward it will be.

This would the brother who is a chef host?

dottiedodah · 20/10/2025 11:58

I agree that someone else can host.Also why can they all not go out for a meal anyway? Surely thats acceptable .Also understand why Sister with babe doesnt want to host, or maybe Bro who is Chef. but why does Sis 1 get the say? Just tell them you are busy . pre booked arrangement.Say you would like to go for Lunch .will be busy in the evening.They are welcome to get a takeout and maybe bring sleeping bags even. You sound a bit of a people pleaser like me(trying to overcome this!) You seem to be down as a free hotel at a moments notice !

skyeisthelimit · 20/10/2025 11:59

You need to stand up for yourself or suck it up. Your DH isn't helping either.

Just repost your post saying that you can't make that date. The others have all spoken up and said their wishes, so why are you afraid to do the same?

If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. What about a later meal in late January after DB's Christmas rush?

ThanksBridesmaidLikeTheBeard · 20/10/2025 12:00

DeQuin · 20/10/2025 11:51

I would also repost to the group the part where you said you couldn't do the date.

Completely agree.
It seems that you don't think your pre arranged plans with your friend matter. They do!

I can't understand why you don't just say you've got plans already, so you'll just have to find an alternative date?!

What other option do you have? Do you want to upset your friend?

ThisGentleRaven · 20/10/2025 12:01

*I already said I wasn't free"

then just quote that message on the group whatsapp. It's not your fault if they've ignored it. Make a point you did tell them,just add, after quoting original message,
sorry, still cant' do that day

Dorrieisalittlewitch · 20/10/2025 12:01

Based on the update, aim to eat around 4 to 5. Have a lovely meal eating the food you cooked and then go shower, get ready and go out. Your dh can host for a few hours. After all, he wants a proper family evening. Point out you mentioned your plans in the chat if anyone complains.

I don't feel you're going to cancel on your family so try and make the best of it, ensuring you get what you want as well.

MuffinCCHeeler · 20/10/2025 12:03

maybe suggest the 14th?

stealthninjamum · 20/10/2025 12:03

I think for once you need to stand up for yourself. You said you couldn’t do that date but everyone ignored you, set that date and also expect you to host and do the work that entails.

i think you need to say you can’t do it and if the family misses out on a family do at Christmas hopefully in future they’ll listen to you.

Notonthestairs · 20/10/2025 12:03

Why won’t your sister do a Sunday get together?

DressOrSkirt · 20/10/2025 12:03

I always keep what has been booked first, so I would be going to my friends birthday.

The only exception would be a once in a lifetime event, like someone close to me getting married. But Christmas happens every year, take this as a sign to organise your family earlier next year!

AutumnCosy2025 · 20/10/2025 12:03

@ThePurpleHelper

Will your DH pull his weight with preparation & cooking Christmas dinner?

Do YOU want this big (DH) family Christmas?

Could you explain to your friend what's happened & do something like lunch or Afternoon tea on the Sunday. Just the two of you? Any of my friends would understand & so would I. it's not like it's a special event she's organised for a 'Big' Birthday.

EDIT: just remembered some if them are staying over, so probably dinner or 'pottery painting' in the week with your friend.

RawBaby · 20/10/2025 12:04

Oh, don't be silly, OP. You're not 'double-booked'. If your family want you to host, they need to find a night on which you are free. You aren't on that one. Which I assume you have told them.

BnuchOfCnuts · 20/10/2025 12:06

I even said to my husband I'll probably just order in take away. And he has guilt tripped me into cooking the full roast

Wow.

You’re surrounded by so many entitled and selfish people. I am gobsmacked.

Your husband losing his mum is no excuse for him to guilt trip you into cooking a large roast.

Whatsthatsheila · 20/10/2025 12:06

ThePurpleHelper · 20/10/2025 10:48

I have 2 events that are now booked for the same day, and I'm so stuck.

My friend's birthday, not a milestone birthday but she loves a bit of a fuss. She's booked an evening entertainment on December 13th for a few friends. I've paid in advance for this (its not a lot of money). Think like painting pottery. This was arranged first.

Now, my family. Oh my family. I am one of four siblings and we're trying to meet up at christmas. However.
Sister 1: Cannot do early December, cannot do sundays.
Sister 2: Has just had a baby, doesn't want to drive far.
Brother: Runs a restaurant/is head chef so cannot get time off in November, or between December 15th and January 12th.

So if we want to meet up for Christmas, that leaves... December 13th. Which they've all agreed on in the group chat, and are pleased they found a date that works. They've also decided I'm hosting and cooking, and some other family members will be staying over. If I was going to someone else's house, I could do both but with the hosting, having guests staying the night, I don't think it'll be doable.

And I want to see my family, so my instinct is to cancel on my friend but I know her feelings will be hurt if I cancel on her, and honestly I don't want to cancel but realistically, I cannot see another possible date that would work for the family...

Not really sure why I'm posting to be honest, maybe with some small glimmer of hope I can do both somehow. Any advice is welcomed.

Put your big girl pants on and deal @ThePurpleHelper

it makes more sense to do the family thing - it’s so super awkward for everyone to find a mutually convenient date and yes you should have said earlier that the 13th wasn’t okay for you but you didn’t so now this is what the majority have gone with - and quite frankly I’d say your commitment is probably a little more flexible than the others.

with regards to your friend. Be honest - explain the dilemma and say that with regret you’ll have to forego the pottery painting but ask if you and her could arrange something else just the two of you as a birthday gift from you to her so you still get to celebrate with her. A nice dinner or lunch afternoon tea a friends spa afternoon - whatever - just something to make her feel better and soften the blow. If she’s a dick about that’s her problem.

good luck

Blump2783 · 20/10/2025 12:06

If you don't want to upset things, can you tell your family you have evening plans but can do the afternoon. Anyone staying over can be entertained by your husband and he can help you cook the bloody roast!

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 20/10/2025 12:07

Comefromaway · 20/10/2025 10:56

You have to tell them that you already have an event on that date that you have booked and paid for, simple. They cannot expect you to just be available without having asked you first.

This 100 per cent.

You say sister can't do this date or that date... why are you not standing up for yourself.

You've booked and paid for a small event where your absence would be notable.. And this was pre booked.

You've let them decide. Stand up for yourself. They will have to find another date.

AppleStrudel16 · 20/10/2025 12:07

I’d be picking the birthday.

Brefugee · 20/10/2025 12:08

ThePurpleHelper · 20/10/2025 10:48

I have 2 events that are now booked for the same day, and I'm so stuck.

My friend's birthday, not a milestone birthday but she loves a bit of a fuss. She's booked an evening entertainment on December 13th for a few friends. I've paid in advance for this (its not a lot of money). Think like painting pottery. This was arranged first.

Now, my family. Oh my family. I am one of four siblings and we're trying to meet up at christmas. However.
Sister 1: Cannot do early December, cannot do sundays.
Sister 2: Has just had a baby, doesn't want to drive far.
Brother: Runs a restaurant/is head chef so cannot get time off in November, or between December 15th and January 12th.

So if we want to meet up for Christmas, that leaves... December 13th. Which they've all agreed on in the group chat, and are pleased they found a date that works. They've also decided I'm hosting and cooking, and some other family members will be staying over. If I was going to someone else's house, I could do both but with the hosting, having guests staying the night, I don't think it'll be doable.

And I want to see my family, so my instinct is to cancel on my friend but I know her feelings will be hurt if I cancel on her, and honestly I don't want to cancel but realistically, I cannot see another possible date that would work for the family...

Not really sure why I'm posting to be honest, maybe with some small glimmer of hope I can do both somehow. Any advice is welcomed.

but 13th December doesn't work because you were already booked.

So in your shoes i would tell your family that and see if they can come up with something else. (why weren't you involved in the chat?)

Moshmoshi12 · 20/10/2025 12:10

museumum · 20/10/2025 11:51

Actually have you considered hosting the lunch then just buggering off to your pre-arranged friend's birthday evening and leaving your DH to host the remains of the day and tidy it all up. I think that's what I'd do.

This is a good idea and do the lunch as a bring a plate style so there's less work for you. Or just do pizzas or order takeaway.

Brefugee · 20/10/2025 12:11

I do think if I push back and say I can't do that Saturday, it just wouldn't happen.

so? the sky won't fall in. For reasons i don't need to go into here, i won't be with my family (DH & DCs) for Christmas. So we're going to celebrate on another day.

Time to grow a spine and say: no, i told you i was busy. We can do it on X, Y, or Z date. And be firm.

Elephantangel1991 · 20/10/2025 12:12

Should be doable to fit both things in though? Lunch with family at 1.30ish, evening with friend? Either lunch round yours and DH cooks his roast and hosts when you're away, or someone else hosts?

You could quote the message where you said you weren't around, and say 'can't fit in hosting on 13th, already booked for school thing until 12:30 and need to leave for Janet's birthday at 5ish. Could make lunch round someone else's at about 1.30?'

thestudio · 20/10/2025 12:13

This isn't really about 'which one?', it's about being ridden roughshod over.

Say to your sister: no, I'd already told you I can't do that date. You've ignored me - why?

And keep asking that question. Don't let her deflect.