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Original poster

Double booked on the same date, no idea what to do

166 replies

ThePurpleHelper · 20/10/2025 10:48

I have 2 events that are now booked for the same day, and I'm so stuck.

My friend's birthday, not a milestone birthday but she loves a bit of a fuss. She's booked an evening entertainment on December 13th for a few friends. I've paid in advance for this (its not a lot of money). Think like painting pottery. This was arranged first.

Now, my family. Oh my family. I am one of four siblings and we're trying to meet up at christmas. However.
Sister 1: Cannot do early December, cannot do sundays.
Sister 2: Has just had a baby, doesn't want to drive far.
Brother: Runs a restaurant/is head chef so cannot get time off in November, or between December 15th and January 12th.

So if we want to meet up for Christmas, that leaves... December 13th. Which they've all agreed on in the group chat, and are pleased they found a date that works. They've also decided I'm hosting and cooking, and some other family members will be staying over. If I was going to someone else's house, I could do both but with the hosting, having guests staying the night, I don't think it'll be doable.

And I want to see my family, so my instinct is to cancel on my friend but I know her feelings will be hurt if I cancel on her, and honestly I don't want to cancel but realistically, I cannot see another possible date that would work for the family...

Not really sure why I'm posting to be honest, maybe with some small glimmer of hope I can do both somehow. Any advice is welcomed.

OP posts:
AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 20/10/2025 13:50

@ThePurpleHelper What would YOU actually like to do?
Only you know if you would prefer to host your family and miss your friends party that's but your posts sound resigned to the fact that is what's going to happen and you are centering everyone else wishes but not your own.

You matter too.

WallaceinAnderland · 20/10/2025 13:53

Actually, I think I would just say

'I can't make the 13th but you guys go ahead without me. I will catch up with each of you as and when you're free. Have a lovely time x'

Coconutter24 · 20/10/2025 14:00

Given the choice which would you rather, go along with friend as planned or host family?

WoollyRosebud · 20/10/2025 14:01

I had something similar years back although was living at home at the time. Lot of shilly shallying from my Aunt's family then she rang up one day and decreed the date they would be coming for a Christmas present swap and general family knees up. I answered the phone and said fine but I wouldn't be there as I was meeting a friend. The response 'cancel it'. I refused to and went out with my friend which my DM was fine with. I was brought up that the first invitation or arrangement was the one that stands whether or not you want to participate in the other.

My aunt has never forgiven me and still brings up the time when Rosebud deliberately spoiled the family meet up. OP be prepared for similar and years of bellyaching and whining

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 20/10/2025 14:05

@ThePurpleHelper What time is your friend's birthday event and how far is it from your house?

If a restaurant would have been doable, perhaps you could say something like, "Hey guys, really sorry to throw a spanner in the works here but I did say I can't do the 13th due to DD's thing in the morning and my friend's birthday later. I have already booked and paid for my friend's birthday event and I really can't let her down by being a no-show. Going to a restaurant or pub might have been doable but I really can't honour my existing commitments and also host you all. If you can come round to mine for 12:30 and all be gone by 3, and make it a pot luck so everyone brings a dish, we might be able to make it work. Or alternatively we can see if there is a child friendly restaurant somewhere with a play area. Otherwise we'll have to go back to the drawing board and find another date, I'm afraid."

Bloozie · 20/10/2025 14:07

I'd do the sibling meet up in the New Year. As long as it's around Christmas, meh. That run up is always super busy for everyone, you'll all be stressed, the kids will be WIRED - give yourselves something to look forward to in the New Year.

Hoppinggreen · 20/10/2025 14:15

You aren't free on that date so its not thee only one everyone can do is it?

MyMilchick · 20/10/2025 14:24

Yeah I'd be pissed if you were my friend, you weren't double booked, you got a better offer and decided to bale on your friend.

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 20/10/2025 14:25

Just do it in January.

3luckystars · 20/10/2025 14:28

For now buy time and text in that you have
something on the 13th, you will try to figure something out and will respond tonight if you can change it.

Dont have it in your house. It’s not your fault your nephew is wild, if anything you should keep bringing him out and get him
used to it.

Bowling4soup · 20/10/2025 14:41

They won’t accept that you have plans already? You’ve been guilt tripped into cooking a full roast?
no chance! Don’t cancel on your friend, say fine I’ll do that date but I’m busy in the morning til 1230 then I’m out for friends birthday at x time, I’m free in between that. Order food in for sure!! Or get your DH to cook everything

diddl · 20/10/2025 14:44

What time are you meeting your friend & will there be food involved?

What time will you get back with your daughter?

Surely your husband can have the roast ready for then?

If not, then everyone brings something/you get a takeaway.

Whatever, don't let your friends down.

It's not their fault your family won't listen/you can't say no.

If none of that works then what is the problem with meeting next year?

JaneyDC · 20/10/2025 14:54

Stand up for yourself. I am actually angry reading this on your behalf but also a little perplexed with your 'oh well' attitude!

You have ALREADY said you can't do the date. Reply to it in the chat saying, "as already mentioned, I can't do XX. Jan 12th sounds like a possibility for everyone?" Or something like that.

If you don't want to host and cook Sunday dinner, no is an acceptable word. Or maybe even, "yeh you can all come to mine and we'll get a take away". Stand up for yourself or you'll be walked over all the bloody time.

cheapskatemum · 20/10/2025 14:55

Anything like this, I always go with the one I agreed to first. As pps have said, you just have to say no to your family, especially as they decided for you that you were hosting & cooking!

LittleBitofBread · 20/10/2025 15:02

They decided unilaterally that you're going to host? Hmm
It's a no-brainer. 'ha ha, nice one but I never volunteered and I can't host and cook. Could come if it was at someone else's house.'
End of message. Leave them to sort it out.

As for your husband, he can get to fuck.

diddl · 20/10/2025 15:03

Why not meet at the sister who doesn't want to drive?

I mean "hosting" can be as lavish as you want.

Surely a big house isn't needed for a sibling meet up & takeaway/bring your own buffet?

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 20/10/2025 15:05

museumum · 20/10/2025 11:51

Actually have you considered hosting the lunch then just buggering off to your pre-arranged friend's birthday evening and leaving your DH to host the remains of the day and tidy it all up. I think that's what I'd do.

Was coming on to say this. I would also say get your DH to do the roast since he's the one who wants it!

diddl · 20/10/2025 15:06

So in fact they have decided that you meeting you friend for/on her birthday isn't as important as them wanting to meet at yours & you host?

The one who can't do Sundays-can't or won't?

Ponderingwindow · 20/10/2025 15:15

This is only a problem if you decide to be the biggest piece of wet lettuce in mumsnet history.

Right now, go through the chat with a calendar and mark off the days that are out. From that, suggest 1 or 2 alternatives, even if they are in November or January. Your family is busy this year. It doesn’t matter when you gather. Just gather.

Keep marking the calendar as dates are blacked out so there is no confusion.

or surely there is some sort of online app that does this at this point. Lets everyone put in their unavailable dates so the group can easily see the possibilities. Find one and make everyone use it.

WallaceinAnderland · 20/10/2025 15:19

This is only a problem if you decide to be the biggest piece of wet lettuce in mumsnet history.

Someone on mn coined it 'the wet lettuce tax' 😂

Especially appropriate if it involves others demanding that you spend money on them as well as time.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 20/10/2025 15:48

Your family sound like CFers.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 20/10/2025 16:15

What time are they planning to all descend and what time is your friend’s event?
Could you make it a buffet and ask everyone to bring an (agreed) dish? So if you were considering a roast, instead of having it as a hot meal, roast the meat a day or two before and slice? Ask your family to supply salads and deserts?
At the end if the day you are going to have to either say ‘no’ to your family or your friend, or look at a compromise. As a compromise, using your house and sharing the load on catering, while allowing you to attend your friend’s event may work.

Rosscameasdoody · 20/10/2025 16:28

ThePurpleHelper · 20/10/2025 10:48

I have 2 events that are now booked for the same day, and I'm so stuck.

My friend's birthday, not a milestone birthday but she loves a bit of a fuss. She's booked an evening entertainment on December 13th for a few friends. I've paid in advance for this (its not a lot of money). Think like painting pottery. This was arranged first.

Now, my family. Oh my family. I am one of four siblings and we're trying to meet up at christmas. However.
Sister 1: Cannot do early December, cannot do sundays.
Sister 2: Has just had a baby, doesn't want to drive far.
Brother: Runs a restaurant/is head chef so cannot get time off in November, or between December 15th and January 12th.

So if we want to meet up for Christmas, that leaves... December 13th. Which they've all agreed on in the group chat, and are pleased they found a date that works. They've also decided I'm hosting and cooking, and some other family members will be staying over. If I was going to someone else's house, I could do both but with the hosting, having guests staying the night, I don't think it'll be doable.

And I want to see my family, so my instinct is to cancel on my friend but I know her feelings will be hurt if I cancel on her, and honestly I don't want to cancel but realistically, I cannot see another possible date that would work for the family...

Not really sure why I'm posting to be honest, maybe with some small glimmer of hope I can do both somehow. Any advice is welcomed.

Have you lost your voice ? A post in the group chat telling them that that date doesn’t work for you as you have other plans would have solved it. While you continue to allow people to treat you as though you’re not important, they will continue to do so.

MeetMyCat · 20/10/2025 16:57

So STOP being such a wet nellie! "Hi folks, Glad we've got a date that works for everyone, lets definitely stick with that! Just to let you know that I cannot host, because of my prior commitment that I've booked and paid for months before we arranged this - see further up the chat. I'll be able to turn up somewhere else to meet up with you all in the afternoon though.

THIS. And if you don't stand up for yourself, I have no sympathy for you

CoraPirbright · 20/10/2025 16:57

Decide what you want to do OP. If you want to go along with the arrangements (very high-handedly imo) made on your behalf, then so be it. However if you would prefer to honour your previous engagement then something like this message would be useful

“Hi all. Sorry only just coming back into this chat. I see that the date has been decided and that you will all be coming here 😂. My message of 14.52 yesterday seems to have been missed. I cannot do that date. I think we are going to have to go for a lovely New Year meet-up. Happy to host then.”